# Rent payment on trip. Who is in the right? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 17, 2017, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489 "2017-07-17T13:58:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/21 "2017-07-18T10:41:40Z")
> [@Mr\_Shine](#): > > Just a few data points: When offered I did state the reason I had not booked anywhere was that I couldn’t afford it, and some of the places I could have booked online came in at lower than 1/7 of the cottage cost. Everybody heard the offer, and heard me explain I had already not taken up accommodation that cost less than 1/7 of the cottage cost. It wasn’t a secret or a miscommunication on my part. If I had been you, I would have said something like, “I can’t afford X, but I can afford Y.” I would have made some gesture, and then let the offeror decide whether Y is okay. You weren’t obligated to read anyone’s minds. But etiquette exists so we don’t have to. When someone offers you something and you don’t know them well, the safest assumption is that they expect something in return, whether it be money or in-kind services. If someone does a solid for you and you can’t pay them at the time they help you out, you should always follow up later with a token of gratitude. If you haven’t done at least this, do it now. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/22 "2017-07-18T11:10:52Z")
> [@Mr\_Shine](#): > > Now I’m not a car owner I can’t sleep in my car, but spending some hours in a well lit 24 hour supermarket car park, when I’m not the one that has to drive in the morning, doesn’t seem like much of a chore. What about your need for a toilet? Shower? ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Shine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr_shine/32/464_2.png) [@Mr\_Shine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Shine)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/23 "2017-07-18T12:04:49Z")
I can shower at the liftgiver’s place. They didn’t have any plans to leave at the crack of dawn and an extra shower costs them no more. Even without that option though, one days missed shower is not a major problem. As for using a toilet circadian rhythms generally mean I wouldn’t need to at night but if I did whilst I’m stood outside a 24 hour supermarket, hmm wonder how I can do that 😕😕😕😕 ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/24 "2017-07-18T12:16:23Z")
On rereading, I feel more strongly that your family’s perception of you as mooching isn’t unfair. “A hotel? No, no. I’ll just hang out in a parking lot overnight. I’ve got my ebook, I’ll be fine. A spare room, you say? Well, if it’s a _spare_ room in the house you’ve rented. An extra, already paid for room, I suppose I could take it off your hands. Ha ha. Or I could just sleep on a curb somewhere. Your choice! No pressure!” You put them in a position where they either provide you lodging for free or they “allow” a family member to spend the night in a parking lot. You tied their hands with familial obligation and of course there’s going to be grumbling. ---
**Author:** ![Orwell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/dfb087/32.png) [@Orwell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orwell)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/25 "2017-07-18T13:27:12Z")
> [@Mr\_Shine](#): > > Just a few data points: When offered I did state the reason I had not booked anywhere was that I couldn’t afford it, and some of the places I could have booked online came in at lower than 1/7 of the cottage cost. Everybody heard the offer, and heard me explain I had already not taken up accommodation that cost less than 1/7 of the cottage cost. It wasn’t a secret or a miscommunication on my part. OK. So it sounds like it was clear to everyone you couldn’t afford to pay 1/7 of the cottage price. Did you wake up and go buy a dozen donuts, or some bagels, or something like that for the group? Anything to show your appreciation? Or was there nothing like that nearby you could walk to? If not, did you verbally thank everyone? Have you sent a thank you card to whoever made the cottage rental arrangements? ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/26 "2017-07-18T14:40:28Z")
> [@Johnny\_Bravo](#): > > On rereading, I feel more strongly that your family’s perception of you as mooching isn’t unfair. > > “A hotel? No, no. I’ll just hang out in a parking lot overnight. I’ve got my ebook, I’ll be fine. A spare room, you say? Well, if it’s a _spare_ room in the house you’ve rented. An extra, already paid for room, I suppose I could take it off your hands. Ha ha. Or I could just sleep on a curb somewhere. Your choice! No pressure!” > > You put them in a position where they either provide you lodging for free or they “allow” a family member to spend the night in a parking lot. You tied their hands with familial obligation and of course there’s going to be grumbling. But by your logic, his choices become to pay money he doesn’t have to get his own room, or skip the family event completely so he doesn’t make other family members uncomfortable with his own poverty. ---
**Author:** ![Orwell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/dfb087/32.png) [@Orwell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orwell)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/27 "2017-07-18T14:47:14Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > But by your logic, his choices become to pay money he doesn’t have to get his own room, or skip the family event completely so he doesn’t make other family members uncomfortable with his own poverty. Or he could have just told everyone that he was staying with a friend. It seems to me that telling everyone you are staying at a supermarket all night is going to result in an offer of a bed somewhere. Nothing wrong with that, since it sounds like a family event. Someone is bound to have an empty bed. If he’s really that short on money, then no harm, no foul. But some sort of token of gratitude is in order. If proper gratitude was offered up, then the grumbling is just that. People will grumble. ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Shine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr_shine/32/464_2.png) [@Mr\_Shine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Shine)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/28 "2017-07-18T15:23:34Z")
Another data point: I didn’t “go around telling everyone”. The lift giver knew my plans obviously. Some people asked if I was staying with him, and when I said no and was asked where I didn’t lie. I didn’t initiate any such conversations and see no reason why I should be evasive to a direct question, especially as, again, I don’t see a few hours reading my book in peace, during hours I could easily work a night shift and give up a night’s sleep and nobody would care, to be a such a massive burden. I of course gave thanks to my hosts and of course did not write a thank-you card as it is not 1920. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/29 "2017-07-18T15:27:38Z")
It sounds to me like you couldn’t afford this trip and should have stayed home. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/30 "2017-07-18T15:27:43Z")
Well **Mr. Shine** , I hope you’ve learned your lesson and know in the future not to burden your better off relatives with uncomfortable knowledge of your own straitened circumstances. Seriously, you did everything correctly. If they’re grumbling, that’s not your problem. Send a few thank you emails if you’re so inclined, and forget about it. ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Shine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr_shine/32/464_2.png) [@Mr\_Shine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Shine)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/31 "2017-07-18T15:30:57Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > It sounds to me like you couldn’t afford this trip and should have stayed home. It wasn’t a pleasure trip, and not going was not really an option. I won’t say any more about its nature. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/32 "2017-07-18T15:33:01Z")
How much was this cottage and can you really not afford even a fraction of it? Do you not have any money at all or is it just prioritized? Is this the only time something like this has happened or do you have a track record of skating by? Don’t feel like you have to answer the questions, but that’s some of the things which the other people may be considering. My sister and her partner are professional moochers, but they have enough money for their things. I agree with those who posted that an offer of a token payment would have been better or to have done something which wouldn’t have cost much. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/33 "2017-07-18T15:43:00Z")
> [@Mr\_Shine](#): > > It wasn’t a pleasure trip, and not going was not really an option. I won’t say any more about its nature. Whatevs. I’m leaning heavily toward seeing you as Moochie McLoad at this point. Making the event a “must-attend” mystery isn’t changing much. Why didn’t you sleep in the car in which you got a lift? I have a cousin who is a world-class mooch and chiseler. The way you handled this trip puts my strongly in mind of him. You worked his favorite angle: it’s easy to make people feel mean and ungenerous in such a way that you profit on them wanting to stop feeling that way. I’d have wished you luck at the parking lot and counseled you to avoid looking too much like you were loitering. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/34 "2017-07-18T16:09:28Z")
Was the “lifter” supposed to be happy about you spending the night in his/her car in some random parking lot, doing god knows what? I know what I’d be worried about if I had been the “lifter”. I’d be worried about getting a phone call at four o’clock in the morning over some mess. And four o’clock in the morning mess is horrible. You getting arrested for loitering and now the car is impounded. Someone robbing you since you’re the perfect target, damaging my vehicle in the process. You accidentally locking my keys in the car and now I have to pay for a locksmith since you don’t have any money. So it could be the lifter didn’t like your plan and decided to take matters in his own hand by asking around. That’s something I could see myself doing. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/35 "2017-07-18T16:23:09Z")
While the OP may or may not be a mooch, I really hate this offering somebody a place to stay and expecting something in return crap. If I’m offering you a room, I don’t expect shit in return. If I think you’re a mooch, I either won’t offer it, or, more likely, I’ll just write it off and not worry or say anything about it. It makes me look like an asshole. ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Shine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr_shine/32/464_2.png) [@Mr\_Shine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Shine)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/36 "2017-07-18T16:23:30Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Whatevs. I’m leaning heavily toward seeing you as Moochie McLoad at this point. Making the event a “must-attend” mystery isn’t changing much. Why didn’t you sleep in the car in which you got a lift? I have a cousin who is a world-class mooch and chiseler. The way you handled this trip puts my strongly in mind of him. You worked his favorite angle: it’s easy to make people feel mean and ungenerous in such a way that you profit on them wanting to stop feeling that way. I’d have wished you luck at the parking lot and counseled you to avoid looking too much like you were loitering. Yeah, well I’ve seen your “contributions” to this board and any similar offer from you would have got a reaction more along the lines of “No thanks, I’d rather spend the night in an -18 degree C freezer in just a t-shirt than spend a night under the same roof as you.” > [@monstro](#): > > Was the “lifter” supposed to be happy about you spending the night in his/her car in some random parking lot, doing god knows what? > > I know what I’d be worried about if I had been the “lifter”. I’d be worried about getting a phone call at four o’clock in the morning over some mess. And four o’clock in the morning mess is horrible. You getting arrested for loitering and now the car is impounded. Someone robbing you since you’re the perfect target, damaging my vehicle in the process. You accidentally locking my keys in the car and now I have to pay for a locksmith since you don’t have any money. So it could be the lifter didn’t like your plan and decided to take matters in his own hand by asking around. That’s something I could see myself doing. What car? What the hell are you talking about? Can you even read? ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/37 "2017-07-18T16:34:41Z")
She means the car in which you got a lift. She was very clear about it, too. If there are any reading problems, she isn’t the one who has them. ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Shine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr_shine/32/464_2.png) [@Mr\_Shine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Shine)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/38 "2017-07-18T16:37:26Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > She means the car in which you got a lift. She was very clear about it, too. If there are any reading problems, she isn’t the one who has them. And how is it going to be affected by me when I’m nowhere near it? Read for comprehension next time. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/39 "2017-07-18T16:38:18Z")
> [@Mr\_Shine](#): > > What car? What the hell are you talking about? Can you even read? I think **monstro** , like me, assumed that when you said you were spending the night “hanging around a supermarket car park”, that you meant you were sleeping in a car in that car park. Did you mean you’d actually be sitting on a bench, or walking around, or something else all night in the parking lot? ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/40 "2017-07-18T16:42:18Z")
> [@Mr\_Shine](#): > > And how is it going to be affected by me when I’m nowhere near it? Read for comprehension next time. You never did explain why you didn’t just ask the owner if you could sleep in it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489.md?page=3)