# Relationship without sex--yes or no. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 17, 2010, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-without-sex-yes-or-no/539770 "2010-05-17T15:38:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2010, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-without-sex-yes-or-no/539770/101 "2010-05-20T03:11:31Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Isn’t it interesting how a person can automatically assume that sex with a third party is automatically “callous and degrading” . . . without even knowing the actual circumstances or the people involved. > > There are plenty of “callous and degrading” relationships between married couples; the existence of a marriage license . . . or the existence of a spouse at home . . . doesn’t necessarily change anything. Word, panache45. Thank og I’ve got friends who are as open minded as I am when it comes to sex. As open minded, realistic, cautious, crafty and fun. Those of you who jump to judge me or believe I treat my friends in a callous and degrading manner are free to suck my tube sock. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2010, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-without-sex-yes-or-no/539770/102 "2010-05-20T03:13:21Z")
> [@Arrendajo](#): > > Those of you who jump to judge me or believe I treat my friends in a callous and degrading manner are free to suck my tube sock. You’re into that sorta thing, huh? ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2010, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-without-sex-yes-or-no/539770/103 "2010-05-20T13:05:35Z")
So this thread made me a little paranoid. I know I’m happy, but I thought maybe I was overestimating how happy **Sr. Olives** could be in a sexless marriage. I asked my husband last night, without giving him context, how he would rate our relationship. He said he’d give it an 8/10. When asked what kept it from being a perfect ten, he said, -grad school (we don’t get to spend enough time together) and -lack of sex in that order. I was a bit surprised because I wasn’t aware our limited time together bothered him that much. When I mentioned this thread, he had this to say: ‘‘Research on the anticipation of negative life events indicates that people have a tendency to castastrophize and exaggerate how bad things will be when they happen. The reality is often sucky, but not nearly on the level that people tend to imagine it will be.’’ So there you have it. Two people in a no-sex situation, who rate their relationship an 8 and 9, respectively. Interestingly enough, I predicted that he would say ‘‘8’’ and not ‘‘9.’’ I guess I know him pretty well. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2010, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-without-sex-yes-or-no/539770/104 "2010-05-20T13:42:40Z")
Huh. Well there are people who have learned to live without sex. I’m not one of those people. Sexless relationships make me very, very unhappy. I maybe could live without sex (intercourse) if we were already in a relationship and I loved him a lot, and he could still get me to the happy place some other way. But just kissing and touching? Couldn’t happen. All I’d end up doing is resenting him. ---
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2010, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-without-sex-yes-or-no/539770/105 "2010-05-20T19:19:53Z")
Male and I’d stay no matter what. My wife has been living with an open abdominal wound for over 7 years (varying in size and complexity depending on where she is in the healing process). As a result of the 40+ abdominal surgeries she has had there is extensive scar tissue, both internal as well as external, which causes her to be in constant pain level of at least 4 out of 10. She also takes Lexapro to help with the depression from the multiple miscarriages, including the last one that required an emergency C-section which got infected and created the aforementioned abdominal wound. Because of all this our sex life is almost non-existent. Once a month is a lot, usually it’s every other month. The Lexapro turns off her sex drive completely. She doesn’t like to give oral and I won’t push her to give me handjobs just because I want my itch scratched. I can handle that myself (so to speak). But through it all I wouldn’t trade her for anything and if we couldn’t do it again, I’d stick around. I used to be of the opinion that sex was the be all and end all. Now I’ve come to see that while I love every time that we make love, the act is not what is important. It’s the emotional closeness that makes the intimacy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationship-without-sex-yes-or-no/539770.md?page=5)