# Religious couple doesn't know how to have sex and make babies, gets sex therapy. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 17, 2004, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620 "2004-05-17T16:11:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/1 "2004-05-17T16:11:46Z")
Is it within the realm of possibility that two people would be this clueless if raised in a strictly religious environment. I have to ask because it just does not seem possible re this story, and my BSometer needle is edging up. Are there really cultural environments (esp in a modern western country like Germany) where this could happen? [Childless couple told to try sex](http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_957945.html?menu=news.quirkies.sexlife) > [@](#): > > A German couple who went to a fertility clinic after eight years of marriage have found out why they are still childless - they weren’t having sex. > > The University Clinic of Lubek said they had never heard of a case like it after examining the couple who went to see them last month for fertility tests. > > Doctors subjected them to a series of examinations and found they were both apparently fertile, and should have had no trouble conceiving. > > A clinic spokesman said: "When we asked them how often they had had sex, they looked blank, and said: “What do you mean?”. > > “We are not talking retarded people here, but a couple who were brought up in a religious environment who were simply unaware, after eight years of marriage, of the physical requirements necessary to procreate.” > > The 30-year-old wife and her 36-year-old husband are now being given sex therapy lessons while the university clinic undertakes a study to try to find out if there are more couples with a similar lack of sex education. ---
**Author:** ![Jpeg\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/4bbf92/32.png) [@Jpeg\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jpeg_Jones)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/2 "2004-05-17T16:34:06Z")
What is this ‘sex’ of which you speak? It intrigues me. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/3 "2004-05-17T16:45:41Z")
I imagine the medical examination had to be pretty harrowing for the two of them! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/4 "2004-05-17T16:51:28Z")
Well, there are some religious sects that ban radio, television, and newspaper. I would guess that there are some societies so isolated from the outside it’s conceivable the children would grow up very naive. But I’m surprised that people growing up in such a society would allow their offspring to get married without telling them…_ahem_ what’s supposed to happen on the wedding night. Can you imagine the discussion? “You want me to put my what where?” ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/5 "2004-05-17T16:57:14Z")
Wasn’t there an incident similar to this described in **Catch-22**? I seem to recall one character, a doctor, describing a similarly ignorant couple, and he had to tell them how to go about it “using a pair of dolls that he kept locked in separate cabinets to avoid a scandal”. A couple of weeks go by, and the husband comes back in, punches out the doctor and leaves without futher explanation. Or was it one of the **M_A_S\*H** books? ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/6 "2004-05-17T17:10:08Z")
I have a feeling that they are going to suddenly enjoy their marriage a whole lot more. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/7 "2004-05-17T17:10:18Z")
Hm. I’m having a hard time swallowing this one, especially if it’s supposed to be set in West Germany (note btw that “Lubeck” should have an umlaut). Assuming that they are in ther early- to mid-30’s, they would have had to be homeschooled. In the Northern European countries sex education typically begins as early as age 5 and 6,\* though I don’t know the specifics for Germany. I suppose perhaps if they grew up in another country–the article doesn’t specify whether they’re native Germans or immigrants–it’s barely concievable (ha!). Even if they are from another country, it’s still hard to believe that neither of them had any clue what they were supposed to do to get babies. Most religious cultures, even ones that don’t like young people to know too much about sex, enjoin procreation as an intrinsic part of marriage. After a year or so, you’d think a grandmother or uncle or brother-in-law would have pulled one of them aside and explained things. If they belonged to such a restrictive community, IMO it’s fair to imagine that relatives would have started asking them where the babies were before too long. I’ve known some naive people, and heard some weird stories, but that’s over the top IMO. I just can’t see it, and I think it’s either an urban legend, some kind of send-up, or there’s a lot more to the story. As it stands, I can’t buy it. \*“Brigitte has a new little brother. Where did he come from?” ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/8 "2004-05-17T17:25:57Z")
**BrotherCadfael** - I just finished reading Catch-22. The scene in question: Doc Daneeka describing a young childless couple (for those who haven’t read the book, this conversation is taking place on a military air base in World War II. Doc Daneeka was drafted to be a military doctor): “That’s the virgin I’m telling you about. They were just a couple of young kids, and they’d been married, oh, a little over a year when they came walking into my office without an appointment … When I got a good look at her inside my examination room I found she was still a virgin. I spoke to her husband alone while she was pulling her girdle back on and hooking it onto her stockings. ‘Every night,’ he boasted. A real wise guy, you know. ‘I never miss a night,’ he boasted. He meant it, too. ‘I even been puttin’ it to her mornings before the breakfasts she makes me before we go to work,’ he boasted. There was only one explanation. When I had them both together again I gave them a demonstration of intercourse with the rubber models I’ve got in my office. I’ve got these rubber models in my office with all the reproductive organs of both sexes that I keep locked up in separate cabinets to avoid a scandal. I mean I used to have them. I don’t have anything any more, not even a practice. The only thing I have now is this low temperature that I’m really starting to worry about. Those two kids I’ve got working for me in the medical tent aren’t worth a damn as diagnosticians. All they know how to do is complain. They should have been in my office that day with those two newlyweds looking at me as thoght I were telling them something nobody’d ever heard of before. You never saw anybody so interested. ‘You mean like this?’ he asked me, and worked the models for himself for a while. You know, I can see where a certain type of person might get a big kick out of doing just that. ‘That’s it,’ I told him. ‘Now, you go home and try it my way for a few months and see what happens. Okay?’ ‘Okay,’ they said, and paid me in cash without any argument. ‘Have a good time,’ I told them, and they thanked me and walked out together. He had his arm around her waist as though he couldn’t wait to get her home and put it to her again. A few days later he came back all by himself and told my nurse he had to see me right away. As soon as were were alone, he punched me in the nose.” “He did what?” “He called me a wise guy and punched me in the nose. ‘What are you, a wise guy?’ he said, and knocked me flat on my ass. Pow! Just like that. I’m not kidding.” ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/9 "2004-05-17T18:42:28Z")
I have heard of cases in which either a husband or wife (usually the latter) was raised in a strict religious environment and cannot bring themselves to perform sexually due to the unshakable (in their minds) association of sex with sin. But not knowing how it’s done? Geez, and I thought \ ***I** \* was sheltered. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/10 "2004-05-17T18:59:36Z")
**Phase42** – Thanks. That little fragment is enough to remind me how much I dislike Joe Heller’s writing… ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/11 "2004-05-17T20:24:57Z")
I had a girlfriend who was an eighteen year old senior in high school when we broke “tab A into slot B” to her. She wasn’t particularly sheltered. She’d gone through the same sex education in high school as the rest of us - and could name all the correct parts (which was what sex ed was when I was in high school - anatomy - not a how to guide). Had gone to the same rated R movies and listened to the same music. It seems unbelievable, but if no one told you “penis into vagina” would it be that easy to figure out? ---
**Author:** ![Abbie\_Carmichael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/49beb7/32.png) [@Abbie\_Carmichael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abbie_Carmichael)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/12 "2004-05-17T21:14:47Z")
I’m not sure which is more amazing: that these 2 people didn’t know what sex was, or that they found 2 religious people in Germany. ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/13 "2004-05-17T21:28:16Z")
How would something like this wind up in the news, anyway? Doesn’t that violate some privacy laws? ---
**Author:** ![FisherQueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@FisherQueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FisherQueen)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/14 "2004-05-17T21:53:05Z")
It’s entirely possible, in one of the religious groups that tends to shelter its members from too much contact with the outside world. Remember, you’re spending most of your social life in church, and often discouraged from watching PG-13 movies or even much television. Most of your friends go to the same church, and if you go to a public school, you’re making an effort not to mix too much with the more sinful kids there. If I may overshare, I grew up in just such a group, and while I understood tab A in slot B at only a little older than my contemporaries, I was 29 before I found out where my clitoris was and what it was for. ---
**Author:** ![Kneepants\_Erasmus\_the\_Humanist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/54ee81/32.png) [@Kneepants\_Erasmus\_the\_Humanist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kneepants_Erasmus_the_Humanist)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/15 "2004-05-17T22:02:24Z")
Sounds very much like an urban legend to me. I recall seeing something very similar on MadTV or SNL. Lady: We have been having trouble getting pregnant. Therapist: How long have you been trying? Man:Years. Therapist: Well, when you have sex… Lady: SEX??? Man: YOU SICKO!!! Or some such. ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/16 "2004-05-17T22:24:35Z")
My BSometer is going off too. Notice that the story has no verifiable sources. I know nothing about the Ananova web site, but it looks to be mostly a collection of entertaining tidbits, not hard news. A Google on “University Clinic of Lubek” turned up nothing; searching on “Lübek” got some results, but I don’t know German so can’t refine the search to add “university” or “clinic”. That the Ananova web site wasn’t meticulous enough to use an umlaut makes the site a bit suspect in my mind. How did the story get released to this particular web site (and nowhere else)? > [@](#): > > The University Clinic of Lubek said they had never heard of a case like it after examining the couple who went to see them last month for fertility tests. Sorry, university clinics can’t speak. And if they could, I’m sure they’d use better sentence structure; i.e., they hadn’t heard of such a case after examining the couple – had they heard of such a case _before_ examining the couple? No decent journalist would write like that. I don’t buy the whole thing. People have been figuring out how to have sex without much help for a long, long time. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/17 "2004-05-17T22:27:35Z")
> [@Abbie Carmichael](#): > > I’m not sure which is more amazing: that these 2 people didn’t know what sex was, or that they found 2 religious people in Germany. Oh, I don’t know. Considering Germany gave us Martin Luther who in turn gave us Protestantism, not to mention Johann Sebastian Bach and George Frederick Handel, who gave us some of the greatest religious music ever, not to mention that, according to [this website](http://www.library.uu.nl/wesp/populstat/Europe/germanyg.htm) Germany is 43% Protestant, 34% Catholic, and only 21% non-religious, I’d say it’s not at all surprising they found 2 religious people in Germany. Of course, I’d bet that this couple isn’t among the Catholic part of the population, and not just because that’s the way the odds are, but even that’s possible. Come on, lady! People in Germany may speak a different language and have a different culture, but they aren’t that different! :rolleyes: You know, I want very much to be skeptical about this, but a part of me whispers it just might be true. I’m just not entirely sure how. I mean, even if you’re not formally taught “Put tab A in slot B”, I think people do tend to have an idea of what feels good. Then again, what feels good might have been conflated with sin. I did, after all, read a post once in which a person said masturbation was all right, so long as you didn’t feel lust without doing it. (Not on this board, folks.) I’ve also had periods in my life when I’ve tried to ignore all signals from “down there” so to speak. Who knows. Once again, it looks like I’m :sings: _Stuck In the Middle With You!_ Respectfully, CJ ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/18 "2004-05-17T22:37:22Z")
> [@FisherQueen](#): > > I was 29 before I found out where my clitoris was and what it was for. Hahaha, so I am not the only one! I was about 24 before I figured out how to operate that thing. Before then, I didn’t even believe that women had orgasms. 😃 (And it’s not like I was sheltered; heck I’d been having sex since I was 15!) ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/19 "2004-05-17T22:41:12Z")
I remember reading about a similar case that someone either here or on LJ reported. She was apparently in a class with a woman who was arguing that sex was always wrong, and it ended with the kicker… “My parents didn’t have sex; why should I?” … “Where do you think you came from?” _looks at questioner like they’re an idiot_ “My parents prayed to have me.” Apparently, some of the students explained some things to the poor girl privately afterward. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/20 "2004-05-17T22:47:34Z")
I read a very similar story in some book. It was supposed to have happened in France during the 60’s. Looks like an urban legend to me. I’ve a hard time believing that anybody living in a western country (and it’s not like Germany is the prudest country around) for more than 30 years could have missed such an information. I mean, you hear about sex on TV, on the radio, you read about sex in magazines, in papers, in books. Even if you try to avoid this kind of discussion, you’ll come across people talking about sex sooner or later… On the other hand, as someone put it in another thread today : “if there’s one chance in a billion, it happens to 6 men every day” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620.md?page=2)