# Religion and ... Cows! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 15, 2003, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-and-cows/155208 "2003-02-15T03:38:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Labor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Labor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labor)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2003, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-and-cows/155208/21 "2003-10-27T14:15:33Z")
Lutheran: May the cow be with you. And also with Moo. ---
**Author:** ![Chimpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@Chimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimpy)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2003, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-and-cows/155208/22 "2003-10-27T14:20:19Z")
Jedi: cow lightsaber has mmmm cow sith lord kill [/yoda voice] ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2003, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-and-cows/155208/23 "2003-10-27T14:40:09Z")
Liberal Christianity: Our cow is nice, but enough about us; what is your cow like? ---
**Author:** ![yabob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yabob/32/2821_2.png) [@yabob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yabob)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2003, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-and-cows/155208/24 "2003-10-27T14:55:50Z")
Appalachian Pentecostals - safer - they handle milk snakes. Holy Rollers - in effect, they practice cow-tipping as a religous ceremony. Glossolalia - Moooooooo. ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2003, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-and-cows/155208/25 "2003-10-27T14:58:13Z")
Can’t believe noboby’s done this yet: Russian Orthodox: Believes in the Mos-Cow! Dan Abarbanel ---
**Author:** ![qwanderer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ea924/32.png) [@qwanderer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/qwanderer)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2003, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-and-cows/155208/26 "2003-10-27T15:03:10Z")
Swedenborgianism: The one true cow is visible, but it’s the milk inside that’s important. No other cows have milk with all these essential nutrients! Nihilism: Who cares if there’s a cow? I don’t actually think there’s anyone here to drink the milk. Maybe we killed the cow and then starved and now we’re dead. Klingon: We killed the cows and ate their raw, bloody flesh and now we will kill each other! Vulcan: It is not logical to speculate upon the existence of a cow/cows without evidence as a basis for such argument. And, logically, if we knew a cow existed, we would not tell you. You would not believe us. It would serve no purpose. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2003, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-and-cows/155208/27 "2003-10-27T15:23:57Z")
BEVOism - Hook 'em Horns. As a Fightin’ Texas Aggie '92, I feel dirty typing the above ---
**Author:** ![Chimpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@Chimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimpy)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2003, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-and-cows/155208/28 "2003-10-27T15:54:01Z")
Seccular Humanism: the cow is irrelevent in comparison to humankind ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2003, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-and-cows/155208/29 "2003-10-27T15:59:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TWDuke \* > \*\*No, no, no. > > Atheist: There is no cow. > Agnostic: We can know nothing of cows. > Skeptic: Prove there’s a cow. > > And how about – > > Mormon: The cow was once a man, and I will be a cow. \*\* Good ones, TWDuke. Your last was the words right out of my mouth, except that I was going to say “we” ! 🆒 * * * True Blue Jack ---
**Author:** ![mambozzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@mambozzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mambozzy)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2003, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-and-cows/155208/30 "2003-10-27T16:08:23Z")
Universal Life Church ([ulc.org](http://ulc.org)): We like all cows. In fact, we like all barnyard animals. Come, fill in this online form to get the rights to milk your cow, goat, sheep, horse. And for only $15 you can have a card with your name on it _proving_ you can milk it. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2003, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-and-cows/155208/31 "2003-10-27T16:09:40Z")
**Phred Phelps** –cowshatefags.com ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2003, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-and-cows/155208/32 "2003-10-27T18:50:29Z")
Invisible Pink Unicorn–The true unseen cow has only one horn. ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2003, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-and-cows/155208/33 "2003-10-27T19:16:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Malthus \* > \*\*A riff on an old joke … > > \*\* Religion and Cows! \*\* > > Jewish: you worship the one, true invisible cow. > > Muslim: Same as above, but Mohammad is the last person to milk the cow. You are not allowed to have pictures of this event, or to drink fermented milk. \*\* Here’s my take on it… Muslim: There is no God but ALL-COW – **There is no udder** – and NoHam-Ed is his prophet. If I have time I’ll try to fiddle with the five pillars. * * * True Blue Jack ---
**Author:** ![Corner\_Case](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/corner_case/32/234_2.png) [@Corner\_Case](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corner_Case)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2003, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-and-cows/155208/34 "2003-10-27T19:52:36Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally by Malthus > Catholic: The one true cow had a calf. Every sunday, you eat the calf and drink its blood. For the Cow so loved mankind that he gave his only calf. The calf cured for over 30 years. The milk (of human kindness) ran out and he was placed upon a spit and skewered, not in a kosher way. He layeth in state wrapped in leaves, with carrots and tomatoes, and a common tater spoke of how the deliciousness wafted heavenward. His recipes were handed down from generation to generation, lost but found again. Many new recipes were tried, but no one could quite capture the original flavor. Some were quite filling, but others were udderly tasteless. O, Men! ---
**Author:** ![BellaDellaItalia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/fbc32d/32.png) [@BellaDellaItalia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellaDellaItalia)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2003, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-and-cows/155208/35 "2003-10-27T20:22:13Z")
Don’t you mean MOOhammad, True Black Jack? Sorry. Unbelievably bad pun moment. How about this one? Paganism: The cow has 120 calves. If we don’t keep them happy they will send down great plagues of flies. Since we have no tails to swat them with we are doomed. Doomed doomed doomed. But we should still try to keep the cows happy. Bring grass. Lots of grass. ---
**Author:** ![klockwerk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/klockwerk/32/6475_2.png) [@klockwerk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/klockwerk)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2003, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-and-cows/155208/36 "2003-10-28T00:27:54Z")
Masai: All your cows are belong to us! ---
**Author:** ![Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krisfer_the_Cat)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2003, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-and-cows/155208/37 "2003-10-28T00:34:19Z")
mmmmm beef… I always said a good Prime Rib was a religious experience. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2003, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-and-cows/155208/38 "2003-10-28T01:23:52Z")
**Scientologists:** you were once a cow, millions of years ago, and you can become one again! Just sign up for this program, for only … ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2003, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-and-cows/155208/39 "2003-10-28T05:35:19Z")
Knock knock. Who’s there? An impatient Jehovah’s Witness. Impatient Jehovah’s Witne– Moo! ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2003, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-and-cows/155208/40 "2003-10-28T10:56:29Z")
Straight Dopology: COW SMASH! I burning your cow. 1920s-style Death Cows Creation Science with Kent Horvind a.k.a. Dr. Cow: “Carbon dating the various layers of cow fossils found throughout the planet proves nothing. You see, they forgot about the cow-flood.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-and-cows/155208.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-and-cows/155208.md?page=3)