# Relationships: Where's the line between trusting and stupid? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 18, 2009, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-wheres-the-line-between-trusting-and-stupid/481850 "2009-01-18T11:11:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2009, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-wheres-the-line-between-trusting-and-stupid/481850/61 "2009-01-21T02:29:52Z")
> [@LouisB](#): > > It really shouldn’t matter all that much; if she is going to cheat, then she is going to cheat and it won’t take long for her to accomplish the feat and return home; you will be no wiser. WhY make yourself ill worrying about something that might not have happened and maybe never will? Yep, there’s a song in there. We need something that rhymes with wiser. Miser? Insider her? ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2009, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-wheres-the-line-between-trusting-and-stupid/481850/62 "2009-01-21T03:07:19Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > Some folks will start another relationship only after they are free and clear of their previous relationship. > > Some folks will start a relationship after they have broken up with their previous partner, but before they have lost the emotion bonds (e.g. on the rebound). > > Some folks will terminate a relationship only after they have started a new relationship. > > Some folks maintain more than one relationship at a time, either surreptitiously or with the consent of their partners. > > Figure out what type(s) you can accept, and which type she is. Yeah, I asked her about this on our first date. I asked her if she had just broken up or if she was on the rebound. I informed if that was the case I’d rather just be friends for now and later on down the road after she had got over her emotional heartbreak; we could venture into something more. She promptly assured me that she had been broke up for a while now and that she was over all that stuff. Me and this girl were aqaintances for years before we went out on our first date. I was a little worried about crossing that “Line”. As I figured it might make things awkward for us in the future should things not work out. (We both like to hit happy hour at the same bar. That’s how I met her years ago.) And damn! Wouldn’t ya’ know it? ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2009, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-wheres-the-line-between-trusting-and-stupid/481850/63 "2009-01-21T03:48:45Z")
Sometimes it is worth putting a bit of work into a non-relationship, so that you can co-exist without being uneasy. (Hey, I’m best buddies with an ex – sure beats being pissed off at each other.) ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2009, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-wheres-the-line-between-trusting-and-stupid/481850/64 "2009-01-21T03:55:47Z")
Or then there are the two basic fallback approaches: 1. Set her up with some poor bastard so that her emotional wave flows past you onto him, or 2. Have make up sex, then dump her, then have make up sex, then dump her, then . . . well just keep cycling until she either chops you up with an axe, or flees so far from you that you will never have to worry about her patronizing your bar again. (And before someone chops me up with an axe, no, I’m certainly not serious about these, although I have seen #1 done a few times by family law clients trying to get out of spousal support, and once by two couples who ended up trading their spouses with each other). ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2009, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-wheres-the-line-between-trusting-and-stupid/481850/65 "2009-01-21T09:12:03Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > 1. Have make up sex, then dump her, then have make up sex, then dump her, then . . . well just keep cycling until she either chops you up with an axe, or flees so far from you that you will never have to worry about her patronizing your bar again. Wait a minute. That happened to me, except we would get into terrible fights and one or the other would walk out. Then we’d get back together, have make up sex and repeat. Oh, to be young, stupid and crazy. What a waste of time and energy that was. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2009, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-wheres-the-line-between-trusting-and-stupid/481850/66 "2009-01-21T14:46:27Z")
Since you’re both going to end up at the same bar, maybe you need a little more closure with her, like telling her it didn’t really matter whether she slept with the ex or not, since the reason you broke up with her was her stellar bad judgement, and you really couldn’t see a future with her (if that was indeed the case). ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2009, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-wheres-the-line-between-trusting-and-stupid/481850/67 "2009-01-21T16:16:37Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > Since you’re both going to end up at the same bar, maybe you need a little more closure with her, like telling her it didn’t really matter whether she slept with the ex or not, since the reason you broke up with her was her stellar bad judgement, and you really couldn’t see a future with her (if that was indeed the case). I don’t think it’s necessary if the OP is satisfied with the outcome and she’s stopped trying to contact him. But if she gets in his face at the bar, that would be a decent and diplomatic way of handling it, fer sure. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2009, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-wheres-the-line-between-trusting-and-stupid/481850/68 "2009-01-26T16:21:01Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > Or he may be setting himself up for 30 years of living in a blues song - his woman vanishing many nights. If she does this after one week, what would she do when she gets bored? > I’m guessing that lots of people in bad relationships had ample opportunity to see it coming ahead of time, and ignored the signs. Good for **SHAKES** to have done something about it before getting locked in. > I’m curious about whether she gets back with the ex or gets left high and dry. Yeah, there is that possibility; if the situation is intolerable, get out. Or, respond in kind. My real point is that if a true connection exists, then a little fooling around shouldn’t matter all that much. Of course, that is a matter that should be agreed upon up front. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships-wheres-the-line-between-trusting-and-stupid/481850.md?page=3)