# Remarried an ex-spouse? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 11, 2013, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remarried-an-ex-spouse/649921 "2013-02-11T00:07:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remarried-an-ex-spouse/649921/21 "2013-02-11T14:35:18Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > I’ve got an aunt who has been married seven or eight times, and husbands numbers three and five were the same. Or four and six. Or something. Wait. You’re Elizabeth Taylor’s nephew? ---
**Author:** ![yellowjacketcoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/4bbf92/32.png) [@yellowjacketcoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowjacketcoder)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remarried-an-ex-spouse/649921/22 "2013-02-11T15:19:43Z")
My parents divorced after a year or two, then got remarried a year later and stayed that way for a decade. They eventually divorced again and mom had a shotgun wedding 4 years later. I think they felt that the first divorce was more of a marital spat that went too far - they had stayed friends and had a common social circle, and eventually they just got back together. For the second one, I think my mom realized she didn’t really love my dad, so she left whether he liked it or not. (My dad still pines for her, which would be sweet if he didn’t hit on her at the Thanksgiving table in front of my stepdad. Then it’s just sad). Both divorces were amicable, which I think makes it easier to get back together if it didn’t end acrimoniously. I am someone glad they did get back together, since I am a product of the second marriage 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remarried-an-ex-spouse/649921/23 "2013-02-11T15:54:54Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > She left you while you were deployed in a combat zone? Jesus. > > Like you needed additional stress in your life at that point in time. Only with the help of some really good friends did I get through that intact. I’m glad I was able to tell them what it meant to me. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remarried-an-ex-spouse/649921/24 "2013-02-11T17:34:13Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > We had been married for almost ten years and together for almost 15. When I was able to think about it later on my own I realized that it wouldn’t work. I was willing to go through counseling (even though I knew she would make it all about me). I was willing to change (even though I knew she never would). But the fact that she was unwilling to break up with her boyfriend while we went through the process was a bit too much for me. I met my girlfriend a few weeks later and have been happy even since. I now know for the first time what its like to be with someone I am compatable with. Christ, man — are we twins? ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remarried-an-ex-spouse/649921/25 "2013-02-11T18:30:49Z")
My parents divorced when I was about 12, and my brother a year older. My father moved to a different city, and I visited him there only once. It was this way for about 2 years. They were married about 6 years before my brother came along. My mother was a school teacher, and I knew at the time she had difficulty in making ends meet. After a couple of years, they got back together, but never really seemed happy or affectionate. I suspect being apart was killing both of them, financially, so they agreed to get back together. After my mother died, I asked him what happened back there, hoping to learn something for myself, but he would not speak about it. After dad was gone, I learned that my uncle provided essential financial support to mom when they were divorced. And, when mom and dad got back together, my uncle was not pleased. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remarried-an-ex-spouse/649921/26 "2013-02-11T18:35:53Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Good to see my opinion has not changed. Or my eloquence. That was what I thought seeing who and how had been the first responder to both threads. “Guess **Loach** isn’t about to change his mind on the subject.” ---
**Author:** ![maggenpye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@maggenpye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maggenpye)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remarried-an-ex-spouse/649921/27 "2013-02-11T18:46:22Z")
[And another thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=625431&highlight=uncle) Whatever I said in post 36. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remarried-an-ex-spouse/649921/28 "2013-02-11T18:47:17Z")
Why do so many feel that ‘hell no’ is an appropriate response to the OP, or an actual contribution to this discussion? To what end, do you express this here? What is it you’re trying to contribute? What do you hope for us to take away from these declarations? It’s confusing to me, and likely others. Can you explain the relevance for us, please? I am enjoying reading the responses of those who _have_ been close to these circumstances, as I’ve never encountered it myself. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remarried-an-ex-spouse/649921/29 "2013-02-11T19:19:49Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Why do so many feel that ‘hell no’ is an appropriate response to the OP, or an actual contribution to this discussion? To what end, do you express this here? What is it you’re trying to contribute? What do you hope for us to take away from these declarations? > > It’s confusing to me, and likely others. Can you explain the relevance for us, please? I think it’s a gut reaction from those of us who have very strong negative feelings about our exes, but in re-reading the OP, I’d agree with you that it is non-responsive. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remarried-an-ex-spouse/649921/30 "2013-02-11T19:41:38Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > I think it’s a gut reaction from those of us who have very strong negative feelings about our exes, but in re-reading the OP, I’d agree with you that it is non-responsive. Not only non-responsive but the exact opposite of what the OP asked. Seriously, no one gives a shit. Start a new thread. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remarried-an-ex-spouse/649921/31 "2013-02-11T20:46:10Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > Christ, man — are we twins? Yes. > [@hajario](#): > > Not only non-responsive but the exact opposite of what the OP asked. > > Seriously, no one gives a shit. Start a new thread. Sorry the thread you started isn’t going the way you wanted it to. Oh wait… it must be something else then. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remarried-an-ex-spouse/649921/32 "2013-02-11T20:49:10Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Sorry the thread you started isn’t going the way you wanted it to. Oh wait… it must be something else then. I’m not sure what this is even supposed to mean. I’m not going to re-marry my ex either. This isn’t about a thread drifting. This is about doing the exact opposite of what the OP (not me) asked and is being a dick. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remarried-an-ex-spouse/649921/33 "2013-02-11T21:08:28Z")
And the person questioning what you wanted the take away from your remarks to be, is NOT the OP. Just another poster who was curious, not trying to direct the thread, or upset it was going in an unexpected direction. If you want to stand by your remarks that’s fine. Proceed to do so, please. Maybe start by answering the questions you were asked? They were honest questions. Asked respectfully. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remarried-an-ex-spouse/649921/34 "2013-02-11T21:14:44Z")
The point is that the OP wanted anecdotes about people who remarried their ex-spouse. This is honestly not that difficult to understand. Dropping in to say that you are never going to do so is nothing more than a thread shit. ---
**Author:** ![Sarabellum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarabellum/32/3492_2.png) [@Sarabellum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarabellum)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remarried-an-ex-spouse/649921/35 "2013-02-11T21:38:07Z")
I know of a couple that went through this. They married very young (18 and 20) and had two children together in 2 years. The pressure (financial, two small children, etc) caused them to split after 3 years of marriage. There was love there, I think… but they couldn’t seem to support themselves, the job market was tough and they had only 1 high school diploma between them. Plus, their respective in-laws felt the marriage had been a mistake and seemed to delight in undermining the relationship at any opportunity. The wife remarried and had another baby with the second husband practically the instant the divorce was granted. That marriage turned into a disaster, with abuse allegations. I believe he wound up in jail or prison, though I don’t know the specifics. The first husband wound up being the shoulder she cried on, and a couple of years later they remarried and had another baby. The third kid (with the different father) was not informed of this fact until she was a teenager. Anyway, the first husband had started college and had gotten a good entry level job during the divorce. They remarried shortly after he graduated. They’ve clawed their way up to solidly middle class these days, which is really not bad considering the uphill battle they’ve faced. They seem to have a pretty steady marriage, some 15 or so years since they reunited. ---
**Author:** ![yellowjacketcoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/4bbf92/32.png) [@yellowjacketcoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowjacketcoder)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remarried-an-ex-spouse/649921/36 "2013-02-11T22:05:55Z")
> [@Sarabellum1976](#): > > The first husband wound up being the shoulder she cried on… I think this ends up being the reason for a lot of broken up couples getting back together. Presumably, few people know you as well as a spouse or ex-spouse, and if you don’t hate the other person (a la **Loach** , who I agree was threadshitting), human decency will cause you to end up comforting someone that shows up on your doorstep in tears. I am happily married, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think fondly of girls I dated for long periods of time. If one showed up on my doorstep sobbing, presumably I would be better equipped than a random stranger to make them feel better (How my wife would feel about that is a another matter. I imagine for most not-spending-the-night visits, she would probably understand. Probably not if they tried to move in or put the moves on me :D) ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remarried-an-ex-spouse/649921/37 "2013-02-11T22:45:59Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > The point is that the OP wanted anecdotes about people who remarried their ex-spouse. This is honestly not that difficult to understand. Dropping in to say that you are never going to do so is nothing more than a thread shit. Thanks for the junior modding. This is IMHO. Where people give their opinions. It flows, becomes a conversation. It’s not GQ where there is a specific question that needs a specific answer. I don’t intend to make the thread about me. If you don’t like the couple of posts that don’t meet your criteria feel free to skip over them like most of us do. I was rendering my opinion of the subject in a forum that asks for opinions. That’s all I have to say about that. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remarried-an-ex-spouse/649921/38 "2013-02-11T23:05:28Z")
> [@](#): > > This is IMHO. Where people give their opinions. It flows, becomes a conversation. It’s not GQ where there is a specific question that needs a specific answer. I don’t intend to make the thread about me. Isn’t this junior modding? Aren’t you making it about you when posting without regard to the OP’s inquiry? And I don’t think it being IMHO means it’s not threadshitting just because the ‘O’ means ‘opinion’ and you’re expressing one. If you’re being sincere then why wouldn’t you just explain what it was you wanted us to take away from your story when asked? You were respectfully asked to explain what you were hoping/trying to convey? Can you see how ignoring the questions makes it look more like thread shitting? ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Mouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mighty_mouse/32/7776_2.png) [@Mighty\_Mouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Mouse)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remarried-an-ex-spouse/649921/39 "2013-02-11T23:33:57Z")
> [@4311](#): > > Has anyone remarried and ex-spouse after some time being divorced from them? Or do you know of friends or family where this was done? Please share the story…How long where they married, how long divorced before remarried? Did they have relationships in between? Kids? How are they doing now? What triggered the divorce, what triggered getting back together. The folks we bought our house from eight years ago were going through a divorce. They had two kids 4 and 6. She was leaving him for one of the lawyers at the firm she worked at. The husband looked really forlorn, as did the kids. The wife was in her own world. My wife and I were totally bummed. Well they kept in touch with the neighbors, so we would see them occasionally. First separately, and then a couple of years later they started coming to the cul-de-sac together. They had remarried, and to all appearances continued on as if nothing had happened. She just had a moment of madness. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remarried-an-ex-spouse/649921/40 "2013-02-11T23:34:38Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Thanks for the junior modding. This is IMHO. Where people give their opinions. It flows, becomes a conversation. It’s not GQ where there is a specific question that needs a specific answer. I don’t intend to make the thread about me. If you don’t like the couple of posts that don’t meet your criteria feel free to skip over them like most of us do. I was rendering my opinion of the subject in a forum that asks for opinions. That’s all I have to say about that. Do you honestly not see the hypocrisy here? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remarried-an-ex-spouse/649921.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remarried-an-ex-spouse/649921.md?page=3)