# Relationships: What kind of "Not Cheater" are you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 15, 2016, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-what-kind-of-not-cheater-are-you/757468 "2016-06-15T22:00:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-what-kind-of-not-cheater-are-you/757468/41 "2016-06-16T17:59:10Z")
I’m Group W. Come sit next to me. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-what-kind-of-not-cheater-are-you/757468/42 "2016-06-16T18:40:03Z")
You mean I’ve been sittin’ here – sittin’ heeeeer, on the Group dubya bench – so you can find out if I’m moral enough to join the Army? ---
**Author:** ![Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aji_de_gallina/32/260_2.png) [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aji_de_Gallina)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-what-kind-of-not-cheater-are-you/757468/43 "2016-06-16T19:10:38Z")
Male, B. Cheating just isn’t in me. I have a joke with my wife that she can’t complain if I have sex with Halle Berry (only her) if the oportunity should arise. Even if I had 100% confidence that she would never say anything and the opportunity came, I’m almost sure nothing more than a kiss would happen. I am, as we Peruvian say, “ratón de un solo hueco” (a one-hole mouse). ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-what-kind-of-not-cheater-are-you/757468/44 "2016-06-16T19:32:34Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > Depends what you mean by ‘add up’. It’s mathematically possible for, say, 30%of all men to be having casual sex with only 10% of all women. Hell, it’s feasible for all cheating guys to be doing Tammy. ETA: **Mangetout** , since you’re in the UK you might not know Tammy. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-what-kind-of-not-cheater-are-you/757468/45 "2016-06-16T19:38:01Z")
> [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](#): > > I am, as we Peruvian say, “ratón de un solo hueco” (a one-hole mouse). I can’t figure out if that’s vaguely insulting to you, the missus, both of y’all, nobody, or society in general. And what are the consequences of a mouse having a common ingress/egress? ---
**Author:** ![Chihuahua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dec6dc/32.png) [@Chihuahua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chihuahua)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-what-kind-of-not-cheater-are-you/757468/46 "2016-06-16T20:04:02Z")
I picked A. I like the _idea_ of other women, but the reality is that I love and respect my spouse and I would hate myself on a deep moral level if I betrayed her. Also, I am pretty much the least competent dater on the face of the Earth. I can’t even imagine how I _would_ go about finding a lover, if I (hypothetically) wanted to. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-what-kind-of-not-cheater-are-you/757468/47 "2016-06-16T20:13:27Z")
Group A man. Nothing wrong with that I can see. Neither group is more commendable but to be in group A means you have resisted temptation. The men in group B are lucky, there’s a lot of temptation out there. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-what-kind-of-not-cheater-are-you/757468/48 "2016-06-16T20:22:57Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > The men in group B are lucky, there’s a lot of temptation out there. I must be in Group B, because I don’t usually notice. I can say (to myself) “nice rack” but the notion of actually pursuing said rack doesn’t occur to me. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-what-kind-of-not-cheater-are-you/757468/49 "2016-06-16T21:25:29Z")
Group A. I’ve had co-workers and the odd person I’ve met in social situations minus my wife who I’ve definitely clicked with and found each other mutually attractive. The temptation was definitely there, at least as far as thinking about, acknowledging it, and deciding not to act on it. Not because the lizard brain part of me isn’t saying “Do it! Do it like cracked out monkeys in a lube factory!”, but because the part of me that made a promise to my wife says “Nope. Not going to happen. Not in a million years.” ---
**Author:** ![LH75](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lh75/32/4438_2.png) [@LH75](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LH75)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2016, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-what-kind-of-not-cheater-are-you/757468/50 "2016-06-17T00:12:13Z")
Male, group B. I have been with the Incomparable Sunflower for 44 years. There are plenty of women over the course of that time that I have found to be attractive, but I have never been tempted by them. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2016, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-what-kind-of-not-cheater-are-you/757468/51 "2016-06-17T06:04:35Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > It always confuses me when people seem to believe that men are all out having tons of causal sex while women are staying home waiting for Mr. Right. For every man having casual sex with a woman there’s a woman having casual sex with a man. The math has to add up. Disagree most strongly. Many sexual encounters consist of a man having casual sex with a woman who is having very significant sex (to her) with the man. ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2016, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-what-kind-of-not-cheater-are-you/757468/52 "2016-06-17T06:30:08Z")
Group A. Added bonus: we swing. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2016, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-what-kind-of-not-cheater-are-you/757468/53 "2016-06-17T07:09:23Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I can’t figure out if that’s vaguely insulting to you, the missus, both of y’all, nobody, or society in general. And what are the consequences of a mouse having a common ingress/egress? “A mouse with a single den” work better for you? _Hueco_ refers to the hole in the wall where the mouse lives, to its home. It doesn’t mean entry/exit. A similar expression I’ve heard is _marinero de un solo puerto_, a sailor with a single home port, in reference to the trope of sailors having a woman in each port where their usual route stops. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2016, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-what-kind-of-not-cheater-are-you/757468/54 "2016-06-17T10:36:56Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > “A mouse with a single den” work better for you? _Hueco_ refers to the hole in the wall where the mouse lives, to its home. It doesn’t mean entry/exit. A similar expression I’ve heard is _marinero de un solo puerto_, a sailor with a single home port, in reference to the trope of sailors having a woman in each port where their usual route stops. Better. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2016, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-what-kind-of-not-cheater-are-you/757468/55 "2016-06-18T21:14:54Z")
Other - I can appreciate the existence of temptation, but the reason I don’t cheat is self respect, not respect for my wife - not that I \*don’t \*respect and love her, but that’s not the root cause of me not being a cheater. It’s that I hate _cheating_. ---
**Author:** ![Allthegood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@Allthegood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Allthegood)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2016, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-what-kind-of-not-cheater-are-you/757468/56 "2016-06-28T23:23:33Z")
Other: I am polyamorous. ---
**Author:** ![Lok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e8c25b/32.png) [@Lok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lok)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-what-kind-of-not-cheater-are-you/757468/57 "2016-06-29T02:00:45Z")
I don’t know. (I can’t vote, tapatalk doesn’t do polls apparently.) I’ve had very few relationships, and while I can’t remember feeling temptation for other women during them, frankly it is hard to remember that far back with any degree of certainty. Too many years and took much failure in between now and then coloring the memories. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-what-kind-of-not-cheater-are-you/757468/58 "2016-06-29T02:08:30Z")
I’ve never been tempted to act upon an outside attraction in the context of a committed relationship. I’m hard-wired for monogamy, and can’t imagine how I’d find the time and energy anyway. Purely physical sex with a stranger has no real attraction for me. ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-what-kind-of-not-cheater-are-you/757468/59 "2016-06-29T08:29:08Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Wow. Are there men out there who _actually_ feel this way? _raises hand_ Yo! over here dude! Solidly group b for me. Multitude of reasons for it but it all works out to put me in B. Mrs. Guest is all I need. > [@Grrr](#): > > Wow **Spice Weasel**! What an amazing and inspirational story! > > I recently read an article (can’t remember where or I’d provide a link), the author stated, one of the best ways to ensure loyalty in a relationship, is to always be upfront and to NEVER have subjects that are forbidden to talk about. The author went on to say: “If you have a crush on so-n-so at work, you should absolutely tell your SO!” The author had very sound reasons as to why you should do this, but at the time, I couldn’t help thinking “You be crazy!” > > Now after reading your post, I’m thinking, that author may be on to something. Thank you for sharing that **SW**! This is how me and Mrs. Guest live and in fact have had several similar conversations to what **Spice Weasel** related. Definitely the way to do it. **Spice Weasel** I’m glad to hear it worked out for the good ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-what-kind-of-not-cheater-are-you/757468/60 "2016-06-29T12:29:56Z")
I’m an A’er. I’ve always said my greatest accomplishment in life and my greatest regret are one in the same because I didn’t cheat. Long story short: I had a girlfriend who I was mostly happy with (at the time…) and a girl started at work who was newly married and smoking hot. We would fun-flirt together, but it eventually lead to her basically throwing herself at me and I had to keep saying no. The fact I resisted is the greatest accomplishment. With the benefit of retrospect (said girlfriend? Ended up cheating on me) I wish I would have done it so I could have porked a hottie and also had that “life experience”. Second time it happened was right after I moved to Charlotte. I made a friend with a girl on my kickball team who was smart, cute and all that. She made lots of hints at wanting to go further, but I was with **Ms. Cups** at the time and said no. This one was hard because I was apart from Ms. Cups for so so long and missed her a lot, so the temptation of not being alone all the time was there. It was also hard to say no because she confessed to me that she’s had multiple lesbian trysts in the past and the possibility was open for threesomes and sharing and whatnot. At the end of the day I remembered how hurt I was when I was cheated on and I just couldn’t do that to someone I loved. I can’t imagine anyone being more tempting than those two girls, but I’m happy that I didn’t and I’m pretty sure, at this point, Ms. Cups is fairly certain I won’t. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-what-kind-of-not-cheater-are-you/757468.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-what-kind-of-not-cheater-are-you/757468.md?page=4)