# Religion ruins everything. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 12, 2008, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-ruins-everything/476848 "2008-12-12T06:08:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Mince](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecd19e/32.png) [@Mince](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mince)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-ruins-everything/476848/41 "2008-12-12T19:50:02Z")
> [@cmyk](#): > > Just deleted the umpteenth “christian” chain mail today. FWD: FWD: FWD: The kind with 125 pt type, in all colors from pink straight trough to purple. In some gagtastic script font, in order to feel nice and churchy. Full of sugary glurge, thick enough to gag God Himself. Then, it has the nerve to ask you to send it to everybody in your inbox, lest Jesus cast you into His infernal delete box. > > What’s wrong with people? Why do seemingly regular people fall for this bullshit? > > I grow weary of them. These… _people._ So, the creator of Heaven, the Earth and the universe is watching my inbox? You’d think he’d be too busy, helping sports teams win and what not. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-ruins-everything/476848/42 "2008-12-12T19:51:42Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > Wait, are you saying you whack it to thoughts of Jesus? “Jesus is coming-and so am I!” ---
**Author:** ![Mince](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecd19e/32.png) [@Mince](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mince)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-ruins-everything/476848/43 "2008-12-12T19:53:17Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > “Jesus is coming-and so am I!” His will be the second. Where do you stand in that regard? ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-ruins-everything/476848/44 "2008-12-12T19:54:05Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > Wait, are you saying you whack it to thoughts of Jesus? Well, I do tend to like my white guys with beards and longish hair, and Jesus did preach self-reliance when it came to, uhm, fishing. I’ll stop now; the Express Bus to Hell is now boarding. (apologies, **cmyk** ) ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-ruins-everything/476848/45 "2008-12-12T19:55:44Z")
"Today sixteen people were killed by an exploding suicide penguin. The Antarctic Holy Liberation Front has claimed responsibility. Their spokesman is quoted as saying, “_Squarrrrk ! Squaaaawk ! Sqeeee !_” Further details at 11." ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-ruins-everything/476848/46 "2008-12-12T19:59:51Z")
> [@5-4-Fighting](#): > > Well, I do tend to like my white guys with beards and longish hair, and Jesus did preach self-reliance when it came to, uhm, fishing. > > I’ll stop now; the Express Bus to Hell is now boarding. > > (apologies, **cmyk** ) No need for apologies… I think I’m driving the bus. ---
**Author:** ![ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-ruins-everything/476848/47 "2008-12-12T20:10:49Z")
> [@Mirror\_Image\_egamI\_rorriM](#): > > My friend was in the theater version of this ([Maker's Notebook - Hardcover 3rd Edition](http://www.makershed.com/ProductDetails.asp?ProductCode=9780596519414)). He was “the resident geek Curly”. Either I’m whooshed, or you didn’t link to what you thought you linked to. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-ruins-everything/476848/48 "2008-12-12T20:28:04Z")
> [@Mince](#): > > His will be the second. Where do you stand in that regard? On the dry spot. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-ruins-everything/476848/49 "2008-12-12T20:34:38Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > On the dry spot. There is a “walking on water” joke in here somewhere, I can feel it… ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-ruins-everything/476848/50 "2008-12-12T20:41:14Z")
> [@CircleofWillis](#): > > There is an off shoot of the FSP religion that refers to themselves as Opus Dei This thread was making me think of the sequence where Opus called Phil Donohue: Opus: Penguin lust is natural and beautiful, and I for one fully support penguin lust. Phil: That’s great caller, but today’s topic is nun beating. Opus: Good Lord, man, I can’t support that! ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-ruins-everything/476848/51 "2008-12-12T21:06:57Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > [Some Penguins can fly-or at least look like they can.](http://crosby87.com/) A sports team’s namesake isn’t empiricle evidence of the existence of penguins. Besides, many sports teams prefer to have mascots based on creatures we know to be mythological such as angels, titans, and Irish people. ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-ruins-everything/476848/52 "2008-12-12T21:18:54Z")
_“I do believe in penguins. I do, I do.”_ - places finger in each ear, repeats chant over and over \* ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-ruins-everything/476848/53 "2008-12-12T21:19:26Z")
> [@Lobohan](#): > > …you can \*pray \*for that? :eek: Yes, but instead of praying to the penguins, I can send you prescriptions from Canada – **Guaranteed to enhance your appendage!** Just send me $500 and a self-addressed stamped envelope. ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-ruins-everything/476848/54 "2008-12-12T21:20:49Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > Yes, but instead of praying to the penguins, I can send you prescriptions from Canada – **Guaranteed to enhance your appendage!** > > Just send me $500 and a self-addressed stamped envelope. Will it be delivered by penguin post? ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-ruins-everything/476848/55 "2008-12-12T21:26:53Z")
> [@Lord\_Ashtar](#): > > You know what else ruins everything? Generalizations. The penguins don’t believe in your magical sky generalizations. If they did, we would have seen them in _Happy Feet_. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-ruins-everything/476848/56 "2008-12-12T22:58:37Z")
> [@CircleofWillis](#): > > Dear Atomicflea, > I am trying to open a bakeryand need 5000 dollars to do so. I have a check for 10000 dollars to open it, but my bank is keeping the funds until they can verify my identity. Therefore if you send me 5000 dollars cash, you can keep the balance. > > Sincerely > Jesus > > Jesus doesnt send chain emails. He turns loaves into phishes. Well _played_, sir! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Great\_Dave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/46a35a/32.png) [@Great\_Dave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Great_Dave)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-ruins-everything/476848/57 "2008-12-13T02:11:30Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > “Jesus is coming-and so am I!” Q: What’s white and drips out of the sky? A: The second coming of Jesus. ---
**Author:** ![Mirror\_Image\_egamI\_rorriM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e56c9b/32.png) [@Mirror\_Image\_egamI\_rorriM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mirror_Image_egamI_rorriM)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-ruins-everything/476848/58 "2008-12-13T02:37:49Z")
> [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](#): > > Either I’m whooshed, or you didn’t link to what you thought you linked to. What? Dammit, that’s my dad’s Christmas present. Real link: [The Penguin Tango](http://www.broadwayworld.com/article/The_Penguin_Tango_20060821) ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-ruins-everything/476848/59 "2008-12-13T03:05:47Z")
Ha ! You think chain religious emails are bad ? Think again. Every few months, I open my mailbox to find, wedged between the usual bills and adverts, a regular letter, name and adress handwritten in feminine handwriting. Every time, my silly heart jumps up because \*obviously \*it’s from an old girlfriend or something. The elevator ride back home is always full of sappy dreams. Every time it turns out to be a letter from “my brothers in Jesus”, we need money, look at this poor child, yadda yadda. Motherfuck Jesus, the bearded bastard keeps breaking my heart. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2008, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-ruins-everything/476848/60 "2008-12-14T11:25:28Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > Ha ! You think chain religious emails are bad ? Think again. > > Every few months, I open my mailbox to find, wedged between the usual bills and adverts, a regular letter, name and adress handwritten in feminine handwriting. Every time, my silly heart jumps up because \*obviously \*it’s from an old girlfriend or something. The elevator ride back home is always full of sappy dreams. Every time it turns out to be a letter from “my brothers in Jesus”, we need money, look at this poor child, yadda yadda. > > Motherfuck Jesus, the bearded bastard keeps breaking my heart. Dude, stop pining over old girlfriends. All the Christian charity collectors in the world can’t help get you a big steaming cup of Get The Fuck Over Her. 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-ruins-everything/476848.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religion-ruins-everything/476848.md?page=4)