# Religious women, leave me the fuck alone, please. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 4, 2010, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-women-leave-me-the-fuck-alone-please/534902 "2010-04-04T12:25:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-women-leave-me-the-fuck-alone-please/534902/81 "2010-04-05T02:25:07Z")
I just wish I could find these people. All the women I meet online say they are religious, but then don’t show it. Also, I find that the whole “must be a Christian” thing is often less of a religious construct but a social one. Most Catholics I know aren’t very true to their beliefs, but they expect you to convert to Catholicism to marry them. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-women-leave-me-the-fuck-alone-please/534902/82 "2010-04-05T05:24:36Z")
> [@cosmosdan](#): > > \ > > I’m talking about respecting their right to choose their own path and repecting and caring for them as a person besides. > > I dated a religious lady. I liked her because she was a terrific person, honest, compassionate, smart, and funny, considerate and caring toward others. I didn’t agree with or necessarily respect the religious beliefs themselves but honored her right to work that out in her own way and in her own time. In my experience of dating a fundamentalist, I discovered it was a one-way street - I was to respect his beliefs, but I would not be afforded the same respect (I identify closest with agnostic). It wasn’t immediately obvious, but after awhile it became obvious that he was working on converting me eventually (with the occasional flare-up of giving me a hard time when I was acting particularly un-Christianly). I concluded that religious compatibility was one of the critical keys for a successful long-term relationship. For the record, I married a lapsed Catholic, and religion is NEVER an issue between us. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-women-leave-me-the-fuck-alone-please/534902/83 "2010-04-05T05:42:42Z")
> [@GuanoLad](#): > > You should come to Australia. Nobody gives a shit about religion down here. This would be my suggestion too. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-women-leave-me-the-fuck-alone-please/534902/84 "2010-04-05T06:01:47Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > The sex with the woman who tried to get me to convert was pretty awful sex, all full of guilt and misgivings on her part. In fact, that’s how the subject of talking to her priest was broached, with her telling me that she had to confess to having pre-maritial sex every week, and him asking if I could come in and talk to him about her “problem” (ie, getting laid.) Ah, see, she was stupid. There are places in Spain where, until very recently, you could tell which girls had gotten boyfriends because, since everybody who was having Comunion would have Confession beforehand, and since a girl with a boyfriend was having premarital sex (people there did not get married until, in their charming words, “the cow had proven fertile”), girls with boyfriends stopped taking Comunion. What she should have done is stop confessing the premarital sex (she was going to do it again anyway, which made the confession invalid) and get a video edition of the kama sutra. ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-women-leave-me-the-fuck-alone-please/534902/85 "2010-04-05T06:35:50Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > In my experience of dating a fundamentalist, I discovered it was a one-way street - I was to respect his beliefs, but I would not be afforded the same respect (I identify closest with agnostic). It wasn’t immediately obvious, but after awhile it became obvious that he was working on converting me eventually (with the occasional flare-up of giving me a hard time when I was acting particularly un-Christianly). I concluded that religious compatibility was one of the critical keys for a successful long-term relationship. > > For the record, I married a lapsed Catholic, and religion is NEVER an issue between us. Well, religious lady and I did go our separate ways and I suspect her congregation had something to do with it. She , at one point, was all gung ho for a more serious committed relationship and I wanted to slow down and make sure those differences wouldn’t become a constant pain. IOW, lets not assume one of us will eventually come around because it probably won’t happen. I can accept that you go to church every Sunday and are involved in other ways. I can accept that you don’t drink or smoke dope. Don’t give me or my friends any crap because we occasionally do. Don’t invite me to Bible study and then be concerned about the questions I asked. and maybe you should top praying at every prayer meeting that I’ll see the light. I think I’ve already seen it which is why I don’t believe the way I used to. I kept encouraging her to decide for herself and stop asking someone in her congregation what was right. Eventually she decided we were to different to continue even though she obviously liked being with me. Too bad because there was some good chemistry there. ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-women-leave-me-the-fuck-alone-please/534902/86 "2010-04-05T06:40:19Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > In my experience of dating a fundamentalist, I discovered it was a one-way street - I was to respect his beliefs, but I would not be afforded the same respect (I identify closest with agnostic). It wasn’t immediately obvious, but after awhile it became obvious that he was working on converting me eventually (with the occasional flare-up of giving me a hard time when I was acting particularly un-Christianly). I concluded that religious compatibility was one of the critical keys for a successful long-term relationship. > > For the record, I married a lapsed Catholic, and religion is NEVER an issue between us. Come to think of it though, the same thing happened to my daughter. She dated a very nice religious boy who gradually became to critical and controlling concerning her friends and how much time they spent with them. When he told her he didn’t think she should be spending time with one of her long time friends he got the boot. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-women-leave-me-the-fuck-alone-please/534902/87 "2010-04-05T07:14:19Z")
You want them to leave you alone, but keep the fuck. Or maybe you’d forgo that too. I don’t have any personal experience to add, except that OKC has levels of seriousness in their religion section, and I avoid anyone who is “… and serious about it” in their column. ---
**Author:** ![MostlyClueless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@MostlyClueless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MostlyClueless)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-women-leave-me-the-fuck-alone-please/534902/88 "2010-04-05T07:31:20Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > Isn’t that true about most of Europe also? I know that at least The Netherlands has a very low percentage of religious folk. Oh, absolutely. I think that for most dutchies, ‘agnostic’ would be the default option. ---
**Author:** ![wombatinspats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ce7236/32.png) [@wombatinspats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wombatinspats)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-women-leave-me-the-fuck-alone-please/534902/89 "2010-04-05T07:48:50Z")
Come and live in Australia, ‘the most Godless place under heaven’. It’s cool, we’re mostly heathens. I’ve certainly never even been to church. ---
**Author:** ![lshaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e36b37/32.png) [@lshaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lshaw)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-women-leave-me-the-fuck-alone-please/534902/90 "2010-04-05T09:40:21Z")
> [@MostlyClueless](#): > > Oh, absolutely. I think that for most dutchies, ‘agnostic’ would be the default option. Same here in Japan. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-women-leave-me-the-fuck-alone-please/534902/91 "2010-04-05T12:02:04Z")
> [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](#): > > May I ask why? I believe in evolution, same sex marriage, married, divorced or gay clergy of either sex, the Bible as an ok example of ways of living (but it was written a whole long time ago and is full of stuff that is NOT OK NOW) and I am currently shaked up with someone without benefit of clergy. My church had a moderator who questioned the divinity of Christ. > > So what would make you say Im not long term material? The fact I have some faith, or the fear you would be somehow dragged into my occasional forarys into church attendance? Interestingly in three years I have attended 2 catholic masses with the boyfriend and he has gone to one service (funeral) at my parents church. > (And Im not offended, because if you can’t get with my low level religiousness, I respect that. I broke up with a guy who turned out to be a closet conservative southern baptist when I found out we disagreed on oh, pretty much anything religious, and his solution was that he would pray I saw the light. Also Im pretty content with my life and partner at present.) Oh, no. It has nothing to do with an inability to mesh with your religious beliefs. I wouldn’t be comfortable with you teaching my children to believe what I find delusional. But I’ve been in short term relationships with religious girls and I didn’t mind it. A few even said they would pray for me and it didn’t make me particularly uncomfortable at all. One girl I dated who was really religious told me she’d be willing to let me dictate the raising of children however I wanted, lol. I’m not sure if it was because of the misogynistic Christian upbringing that she endured (she believes women experience pain in childbirth as punishment for Eve’s sin) and was thus willing to let her male partner have complete control or if she was simply lying to me. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-women-leave-me-the-fuck-alone-please/534902/92 "2010-04-05T12:15:15Z")
You know, I also believe that “women experience pain in childbirth as punishment for Eve’s sin,” at least metaphorically. The sin of knowledge of good and evil is, basically, the difficulties caused by man’s ability to think of moral and ethical considerations, which comes from our advanced brain capacity, which in turn causes childbirth to be so damned painful. When our brains were chimpanzee size or smaller, I think we droppped babies like turds, as most animals do, so this is one thing that the Bible (dumb luck?) got right. Hope this doesn’t get me drummed out of the hardcore atheists’ union. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-women-leave-me-the-fuck-alone-please/534902/93 "2010-04-05T12:24:47Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > You know, I also believe that “women experience pain in childbirth as punishment for Eve’s sin,” at least metaphorically. The sin of knowledge of good and evil is, basically, the difficulties caused by man’s ability to think of moral and ethical considerations, which comes from our advanced brain capacity, which in turn causes childbirth to be so damned painful. When our brains were chimpanzee size or smaller, I think we droppped babies like turds, as most animals do, so this is one thing that the Bible (dumb luck?) got right. > > Hope this doesn’t get me drummed out of the hardcore atheists’ union. Actually, the reason why childbirth is so much more painful for humans than it is for animals is because unlike most animals our legs are located underneath our torsos, not on the sides of our torsos. Super painful childbirth is a direct result of our transition from walking on four legs to two. The more you know. ---
**Author:** ![Shakester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shakester/32/437_2.png) [@Shakester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shakester)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-women-leave-me-the-fuck-alone-please/534902/94 "2010-04-05T12:46:25Z")
I’m also Australian, but I wouldn’t say no-one gave a shit about religion here. There are _some_ hard-core religious types here, it’s just that they’re very much in the minority compared to the US. Plenty of churches have literally gone out of business here, which makes me proud to be an Australian, but the country isn’t free of superstitious nonsense yet, by any means, and plenty of the people who would identify as agnostic believe in homeopathy and similar bunkum. Magical thinking is alive and well here, unfortunately. ---
**Author:** ![Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce7236/32.png) [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mona_Lisa_Simpson)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-women-leave-me-the-fuck-alone-please/534902/95 "2010-04-05T12:52:25Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Oh, no. It has nothing to do with an inability to mesh with your religious beliefs. I wouldn’t be comfortable with you teaching my children to believe what I find delusional. Fair enough. > [@](#): > > Oh, absolutely. I think that for most dutchies, ‘agnostic’ would be the default option. [Anecdote is not data] Most “Dutch Canadians” I know, at least the immigrant generation and some of their first generation children are very religious, the whole Dutch reformed Church protocols and elders visiting to ask why you don’t go to church, and so forth. I have a friend who didn’t dance or listen to secular music until university [/anecdote is not data] ---
**Author:** ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-women-leave-me-the-fuck-alone-please/534902/96 "2010-04-05T13:46:36Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Not greenstamps, no. It’s just that Xians are the kind of assholes who, if they think they know the path to eternal life and happiness, figure it would be nice to share it. You or I wouldn’t pull a stunt like that, obviously - best to just yuk it up over the poor hellbound saps gonna fry for ever on Beelzebub’s griddle, amirite? Reminds me of a quote from a comedian (paraphrase, as it’s been a long time since I heard it): “I’d have people come up to me and say ‘I was strung oiut on booze, I was strung out on drugs, but now I’ve found Jesus, and I’d like to share him with you!’ 'What for? You never shared your booze or drugs with me … '” > [@cosmosdan](#): > > I think believers and non believers can date and get along fine if their feelings for each other include a real respect for each others belief system. > > I won’t try to convert you > > I won’t mock your beliefs > > You also have to know what to talk about and what not to talk about, and keep your sense of humor. crack a few “going to hell” and “pink unicorn” jokes knowing you still hold each other in high regard and deep affection. Golden Rule definitely applies here (“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”) - I wouldn’t want hardcore atheists mocking my beliefs (even though they’re more enlightened than most Christians I know), so I have no business mocking theirs. IMHO that’s one part of the Bible that, if nothing else, I hope everyone can grok and follow. I have nothing but the utmost respect for my fellow Dopers that are atheist but not condescending about it (which is prit near everyone in this thread so far) and helps me shape my belief system in turn. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-women-leave-me-the-fuck-alone-please/534902/97 "2010-04-05T15:26:41Z")
just stick to fuckin’ em. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-women-leave-me-the-fuck-alone-please/534902/98 "2010-04-05T15:36:12Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > I mean, I doubt friend **Clothy** would be quite as smug if I described my problem as “I’m a hard-core conservative, and say so clearly, but all these left-wing women keep answering my ads, and then after a few dates start mentioning how they want me to attend their socialist rallies with them, and telling me how important politics are to them–can’t these women read? What do they think ‘conservative’ means?” There was nothing smug about my response. That is what I would do if I were in your place in the situation you described in the OP. If your scenario changed to what I quoted above, my response would be along the same lines: Babe, if you can show me any logic or intelligence behind your socialistic beliefs, there will be a second date. Or something similar. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-women-leave-me-the-fuck-alone-please/534902/99 "2010-04-05T15:55:12Z")
> [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](#): > > [Anecdote is not data] Most “Dutch Canadians” I know, at least the immigrant generation and some of their first generation children are very religious, the whole Dutch reformed Church protocols and elders visiting to ask why you don’t go to church, and so forth. I have a friend who didn’t dance or listen to secular music until university [/anecdote is not data] From what I’ve been told - I have no info to prove it, but it seems to be the case anecdotally and from my own ancestry - the Dutch who left the Netherlands for elsewhere, at least historically, left because they were more religious than their fellow countrymen, and wanted to move somewhere for religious freedom. That is, the freedom to be more strict in their religious practices. I came from a pretty strict religious background and am descended from Dutch who emigrated to the US. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-women-leave-me-the-fuck-alone-please/534902/100 "2010-04-05T16:14:37Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > It’s just that Xians are the kind of assholes who, if they think they know the path to eternal life and happiness, figure it would be nice to share it. Off-topic, but really? All Christians? All denominations? I think there’s some selection bias involved among the accusations by nonbelievers that most Christians are always proselytizing and trying to save them. The evangelicals and megachurchers that qualify everything with “Christian”, who try to lead a lifestyle that is as free of secular aspects as possible, maybe. Run-of-the-mill mainstream Catholics, Lutherans, Episcopals, Methodists, Presbyterians, United Church of Christ congregants, Quakers, and the like … not from what I’ve experienced. Mainstream Christians generally don’t try to inject their faith or the word “Christian” into every conversation. It’s the mainstream and lapsed Christians that are actually in the vast majority throughout most of the country outside of Utah and the deep South, and they seldom, if ever evangelize or make much noise. Around here, because the population is _so_ Catholic (~75% of the population; WNY is far more Catholic than Utah is Mormon), conservative Catholicism is far more prominent than in other parts of the country. While Catholicism strongly flavors the area’s culture and built environment, I’ve never had a Catholic evangelize or try to convert me, or impose their lifestyle on me. The most obnoxious behavior tends to be assuming I’m Catholic too (“So, what parish do you belong to?”, “It’s Friday! Why are you eating meat today?”) or unsolicited advice to pray to some saint. Dating was a challenge, because there’s a large percentage of conservative Catholics who will only date other Catholics. Still, I’ll take the Hail Mary Loop Channel on the basic cable tier, Mary on the Half Shell displays, and the barrage of stories in the media about the church and Diocese over Southern-style evangelism. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-women-leave-me-the-fuck-alone-please/534902.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/religious-women-leave-me-the-fuck-alone-please/534902.md?page=6)