# Relive your life a second time **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [November 4, 2023, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relive-your-life-a-second-time/992576 "2023-11-04T07:34:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Pardel-Lux](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pardel-lux/32/20182_2.png) [@Pardel-Lux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pardel-Lux)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2023, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relive-your-life-a-second-time/992576/41 "2023-11-05T20:45:06Z")
I would not have started smoking cigarretes, but still would have kept the joints. There are four or five people I wish I had known sooner not to trust. I would have learned programming in my 20s. I would not have bought an Atari as my first and second computer, even if the monitors were great. I would read the “Finance and Economics” section of the newspapers much sooner than I did. I was naive and thought those were only for greedy people. Still turned out more than OK, so no complaints. Oh, yes! I would find out why the “t” in complaints is silent. Why is it there at all? ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2023, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relive-your-life-a-second-time/992576/42 "2023-11-05T20:48:03Z")
> [@Pardel-Lux](#): > > I would find out why the “t” in complaints is silent. Why is it there at all? I realize you’re not American, but that “t” is not silent in any English dialect I’m aware of. > [@Ulfreida](#): > > Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. “Optimal” isn’t a useful concept, with love, which sees the best and forgives the rest. And the love that other-you would have for other-kids is lesser how? The love you’re missing out on right now? ---
**Author:** ![Pardel-Lux](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pardel-lux/32/20182_2.png) [@Pardel-Lux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pardel-Lux)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2023, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relive-your-life-a-second-time/992576/43 "2023-11-05T20:57:44Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > that “t” is not silent in any English dialect I’m aware of. Oh, good to know. Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![xtenkfarpl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/c2a13f/32.png) [@xtenkfarpl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xtenkfarpl)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2023, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relive-your-life-a-second-time/992576/44 "2023-11-05T20:58:06Z")
> [@Pardel-Lux](#): > > There are four or five people I wish I had known sooner not to trust. I guess I have been lucky, but I don’t think have never been really let down or betrayed by anyone. Things that didn’t work out… yes, that happens. Like playing in bands: at some point it becomes clear that we’re not on the same page and it’s time to go separate ways. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2023, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relive-your-life-a-second-time/992576/45 "2023-11-05T21:07:29Z")
> [@Pardel-Lux](#): > > > [@LSLGuy](#): > > > > that “t” is not silent in any English dialect I’m aware of. > > Oh, good to know. Thanks! At the risk of insulting your excellent English skills. … The verb form is “complains” _without_ a “t”. e.g. “Bob complains about everything.” The noun form is “complaints” _with_ a “t”. e.g. “Bob makes complaints about everything.” Where the t is absent it (unsurprisingly) is silent. Where it’s present, it’s fully sounded. ---
**Author:** ![Pardel-Lux](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pardel-lux/32/20182_2.png) [@Pardel-Lux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pardel-Lux)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2023, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relive-your-life-a-second-time/992576/46 "2023-11-05T21:11:31Z")
No insult at all! Now I don’t have to find out the reason why, I just have to change my pronunciation. > [@xtenkfarpl](#): > > I don’t think have never been really let down or betrayed by anyone. I guess I always had more money than I needed, and did not realize that this **and only this** is important to some people. I think I know now. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e47774/32.png) [@epbrown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2023, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relive-your-life-a-second-time/992576/47 "2023-11-05T21:49:01Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > But you (any you) have no idea how much better, or how many more, great kids your other life would have created. I can certainly understand the value of quitting while you’re ahead, and in fact my post upthread echoed that exact idea for myself. Parents are sentimental about having the same kids, but it rarely comes up who would have _more_ kids, just in general or as a result of things going better the 2nd time around? ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2023, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relive-your-life-a-second-time/992576/48 "2023-11-05T21:54:26Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > > [@Pardel-Lux](#): > > > > I would find out why the “t” in complaints is silent. Why is it there at all? > > I realize you’re not American, but that “t” is not silent in any English dialect I’m aware of. It’s not silent in my American English either. “Complain” is a different word – or, at any rate, a different part of speech. Whoops – hi, @LSLGuy. > [@epbrown](#): > > > [@LSLGuy](#): > > > > But you (any you) have no idea how much better, or how many more, great kids your other life would have created. I can certainly understand the value of quitting while you’re ahead, and in fact my post upthread echoed that exact idea for myself. > > Parents are sentimental about having the same kids, but it rarely comes up who would have _more_ kids, just in general or as a result of things going better the 2nd time around? Well, they know the kids they actually had. Those people are real, in the way that hypothetical other kids aren’t. When I think of alternatives like this, I worry about the cats that I did wind up with, in particular the ones who were rescued. I expect with a somewhat different life I’d have rescued different cats. But I know the ones that I did meet, while the ones that I didn’t are an abstract. And because I know the ones that I did meet, I worry about what would have happened to them. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2023, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relive-your-life-a-second-time/992576/49 "2023-11-06T00:17:39Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > I just find it a little odd that so many parents are convinced the kids they have are the optimal set they ever could have. It’s kinda like Lake Woebegone, where all the kids are way above average. In whichever measures of merit; be that smarts, potential, or just sheer lovableness. > > Same for spouses. You are reading it wrong. On some thread about parenting, one doper said the very first she whispered to her new baby was that she could die for the baby. That strong of a reaction surprised her, but there was no doubt of the instant emotional bonding as a parent. My kids are not the best in the world and I’m sure I would love whatever other children I would have, but that’s not the point. The ones I have now are my kids and I’m their parent. I have these two specific children and I don’t want others, even if they were smarter, more responsible, more loveable, better looking, didn’t consistently lose their things, and weren’t so damn annoying at time. Although I deeply love my wife, it’s easier to consider alternatives, although the only thing is that a change there would result in different kids, and that reverts back the initial problem. What about your parents? What would you wish could have done differently which would have greatly improved his live, but would have resulted in you not existing? Would it be OK if he had another child instead of you? While there are some parents without any self-awareness, I think you need to give more credit to us. We aren’t as stupid as you assume. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2023, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relive-your-life-a-second-time/992576/50 "2023-11-06T00:45:47Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > And the love that other-you would have for other-kids is lesser how? It doesn’t matter, you see. There is nothing that I wouldn’t do for Celtling, including living my whole god-forsaken, unbelievably painful life all over again just so that I could hold her little hand again and tell her how much I love her. I could easily add more children, but I will never give her up. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2023, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relive-your-life-a-second-time/992576/51 "2023-11-06T01:00:32Z")
It has nothing to do with thinking these kids are the optimal set you could ever had - I said that was why I wouldn’t choose to do certain things differently , because I wouldn’t have met my husband and wouldn’t have my kids. But that was in the context of things _I_ could have chosen to do differently. Something happened _to_ me that didn’t involve any choice on anyone’s part. And if that had not happened, I absolutely would not have the kids I have. I still wish it hadn’t happened , even though I wouldn’t have my current kids, but there was no choice I could make that would have changed it. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2023, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relive-your-life-a-second-time/992576/52 "2023-11-06T01:02:22Z")
ETA: @TokyoBayer. I’m sorry you are feeling insulted. That certainly wasn’t my intent. I apologize. As a non-parent I have little natural insight into the overall parenting experience. The closest I can come is to remember being a kid. I was the eldest of three. As a kid my parents often told me/us that they had always planned on having three kids about 2 years apart. And that was indeed what happened. I was about 40 when my bros and I discovered my parents had had a child about 2 years before me. Who had died of pneumonia within a couple days after birth. They had kept this a complete secret from us. I was supposed to be kid #2, not #1. And my youngest brother was never supposed to be. That rocked all our worlds, but especially his. So much contingency. Things of such great import like even existing or not come down to luck. Scary stuff to look at too hard. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2023, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relive-your-life-a-second-time/992576/53 "2023-11-06T01:06:14Z")
Two different choices come to mind: - I would not talk myself out of pursuing a degree in meteorology as I was getting ready to go to college. I had wanted to be a meteorologist from age 6 to age 17, and once I looked at the coursework for a degree, I convinced myself that I wouldn’t be able to succeed at the math (and instead went into marketing). It’s a decision that I’ve always regretted, and increasingly so in the past few years. - I would take better care of myself in my 20s and 30s, and not ingest as much sugar and carbs, in hopes of forestalling the type 2 diabetes I was diagnosed with at age 40. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2023, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relive-your-life-a-second-time/992576/54 "2023-11-06T01:44:27Z")
As I sit here thinking about the day of my birth (birthday is soon) I’m supposing it would probably be better if I never was. No one in my immediate circle has ever said this or acted like it would be better. I’m hard on everyone. Me, I’m used to it I can deal with the crap. It’s unfair they’ve had to. And lord, the money it’s cost. All for a less than perfect existence. I’ve gloried in my children and my family. That was a plus. I cannot tell you how much I wish they could say the same about me. Living it over? No. I couldn’t have changed a dang thing. I was born with all I am. It’s colored every aspect of this life. I do not feel sorry for myself, at all. I’m a generally happy person. I have brief spells of sadness. Usually I’m ok. Minute by minute is how I carry on. I’m happy to be closer to the other end. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2023, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relive-your-life-a-second-time/992576/55 "2023-11-06T01:59:19Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > As I sit here thinking about the day of my birth (birthday is soon) I’m supposing it would probably be better if I never was. Not true. JoJo doesn’t think so either. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2023, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relive-your-life-a-second-time/992576/56 "2023-11-06T02:09:17Z")
**Beck** , your kids would be mightily upset with you had you never been born. ---
**Author:** ![nitter](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nitter/32/15360_2.png) [@nitter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nitter)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2023, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relive-your-life-a-second-time/992576/57 "2023-11-06T02:21:55Z")
When I was a security at 20, I watch two homeless guys on my block and slowly dies in front of me. I didn’t give a hand. One died of heat, and other died of wound infection. This is the only regret in my life. If I have a chance to second time, I want to save them. ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2023, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relive-your-life-a-second-time/992576/58 "2023-11-06T02:45:56Z")
I wish I could have done better in the romance department in my late teens and twenties, but a do over probably wouldn’t have changed anything. I couldn’t tell when someone was interested or not then, and if I went back I still wouldn’t be able to. I probably would be more kind to some people than I was, and wouldn’t have gotten involved with my first girlfriend even though it would have meant that I wouldn’t have been in a relationship until I was almost 30. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2023, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relive-your-life-a-second-time/992576/59 "2023-11-06T06:24:39Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > I just find it a little odd that so many parents are convinced the kids they have are the optimal set they ever could have. It’s kinda like Lake Woebegone, where all the kids are way above average. In whichever measures of merit; be that smarts, potential, or just sheer lovableness. > > Same for spouses. Optimality has nothing to do with it. The issue is whether if you threw the dice again you’d get better kids (or spouse.) Highly unlikely in my case. Now, if I could edit my kids I might get better (or not, there being unintended side effects of changes.) My second could have been born with a set of incipient teeth that wouldn’t be so expensive. > [@TokyoBayer](#): > > What about your parents? What would you wish could have done differently which would have greatly improved his live, but would have resulted in you not existing? Would it be OK if he had another child instead of you? If you want to eliminate your father for some reason, you don’t have to kill your grandfather. You just have to call him or knock on the door at just the wrong time. Father will vanish to be replaced by, maybe, someone else. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2023, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relive-your-life-a-second-time/992576/60 "2023-11-06T14:00:56Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > I’m sorry you are feeling insulted. That certainly wasn’t my intent. I apologize. Thanks for the apology. I was probably a bit harsh in my reply. You usually one of my favorite posters, and usually are very thoughtful, it was just that your premise was flawed. Your premise seemed to be an assumption that (1) parents’ love for their children is based on some sort of numerical score and (2) that parents are unable to accurately judge the “net worth” of their children. Or, at the very minimum, that children are replaceable, such as you directly said here: > [@LSLGuy](#): > > But you (any you) have no idea how much better, or how many more, great kids your other life would have created. I can certainly understand the value of quitting while you’re ahead, and in fact my post upthread echoed that exact idea for myself. Children aren’t cars, houses, jobs or even trophy wives to be discarded for new models the moment a new model comes out, one gets bored or you find a better deal. It just doesn’t work that way. While not every parent bonds with their children, the vast majority do, and when there is a bond, you just aren’t interested in a “better” child. My kids are my kids and while I can envision any other change in my life, including a career or where I live, I just can’t see not having them. The second problem is was the assumption that parents would be willing to “trade up” their kids if only they recognized that their offspring just weren’t so awesome. Yes, there are some parents who are so blind that they fail to see that their children aren’t god’s gift to the universe, but the majority of parents I personally know and talk to are pretty reasonable judges of their kids. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relive-your-life-a-second-time/992576.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/relive-your-life-a-second-time/992576.md?page=4)