# Religious couple doesn't know how to have sex and make babies, gets sex therapy. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 17, 2004, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620 "2004-05-17T16:11:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2004, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/41 "2004-05-18T23:26:07Z")
This was posted here a while ago and is preserved for posterity on the PoF: > [@](#): > > I was reading to my then husband to be out of his marriage and family book to help him study. I read out the top ten myths about sex. When I got to “Oral sex is a perversion.” he exploded. “THAT IS NOT A MYTH!! Oral sex is the vilest of pervsions!” and he continued on for some time. When he finally ran out of steam i asked, “What do you think we have been doing for the last month? What do you think oral sex is?” > > He had no clue. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2004, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/42 "2004-05-18T23:27:20Z")
> [@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor](#): > > [THIS LINK! A-HEM!](http://www.snopes.com/pregnant/jelly.htm) > :dubious: :dubious: :dubious: :dubious: :dubious: :dubious: :dubious: :dubious: OK…so it is listed as an Urban Myth, (and here I am the official myth-buster on our office email). However, the story I related comes from my (very real) friend MaryJane, and her (not her roomate/cousin/neighbor) first job out of college (1972) was for Planned Parenthood in Chicago. MaryJane also told me quite a few other sad stories about her job there. She didn’t last long at the position for a lot of reasons. So - was she pulling my leg? Or was her story for real? I guess I will never know as we lost contact a long time ago. But considering I can no longer verify her story - I’ll drop it from my list of interesting job related tales. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/43 "2004-05-19T01:51:35Z")
Neighbors Religious As described by him: “If my wife is on top, she considers that dirty sex. She feels like a whore.” \* Alrighty then…\* ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/44 "2004-05-19T21:12:53Z")
> [@](#): > > Neighbors > Religious > > As described by him: “If my wife is on top, she considers that dirty sex. She feels like a whore.” > \* > Alrighty then…\* What is it if this neighbor husband has sex with a pumpkin? /just curious ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/45 "2004-05-19T21:26:16Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > OK…so it is listed as an Urban Myth, (and here I am the official myth-buster on our office email). The snopes link does say: > [@snopes.com](#): > > This isn’t to say that someone, somewhere hasn’t ever mistakenly eaten spermicidal jelly. People do some incredibly foolish things with medical products, no matter how specific the instructions on the packaging may be. But a woman suing a pharmacy because she didn’t read the instructions on an over-the-counter contraceptive and mistook it for a food product? No way. So they’re not saying it never happens, just that they don’t believe any of the specific stories they saw, or that it has ever gone to a lawsuit. If there were any cases not private of someone eating spermicide, snopes’d probably like to hear them. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/46 "2004-05-19T22:04:52Z")
[Snopes weighs in](http://www.snopes.com/pregnant/nosex.asp). Undecided as yet, pending more talks with sources, but almost certainly a joke, they say. Keep checking for updates! ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/47 "2004-05-19T22:47:30Z")
I found the [Universitätsklinik Lübeck](http://www.committee-german-medicine.de/cms/front_content.php?idcat=90&idart=483) (Lübeck University Hospital) site. No mention of them offering fertility services. **lainaf** : next time, try [Babelfish](http://world.altavista.com/). 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/48 "2004-05-20T00:00:36Z")
> [@Siege](#): > > Oh, I don’t know. Considering Germany gave us Martin Luther who in turn gave us Protestantism, not to mention Johann Sebastian Bach and George Frederick Handel, who gave us some of the greatest religious music ever, not to mention that, according to [this website](http://www.library.uu.nl/wesp/populstat/Europe/germanyg.htm) Germany is 43% Protestant, 34% Catholic, and only 21% non-religious, I’d say it’s not at all surprising they found 2 religious people in Germany. Of course, I’d bet that this couple isn’t among the Catholic part of the population, and not just because that’s the way the odds are, but even that’s possible. Come on, lady! People in Germany may speak a different language and have a different culture, but they aren’t that different! :rolleyes: > CJ True, but their Chancellor doesn’t end every public speech with _God bless Germany!_. Nor, AFAIK does any other First World political leader, except Dubya. So we Americans get the possibly mistaken impression that such a scenario as described in the OP could only happen here. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/49 "2004-05-20T06:56:21Z")
> [@cowgirl](#): > > Aren’t some religious people taught that SEX = EVIL ? Other than the premarital sex=sin/other bad stuff, you’ve got the Shakers, which the lovely history book informed me that the Shakers are a group that believe any sex is evil or unnecessary or something like that. However, they’re not exactly in the majority (for reasons which are really pretty obvious). ---
**Author:** ![Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bites_when_provoked/32/18073_2.png) [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/50 "2004-05-20T13:17:51Z")
Just a thought… whether this story is true or not, it could be quite feasible for a religious couple not to know how to have sex. I’ve known quite a few religious folks whose church arranged their marriage, and nothing I’ve seen would indicate that either one is attracted to the other. If you haven’t got sufficient urge to perform the deed, and/or are inhibited on religious grounds from exploring those dirty thoughts, you probably won’t work out how it’s done. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/51 "2004-05-20T13:23:59Z")
> [@](#): > > If you haven’t got sufficient urge to perform the deed, and/or are inhibited on religious grounds from exploring those dirty thoughts, you probably won’t work out how it’s done. 😉 Come on now, sex is very uncomplicated. Insert Tab A into Slot B.\* Even if you’ve never seen the genitals of the opposite sex, you can pretty much figure out for yourself what’s going on. _Doing it RIGHT is another story._ ---
**Author:** ![Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bites_when_provoked/32/18073_2.png) [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/52 "2004-05-20T13:32:06Z")
I should, perhaps, point out that ‘quite a few’ is a bit misleading there. It’s not so much ‘quite a few’ as ‘all the ones I actually know, which happens to be 3 couples (one set is only engaged at present)’. ---
**Author:** ![Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bites_when_provoked/32/18073_2.png) [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/53 "2004-05-20T13:50:48Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Come on now, sex is very uncomplicated. Insert Tab A into Slot B.\* Even if you’ve never seen the genitals of the opposite sex, you can pretty much figure out for yourself what’s going on. At the risk of giving TMI, I know that it’s not quite that simple. When my first boyfriend and I were together, we _knew_ the mechanics of the deal, but every time we tried to have sex I’d freeze up and there was no way, no how, he was getting in there. It took us months (yes, months) to get me to not do the big muscle-freezing thing. What can I say - he was unbelievably tolerant. 😉 Great guy, too. However (she said, getting back on track), I’m thinking that if you \*didn’t \* know the mechanics of it, and you _couldn’t_ get Tab A into Slot B when you tried, you’d pretty much figure that wasn’t how it worked, wouldn’t you? Just a thought. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/54 "2004-05-20T14:17:05Z")
> [@Khiadra](#): > > However (she said, getting back on track), I’m thinking that if you \*didn’t \* know the mechanics of it, and you _couldn’t_ get Tab A into Slot B when you tried, you’d pretty much figure that wasn’t how it worked, wouldn’t you? > > Just a thought. 🙂 But a very good one – if people tell them “do what comes naturally”, I can picture them figuring that if this is not working right, then this must not be what they meant. Specially in societies where we may not be quite as in touch with how nature really works (e.g. I have a hard time thinking that old-time farmboys/farmgals would not have a chance to notice exactly what it takes to make little calves/lambs/colts/puppies.) Still, we want to believe it must be because of some religious proscription (often tied in with a foreign ethnicity, or with a less-than-sophisticated background) because it plays into our preconceived notions. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/55 "2004-05-20T14:40:02Z")
> [@](#): > > Still, we want to believe it must be because of some religious proscription (often tied in with a foreign ethnicity, or with a less-than-sophisticated background) because it plays into our preconceived notions. Perhaps for the OP, but in the case Madters and Johnson told us about, there was no cultural baggage of these people being foreign, especially religious, or a member of any particular race or class (except that they were “otherwise well-educated”) ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2004, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/56 "2004-05-21T01:10:24Z")
100 years ago, this could probably have happened (In all those royalty biographies I’m always reading, there’s always the story of the sheltered princess who, on her wedding night, is traumatized by what truly happens when one gets married!). Fifty years ago, perhaps not so common, but possible. But today? That’s just…I mean, MAYBE if you were living in some real backwater part of some third world country under maybe say, the Taliban, I guess it could happen. But I’m still skeptical. Still, there are a LOT of idiots out there when it comes to sex. The sex question forum from the old SAAN boards (Ho in the Know) used to get all kinds of goofy, off the wall threads. Oh the hilarity! ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/57 "2004-05-22T01:18:01Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > But today? That’s just…I mean, MAYBE if you were living in some real backwater part of some third world country under maybe say, the Taliban[…] Or they could just not be paying attention. I’ve stopped being surprised by what people get wrong as a result of having caught only glimpses of fractional information. As mentioned above, it may well be likelier that these are cases wherre the parties know they have to do _something_, but get it all _wrong_ as to _how_. (Heck, even those who nominally know the mechanics need refreshers on the details – _The Joy of Sex_ wouldn’t sell a jillion copies if everyone knews exactly what s/he was doing) As **Khiadra** said, a couple may be under the impression that whatever the procreative act is, it should be _easy_, painless, clean, fresh-scented and pleasurable right from the 00:00:00.001-second mark, and anything that takes toil, sweat and tears to achieve must not be it. ---
**Author:** ![griffen2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ce7236/32.png) [@griffen2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffen2)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/58 "2004-05-22T18:17:24Z")
Read your own link **Bosda** > [@Snopes](#): > > This isn’t to say that someone, somewhere hasn’t ever mistakenly eaten spermicidal jelly. People do some incredibly foolish things with medical products, no matter how specific the instructions on the packaging may be. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/59 "2004-05-22T18:53:50Z")
> [@griffen2](#): > > Read your own link **Bosda** So what? There’s a 1 in 10,000 chance it happened, & a much better chance it did not. It is perfectly reasonable to assume that the likeliest option is correct. “When you hear the sound of hoofbeats, look for horses, not for zebras.” ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620/60 "2004-05-22T21:05:30Z")
> [@JRDelirious](#): > > Or they could just not be paying attention. I’ve stopped being surprised by what people get wrong as a result of having caught only glimpses of fractional information. As mentioned above, it may well be likelier that these are cases wherre the parties know they have to do _something_, but get it all _wrong_ as to _how_. (Heck, even those who nominally know the mechanics need refreshers on the details – _The Joy of Sex_ wouldn’t sell a jillion copies if everyone knews exactly what s/he was doing) As **Khiadra** said, a couple may be under the impression that whatever the procreative act is, it should be _easy_, painless, clean, fresh-scented and pleasurable right from the 00:00:00.001-second mark, and anything that takes toil, sweat and tears to achieve must not be it. You’d have to be REALLY not paying attention, I would think. I mean, it IS possible, but unlikely. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-couple-doesnt-know-how-to-have-sex-and-make-babies-gets-sex-therapy/245620.md?page=4)