# Relationship with an older woman / younger man **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 27, 2005, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-with-an-older-woman-younger-man/314385 "2005-07-27T09:04:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-with-an-older-woman-younger-man/314385/21 "2005-07-28T14:19:18Z")
CubHubby’s grandmother was married to a man about 20 years younger than she: He was 23 or 24, she was about 45 and had 7 children (gulp!) at the time they married. It was a good marriage for many, many years. They were married until her death this past year at around age 88 or so. However, there is a huge difference between someone in her 80’s and someone in his 60’s in terms of health, interests, sex, etc. Granny told her kids she knew he had a girlfriend and was very upset about it, but everyone was reluctant to believe it. All doubts vanished when he moved his girlfriend in two weeks after his wife died. I’m certainly not telling you this to discourage you or anyone else from pursuing a potentially great relationship. All relationships have challenges and their less-than-ideal aspects. Heck, I got married as a teenager, a situation no one in their right mind recommends to **anyone** and we’re still happy together. ---
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-with-an-older-woman-younger-man/314385/22 "2005-07-28T15:48:47Z")
> [@Brynda](#): > > Rick looks older than his age, and I look younger, so I doubt anyone would guess that the gap is a big as it is. Hey, I’ve met you two and I never guessed. :eek: Glad to hear things are working out for you. ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-with-an-older-woman-younger-man/314385/23 "2005-07-28T16:31:21Z")
Mrs. Stuffy is 15 years my senior (married 5 years now, dated a year and a half). Most people can’t tell. I knew she was older when we met as she was a customer where I worked at the time, and she had to show ID. She and my Mom get along famously. Come to think of it, she’s the only SO/girlfriend I’ve had that my mother _did_ like. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-with-an-older-woman-younger-man/314385/24 "2005-07-28T16:37:12Z")
When I was 25 I dated a 38-year-old for several months. It was a friendly, “let’s see where it goes” kind of thing (we were both very into music and went to a lot of concerts and jazz gigs). We could have taken it further, but neither of us had a burning need to, so we called it a day on friendly terms. (4 years later, I played music at her wedding! 🙂 ) ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-with-an-older-woman-younger-man/314385/25 "2005-07-28T17:58:22Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > :eek: I had no idea. I would never have guessed that when I met you. > [@scr4](#): > > Hey, I’ve met you two and I never guessed. :eek: Glad to hear things are working out for you. Ah, you two made my day. 🙂 Although I am not too sure about those :eek: s. ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-with-an-older-woman-younger-man/314385/26 "2005-07-28T20:48:49Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#): > > When I was 25 I dated a 38-year-old for several months. It was a friendly, “let’s see where it goes” kind of thing (we were both very into music and went to a lot of concerts and jazz gigs). We could have taken it further, but neither of us had a burning need to, so we called it a day on friendly terms I sorely wish I could have called things a day on friendly terms with my ex instead of leaving shortly after pregnancy was announced ☹ ---
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-with-an-older-woman-younger-man/314385/27 "2005-07-29T03:32:08Z")
> [@Brynda](#): > > Although I am not too sure about those :eek: s. Please take it as “I’m very impressed by how good you look”. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-with-an-older-woman-younger-man/314385/28 "2005-07-29T12:53:22Z")
> [@scr4](#): > > Please take it as “I’m very impressed by how good you look”. Ok, if you insisit. 🙂 So how much older is the lady in question? ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-with-an-older-woman-younger-man/314385/29 "2005-07-29T13:56:09Z")
I was suprised how prevalent older woman/younger man relationships are in this thread. Far be it from me to break the trend, TheLadyLion is nine years older than I am. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-with-an-older-woman-younger-man/314385/30 "2005-07-29T15:31:17Z")
> [@Padeye](#): > > I was suprised how prevalent older woman/younger man relationships are in this thread. We’re a diverse bunch here, we are. And don’t forget the self-selecting power of a thread title. Not too many want to come in, keyboards blazing, and say “you women are depraved, hormone-addled harpies and you men are craven, spindly crfetins with mommy complexes.” I also suspect OW/YM pairings are a little more common among…how shall I put this…n–rds…ie: people who don’t buy into social stereotypes? ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-with-an-older-woman-younger-man/314385/31 "2005-07-29T15:32:35Z")
Crfetins are _cretins_, by the way. Present company excepted, of course. ---
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-with-an-older-woman-younger-man/314385/32 "2005-07-29T16:18:35Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#): > > We’re a diverse bunch here, we are. And don’t forget the self-selecting power of a thread title. Nevertheless I’m pleasently surprised that so many of the Dopers are in such relationships. > [@Brynda](#): > > So how much older is the lady in question? I’m 31 and she’s in her mid 40s. Just a couple of dates so far, but we seem to get along very well. ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-with-an-older-woman-younger-man/314385/33 "2005-07-29T16:24:24Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#): > > And don’t forget the self-selecting power of a thread title. Well I had considered that, after hitting submit of course. Still a good number of replies. > [@](#): > > Not too many want to come in, keyboards blazing, and say “you women are depraved, hormone-addled harpies and you men are craven, spindly crfetins with mommy complexes.” No, we just know a good thing when we see it. Mizz Padeye can tell you I do not treat her like my mother. > [@](#): > > I also suspect OW/YM pairings are a little more common among…how shall I put this…n–rds…ie: people who don’t buy into social stereotypes? The new hottest pickup line: “Laaaa-deee! Can I buy you a drink? Nnngg Glaven!” ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-with-an-older-woman-younger-man/314385/34 "2005-07-29T17:12:00Z")
A buddy of mine is 26 and is dating a 48 year old woman. They have their ups and downs like anyone else would, but they seem to get along really great. His brother is 22 and just started dating a 33 year old. Maybe it runs in the family. ---
**Author:** ![HillKat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/838e76/32.png) [@HillKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HillKat)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-with-an-older-woman-younger-man/314385/35 "2005-07-29T19:27:42Z")
I’m in a 12 year old relationship with a gentleman 6 years my junior, and it works famously. We motorcycle with another couple who share a 16 (or is it 18???) year split. They’ve been together for 13 years, and at least outwardly, it seems to be working quite well for them also. Both couples own homes together and have gone through major construction projects (if you’ve done that, you KNOW the strain that puts on a relationship). I think that if you acknowledge the differences age will make sooner for one than the other and work together to accomodate them, there is no reason that age should be any barrier to an otherwise happy, healthy relationship. I wish you the best of luck! HillKat ---
**Author:** ![NicePete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ee7513/32.png) [@NicePete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NicePete)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-with-an-older-woman-younger-man/314385/36 "2005-07-29T23:48:55Z")
Mrs. West is 8 years older than I, we’ll be celebrating our 17th anniversary next month. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-with-an-older-woman-younger-man/314385/37 "2005-07-30T00:41:23Z")
6 years age gap? 8 years? People! This isn’t May-December or even May-September. This is more like Memorial Day-Flag Day. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-with-an-older-woman-younger-man/314385/38 "2005-07-30T01:13:43Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#): > > 6 years age gap? 8 years? People! This isn’t May-December or even May-September. This is more like Memorial Day-Flag Day. Could you translate that for us non-US types? ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-with-an-older-woman-younger-man/314385/39 "2005-07-30T01:23:51Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Could you translate that for us non-US types? End of May to mid-June. ---
**Author:** ![MackoUr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eada6e/32.png) [@MackoUr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MackoUr)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-with-an-older-woman-younger-man/314385/40 "2005-07-30T08:49:51Z")
When I was 21 I became involved with a woman who was 38. We were together romantically for four years. We had to be quiet about it because she was a professor at my university and, though I never took a class from her, she could have gotten in trouble. There was a lot more than age difference between us. She was east coast, I was Wyoming. She was Jewish, I was raised Catholic. She was a leftist, I just wanted to know where my next beer was coming from. She was intellectual, I was . . . well . . . just wondering where the hell the beer was. She got me to read books beyond those that were assigned in my classes. She convinced me to stop turning in papers I thought would please my teachers and instead write what I thought. And I did much better in school for that. She knew what she wanted in bed and wasn’t shy about telling me. She wasn’t embarassed by her body. Contrary to being with my contemporaries, I could relax and actually enjoy sex. And we could talk. For hours at end and long into the night. Here the age, and all the other differences, worked for us; it was fodder for conversation. It ended. I couldn’t stay an undergrad forever (turns out that after a certain number of credits, the bastards make you graduate). I couldn’t stay in a small college town forever. We both saw that coming so we parted well. There’s more to the story, but the bones of it are above. People who knew at the time or have found out since about it sometimes are askance about the age difference. They seem to think there is something inherently exploitive about a relationship with such an age difference. But opinions vary on who might have been using who. But age didn’t really matter; where we were in life did. I had to move, she didn’t. I’ve ended other relationships for the same reason. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-with-an-older-woman-younger-man/314385.md?page=1)