# Regarding the Holstein at the Concert **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 9, 2003, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-the-holstein-at-the-concert/180661 "2003-06-09T16:22:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BottledBlondJeanie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/0ea827/32.png) [@BottledBlondJeanie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BottledBlondJeanie)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2003, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-the-holstein-at-the-concert/180661/1 "2003-06-09T16:22:37Z")
So, I went to the Journey, Styx and REO Speedwagon concert. It was, as expected a mass of white trash-- hereinafter WT. So aside from the late-thirties women with huge teased bleached white hair throwing their size XXL panties on stage, the speed freak with the wife-beater on who thought the band was talking to him and him alone and the man with the two women who I’m still not sure if they were his wife and daughter or his girlfriends or possibly…both I met a lovely specimen I have dubbed ‘The Holstein.’ She single-handedly ruined my concert-going experience. She, too, was WT. She had bleached hair that was whiter than Kelly Bundy’s…it was completely devoid of color save the BLACK roots. And by black I mean blacker than my exboyfriend’s tub… She was wearing a black top which showed how wonderful her hair was as it had broken off bits from her hair all over it…and then she had on black and white polka dotted pants. Now, I have nothing against polka dots, I find them to be quite refreshing, but I know that if you are heavy to begin with, polka dots all over your ass are just going to make you look like a cow. In the middle of this ensemble was about two inches of skin. Hmm, nice you think…a bit of belly. No, this was about two inches of skin hanging over her waistband…deliberately. Now, at first the Hostein didn’t bother me, she was merely an interesting site. Midway through the first band she had sucked down a batch of chili-cheese nachos and seemed disinterested. I had no idea that those nachos would play an important role in my evening. So, the second band, REO Speedwagon comes on. WOW, she stood up and so did everybody else, but her polka-dotted behind actually extended over her seat and into my face ( I was still sitting). It was literally 6 inches from my face. Well, that was fine too, let her have her fun I thought. However, I noted (due to the proximity it was hard NOT to notice) that several inches of cloth were trapped between her heaving buttocks. Well, I thought, that’s fine too but it must be uncomfortable. Then, the Holstein’s pants poof out and make a small balloon…right where they were previously wedged in. This can’t be good. Good GOD, she farted right in my face. The stench was so bad I cannot describe it except…have you ever heard that term “It smells like something crawled up your ass and died”? This was similar, but only if the dead something had another rotting dead animal crammed up it’s behind, too. Sort of like a rancid, putrid Turducken. So, at that point I decided to stand up and avoid any more direct flatulence. She continued to dance and sway, her cow-clad ass, waiving it back and forth, and again…another balloon poof in her pants. Then the pants immediately get sucked back into the crack. And then the smell, but it seems worse this time…and smells like chili. This continued until she sat back down between bands. Thank GOD, I thought, it’s over. But it wasn’t. The last band, Journey, was, I suppose, her favorite band of all time. She stood up and screamed and hollared which is again fine. But then she began to bounce up and down, up and down. And each impact created another balloon. And each jump caused the material to be sucked back into her murky crack. It almost appeared as if something were breathing down there. Fart after fart after fart. The place was packed, everyone was standing, there was no escaping. And then…you know what happens at concerts like this don’t you? Concerts at night with rock bands. Yes, people began waiving their lighters. As the guy next to me began to flick his bic I screamed “FIRE IN THE HOLE!” Well, no, I didn’t, but I wanted to. Mind you, the flame seemed a bit too bright and green… but it did held the smell. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2003, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-the-holstein-at-the-concert/180661/2 "2003-06-09T16:31:25Z")
Next time just reach in there deep and tweak her sphincter. That’ll learn her. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2003, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-the-holstein-at-the-concert/180661/3 "2003-06-09T16:50:19Z")
Yargh. That’s Hell. That’s where bad people go when they die. ---
**Author:** ![Fin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/51bf81/32.png) [@Fin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fin_man)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2003, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-the-holstein-at-the-concert/180661/4 "2003-06-09T17:00:06Z")
Allow me to be the first (of probably many) - **you fat-basher!!** There was no reason to talk about her size.\* Seriously, that has got to suck - getting farted on all night long. There should be a rule about that (i.e .farters must leave). \*Hey, I know you weren’t fat-bashing but there are people here that will say you were. ---
**Author:** ![BottledBlondJeanie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/0ea827/32.png) [@BottledBlondJeanie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BottledBlondJeanie)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2003, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-the-holstein-at-the-concert/180661/5 "2003-06-09T17:18:25Z")
Not sure why this thread would be too much of a ‘fat’ issue thread. She was a cow due to the black and white pattern…the chili cheese nachos were an issue as I think they created the whole problem and the skin lapping over her waistband is I think a fashion faux pas whether you are a size for or a size 20. ---
**Author:** ![BottledBlondJeanie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/0ea827/32.png) [@BottledBlondJeanie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BottledBlondJeanie)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2003, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-the-holstein-at-the-concert/180661/6 "2003-06-09T17:22:47Z")
or 4 even… ---
**Author:** ![Fin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/51bf81/32.png) [@Fin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fin_man)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2003, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-the-holstein-at-the-concert/180661/7 "2003-06-09T17:22:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BottledBlondJeanie \* > \*\*Not sure why this thread would be too much of a ‘fat’ issue thread. She was a cow due to the black and white pattern…the chili cheese nachos were an issue as I think they created the whole problem and the skin lapping over her waistband is I think a fashion faux pas whether you are a size for or a size 20. \*\* I agree with you 100% - it isn’t a fat issue. I’ve seen similar threads degrade due to some people saying it was fat-bashing. I also now have a new mental rating scale for farts. I will include chili cheese nachos and that “something had another rotting dead animal crammed up it’s behind”. ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2003, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-the-holstein-at-the-concert/180661/8 "2003-06-09T17:25:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fin\_man \* > \*_Allow me to be the first (of probably many) - **you fat-basher!!** There was no reason to talk about her size._ > > \*Hey, I know you weren’t fat-bashing but there are people here that will say you were. \*\* Don’t assume that. It’s rude. She was merely describing the woman. She wasn’t saying the woman was farting _because_ she was fat. Besides, anyone wearing polka dots deserves to be made fun of. ---
**Author:** ![jlzania](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@jlzania](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jlzania)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2003, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-the-holstein-at-the-concert/180661/9 "2003-06-09T17:27:57Z")
I think that she who ventures forth to see bands like Journey, Styx and REO Speedwagon deserves what she gets. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2003, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-the-holstein-at-the-concert/180661/10 "2003-06-09T17:31:42Z")
Oh, I forgot the 😃 at the end of the last sentence. **Fin man** , those threads degraded because of really mean-spirited, hateful things said which had nothing to do with the rant taking place. Like I said, she was only describing the person and using colorful language, not hateful language. Anyway, who in their right minds would eat the nachos at an arena? Yuk! ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2003, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-the-holstein-at-the-concert/180661/11 "2003-06-09T17:56:15Z")
Deaths to Avoid #1056: BIC Induced Black & White Polka Dot Spandex Chili-Fart Explosion\*. \*No wonder the people in that Rhode Island night club didn’t have a chance. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2003, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-the-holstein-at-the-concert/180661/12 "2003-06-09T22:34:40Z")
So, to make a long story short, the bill wasn’t the only thing that stunk at that show. How long did it take you to get out of the parking lot with that massive traffic jam of Camaros and El Caminos? * * * Fagjunk Theology: Not just for sodomite propagandists anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2003, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-the-holstein-at-the-concert/180661/13 "2003-06-09T23:29:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BottledBlondJeanie \* > \*\* > And then…you know what happens at concerts like this don’t you? Concerts at night with rock bands. Yes, people began waiving their lighters. As the guy next to me began to flick his bic I screamed “FIRE IN THE HOLE!” > \*\* I’m sorry you had to deal with the SuperFan from Hell, but this had me giggling big-time. I had an image of you (well, a cartoon Jeannie - unfortunately, you are Barbara Eden in my head) with a hard hat on diving under the bleachers. Too funny. Ava ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2003, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-the-holstein-at-the-concert/180661/14 "2003-06-09T23:45:49Z")
Suddenly, “Riding The Storm Out” has a new, very disturbing meaning for me. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2003, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-the-holstein-at-the-concert/180661/15 "2003-06-09T23:49:11Z")
Some people play air guitar at concerts. Perhaps she was playing “Air Biscuit” guitar, or farting along to the bass drum? That concert’s coming our way soon. Hopefully she’s not a groupie. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-the-holstein-at-the-concert/180661/16 "2003-06-10T00:45:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by quietman1920 \* > \*\*Deaths to Avoid #1056: > > BIC Induced Black & White Polka Dot Spandex Chili-Fart Explosion\*. > > \*No wonder the people in that Rhode Island night club didn’t have a chance. \*\* oWWwwww. (dammit, where’s the giggling myself sick smilie?) ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-the-holstein-at-the-concert/180661/17 "2003-06-10T01:09:44Z")
[Steve Perry] Standing in front of you Here in the dark Wagging my ass in your face Gladly I order Super nachos How could they do any harm? Poofed through Speedwagon With barely a thought But there you are by my side So now I come to you with chili farts Nowhere to hide, believe what I say So here I am with chili farts No one will see what nachos do to me Chili farts Pants in a wedgie Flab in a roll Spandex with dots seems so bold Having more gas now Really should go Bathroom seems so far away And now the show’s on The band starts to play I have no choice but to stay So now I come to you with chili farts Nowhere to hide, believe what I say So here I am with chili farts No one will see what nachos do to me Chili farts [/Steve Perry] ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-the-holstein-at-the-concert/180661/18 "2003-06-10T03:19:51Z")
This is a fa **r** t bashing thread! ---
**Author:** ![BadBaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/71c47a/32.png) [@BadBaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BadBaby)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-the-holstein-at-the-concert/180661/19 "2003-06-10T03:43:02Z")
Putrid turducken-- that is brilliant. And a band name! ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-the-holstein-at-the-concert/180661/20 "2003-06-10T10:29:16Z")
So if you knew this concert was going to be all white trash, bleached out hair and fat women, did you go to fit in or did you go to make fun of what you already knew to be true? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regarding-the-holstein-at-the-concert/180661.md?page=2)