# Referring to me as 'he'? **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [October 16, 2015, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-me-as-he/734790 "2015-10-16T05:40:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Alkash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ec9cab/32.png) [@Alkash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alkash)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2015, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-me-as-he/734790/1 "2015-10-16T05:40:38Z")
I leave it up to the mods, of course, but in [this topic](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=18777624#post18777624) I’ve ben referred to as “he”. This is unacceptable. Can the user in question be banned or warned, at the very least? Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2015, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-me-as-he/734790/2 "2015-10-16T05:48:42Z")
What would you prefer I use? If you have no preference, I have a list of words on hand I am willing to use instead of “he”. ---
**Author:** ![jimbuff314](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c57346/32.png) [@jimbuff314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimbuff314)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2015, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-me-as-he/734790/3 "2015-10-16T06:02:54Z")
> [@](#): > > Problems of usage arise in languages such as English, in contexts where a person of unspecified or unknown sex or social gender is being referred to but commonly available pronouns (he or she) are gender-specific. In such cases a gender-specific, usually masculine, pronoun is sometimes used with intended gender-neutral meaning; From the Wikipedia entry on gender-specific and gender-neutral pronouns. Interesting kerfuffle you guys (oops!) have going on, though. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2015, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-me-as-he/734790/4 "2015-10-16T06:09:03Z")
I can always fall back on “she/he/it”. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2015, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-me-as-he/734790/5 "2015-10-16T06:26:33Z")
> [@Alkash](#): > > I leave it up to the mods, of course, but in [this topic](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=18777624#post18777624) I’ve ben referred to as “he”. > This is unacceptable. Can the user in question be banned or warned, at the very least? > Thank you. Could you be good enough to explain what makes it unacceptable? Thanks bunches! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2015, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-me-as-he/734790/6 "2015-10-16T06:28:31Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Could you be good enough to explain what makes it unacceptable? > > Thanks bunches! 🙂 Yes, please. We would all hate for “Czarcasm” to become a banned name. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Measure\_for\_Measure](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/measure_for_measure/32/557_2.png) [@Measure\_for\_Measure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Measure_for_Measure)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2015, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-me-as-he/734790/7 "2015-10-16T06:33:07Z")
On occasion I’ve unintentionally referred to female posters with the pronoun “he”. I recall being informed as an aside that they actually are a she and I’ve attempted to bear that in mind in the future. It can be hard to keep these things straight though. I was referred to as a she when I went by the handle “flowbark” a few times. I didn’t bother to correct it as I didn’t think my gender was relevant to the discussion at hand. None of these incidents were deemed reportable to the mods, FWIW. **Provocative OP in ATMB** Hrm. Alkash’s first post in the linked thread appears to be on page 4. I find it difficult to ascertain from that page the gender of Alkash and I am forming doubts about the sincerity of the argument in the OP of this thread. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2015, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-me-as-he/734790/8 "2015-10-16T06:41:03Z")
I’ve just completed a superficial scan of all of the OP’s posts, and found nothing to suggest that the OP is interested in volunteering information concerning the poster’s gender. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2015, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-me-as-he/734790/9 "2015-10-16T06:53:08Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > I’ve just completed a superficial scan of all of the OP’s posts, and found nothing to suggest that the OP is interested in volunteering information concerning the poster’s gender. On a message board like this one, where most people use pseudonyms, it can be hard to identify gender. The handle might give a clue ( **kaylasdad99** is probably a father), but can be misleading ( **tomndebb** is not a man and a woman). If using the wrong pronoun were a bannable offense, then we are tediously going to have to resort to phrases like “he or she”. I’m a man, as my handle would suggest, but I am thick-skinned enough not to be offended if people refer to me as “she”. ---
**Author:** ![jimbuff314](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c57346/32.png) [@jimbuff314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimbuff314)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2015, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-me-as-he/734790/10 "2015-10-16T07:27:02Z")
In private, I’ve taken to referring to **tomndebb** as Tiresias. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2015, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-me-as-he/734790/11 "2015-10-16T07:42:35Z")
> [@Alkash](#): > > I leave it up to the mods, of course, but in [this topic](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=18777624#post18777624) I’ve ben referred to as “he”. > This is unacceptable. Can the user in question be banned or warned, at the very least? > Thank you. Um, what personal pronoun would you prefer we use when referring to you? There’s more I could add, but I don’t care to risk Junior Modding. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2015, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-me-as-he/734790/12 "2015-10-16T08:08:11Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > I can always fall back on “she/he/it”. “It” works. ---
**Author:** ![Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ac8455/32.png) [@Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Your_Great_Darsh_Face)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2015, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-me-as-he/734790/13 "2015-10-16T09:19:21Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > I can always fall back on “she/he/it”. Probably should be mixed up a bit to avoid appearing to favour one over the other. Would “shheeit” work? ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2015, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-me-as-he/734790/14 "2015-10-16T10:01:42Z")
> [@Alkash](#): > > I leave it up to the mods, of course, but in [this topic](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=18777624#post18777624) I’ve ben referred to as “he”. > This is unacceptable. Can the user in question be banned or warned, at the very least? > Thank you. Not knowing whether Alkash is a male or female name, I googled it. [Alkash - Google Search](https://www.google.ca/search?q=Alkash&safe=off&es_sm=93&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAWoVChMItP38ht3GyAIVzJceCh0bwwAK&biw=1242&bih=572) ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2015, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-me-as-he/734790/15 "2015-10-16T11:41:22Z")
On a different topic, if I think a poster is engaging in multiple posts in a thread in an attempt to derail the thread with trivial and dishonest objections, is it better to report all their posts, or to report one post and mention in the report that it’s one of many? ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2015, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-me-as-he/734790/16 "2015-10-16T11:44:58Z")
That’s what _she_ said! ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2015, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-me-as-he/734790/17 "2015-10-16T12:12:17Z")
> [@Alkash](#): > > I leave it up to the mods, of course, but in [this topic](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=18777624#post18777624) I’ve ben referred to as “he”. > This is unacceptable. Can the user in question be banned or warned, at the very least? > Thank you. Can you explain the nature of your objection, as being gender misidentified on a message board is common and should not reach the level of being offended. I used to be referred to as she often, and trying to maintain some level of internet privacy did not correct that till several years as it came out in threads that I am male. I was not offended by that, I sometimes found it amusing, but to each their own. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2015, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-me-as-he/734790/18 "2015-10-16T12:36:55Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > On a different topic, if I think a poster is engaging in multiple posts in a thread in an attempt to derail the thread with trivial and dishonest objections, is it better to report all their posts, or to report one post and mention in the report that it’s one of many? Report it once. But I wouldn’t object to multiple reports if it becomes an ongoing problem. I mean, don’t report 15 posts all in a row. But over time it’s good to build a full picture. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2015, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-me-as-he/734790/19 "2015-10-16T12:37:55Z")
Alkash, this appears to be an outgrowth of your behavior in Great Debates. As Tom just told you…stop it. Learn to debate or perhaps observe for a while. This thread is closed.