# Remember Bored Of The Rings? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 28, 2002, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-bored-of-the-rings/145374 "2002-12-28T16:45:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![beajerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@beajerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beajerry)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2003, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-bored-of-the-rings/145374/41 "2003-01-04T00:34:45Z")
I actually was introduced to Lord of the Rings via Bored… Funny book! ---
**Author:** ![Mudshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@Mudshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mudshark)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2003, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-bored-of-the-rings/145374/42 "2003-01-04T00:35:03Z")
There is a reissue out there. I almost bought it yesterday, but decided against it. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2003, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-bored-of-the-rings/145374/43 "2003-01-04T00:53:10Z")
“This is indeed a queer river,” said Bromosel, as the water lapped at his thighs. Frito looked back in time to see the Lady Lavalier gracefully sticking her finger down her throat in the ancient elvish farewell. … (me talking now:) So many passages pop unbidden into my mind when watching the movie (or reading the real book)…Timmy ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2003, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-bored-of-the-rings/145374/44 "2003-01-04T00:54:34Z")
By the by, there was a good thread on casting the movie version of BotR a few months back, if anyone feels like searching for it. ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2003, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-bored-of-the-rings/145374/45 "2003-01-04T01:02:33Z")
…and after that the boggies were offered round candies with little letters cleverly printed on them. (“They melt in yoor brain, not in your hans,” giggled Tim.) … “Argle-bargle morble whoosh?” said Frito. ---
**Author:** ![ILENSER](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/977dab/32.png) [@ILENSER](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ILENSER)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2003, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-bored-of-the-rings/145374/46 "2003-01-04T01:13:37Z")
G: Ok frodo take the ring out of the fire, now hold it up and look close. Do you see anything? F: Yes, there are firery letters inside and out. But I cant read them. G: I can, the letters are elvish but language is that of Mordor. It Says " Keep Away From Open Flame" ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2003, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-bored-of-the-rings/145374/47 "2003-01-04T01:14:51Z")
Let us recall the 3 ethnic divisions of Boggies: Clubfoots, Stools, and Naugahydes. ---
**Author:** ![Bob\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Bob\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bob_Scene)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2003, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-bored-of-the-rings/145374/48 "2003-01-04T01:19:51Z")
“That was a close call! Came nigh to a-spoilin me pantaloons!” ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2003, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-bored-of-the-rings/145374/49 "2003-01-04T01:28:15Z")
In LOTR, JRRT makes a big deal about the histories of particular weapons, e.g. Narsil, Glamdring, etc. So in BOTR, Goodgulf’s weapon is described: “In his hand he carried an ancient and trusty weapon, called by the elves a Browning semi-automatic.” I wish this thread hadn’t come up. Now I’ll be forced to reread the thing (again). :smack: ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2003, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-bored-of-the-rings/145374/50 "2003-01-04T01:42:17Z")
Goodgulf: _“THE KNOB!”_ :smack: ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2003, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-bored-of-the-rings/145374/51 "2003-01-04T02:25:12Z")
Horrible book. Reads like it was written by college kids who think they’re sooooo hilarious, but are in fact just riding on the coattails of people who are genuinely funny. Has a desperate ‘lets force another parody name in here somewhere’ atmosphere. It’s like they were Monty Python fans and thought the key to great humour was putting rude or weird words in the middle of sentences. ---
**Author:** ![Mehitabel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mehitabel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mehitabel)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2003, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-bored-of-the-rings/145374/52 "2003-01-04T02:40:55Z")
\ Only problem with this wonderful book was that I read it within a few months of having slogged through the Hobbit and the LOTR trilogy. From then on I have never ever been able to take the original as seriously as it wants to be taken. Oh, I love it and enjoy the movies and all, but I can’t get Frito and Legolam and Stomper out of my mind. My favorite scene among so many, after the Introduction concerning Boggies (they went west in steerage…then elbowed their way into all the country clubs, dropping their old language and customs like a live grenade) is the fight in the tavern at Bree-I mean Whee. The Nozdruls have disguised themselves as lovely waitresses–huge, hairy, cigar-smoking, red-eyed, blond-wigged waitresses–which totally fool the boggies, until finally the nine surround Frito and start rifling his pockets for the Ring, when: "…From below the table rose a sharp, barbed blade. Stomper leaped up. “_Oh Dragonbreth! Gilthorpial!_”, he yodeled, waving his cleaver around like a madman. He lunged at the nearest wraith with his unwieldy sword. “Banzai!”, he screamed. “No quarter asked or given! Damn the torpedoes!” Taking a vicious swipe, Stomper missed his mark by a good yard and tripped on his scabbard. The nine stared at the frothing, writhing maniac with round, red eyes. The sight of Stomper filled them with awe. They stood speechless. Suddenly one of the stunned creatures began to titter, then chuckle. Another guffawed. Two more joined in, chortling loudly, and finally all nine were in the throes of hysterical, side-aching laughter. Stomper, puffing and enraged, stood up and tripped on his cape, spilling his silver bullets all over the floor. The whole dining room roared with unbelieving hilarity. Two Nozdrul collapsed to the ground, hopelessly giggling. Others staggered about, great red tears rolling down their scaly cheeks, gasping for air and incapable of holding their maces. _Haw haw haw!_ Stomper got to his feet, his face beet-red with anger. He lifted his sword, and the blade fell off the handle. _Haw haw haw haw haw!_ The Nozdrul rolled and writhed on the ground, clutching their ribs. Stomper replaced the blade, took a mighty wind-up, and firmly embedded the point in the cement pig. HAW HAW HAW! [enough of these to make Jack Chick happy] At this point, seeing that nobody was paying any attention to him, Frito calmly picked up a mace and proceeded to bash some heads in. Moxie, Spam, and Pepsi followed his example and went among the gibbering wraiths administering random kicks to groins and breadbaskets." Great, great stuff. I’m just worried that a few of the jokes will fade over time: Tom the hippie, “clean for Gene”, Bromosel=Bromo seltzer, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Mehitabel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mehitabel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mehitabel)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2003, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-bored-of-the-rings/145374/53 "2003-01-04T02:42:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GuanoLad \* > \*\*…Has a desperate ‘lets force another parody name in here somewhere’ atmosphere. > > It’s like they were Monty Python fans and thought the key to great humour was putting rude or weird words in the middle of sentences. \*\* \ \ \ ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2003, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-bored-of-the-rings/145374/54 "2003-01-04T03:23:21Z")
First off the map The tiny X shapped forrest, the Mulsanne straight, and who could forget the land of the knee walking turkeys. The foreword > [@](#): > > \*\*Spring found us with decayed teeth and several pounds of foolscap covered with inky, illegible scrawls. A quick reading proved it to be a surprisingly brilliant satire on Tolkien’s linguistic and mythic structures, filled with little takeoffs on his use of Norse tales and wicked phoneme fricatives. A cursory assessment of the manuscript’s sales appeal, however, convinced us that dollarwise the thing would be better employed as tinder for the library fireplace. The next day, handicapped by near-fatal hangovers and the loss of all of our body hair (but that is another story), we sat down at two supercharged, fuel injected, 345 HP Smith Coronas and knocked off the opus ou’re about to read before tiffin. \*\* And Concerning Boggies\*\* > [@](#): > > Boggies are an unattractive but annoying people whose numbers have decreased rather precipitiously since the bottom fell out of the faiy-tale market. Slow and sullen, and yet dull they prefer to lead simple lives of pastoral squalor. They don’t like machines more complicated that a garrote, a blackjack, or a luger… > They seldom exceed three feet in height, but are fully capable of overpowering creatures half their size when they get the drop on them. \*\* ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2003, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-bored-of-the-rings/145374/55 "2003-01-04T03:59:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mehitabel \* > \*\*\ > > \ > > \ \*\* How do you think I know? ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2003, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-bored-of-the-rings/145374/56 "2003-01-04T04:59:20Z")
“Just wait 'til the rush hits yoo.” Tim Benzedrine What was his girlfriend’s name–the one who was mistaken for a pile of dirty clothes in the corner? ---
**Author:** ![DSYoungEsq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c6cbf5/32.png) [@DSYoungEsq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSYoungEsq)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2003, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-bored-of-the-rings/145374/57 "2003-01-04T05:45:46Z")
“Maim!” roared the monster. “Mangle, mutilate, crush. See **HARM**.” You have to know how old Thesauruses were formatted to fully appreciate. And in my bridge playing days, I used to intone prayers to Oxydol. No one understood, mostly because they were all over 55 and didn’t understand about the goddess of Quick Tricks and Small Slams. ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2003, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-bored-of-the-rings/145374/58 "2003-01-04T06:13:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rysdad \* > \*\*“Just wait 'til the rush hits yoo.” Tim Benzedrine > > What was his girlfriend’s name–the one who was mistaken for a pile of dirty clothes in the corner? \*\* How I love thee, **Hashberry** , from nose to sleazy love-beads! ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2003, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-bored-of-the-rings/145374/59 "2003-01-04T06:55:36Z")
O slender as a speeding freak! Spaced-out groovy tripper! ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2003, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-bored-of-the-rings/145374/60 "2003-01-04T07:36:58Z")
I read BotR when I was a kid, but I never finished LotR. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-bored-of-the-rings/145374.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-bored-of-the-rings/145374.md?page=4)