# Regarding Jesus Christ **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 25, 2003, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984 "2003-07-25T22:53:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/21 "2003-07-27T22:10:29Z")
I once heard somebody say “sweet meaty Jesus.” ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/22 "2003-07-28T06:57:20Z")
For my next miracle, I will turn this water into **funk**! 😉 Ahem. I’m surprised nobody’s said “Jesus Christ with a rubber crutch” yet. ---
**Author:** ![Algorithm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/algorithm/32/12204_2.png) [@Algorithm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algorithm)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/23 "2003-07-28T08:16:54Z")
> [@](#): > > For my next miracle, I will turn this water into funk! Finally, someone else who appreciates the pure comic genius of this line! ---
**Author:** ![newcrasher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b3f665/32.png) [@newcrasher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/newcrasher)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/24 "2003-07-28T11:59:06Z")
I think you are all making the baby Jesus cry… ---
**Author:** ![garius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e19b73/32.png) [@garius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garius)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/25 "2003-07-28T12:02:51Z")
Christ on a stick! ---
**Author:** ![Torberg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7ea924/32.png) [@Torberg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Torberg)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/26 "2003-07-28T14:58:32Z")
_“Jesus Christ in a cardigan sweater.”_ I heard that one in an episode of “Tales from the Crypt.” I forget the details of the episode, but I believe it was Cathy Moriarty playing the character who said it. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/27 "2003-07-28T15:42:35Z")
Creeping Christ on a cross! ---
**Author:** ![thinline](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5a626/32.png) [@thinline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinline)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/28 "2003-07-28T15:54:41Z")
Jesus Christ Joe, Tom Waits sings a song about a chocolate Jesus. ---
**Author:** ![BurnMeUp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@BurnMeUp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BurnMeUp)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2004, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/29 "2004-02-10T20:08:18Z")
Some of my favorites: Jesus Christ on a Cracked Wheat Cracker Jesus, Mary and QBert! then again i use other derivations of the theme like: By the snowy white beard of my Lord and Savior ZZ Top! Holy Moses in Hot Pants! Buddha’s Balls in a Basket! and the like ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2004, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/30 "2004-02-10T20:26:02Z")
Since this thread seems to have (ahem) arisen from the dead … > [@Jean Grey](#): > > And no, I don’t think he’s a mutant. Are you sure? You wouldn’t want to rule out “Holy Mutant Jesus!” now would you? ---
**Author:** ![luluBahrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e5b9ba/32.png) [@luluBahrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/luluBahrain)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/31 "2004-02-11T00:23:46Z")
> [@CharlesW](#): > > When ever any one says “Jesus!” I always answer “How can I help?” > > or along the same lines if someone says “God damn it!” I always answer “[name of item] has been damned” > > Warning Very Tasteless Comment Below. > > Brother had a coworker who used to say “Jeasus F\*#ing Christ on the cross” Someone finally came up with a reply “Man that takes talent” When people around me say, “Oh my God!” I just respond with , “Yes, what did you need?” SO, basically we are both on the down escalator to hell. ---
**Author:** ![luluBahrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e5b9ba/32.png) [@luluBahrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/luluBahrain)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/32 "2004-02-11T00:25:43Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Jesusbert Humperdinck! This one is now my favorite and I will use it at every given chance…except in church. Somehow, I think it would not go over too well. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/33 "2004-02-11T00:39:45Z")
Jesus Haploid Christ! Holy Ghost, Batman! Holy Emmental, Batman! (OK, not strictly related, but hey.) Christ on a cross! (Sorry, Jesus. Do you mind?) ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/34 "2004-02-11T03:02:21Z")
> [@fotosbyfrank](#): > > Actually, the “H” is for Howard - as in “Howard be thy name” Really? I could have sworn it was “Hoobastank.” This thread is making Mel Gibson cry. ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/35 "2004-02-11T03:09:15Z")
Well, I don’t care if it rains or freezes, Long as I got my anal Jesus, Sittin’ in the dark crack of my ass! (Actual reply to someone who misheard ‘analgesics’ as ‘Anal Jesus’) Jesus F\*CKING Christ hopping around on pogo stick in the fires of Hell on a particularly hot Saturday in July! ---
**Author:** ![Ex\_Machina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Ex\_Machina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ex_Machina)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2004, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/36 "2004-02-25T23:05:04Z")
After seeing clips from _The Passion_ I think “Jesus Christ in a blender!” or “Jesus Christ in a meat grinder!” might become popular. ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2004, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/37 "2004-02-25T23:32:59Z")
Holy [Jesus Action Figures](http://www.mcphee.com/enlightenment/current/10746.html) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![bonzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@bonzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bonzer)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2004, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/38 "2004-02-26T00:08:50Z")
By way of secular balance, the Jesus action figure **Angua** ’s linking to is only one of [a range of historical figures](http://www.vortexgifts.com/catalog/index.php?cPath=26_62), which also includes Franklin, Einstein, Freud and (not shown) Shakespeare. (Someone gave me the Einstein one as a Xmas present. Great hair.) ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2004, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/39 "2004-02-26T00:30:27Z")
> [@](#): > > Quote: > Originally posted by Mr. Blue Sky > From Futurama: > > Sweet Zombie Jesus! > > Wasn’t that because He had already come back as a zombie in like the year 2300? Episode 12: When Ailens Attack The Planet Express Crew is discussing the ailen invaders’ desire to see a 1000 year old episode of Single Female Lawyer, which was interrupted because Fry spilled beer on the transmitter in 1999. The ailens will raise the earth’s temperature by 1 million degrees a day (for 5 days), unless they see the episode. Bender: They must just want to see that episode. Let’s find a tape and give it to them. Amy: There aren’t any copies left. Farnsworth: No, there wouldn’t be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second comming of Jesus. ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2004, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984/40 "2004-02-26T00:37:22Z")
And my personal favorite Jesus phrase: Chocolate-covered Christ on a pogo stick! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-jesus-christ/190984.md?page=3)