# Rename the LotR book(s)! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 2, 2003, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rename-the-lotr-book-s/152284 "2003-02-02T10:38:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2003, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rename-the-lotr-book-s/152284/1 "2003-02-02T10:38:33Z")
This thread was inspired by this posting in the ‘Which Two Towers?’ thread: > [@](#): > > _originally posted by Monstre_ (bolding mine) > When I first read the series, back in junior high, I remember thinking that the two towers referred to were Minas Tirith and Minas Morgul. Looks like Peter Jackson’s interpretation was Orthanc and Barad Dur. > > … > > Orthanc does make sense to me, since Saruman is the primary enemy of Book III. Barad Dur doesn’t make as much sense, since Frodo’s not in Mordor yet in Book IV. > > \*\*Perhaps a rename is in order. How about Dude, Where’s My Towers? \*\* I have a few suggestions of my own: Frodo Baggins’ Day Out The Elvish Princess Bride The Usual Maiar Suspects Bring Me The Head Of The Ringbearer Citizen Saruman Burning Trees With Wolves OK, it’s your turn! ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2003, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rename-the-lotr-book-s/152284/2 "2003-02-02T10:39:41Z")
Monty Python and the Two Towers. ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2003, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rename-the-lotr-book-s/152284/3 "2003-02-02T12:17:20Z")
Planet of the Rings Beneath the Planet of the Rings Escape from the Planet of the Rings Conquest of the Planet of the Rings Battle for the Planet of the Rings Planet of the Rings (Tim Burton remake version) ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2003, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rename-the-lotr-book-s/152284/4 "2003-02-02T12:29:05Z")
I know, I cheated, they weren’t books. Try again: Middle Earth Middle Earth Messiah Children of Middle Earth God Emperor of Middle Earth Heretics of Middle Earth Chapter House Middle Earth _and by Christopher Tolkein:_ Prelude to Middle Earth 1. House Finwe 2. House Olwe 3. House Elwe 4. Melkorian Jihad ---
**Author:** ![gex\_gex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/94ad74/32.png) [@gex\_gex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gex_gex)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2003, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rename-the-lotr-book-s/152284/5 "2003-02-02T12:40:05Z")
> [@](#): > > _originally posted by Desmostylus_ > Planet of the Rings > > Beneath the Planet of the Rings > > Escape from the Planet of the Rings > > Conquest of the Planet of the Rings > > Battle for the Planet of the Rings > > Planet of the Rings (Tim Burton remake version) “Stop the Planet of the Rings, I Want To Get Off” (The stage-musical featuring Troy McClure) ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2003, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rename-the-lotr-book-s/152284/6 "2003-02-02T13:23:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Desmostylus \* > I know, I cheated, they weren’t books. Don’t worry, anything goes! (The original suggestions were all films…) ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2003, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rename-the-lotr-book-s/152284/7 "2003-02-02T13:46:12Z")
Le Comte de Monte Doom Les Trois Hobbits Le Chevalier de Orthanc Le Chevalier de Minas Tirith Le Vicomte de Rivendell (All by Alexandre Tolkeinas) ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2003, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rename-the-lotr-book-s/152284/8 "2003-02-02T13:54:52Z")
Gone With The Ring To Kill a Hobbit A Tale Of Two Towers One Flew Over Mount Doom - (I don’t know how to really spell th ename of that perticular mountain.) ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2003, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rename-the-lotr-book-s/152284/9 "2003-02-02T14:14:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jack Batty \* > \*\*A Tale Of Two Towers > \*\* B\*\*\*\*\*d. I wish I’d thought of that one. Well done! ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2003, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rename-the-lotr-book-s/152284/10 "2003-02-02T18:11:35Z")
The Fellowship Of The Ring: The Nine The Notorious Nine. The Two Towers: Losta Towers ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2003, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rename-the-lotr-book-s/152284/11 "2003-02-02T18:12:37Z")
Sorry that should be: “Lotsa Towers” ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2003, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rename-the-lotr-book-s/152284/12 "2003-02-02T21:37:13Z")
Wow - I inspired a thread! 🙂 Okay, while I still have to stick by my “D,WMT?” title, here is another set of possibilities, based on the Tolkien’s original division of the work into 6 “books” (rather than the usual titles for the “trilogy”). Book I: Frodo and Sam’s Excellent Adventure Book II: O Gandalf, Where Art Thou? Book III: War and Trees Book IV: Frodo and Sam’s Bogus Journey Book V: Orcs and Uruks and Nazgul, O My! Book VI: Frodo Versus the Volcano What do you think, sirs? ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2003, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rename-the-lotr-book-s/152284/13 "2003-02-02T23:36:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Monstre \* > Wow - I inspired a thread! 🙂 > > Okay, while I still have to stick by my “D,WMT?” title, here is another set of possibilities, based on the Tolkien’s original division of the work into 6 “books” (rather than the usual titles for the “trilogy”). > > Book I: Frodo and Sam’s Excellent Adventure > Book II: O Gandalf, Where Art Thou? > Book III: War and Trees > Book IV: Frodo and Sam’s Bogus Journey > Book V: Orcs and Uruks and Nazgul, O My! > Book VI: Frodo Versus the Volcano > > What do you think, sirs? I think that “Frodo and Sam’s Bogus Journey” deserves: 😃 😃 ! ---
**Author:** ![Middlea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/edb3f5/32.png) [@Middlea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Middlea)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2003, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rename-the-lotr-book-s/152284/14 "2003-02-03T01:44:58Z")
I. Frodo and Sam’s Excellent Adventure. (ala monstre - but we were both thinking the same thing). II.Wraith’s World III Dude! Where’s My Ring? ---
**Author:** ![Alpha\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Alpha\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alpha_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2003, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rename-the-lotr-book-s/152284/15 "2003-02-03T01:48:56Z")
If it were a porno: Lord of the Cockrings. ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2003, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rename-the-lotr-book-s/152284/16 "2003-02-03T02:19:40Z")
The Shadow of the Abhorred[sup]\*[/sup] The Ring of the Conciliator The Sword of the King The Citadel of the Steward [sup]\*[/sup]Sauron was “The Abhorred” ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2003, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rename-the-lotr-book-s/152284/17 "2003-02-03T04:31:41Z")
Book 1: Rings In The Attic Book 2: The Hunt For Frodo In October Book 3: The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Wizards Book 4: Bang the Gollum Slowly Book 5: Something Wicked On a Flying Monster Thing Comes Book 6: Catch-Aringinmountdoom ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2003, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rename-the-lotr-book-s/152284/18 "2003-02-03T05:21:32Z")
The Sue Grafton approach, but I’d need to further subdivide the books: Prolog: A is for Alchemy (and the forging of the rings) Book 1: B is for Baggins C is for Caradhras Book 2: D is for Dunedain E is for Ents Book 3: F is for Frodo G is for Gollum Appendix: H is for Havens ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2003, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rename-the-lotr-book-s/152284/19 "2003-02-03T05:23:26Z")
Or there’s the Erle Stanley Gardner approach: Book I: The Case of the Ruling Ring The Case of the Broken Fellowship Book II: The Case of the Sorry Saruman The Case of the Grumbling Gollum Book III: The Case of the Nasty Nazgul The Case of the Fiery Forge ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2003, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rename-the-lotr-book-s/152284/20 "2003-02-03T06:11:03Z")
The Many-Colored Middle Earth The Golden Ring The Born King The Adversary [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rename-the-lotr-book-s/152284.md?page=2)