# Relationships **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 14, 2012, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships/637666 "2012-10-14T03:49:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships/637666/21 "2012-10-15T03:14:05Z")
Not sure why he goes after younger women? Umm… Pervious is my new favorite word. Great band name. As for the relationship, how the hell would I know? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships/637666/22 "2012-10-15T03:14:49Z")
> [@ToxicRose](#): > > Not sure why he goes after younger women. Because he can get them? I mean, it’s not exactly rocket surgery. He’s not great with intimacy, he’s rich, he’s smart, he’s charming…why wouldn’t a young, inexperienced woman fall for him? Handsome is as handsome does. And human males are biologically wired to prefer as mates young, fertile women who haven’t yet had offspring to compete for their time and energy. We’ve got quite a bit of social conditioning pushing us otherwise, but it’s still a pretty strong drive. Add to this the fact that he’s not great with intimacy, and it’s going to be harder for him to get women his own age (and with greater experience with relationships) to stay with him…of course he’s going to go after younger women! This guy is basically any character played by Tom Cruise ever. Will it last? No idea. My relationship with my 22 years older than me SO started out when we were living hours apart and married to other people. By all rights, it shouldn’t have lasted 6 months. We’ve been through 3 major lifethreatening surgeries, homelessness, two divorces (mine and his) and 3 years of unemployment. Still been the best 4 years of my life. (I really can’t figure out if you’re an ex or you’re the guy, for what it’s worth…) ---
**Author:** ![sisu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@sisu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sisu)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships/637666/23 "2012-10-15T03:14:56Z")
> [@Arrendajo](#): > > Pervious is my new favorite word. Great band name. I like their earlier stuff before they sold out. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships/637666/24 "2012-10-15T10:58:15Z")
> [@ToxicRose](#): > > The man has the money to travel back and forth. He flys to her every month. The man has **recycled** all concepts from his pervious relationship to swoon the new girl. The girl is in college, no job and she has little experience with men. The man has a huge ego, brags about living in the city, owning his own company, traveling on business trips, graduated in top rank from an ivy league school. (snip) > > Will the relationship between the man and the girl 11 years younger last? What’s your opinion. Has there recently been a trilogy of best-selling books about this rich man and his inexperienced young girlfriend? ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships/637666/25 "2012-10-15T14:40:21Z")
Let me see: He’s a narcississtic Ivy League dork who thinks success is the key to attracting women She’s an emotionally inexperienced unemployed college sophomore or junior Long distance Met on the internet 11 year age difference International Daddy issues Depression Sure…why not.:rolleyes: > [@ToxicRose](#): > > He has met both girls the one in the same city (The girl made him wait because she wasn’t sure if he was serious about the relationship)and the one in Europe (This girl trusted him right away because she doesn’t know any better)\*\* Note: This man has his own company, makes a good amount of money as a trader, graduated 2nd in rank from an ivy league school\*\*, a charmer with words, he’s a clever man in general, has very few friends he actually knows (not internet friends), very superficial. Kind of ironic actually because he is no Brad Pitt and he himself feels that his scar (on his forehead due to a car accident, hardly noticeable) makes him look unattractive. Not sure why he goes after younger women. I bolded the part of this sentence that makes him actually appear “charming”. I’m sure he’s a brilliant guy. I am also positive that he is a social retard. I’ve spent most of my career working in and around Wall Street firms, Silicon Valley startups and white-shoe law, accounting and management consulting firms. They are full of people like your friend. Their entire lives, since birth presumably, are focused on achievement. These are people who spent most of their “free time” either studying or pursuing other resume building interests. They have been told that they are special little geniuses their entire lives and that has kept them separate from pretty much anyone who isn’t as hypercompetitive as they are. What typically happens by the time they are in their 30s is that they are very successful and they are completely unable to connect with other people. They are completely defined by their success (indeed that is the only way they know how to define anyone). They feel both superior to everyone because of their measurable achievements, and yet inferior, fearful and resentful of other people because they lack many significant social experiences. Because of this, they tend to seek out relationships where their success allows them some form of power over the other person. Usually some discrepency in age, income, or socioeconomic class. It’s not just that he goes after younger women. My brother married a much younger woman (8ish years maybe). They met working at the same Fortune 500 company. They play soccer on the same team. They just happen to be different ages, but in a similar place in life. The OPs friend dates MUCH younger women who are in different places developmentaly, socially, geographically, and economically. Women who are likely to SWOON at a “successful Ivy League trader businessman”. That will only last so long. Once they get to know HIM, it sounds like they will decide that he’s not that charming, interesting or attractive outside of his resume. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships/637666/26 "2012-10-15T14:54:31Z")
The word is _ **pre** _vious (not “_per_vious”) and to “swoon” is to faint. A man “woos” a girl; he doesn’t “swoon” her. And no, the relationship will not last. The girl is too young and not mature enough to have the coping skills and the man is broken, damaged goods. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships/637666/27 "2012-10-15T18:14:45Z")
> [@sisu](#): > > I like their earlier stuff before they sold out. Ah yes, the “im” years. ---
**Author:** ![ToxicRose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c4cdca/32.png) [@ToxicRose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToxicRose)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2012, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships/637666/28 "2012-10-16T01:14:42Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Let me see: > He’s a narcississtic Ivy League dork who thinks success is the key to attracting women > She’s an emotionally inexperienced unemployed college sophomore or junior > Long distance > Met on the internet > 11 year age difference > International > Daddy issues > Depression > > Sure…why not.:rolleyes: > > I bolded the part of this sentence that makes him actually appear “charming”. > > I’m sure he’s a brilliant guy. I am also positive that he is a social retard. I’ve spent most of my career working in and around Wall Street firms, Silicon Valley startups and white-shoe law, accounting and management consulting firms. They are full of people like your friend. Their entire lives, since birth presumably, are focused on achievement. These are people who spent most of their “free time” either studying or pursuing other resume building interests. They have been told that they are special little geniuses their entire lives and that has kept them separate from pretty much anyone who isn’t as hypercompetitive as they are. > > What typically happens by the time they are in their 30s is that they are very successful and they are completely unable to connect with other people. They are completely defined by their success (indeed that is the only way they know how to define anyone). They feel both superior to everyone because of their measurable achievements, and yet inferior, fearful and resentful of other people because they lack many significant social experiences. Because of this, they tend to seek out relationships where their success allows them some form of power over the other person. Usually some discrepency in age, income, or socioeconomic class. > > It’s not just that he goes after younger women. My brother married a much younger woman (8ish years maybe). They met working at the same Fortune 500 company. They play soccer on the same team. They just happen to be different ages, but in a similar place in life. > > The OPs friend dates MUCH younger women who are in different places developmentaly, socially, geographically, and economically. Women who are likely to SWOON at a “successful Ivy League trader businessman”. That will only last so long. Once they get to know HIM, it sounds like they will decide that he’s not that charming, interesting or attractive outside of his resume. Best reply I’ve read yet 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2012, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships/637666/29 "2012-10-16T05:35:20Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Because he can get them? Except he can’t, it seems to me. One woman made him wait a whole freaking year before meeting in person, and another woman strung him out for 2 1/2 years without sex. Or maybe these were the same women; I can’t really tell. Either way these seem like stunted facades of relationships. My take is that he is afraid of intimacy (for whatever reason) and seeks out women who neither demand it nor provide it. ---
**Author:** ![ToxicRose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c4cdca/32.png) [@ToxicRose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToxicRose)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2012, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships/637666/30 "2012-10-16T13:02:43Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > Except he can’t, it seems to me. One woman made him wait a whole freaking year before meeting in person, and another woman strung him out for 2 1/2 years without sex. Or maybe these were the same women; I can’t really tell. Either way these seem like stunted facades of relationships. My take is that he is afraid of intimacy (for whatever reason) and seeks out women who neither demand it nor provide it. First girl: 8 years younger, relationship lasted 2 1/2 years, made him wait a year until they met and she withheld sex from him. When they firsy met face-to-face, he wanted to sleep with her right away. She wanted the relationship to last without sex, even though she wanted it. Second girl: 11 years younger, she didn’t make him wait long to meet offline (a month only). She demands he flies to visit her every month. She hides the relationship from family and most friends. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2012, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships/637666/31 "2012-10-16T14:53:52Z")
Those aren’t relationships, they’re acquaintances. ---
**Author:** ![ToxicRose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c4cdca/32.png) [@ToxicRose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToxicRose)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships/637666/32 "2012-10-18T14:25:49Z")
How are they acquaintances? ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships/637666/33 "2012-10-18T14:35:15Z")
It probably won’t work out from what you’ve said, but then again, **Toxic Rose** , it’s what you obviously thought when you posted the OP. You said nothing but what you see as the signs of assurance of failure. Does the new girl have any qualities except that she looks like the old girl (even the same race!), is from the same city, and is 20 (which is almost 19, but just technically not)? I don’t get any sense of her as a person. ---
**Author:** ![Mithras](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@Mithras](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mithras)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships/637666/34 "2012-10-18T16:04:57Z")
> [@ToxicRose](#): > > How are they acquaintances? I’d take a crack at answering this but I’m assuming you’re the first girl. Is that correct? ---
**Author:** ![ToxicRose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c4cdca/32.png) [@ToxicRose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToxicRose)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships/637666/35 "2012-10-19T21:37:50Z")
> [@Mithras](#): > > I’d take a crack at answering this but I’m assuming you’re the first girl. Is that correct? This is correct. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships/637666/36 "2012-10-19T23:27:48Z")
> [@ToxicRose](#): > > How are they acquaintances? As evidenced by his subsequent actions. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2020, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships/637666/39 "2020-03-27T20:07:00Z")
Note that this is a quite old thread bumped by a new poster. Advice to the OP (who hasn’t been around since) at this point might not do any good. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2020, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships/637666/40 "2020-03-27T20:26:14Z")
> [@bakerl1](#): > > Well, this is actualyl very difficult to say. Nobody knows how much is it going to last, it all depends on them. From my experience, I can say that the relationships can be very different, they are all unique. Also, I think that sex is the most important thing. If they are going to have good sex, it’s going to last a lot of time. I am saying this because it happened to me. I am suffering from erectile dysfunction and my ex-girlfriend left me because of that, only after 2 months of dating. Now I am taking [kamagra kaufen](https://ed-oesterreichische.at/kamagra-kaufen/), and my new girlfriend is really happy, and we are dating for 2 years already. You may not believe me, but sex is very important Reported. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2020, 10:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships/637666/44 "2020-03-28T10:48:33Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Really?! Why? They aren’t exactly cute and their milk is gross, IMO. What’s their appeal to you? Goats are adorable and their milk is delicious, if it is fresh and clean (most people who hate goat’s milk have never had the real thing). And anyway, what is this with calling adult women girls? I thought that had finally been trained out of the language. Guess not. For the original question, I know a man who has had very dubious serial relationships with younger women his entire life, he’s now 67, and about eight years ago he got married to a woman in her thirties and they both seem happy and settled. One data point anyway. Though usually if someone has a dysfunctional pattern of any kind, it just gets worse over time, in my observation. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relationships/637666.md?page=1)