# Regarding Jesus Christ
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [July 25, 2003, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984 "2003-07-25T22:53:13Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Sister\_Vigilante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sister_Vigilante)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2003, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/1 "2003-07-25T22:53:13Z")
Okay, today I have seen
> [@](#):
>
> Jesus Rhinestone Christ with a Ruby Loincloth!
and
> [@](#):
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> Holy mother of Jesus Christ on a hotdog stick.
Brilliant. I want more!
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### Author:  [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2003, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/2 "2003-07-25T23:19:16Z")
From _Futurama_:
Sweet Zombie Jesus!
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### Author:  [@Jonno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonno)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2003, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/3 "2003-07-26T00:22:49Z")
Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick!
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### Author:  [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2003, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/4 "2003-07-26T00:38:08Z")
Jesus Christ on a Crutch is one of my favorites.
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### Author:  [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2003, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/5 "2003-07-26T00:39:42Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Mr. Blue Sky \*
> \*\*From _Futurama_:
>
> Sweet Zombie Jesus! \*\*
Wasn’t that because He had already come back as a zombie in like the year 2300?
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### Author:  [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2003, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/6 "2003-07-26T00:53:43Z")
In Spider Robinson’s _Lady Slings the Booze_ (yes, I typed the title accurately), a number of characters use severa variations on these expressions – each occasion very shortly thereafter followed by a handyman who looks just like Christ appearing in the appropraite mode (ever seen anyone descend a staircase on a pogo stick? That’s a place where you really [need to be able to suspend the laws of physics! ;))
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### Author:  [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2003, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/7 "2003-07-26T01:11:18Z")
“Jesus!”
“Where?” -running gag in _Orgazmo_
“Jesus Christ on a toasted bagel!” -my special lady 🙂
When I saw a thread about Jesus started by a poster named **Jean Grey** , I wondered if someone was speculating that Jesus was a mutant or something.
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### Author:  [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2003, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/8 "2003-07-26T03:23:49Z")
Jesus Christ on whole wheat toast!
Jesus H. Christ with extra cheese!
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### Author:  [@Tabithina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabithina)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2003, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/9 "2003-07-26T03:39:20Z")
Holy [light-up musical Jesus!](http://www.cheesyjesus.com/cgi-local/SoftCart.exe/online-store/scstore/p-cji_musicaljesus.html?L+scstore+xpjx2100fff841f8+1067863344)
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### Author:  [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2003, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/10 "2003-07-26T04:06:28Z")
Jesusbert Humperdinck!
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### Author:  [@skyzoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/skyzoo)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2003, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/11 "2003-07-26T04:26:08Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Tabithina \*
> \*\*Holy [light-up musical Jesus!](http://www.cheesyjesus.com/cgi-local/SoftCart.exe/online-store/scstore/p-cji_musicaljesus.html?L+scstore+xpjx2100fff841f8+1067863344) \*\*
OMO!!! (_oh my og_)
next, there will be an automated sweeping machine called something like -
“And Jesus Swept”, named after …
(well what do I know, this is probably already a million dollar baby)
_“and Jesus wept…”_
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### Author:  [@thatDDperson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thatDDperson)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2003, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/12 "2003-07-26T05:37:19Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \*
> \*\*Jesus H. Christ with extra cheese! \*\*
As the lone semi-heretic in my Bible class at a Baptist college, when the professor wondered aloud why people said Jesus H. Christ, I got a round of applause for responding that His middle name was HellifIknow.
I also got a week of social probation for being a smartmouth. (Yeah, they were strict back in the Dark Ages when I was in college.)
My favorites are:
Hay-soos Ka-Rees-Tay
and Bleedin’ Jesus in a Barbed Wire Beanie
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### Author:  [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2003, 9:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/13 "2003-07-26T09:56:52Z")
There’s a movie, and I don’t remember which, in which a character says, “Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick”
Somehow that got evolved by people I knew into.
Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ on a popsicle stick.
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### Author:  [@fotosbyfrank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fotosbyfrank)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2003, 10:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/14 "2003-07-26T10:19:46Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by thatDDperson \*
> \*\* . . . I got a round of applause for responding that His middle name was HellifIknow. \*\*
Actually, the “H” is for Howard - as in “Howard be thy name”
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### Author:  [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2003, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/15 "2003-07-26T12:33:53Z")
Shit, you’re both wrong, Cecil cleared this up years ago.
The “H” stands for “Hallmark” because God cared enough to send the very best.
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### Author:  [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2003, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/16 "2003-07-26T13:03:40Z")
_Help me Jebus_ – Homer Simpson
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### Author:  [@CharlesW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CharlesW)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2003, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/17 "2003-07-26T19:04:23Z")
When ever any one says “Jesus!” I always answer “How can I help?”
or along the same lines if someone says “God damn it!” I always answer “[name of item] has been damned”
Warning Very Tasteless Comment Below.
Brother had a coworker who used to say “Jeasus F\*#ing Christ on the cross” Someone finally came up with a reply “Man that takes talent”
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### Author:  [@Anal\_Scurvy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anal_Scurvy)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2003, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/18 "2003-07-26T19:45:57Z")
Christ on a stick!
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### Author:  [@Anal\_Scurvy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anal_Scurvy)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2003, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/19 "2003-07-26T19:47:38Z")
I forget where I heard that last one, but I used it for awhile until I spontaneously exclaimed, “Jesus Crap!” and have used it ever since.
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### Author:  [@Sister\_Vigilante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sister_Vigilante)
#### Post date: [July 27, 2003, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/20 "2003-07-27T22:00:54Z")
This one wins so far:
> [@](#):
>
> Bleedin’ Jesus in a Barbed Wire Beanie
But surely there are more?
And no, I don’t think he’s a mutant. 🙂
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