# Rejected by eHarmony? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 27, 2012, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-by-eharmony/629621 "2012-07-27T23:21:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2012, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-by-eharmony/629621/21 "2012-07-28T15:01:28Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > My brother’s best friend was rejected because they said that they didn’t feel there were enough women members that had similar interests to make it worth his while - basically he was too eccentric for e-harmony. > > FWIW, he’s VERY eccentric. Nice guy but very unique outlook. D’ya think maybe I could get his number? My experience was the same as **Joey P** ’s. So frustrating. I support their right not to offer their services to those of us in limbo, but I would love to have used those three hours more productively. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2012, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-by-eharmony/629621/22 "2012-07-28T15:10:17Z")
Are you gay? I don’t think they allow gay people to use the site. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2012, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-by-eharmony/629621/23 "2012-07-28T15:24:00Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > Are you gay? I don’t think they allow gay people to use the site. They didn’t used to, but I just looked and now they have a linked site called Compatible Partners that is only for gay people. Oddly, it says it’s for gays and lesbians but literally every single picture on the front page is of men. Also, their excuse for not allowing gays before was that the service is aimed at finding marriage partners, and gays can’t get married. So that’s obviously total bullshit. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-by-eharmony/629621/24 "2012-07-29T00:25:06Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > Also, their excuse for not allowing gays before was that the service is aimed at finding marriage partners, and gays can’t get married. So that’s obviously total bullshit. I think its more complicated than that. Supposedly their matching algorithm was based on studying what made succesful and happy male-female couples. If thats true and they they did not study a bunch of lesbians or gays then I think that arguement might have some validity. Or in other words, it wasn’t “we don’t want you business”, it was “we have no idea if our system is going to work for you”. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-by-eharmony/629621/25 "2012-07-29T00:50:35Z")
> [@Iggy](#): > > I went through all the questions years ago and was accepted. And then noticed that all of my matches had one particular trait that was a dealbreaker for me - absolutely would not date them on that basis. Female? Living? Left Handed? Crazy? I’m curious. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-by-eharmony/629621/26 "2012-07-29T00:54:01Z")
Smokers probably. Though left-handed is pretty bad too. ---
**Author:** ![Alan\_Smithee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2acd7d/32.png) [@Alan\_Smithee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Smithee)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-by-eharmony/629621/27 "2012-07-29T00:59:34Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Female? Living? Left Handed? Crazy? I’m curious. Maybe he refused to date anyone who would sign up for an online dating service. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-by-eharmony/629621/28 "2012-07-29T01:09:32Z")
> [@Alan\_Smithee](#): > > Maybe he refused to date anyone who would sign up for an online dating service. So they were all Marxists? ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-by-eharmony/629621/29 "2012-07-29T01:52:30Z")
For some reason, the word “undateable” makes me think of this: > [@](#): > > I’d just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed. There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend, the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn’t come, because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn’t come either, because you don’t have any other friends. Because of how unlikeable you are. It says so here in your personnel file: unlikeable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikeable loner whose passing shall not be mourned. “Shall not be mourned.” That’s exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted. So that’s funny too. Yeah **Iggy** , don’t leave us hanging! I was rejected once. I am sure a big part of it is my personality. Also, this was a long time ago, before anyone had heard of them or before they were advertising on TV. It’s likely that their pool was smaller then. I wasn’t too crushed. I had mainly just wanted to try the tests, the same reason I was on OKCupid. I was on a bit of a psychometrics kick then. ---
**Author:** ![missouri65](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/74df32/32.png) [@missouri65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missouri65)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-by-eharmony/629621/30 "2012-07-29T02:48:40Z")
I had a friend who worked for them briefly. She said most rejections were based the responses suggesting either deception or depression. Don’t know if it’s true or not, but I do remember they repeated the same question in different ways, so the lying part makes sense. I also remember thinking that the change in phrasing changed the meaning, so if that is what they’re trying to do, I don’t trust the accuracy. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-by-eharmony/629621/31 "2012-07-29T13:07:47Z")
> [@missouri65](#): > > I had a friend who worked for them briefly. She said most rejections were based the responses suggesting either deception or depression. Great. So they discriminate against the mentally ill. Like I didn’t already have enough reason to hate this site. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-by-eharmony/629621/32 "2012-07-29T16:29:57Z")
> [@missouri65](#): > > I had a friend who worked for them briefly. She said most rejections were based the responses suggesting either deception or depression. Don’t know if it’s true or not, but I do remember they repeated the same question in different ways, so the lying part makes sense. I also remember thinking that the change in phrasing changed the meaning, so if that is what they’re trying to do, I don’t trust the accuracy. Why wouldn’t you trust the accuracy? I think the idea behind changing the phrasing is to make sure you’re not just flying through the questions to get to your matches without actually reading them. For example (and I’m just making this up without putting a lot of thought into it) If one question asked if you like camping and hiking and later on there was a question that asked if you liked the outdoors or would rather stay inside and you answered yes to one and no to the other, it might raise a red flag. As I recall, there were several times when I thought to myself “huh, I swear I already answered this” and it seemed pretty clear that it was just to make sure that you were still paying attention as the survey was getting pretty long and some people, no doubt, just start clicking random answers at some point. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-by-eharmony/629621/33 "2012-07-29T17:24:11Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > They do. > > It’s in the second paragraph regarding eligibility to use their service. > > 1. Eligibility. > > Minimum Age. You must be at least 18 years old to use the Site or to register for the Services. By using the Singles Service, you represent and warrant that you are at least 18 years old. Other Services may have other age requirements for all or portion of such Services, and such other age requirements are stated on such Services or portions thereof. > Marital Status. By requesting to use, registering to use, or using the Singles Service, you represent and warrant that you are not married. \*\*If you are separated, but not yet legally divorced, you may not request to use, register to use, or use the Singles Service. > \*\* Was it up front or a small link on the bottom? I only remember something saying sign up free take our free survey. If they said to check eligibility first I would have. > [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > Great. So they discriminate against the mentally ill. Like I didn’t already have enough reason to hate this site. I would love to have been able to screen the mentally ill out of my dating pool. It would have saved me from a divorce and I still would have had all the money I made. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-by-eharmony/629621/34 "2012-07-29T17:32:25Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > Great. So they discriminate against the mentally ill. Like I didn’t already have enough reason to hate this site. Well… I don’t see them matching up liars with liars and depressed people with depressed people working out well 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-by-eharmony/629621/35 "2012-07-29T17:48:55Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Was it up front or a small link on the bottom? I only remember something saying sign up free take our free survey. If they said to check eligibility first I would have. I’m sure that it’s in the small print somewhere but I don’t recall it being obvious. I went through that damn two hour test about six weeks before my divorce was final. At the very end I clicked on Separated thinking that I would change it when the thing became final. After all of that time taking the test, I was ineligible. I get that they probably don’t make the info obvious upfront to avoid having people lie about their status but that was really annoying. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-by-eharmony/629621/36 "2012-07-29T18:20:04Z")
> [@Ruken](#): > > I’m pretty sure they do look at potential local matches. Are you rural? It’s a pain to re-fill that form, but I suspect a lot of people who get bounced would get accepted if they were in a major metro area. I have no interest in testing this. I am rural and they didn’t have any matches nearby for me. I swear there was some option I chose in the process of signing up that limited the area I was willing to travel (it was still a big number - 150 miles or something, I don’t remember) but I would get “matches” from coast to coast. :rolleyes: wish they had rejected me instead of taking my money. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-by-eharmony/629621/37 "2012-07-29T18:25:38Z")
A bunch of friends and I tried it when it first came out, no television commercials at the time, I don’t think. It was over a decade ago. I don’t recall the exact phrasing, but every single one of was was rejected and at the time we got a very definite sense it was because we were not religious at all, in any way. Not even atheist. ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-by-eharmony/629621/38 "2012-07-29T18:46:58Z")
I wasn’t rejected, it turned out no one wanted to date me. ---
**Author:** ![Iggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iggy/32/3364_2.png) [@Iggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggy)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-by-eharmony/629621/39 "2012-07-29T19:45:21Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > Smokers probably. Though left-handed is pretty bad too. > [@thelurkinghorror](#): > > … > > Yeah **Iggy** , don’t leave us hanging!.. Yeah, **Covered\_In\_Bees** got it. Just smoking. For me kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray. For all I know some of them might be left handed too. Oh! The horror! ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2012, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-by-eharmony/629621/40 "2012-07-31T04:37:35Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > I would love to have been able to screen the mentally ill out of my dating pool. It would have saved me from a divorce and I still would have had all the money I made. Screening them out from people for whom it would be dealbreakers is fine. Screening them out as a matter of course just screams prejudice. BTW, I’d say about 50% of the Dope are depressed, and yet a lot of them are in loving relationships. You even spoke to one quite recently. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-by-eharmony/629621.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-by-eharmony/629621.md?page=3)