# Remember me? Umm. . .no. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 12, 2010, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-me-umm-no/550046 "2010-08-12T15:43:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2010, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-me-umm-no/550046/1 "2010-08-12T15:43:05Z")
Why do people feel the need to quiz others on their short/long term memory? I just saw a woman at my place of business. She knew me by name, and behaved the way a fairly close friend might. I had no idea who she might be. Eventually she realized my situation. Instead of telling me how we knew each other, she began going on about how she couldn’t believe i didn’t remember her. I tried to figure out who she was, but no way. Eventually she said, “Well I guess you must have a horrible memory”. To which I replied, “Or else you aren’t as memorable as you think”. I felt bad immediately after saying that, but hey. . . She paid by credit card. Even with her name, I have no idea who she is.:dubious: ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2010, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-me-umm-no/550046/2 "2010-08-12T15:52:20Z")
Happens to me a lot, too. I’m bad with both names AND faces (but MUCH worse with names). I usually have to meet someone several times in a short time period to really internalize who they are enough to recall their identity later. Even with acquaintances that I do remember, changes in haricuts and clothing styles can still throw me off. I know some people I’ve dealt with have been non-plussed – or even insulted – by my inability to remember them. But I can’t help it. I’ve learned some coping mechanisms, and have even been able to become good acquaintances with folks I’ve had to have re-introduced to me five or six times. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2010, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-me-umm-no/550046/3 "2010-08-12T15:54:11Z")
**Kayaker** , that was a great reply. No need to feel bad. Will have to remember that one for the future. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2010, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-me-umm-no/550046/4 "2010-08-12T16:33:06Z")
I find it especially bad when I’m seeing the person out of the usual context. I ran into a skinny, bald-on-top guy at a fund raiser. He didn’t seem to know be by name but he was delighted to run into me, shaked my hand like a good buddy etc. He was one of the “stuck kayak guys”. Our group of paddlers had helped his group of paddlers try to un-stuck a boat after a novice had accidentally gone over some rapids on what was supposed to be a gentle river paddle. So I’d only ever seen this guy sunburned with a helmet on his head and a PFD, so I couldn’t tell that he was normally pale, skinny and bald on top. At least he didn’t play stupid games. When my eyes glazed over with confusion, he said “I’m Paul, one of the stuck kayak guys!” Seeing the dude in a suit at a hoity-toity event, I _never_ would have guessed if he hadn’t told me. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2010, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-me-umm-no/550046/5 "2010-08-12T16:41:35Z")
I remember almost everyone, it’s just that I know it’s not reciprocal so I usually don’t say or do anything. I’ll just be thinking “Ha. That’s the guy from my apartment building 20 years ago.” In fact that just happened to me about a year ago. In this case though he too had a good memory and we ended up chatting. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2010, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-me-umm-no/550046/6 "2010-08-12T17:41:06Z")
Why didn’t you just say, “excuse me, but how do we know each other?” ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2010, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-me-umm-no/550046/7 "2010-08-12T18:22:19Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > Why didn’t you just say, “excuse me, but how do we know each other?” With some people, they enjoy the game more than simply giving a normal response. Or, they can’t take such an obvious hint. So, either way, sometimes even this question wouldn’t work. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2010, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-me-umm-no/550046/8 "2010-08-12T18:26:23Z")
They do enjoy the game and it’s fucking annoying and I’ve been known to just stop trying if you keep nagging me. Just tell me who you are already! Like bordelond, I have to make an effort if I am to remember you, and my job is such that I talk to dozens of people, so I don’t really make an effort, generally. Just tell me who you are! ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2010, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-me-umm-no/550046/9 "2010-08-13T13:19:34Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > Why didn’t you just say, “excuse me, but how do we know each other?” Because by the time she began playing her game, I realized she was not someone I _wanted_ to know. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2010, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-me-umm-no/550046/10 "2010-08-13T14:24:46Z")
Great, so now we’re all stuck wondering who the heck she was. If you should remember, please do come back and tell us. . . 😉 ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2010, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-me-umm-no/550046/11 "2010-08-13T15:09:52Z")
I’ve been wracking (what’s left of) my brain. I’ve asked a few friends, and my gf. Nobody knows her. Oh well. ---
**Author:** ![rinni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f6c823/32.png) [@rinni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rinni)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2010, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-me-umm-no/550046/12 "2010-08-13T15:47:53Z")
I can identify with you. If people would just tell me who they are, I might remember them! I’m horrible with faces. Usually, though, I’m good at remembering names. I have a story about this, too. One time, I got on the SkyTrain here and sat in an available seat next to a guy who looked around my age. I had my mp3 player going, and I was carrying a bag that said Cupcakes (a local cupcake place). The guy I sat with was also listening to earphones. He took his earphones out and said hi and asked me what was up. I said “Nothing much” or something similar, and then he asked me if I worked at Cupcakes. “No, I just like cupcakes!” Then he asked me again: “So, what’s UP?” with the “up” part stressed. At that point, I figured that maybe my previous answer had been incorrect, and that he had really been asking me what I was doing that night, so I told him I was on my way to meet my boyfriend. He turned away immediately without even another word and put his earphones back on. Then I got to awkwardly sit next to him for the rest of the ride, wondering what the heck. A couple of days later at work, a coworker who I am friends with says to me, “You sat with my boyfriend on the train and you didn’t know who he was!” Ohhh, so that’s who it was! :smack: I had met the guy twice already, thought he was a nice guy, and talked to him for a while both times. Had no idea it was him on the train. She told me that he had thought that when I said “boyfriend”, it meant that I thought he was hitting on me and trying to get him to go away. Not the case, I was just answering what I thought was the question! And the fact that he asked me if I worked at Cupcakes also threw me off, as I figured that anyone who knew me would know where I worked. If he had reminded me of even his first name, I would have instantly pieced it together and all that awkwardness could have been avoided! ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2010, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-me-umm-no/550046/13 "2010-08-13T15:57:50Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > Why didn’t you just say, “excuse me, but how do we know each other?” Answer: “Aw, c’mon! You have _got_ to remember!” Sometimes the direct question still doesn’t produce the desired answer. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2010, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-me-umm-no/550046/14 "2010-08-13T16:10:06Z")
Ned… Ryerson. “Needlenose Ned”? “Ned the Head”? C’mon, buddy. Case Western High. Ned Ryerson: I did the whistling belly-button trick at the high school talent show? Bing! Ned Ryerson: got the shingles real bad senior year, almost didn’t graduate? Bing, again. Ned Ryerson: I dated your sister Mary Pat a couple times until you told me not to ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2010, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-me-umm-no/550046/15 "2010-08-13T16:28:17Z")
Feyman tells this story in _Surely You’re Joking…_: > [@](#): > > One day I got a long-distance telephone call from an old friend in Los Alamos. She says in a very serious voice, “Richard, I have some sad news for you. Herman died.” > > I’m always feeling uncomfortable that I don’t remember names and then I feel bad that I don’t pay enough attention to people. So I said, “Oh?” — trying to be quiet and serious so I could get more information, but thinking to myself, “Who the hell is Herman?” > > She says, “Herman and his mother were both killed in an automobile accident near Los Angeles. Since that is where his mother is from, the funeral will be held in Los Angeles at the Rose Hills Mortuary on May 3rd at three o’clock.” Then she says, “Herman would have liked it very, very much to know that you would be one of his pallbearers.” > > I still can’t remember him. I say, “Of course I’d be happy to do that.” (At least this way I’ll find out who Herman is.) > > Then I get an idea: I call up the mortuary. “You’re having a funeral on May 3rd at three o’clock…” > > “Which funeral do you mean: the Goldschmidt funeral, or the Parnell funeral?” > > “Well, uh, I don’t know.” It still doesn’t click for me; I don’t think it’s either one of them. Finally, I say, “It might be a double funeral. His mother also died.” > > “Oh, yes. Then it’s the Goldschmidt funeral.” > > “Herman Goldschmidt?” > > “That’s right; Herman Goldschmidt and Mrs. Goldschmidt.” > > Okay. It’s Herman Goldschmidt. But I still can’t remember a Herman Goldschmidt. I haven’t any idea what it is I’ve forgotten; from the way she talked, my friend was sure that Herman and I knew each other well. > > The last chance I have is to go to the funeral and look into the casket. > > I go to the funeral, and the woman who had arranged everything comes over, dressed in black, and says in a sorrowful voice, “I’m so glad you’re here. Herman would be so happy if he knew” — all this serious stuff. Everybody’s got long faces about Herman, but I still don’t know who Herman is — though I’m sure that if I knew, I’d feel very sorry that he was dead! > > The funeral proceeded, and when it came time for everybody to file past the caskets, I went up. I looked into the first casket, and there was Herman’s mother. I looked into the second casket, and there was Herman — and I swear to you, I’d never seen him before in my life! > > It came time to carry the casket out, and I took my place among the pallbearers. I very carefully laid Herman to rest in his grave, because I knew he would have appreciated it. But I haven’t any idea, to this day, who Herman was. > > Many years later I finally got up enough courage to bring it up to my friend. “You know that funeral I went to, about ten years go, for Howard…” > > “You mean Herman.” > > “Oh yeah — Herman. You know, I didn’t know who Herman was. I didn’t even recognize him in the casket.” > > “But Richard, you knew each other in Los Alamos just after the war. You were both good friends of mine, and we had many conversations together.” > > “I still can’t remember him.” > > A few days later she called and told me what might have happened: maybe she had met Herman just after I had left Los Alamos — and therefore got the timing mixed up somehow — but because she was such good friends with each of us, she thought we must have known each other. So she was the one who had made the mistake, not me (which is usually the case). Or was she just being polite? ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2010, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-me-umm-no/550046/16 "2010-08-13T16:37:50Z")
Oh my God! _Herman_ died?!? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2010, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-me-umm-no/550046/17 "2010-08-13T16:39:25Z")
^Cool story, **Bricker**. Unfortunately, my unknown woman appeared to be around 30 and in apparently good health. Unlikely to die anytime soon.☹ ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2010, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-me-umm-no/550046/18 "2010-08-13T16:46:27Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I’ve been wracking (what’s left of) my brain. I’ve asked a few friends, and my gf. Nobody knows her. Oh well. Just wait till you get that court order for back child support :eek: Now thats socially awkward 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/53a042/32.png) [@Lare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lare)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2010, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-me-umm-no/550046/19 "2010-08-13T16:47:08Z")
About **Bricker’s** story: I have few enough friends that I intend to suggest to my fiancee that should she need pallbearers for me to call people at random and tell this story (substituting me for Herman, of course.) Should be able to get the necessary amount that way.🙂 I, too, am terrible with names and faces. When I was in martial arts I could remember a new person’s name–with a lot of work on my part–about the length of the class. At the next class I’d recognize them. If they stopped coming for a few classes they faded out fast and a month later I’d have to start all over if they came back. Anyway, what I found worked for me was the honest “I’m terribly sorry. I’m bad with names and even though I should remember yours, I don’t.” I always looked suitably abashed. ---
**Author:** ![BobArrgh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobarrgh/32/2881_2.png) [@BobArrgh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobArrgh)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2010, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-me-umm-no/550046/20 "2010-08-13T16:50:30Z")
This happens to me all the time, especially if I meet the other person in a completely different context. I just say, “I’m sorry, but you have the advantage over me, since you know who I am but I don’t know who you are. I’m afraid that between getting older, traveling around the country, and looking at thousands of pictures online over the past few years, I just can’t seem to place you.” If they still give me grief, I just fall back to, “Well, it probably isn’t you. See, my mom has Alzheimer’s and it might be hereditary.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/remember-me-umm-no/550046.md?page=2)