# Regrets **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 11, 2013, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regrets/646833 "2013-01-11T05:57:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Quasimodal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/57b2e6/32.png) [@Quasimodal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodal)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regrets/646833/1 "2013-01-11T05:57:30Z")
Maybe I’m just in a crappy mood because it’s January and we all hate January right? Cold and pointless month that it is. Maybe I’m being more reflectful because I am 30 now. Lately I seem to be thinking more about my past…and how life hasn’t turned out the way I’d hoped. I feel regret lately, something I don’t typically feel. When regretful thoughts occur to me, I usually tell myself that “you always made the best decision you could”, and I feel that statement is still true. But lately I feel more like I wish I could have changed so many decisions in my life. Even though I still move full steam ahead, I question whether any of my current decisions at the moment will lead me to where I want to be (Do I even know where that is?). Since my past decisions have led me astray…will my future decisions be any better? I guess my top regrets are: 1. Not dating more, practicing interacting with people, and being more active in finding the right person (I used to have intense social anxiety…took me a while to overcome that and) 2. Career problems / unsure of career 3. Boomeranging back home…I thought I would be independent forever. 4. Not reading more. 5. Not realizing how smart and how much potential I had / have until I was about 27. 6. Being depressed for a good chunk of my 20s. Anyways, I’m sure I will feel better on Saturday with a nice full day off. I just am a bit in the dumps tonight. Writing helps purge negative things from my system. This board is such a haven for me in tough times. Thanks for continuing to read my blather. I owe anyone who listens and cares about me plugging up the boards a coffee sometime. Hopefully my posts will become more happy and less confusing sometime in the future. ---
**Author:** ![Suil\_Dubh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/85f322/32.png) [@Suil\_Dubh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suil_Dubh)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regrets/646833/2 "2013-01-11T06:45:02Z")
I’ve had a few regrets. But not so many that I should probably bother mentioning them all. I mean, I did what I had to do, you know? I finished everything I set out to do. Every last thing. I laid my plans, and charted my path. I made sure I stepped on all the right spots on the great highway of life. And on top of that all, I did everything in my own fashion. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regrets/646833/3 "2013-01-11T06:51:58Z")
> [@Suil\_Dubh](#): > > I finished everything I set out to do. Every last thing. > I laid my plans, and charted my path. > I made sure I stepped on all the right spots on the great highway of life. > And on top of that all, > I did everything in my own fashion. What’s left? ---
**Author:** ![Suil\_Dubh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/85f322/32.png) [@Suil\_Dubh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suil_Dubh)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regrets/646833/4 "2013-01-11T07:07:16Z")
Three more verses and a crescendo. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regrets/646833/5 "2013-01-11T07:15:42Z")
My life is a freakin’ _series_ of regrets…they started when I hit about 16, and continue to this day (I’m 52 now, and regret that too! :p) My life did NOT turn out the way I envisaged, but to be perfectly honest, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. It’s been a mammoth struggle, it’s been painful and the ‘good’ times have been overwhelmingly outweighed by the ‘not so good’ times. But that’s my life, and it’s mine, and I can live with that. YMMV etc ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regrets/646833/6 "2013-01-11T07:58:38Z")
I have a few. But too few to mention. Actually, I’m not sure if I have regrets so much as possessing the bad luck of always involving myself with people who are just as unmotivated and incompetent as I am, and even by riding their coattails I end up nowhere. ---
**Author:** ![si\_blakely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@si\_blakely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/si_blakely)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regrets/646833/7 "2013-01-11T10:03:12Z")
**Non, je ne regrette rien** - No, I don’t regret anything It is much better to keep looking forward, look to the future, because that is something you can change. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regrets/646833/8 "2013-01-11T12:08:30Z")
I think it’s natural to regret past decisions. But the only regrets that matter are the ones that serve as guidance for the future. My life hasn’t unfolded in the most optimal way, and I know I’ve made some unwise decisions. But I can’t castigate myself TOO much because I was working with the best information available at the time. And who knows? Maybe if I could go back and fix my mistakes, I would wipe out the good things I’ve got going for me. Or I’d have more problems. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regrets/646833/9 "2013-01-11T14:51:49Z")
Don’t look Back! (You’re not going that way!) Simply redirect your mind when you begin to reflect negatively, to imagining some pleasing detail of a rosy future, that awaits! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regrets/646833/10 "2013-01-11T14:55:25Z")
I would say everyone regrets in January. I have been thinking lately about mid life crises. I am probably the most likely to have one in our little relationship, despite being the woman. I exhibit more of those traits, and TBH, don’t have an amazing career I can think “OMG, look what I did”. I am currently going back to school, so I certainly hope that will help allay things. I kind of look back at my twenties and think they were a waste in many ways. I mean, I wasted them. I could have done so much more, but I remind myself that it just took me a great deal longer to grow up than my peers, and that’s Ok. I can still do things. Here’s hoping anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regrets/646833/11 "2013-01-11T16:40:39Z")
Did you learn from all your past mistakes? That’s about the best you can do, then (and try not to make the same ones - there’s a whole world of new ones out there to try! 🙂 ). I think when you regret something you’re forgetting something important - the lessons that you learn the best are the ones from your mistakes. As you get older, you start to realize that you know a lot of things because of all the mistakes you’ve made (A LOT of things! Whoo boy!). ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regrets/646833/12 "2013-01-11T17:09:31Z")
You do the best you can, and when you know better, you do better. (trying to recall Maya Angelou’s words). To try to be better is to be better. (no attribution) Having said that, yeah, January is totally the month to regret and feel down. I’ve been doing it myself. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regrets/646833/13 "2013-01-11T17:39:06Z")
For what is a brat, what has he got When he finds out that he cannot Say the things he truly thinks But only the words, not what he feels The record shows, I´ve got no clothes And did it my way –[del]Inigo Montoya[/del] Sex Pistols I’ve got some unpleasantness in the past, but that’s how I got here, which is better than where I was so I can’t really regret any of the ambrosia or shit sandwiches along the way. And is it wrong that Johnny Rotten’s poetry can bring me to tears? ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regrets/646833/14 "2013-01-11T18:58:39Z")
> [@Quasimodal](#): > > Maybe I’m just in a crappy mood because it’s January and we all hate January right? Cold and pointless month that it is. Take heart. The days have already started getting longer. Another week or two, and the day with the lowest average high (😕) temperature will pass by; things will start to get warmer. > [@](#): > > Maybe I’m being more reflectful because I am 30 now. Somewhere out there a guy who is 40 is scoffing at you, young punk that you are, and likewise staring at his own navel. (There are 50 and 60 YO’s too, and beyond.) > [@](#): > > Lately I seem to be thinking more about my past… You must be done thinking by now; if you’re only 30, you don’t have much past to think about. Maybe this is why senior citizens are so slow: they’ve got a lot to think about. > [@](#): > > When regretful thoughts occur to me, I usually tell myself that “you always made the best decision you could”… Finish up with “…and there’s not a goddam thing you can do about it now.” Then let it go, and endeavor to shape your future more to your liking. > [@](#): > > 1. Not dating more, practicing interacting with people, and being more active in finding the right person (I used to have intense social anxiety…took me a while to overcome that and) Sucks, but your 20’s are over now. Concentrate on your 30’s. Join some clubs/groups that match your interests. And I mean real clubs that meet in person to engage in real-world activities together. Websites are fine, as long as they lead to in-person interactions from time to time. If it’s the right kind of activities, you stand a good chance of meeting a potential mate. > [@](#): > > 1. Career problems / unsure of career > [@Mary Schmich](#): > > Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t. I used to be an aimless 22-year-old. I was aimless at 30, and now I’m an aimless 42-year-old. My job is OK, but it’s not like I’m really passionate about it. Many of my friends from grad school had specific career aspirations and pursued them vigorously upon graduation. But I gotta believe it’s rare for people to have a definite professional calling; I think most people are happy to just find a job that’s not too big a pain in the ass, and then they take their pleasure in life from activities outside of the workplace. > [@](#): > > 1. Boomeranging back home…I thought I would be independent forever. Bummer. Not much you can do about that, short of getting a better job (which may start with getting more training/education). Take action; you’re the only one who can make this happen. > [@](#): > > 1. Not reading more. Step 1: invent time machine. Step 2: travel back to ten years ago, and repeat your 20’s, but with more reading. No wait, that won’t work. See above: there’s not a goddam thing you can do about the past. Concentrate on the future: if you like reading, start your 30’s by carving out more time in your daily routine for reading. > [@](#): > > 1. Not realizing how smart and how much potential I had / have until I was about 27. Potential for what? Professional accomplishments? Assuming you’ve accomplished _absolutely_ nothing since you turned 18, then you only wasted 9 years before this realization. Now that you’re 30, you’ve probably got at least 40 years left in which to utilize that potential. Get on it. > [@](#): > > 1. Being depressed for a good chunk of my 20s. It happens. BTDT, almost did myself in. Life got better. Sounds like you’re over it now, so - repeat the mantra - “there’s not a goddam thing I can do about the past.” Get on with your future. ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regrets/646833/15 "2013-01-11T19:12:31Z")
Almost my entire life is one big regret. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regrets/646833/16 "2013-01-11T19:41:21Z")
Go on that round the world trip already! I promise you won’t regret that. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regrets/646833/17 "2013-01-11T22:06:37Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Go on that round the world trip already! I promise you won’t regret that. Seconded. The only time that exists is now. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regrets/646833/18 "2013-01-11T22:10:56Z")
Like the OP, I profoundly regret not reading and writing more. I could be much better than I am now if I’d just shunned mindless crap more than I have. I am twice divorced. I obviously made some mistakes within each marriage, but my most profound regret is ever having married either of them in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regrets/646833/19 "2013-01-11T22:42:13Z")
Life is so relative, I fucked up at every turn and never looked back. Marriages, career, business. I started getting my shit together at about age 40 and have done ok. I am now retired, financialy secure and stable but far from wealthy. If I thought about it I am sure I would have regrets but I tend to fucus on today and tomorrow remembering only the lessons from yesterday. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regrets/646833/20 "2013-01-11T22:49:36Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > Seconded. > > The only time that exists is now. Actually, there is no such thing as now. Everything you know is a memory. Maybe a very fresh memory, like a quarter second or so, but a memory nonetheless of imperfectly perceived data imperfectly stored and imperfectly recalled. In fact, there’s very little to support an assertion that any memories you have are in any way indicative of the actual physical experiences of your body. Or that they ever happened at all. And that you’re not already in a looped memory in which every instant feels like “now” even though you’ve lived it countless times. So…maybe the world has already been gone around? I would recommend avoiding the memory of banging your head against the wall to fall asleep–gives me funny dreams. I think. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/regrets/646833.md?page=2)