# Rejected Children's Books **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 13, 2000, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-childrens-books/16348 "2000-04-13T16:16:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2000, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-childrens-books/16348/21 "2000-04-13T23:09:00Z")
“_Grandma Isn’t_ **Really** _Asleep_” by Rigor Mortis 🙂 * * * You should tell the truth, expose the lies and live in the moment."-Bill Hicks “You should tell the lies, live the truth and expose yourself.” - Bill Clinton ---
**Author:** ![meek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce73a5/32.png) [@meek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meek)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2000, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-childrens-books/16348/22 "2000-04-13T23:16:00Z")
Fun With Lighters. ---
**Author:** ![xekul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/838e76/32.png) [@xekul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xekul)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2000, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-childrens-books/16348/23 "2000-04-14T22:10:00Z")
It’s not original, but _Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert_ is one of the more memorable titles I’ve come across. * * * ``You’re just an empty cage girl if you kill the bird.’’ – Tori Amos. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2000, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-childrens-books/16348/24 "2000-04-14T22:37:00Z")
101 Neat Things To Make Out of Broken Glass. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2000, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-childrens-books/16348/25 "2000-04-14T22:41:00Z")
This list is indeed from the Washington Post Style Invitational. I remember very well when it appeared, perhaps about three years ago. The Style Invitational has run in the Post since about 1991, although it took a hiatus for nine months last year while the editor who runs it (Gene Weingarten) was assigned to something else. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2000, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-childrens-books/16348/26 "2000-04-14T22:43:00Z")
I’ve been to one of those panels at science fiction conventions where the editor on the panel talked about the book “The Potato Chip Who Found Jesus”. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2000, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-childrens-books/16348/27 "2000-04-14T22:47:00Z")
Razor Blades: Not Just for Breakfast Anymore * * * Sala, can’t you count?!? I said NO camels! That’s FIVE camels! ---
**Author:** ![RoboDude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bbe5ce/32.png) [@RoboDude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RoboDude)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2000, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-childrens-books/16348/28 "2000-04-15T05:13:00Z")
I’ll Screw You, Pikachu!: Ash Discovers Bestiality Nothing’s Illegal Unless You Get Caught Determining the Tensile Strength of Small Animals and Other Awesome Science Experiments Beavis & Butt-Head’s Guide to Good Behavior Interstate Baseball and Other Fun Outdoor Activities Harry Potter’s Personal Relationship With Satan That Lady Has No Clothes On: A Kid’s Guide to the Internet Tons of Fun With Daddy’s Gun Here’s a list I found at [www.laughpage.com/archive](http://www.laughpage.com/archive) (the page is written such that I can’t link to the list itself) * * * ## Banned Children’s Books Dad’s New Wife Timothy Pop! Goes The Hamster…And Other Great Microwave Games Maybe Dick The Boy Who Ate Spinach…And Lived To Tell About It How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School Safe Sex And The Zip-Lock bag Testing Homemade Parachutes With Nothing At All But Your Household Pets Egghead - And Other Things Mrs. Dumpty Gave Humpty The Complete Set Of “Mother Got Goosed” Nursery Rhymes Those Great Childhood Fragrances…Apple Pie, Cotton Candy And Bicycle Seats Bob the Germ’s Wonderous Journey Into and Back Out of Your Digestive System. The Little Engine that Could Becomes Intoxicated and Kills Civillians. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer’s Games of Revenge. Peter Rabbit’s Frisky Adventures. Dick, Jane, and Spot Wander into The ‘Hood’. Clifford the Big Red Dog Accidently Eats his Master and is Put to Sleep. The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad. The Tickling Babysitter Charles Manson Bedtime Stories. Daddy Loses His Job and Finds the Bottle. Babar Meets the Taxedermist. Controlling the playground: Respect through Fear. David Duke’s World of Imagination. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence. The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables. Start a Real-Estate Empire with the change from your Mom’s Purse. The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy. Things Rich Kids Have, but you never will. Let’s Draw Betty and Veronica without their clothes on. The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead. * * * Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think. ---
**Author:** ![Surgoshan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Surgoshan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surgoshan)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2000, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-childrens-books/16348/29 "2000-04-15T11:58:00Z")
I once read off a list of these to my Lit teacher. She was pregnant. She thought it was funny. * * * I sold my soul to Satan for a dollar. I got it in the mail. ---
**Author:** ![Gilligan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Gilligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gilligan)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2000, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-childrens-books/16348/30 "2000-04-15T16:28:00Z")
“Free Stuff From the Store! That’s What Pockets are For!” “Who Will Mommy Bring Home Tonight?” “Stay Away from That Bald Kid (He’s Going to Die)” “Bookmaking for Little League” “_NEW_ Fundraisers for Your Girl Scout Troop” “Always Obey Mr. Policeman (Or He’ll Shoot You)” “How Long Can _You_ Hold Your Breath?” ---
**Author:** ![RoboDude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bbe5ce/32.png) [@RoboDude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RoboDude)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2000, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-childrens-books/16348/31 "2000-04-15T16:48:00Z")
Fighting: the Underrated Solution to Life’s Problems Smoke Your Way to Popularity * * * Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think. ---
**Author:** ![RoboDude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bbe5ce/32.png) [@RoboDude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RoboDude)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2000, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-childrens-books/16348/32 "2000-04-15T22:12:00Z")
Fun With Shaving Cream and Other Halloween Activities Curious George and the Tank Power Tools: the Best Toys Ever Invented * * * Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think. ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2000, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-childrens-books/16348/33 "2000-04-15T23:05:00Z")
From _ **The “Late Night with David Letterman” Book of Top Ten Lists** _: **Top Ten Children’s Books Not Recommended by the National Library Association** 1. _Curious George and the High Voltage Fence_ 2. _The Boy Who Died from Eating All his Vegetables_ 3. _Legends of Scab Football_ 4. - Teddy: the Elf with a Detached Retina\* 5. _Tommy Tune: Boy Choreographer_ 6. _Joe Garagiola Tells Favorite Fairy Tales but Can’t Remember the Endings to All of Them_ 7. _Ed Beckley’s Start a Real Estate Empire with Change from Mom’s Purse_ 8. _Things Rich Kids Have That YOu Never Will_ 9. _Let’s Draw Betty and Veronica with Their Clothes Off_ 10. _The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and Are Shot Dead_ The book is copyrighted 1990, so the original list would’ve aired prior to that. Is that the earliest sighting/citing? There were several “More Of…” lists that were similar, but for my money, the “Top 10 Least Knwn Norman Rockwell Paintings.” is funniest of them all! * * * “That basketball, was like a _basketball_ to me!” ---
**Author:** ![RoboDude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bbe5ce/32.png) [@RoboDude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RoboDude)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2000, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-childrens-books/16348/34 "2000-04-16T01:41:00Z")
I’m surprised nodody mentioned “The Grinch’s Ten Inches” * * * Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think. ---
**Author:** ![RoboDude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bbe5ce/32.png) [@RoboDude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RoboDude)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2000, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-childrens-books/16348/35 "2000-04-16T22:56:00Z")
Tried-and-True Methods of Vegetable Disposal Adventures in the Medicine Cabinet * * * Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think. ---
**Author:** ![Axel\_Wheeler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Axel\_Wheeler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Axel_Wheeler)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2000, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-childrens-books/16348/36 "2000-04-17T01:04:00Z")
Thanks again for all of these. I’ll keep checking from time to time. Let’s see if I can come up with some more: Monica Lewinski: An American Legend The Little Engine that Could, Does Minnie Mouse Fails the Breathalyzer Mirrors on your Shoes, and Other Neat Games Balls-Out! How to Run Amok Bigtime The Little Children’s Book Editor who Turned Down the Wrong Submission and Got Cut Real Bad ---
**Author:** ![SqrlCub](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SqrlCub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SqrlCub)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-childrens-books/16348/37 "2000-04-18T14:51:00Z")
[http://www.xvt.com/users/kevink/storytime/george/](http://www.xvt.com/users/kevink/storytime/george/) is the story of Curious George and the High Voltage Power Lines. Here is the first pic. [http://www.xvt.com/users/kevink/storytime/george/cg1.jpg](http://www.xvt.com/users/kevink/storytime/george/cg1.jpg) I hope my ubb code worked. Since then, I threaten to stuff my cat in a “funny monkey pose” when he is bad. HUGS! Sqrl * * * [SqrlCub’s Arizona Adventure](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/005351.html) ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-childrens-books/16348/38 "2000-04-18T18:12:00Z")
On “The Simpsons” last night I saw that one of Bart’s favorite childhood bedtime stories was “Curious George and the Ebola Virus.” One of several lists I found on the web: > [@](#): > > **Books Rejected By Dr. Seuss** > > 1. The Cat in the Blender > 2. Herbert the Pervert Likes To Eat Sherbert > 3. Fox in the Detox > 4. Who Shat in the Hat? > 5. Horton Hires a Ho > 6. The Flesh-Eating Lorax (or The Lemon-Fresh Lorax) > 7. How The Grinch Stole Columbus Day > 8. Your Colon Can Moo - Can you? > 9. Zippy The Rabid Gerbil > 10. One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, Blue Bitch > 11. Marvin K. Mooney, Get the Fuck Out! > 12. Are You My Proctologist? > 13. Yentl the Lentil > 14. My Pocket Rocket Needs a Socket > 15. Aunts In My Pants > 16. Oh, the Places You’ll Scratch and Sniff! > 17. Horton Fakes an Orgasm > 18. The Grinch’s Ten Inches > 19. Green Cheese and Spam > 20. Who Flung Goo on Betty Sue? > 21. Come On I Wanna Lay YA > 22. Russell the One-Eyed Love Muscle > 23. Feel It, Find It, Pick It, Flick It > 24. Please Cane Us In the Anus > 25. Blow Blow Til You See It Grow Esprix * * * ## [Ask the Gay Guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) (or, if you prefer the Jesusfied version, [Asketh the damn Priest Guy!](http://www.askjesus.org/ask.cgi?http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html)) ## “Never assume a malicious intent when stupidity will explain just as well.” {This space reserved for a Genuine WallyM7 Sig™} ---
**Author:** ![SqrlCub](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SqrlCub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SqrlCub)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-childrens-books/16348/39 "2000-04-18T18:16:00Z")
Horton Hires a Whore is available on that webpage that I linked. I wonder if anyone ever reads those things? A perplexed Sqrl * * * [SqrlCub’s Arizona Adventure](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/005351.html) ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-childrens-books/16348/40 "2000-04-19T01:38:00Z")
The Young Chemist’s Guide to Crystal Meth [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-childrens-books/16348.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rejected-childrens-books/16348.md?page=3)