# Rent payment on trip. Who is in the right? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 17, 2017, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489 "2017-07-17T13:58:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![treis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@treis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/treis)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/101 "2017-07-19T18:02:55Z")
> [@tim314](#): > > Or, in short: > > People who have little money often make choices that people who have more money would never consider. I don’t think they’re obligated to only make choices that people with more means would be comfortable with, and I don’t think they’re obligated to lie when directly asked about what choices they’re making or why they’re making them. It comes down to why you have little money. If you’re a 20 year old college student or volunteering in Africa or had a serious illness, everyone in this thread is going to be fine with you crashing in an available space. If you’re a healthy adult and trying to do that people are going to grumble that you’re a bum. And, let’s be honest with ourselves here. OP’s plan wasn’t to spend the night in a parking lot somewhere. It was to tell people that he was going to spend the night in a parking lot in the hopes they would offer him a room. As others have said, it places a burden on others to feel bad about themselves. I’ve turned away a relative in a similar situation. I don’t feel bad about myself because I’m more than fed up with their mooching shit. It’s still a conversation I’d rather not have. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/102 "2017-07-19T18:10:27Z")
> [@treis](#): > > And, let’s be honest with ourselves here. OP’s plan wasn’t to spend the night in a parking lot somewhere. It was to tell people that he was going to spend the night in a parking lot in the hopes they would offer him a room. No, that’s definitely not the impression I got. Is there anything the OP actually said that would back this up? ---
**Author:** ![treis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@treis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/treis)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/103 "2017-07-19T18:19:48Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > No, that’s definitely not the impression I got. Is there anything the OP actually said that would back this up? (1) He had a plan to use someone else’s accommodations for a shower. (2) Because if it walks like a mooch, sounds like a mooch, and mooches like a mooch it’s a mooch. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/104 "2017-07-19T20:38:24Z")
I’m also curious about meals. How the OP planned on feeding himself is simply not addressed. Did he bring stuff? Was he going to buy stuff from the supermarket in whose parking lot he planned on loitering? Was there going to be food provided at the family gathering such that he planned on filling his belly (and pockets) there to carry him through the lengthy car trip home? Upthread I mentioned a chiseling cousin of mine. Here’s a favorite play of his for getting to eat free. Back in the 80s, when buffalo wings were starting to get popular nationwide, lots of the bars in the area where we lived had 10 cent wing nights. Everybody involved, including him, was a big, strapping, gainfully employed young man. We were all related, too. Everybody, except, him, would order three or four dozen wings each…wings were smaller in those days. He’d order 6 wings. Depending on the amount of beer consumed, the size of the wings, and who knows what else, the other guys at the table might not finish their baskets. That’s where Cousin Chiseler, after having done his best homeless orphan in the snow expression while everyone else ate, would plaintively ask “Are you going to eat those?” and point at somebody’s basket. It goes without saying that none of us remember him paying for a pitcher even once. After he’d done this a couple three times, another cousin who is kind of hot tempered said “Nope,” spat in his basket and slid it across the table to Chiseler. After that, we just made it a point to never ask him along on wing nights. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/105 "2017-07-19T21:01:56Z")
> [@Mr\_Shine](#): > > Brilliantly well stated. > > _drops mic, leaves thread_ All lies and jest/Still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest. -Paul Simon ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/106 "2017-07-19T21:57:42Z")
This just in: a person on the internet asked for an opinion but didn’t really want anything other than validation. Film at 11. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/107 "2017-07-19T22:51:00Z")
> [@Johnny\_Bravo](#): > > This just in: a person on the internet asked for an opinion but didn’t really want anything other than validation. And five bucks if you could spare it? ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/108 "2017-07-19T23:31:41Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > And five bucks if you could spare it? But if you can’t, don’t worry about me. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/109 "2017-07-19T23:35:11Z")
> [@Mr\_Shine](#): > > Brilliantly well stated. > > _drops mic, leaves thread_ If staying in the parking lot was really no big deal, you shouldn’t have accepted the offer of a spare bed. It wasn’t offered freely. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/110 "2017-07-20T00:56:07Z")
> [@treis](#): > > It comes down to why you have little money. If you’re a 20 year old college student or volunteering in Africa or had a serious illness, everyone in this thread is going to be fine with you crashing in an available space. If you’re a healthy adult and trying to do that people are going to grumble that you’re a bum. > > And, let’s be honest with ourselves here. OP’s plan wasn’t to spend the night in a parking lot somewhere. It was to tell people that he was going to spend the night in a parking lot in the hopes they would offer him a room. > > As others have said, it places a burden on others to feel bad about themselves. I’ve turned away a relative in a similar situation. I don’t feel bad about myself because I’m more than fed up with their mooching shit. It’s still a conversation I’d rather not have. > [@treis](#): > > (1) He had a plan to use someone else’s accommodations for a shower. > > (2) Because if it walks like a mooch, sounds like a mooch, and mooches like a mooch it’s a mooch. I vote mooch too. And a grandiose sense of self-entitlement with a smattering of passive-aggressive bullshit. AND I suggest that this is the modus operandi for the OP but it’s the first time he/she has been actually called on it. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/111 "2017-07-20T03:01:35Z")
> [@Johnny\_Bravo](#): > > This just in: a person on the internet asked for an opinion but didn’t really want anything other than validation. > > Film at 11. Self congratulatory bullshit. The guy came in here for **advice**. You guys decided to turn it into an attack on him. He has no reason to listen to your “advice” because you broke the rules of how advice works. You attacked the guy honestly asking, who had in no way harmed you. He thus has no reason to believe any of you actually know anything about actual etiquette or morals. Furthermore, if someone doesn’t take your advice, it is not a reason to hate them or shit on them. They asked for advice. They have no responsibility to listen to you. You’re being entitled when you do this. Advice threads here go south so often, but you guys always come up with excuses for why it’s the other person’s fault, instead of realizing that “If you attack someone, they have no reason to take your advice.” You get to attack them, making it where they don’t want to take your advice, then attack them again for not taking it. But you keep on pretending it is the other person’s problem, not yours. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/112 "2017-07-20T03:35:11Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Self congratulatory bullshit. The guy came in here for **advice**. You guys decided to turn it into an attack on him. He has no reason to listen to your “advice” because you broke the rules of how advice works. Another lecture! Cool! No, he didn’t come in for advice, he came in for people to tell him he was in the right and bailed when people said he may have been in the wrong. The first posts questioning if he wasn’t right were fairly gentle. Train wrecks generally don’t happen when people really do want advice. It can be too easy to keep piling on, but it’s often an unfortunate side effect of dealing with someone who is insulting people back. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/113 "2017-07-20T04:19:00Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Self congratulatory bullshit. The guy came in here for **advice**. He didn’t come for advice, he wanted affirmation that what he had done was all fine and dandy. IMHO, what he did was NOT fine and dandy, and many others agreed. If he was truly seeking advice, when people suggested why what he had done might not have been the right thing to do he could have taken those on board for contemplation. Instead he got all huffy and defensive. If you don’t want a contrary opinion, don’t post here. Simple. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/114 "2017-07-20T06:40:37Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Self congratulatory bullshit. The guy came in here for **advice**. You guys decided to turn it into an attack on him. He has no reason to listen to your “advice” because you broke the rules of how advice works. You attacked the guy honestly asking, who had in no way harmed you. He thus has no reason to believe any of you actually know anything about actual etiquette or morals. > > Furthermore, if someone doesn’t take your advice, it is not a reason to hate them or shit on them. They asked for advice. They have no responsibility to listen to you. You’re being entitled when you do this. > > Advice threads here go south so often, but you guys always come up with excuses for why it’s the other person’s fault, instead of realizing that “If you attack someone, they have no reason to take your advice.” You get to attack them, making it where they don’t want to take your advice, then attack them again for not taking it. > > But you keep on pretending it is the other person’s problem, not yours. Doesn’t that finger of yours ever get sore from all that wagging? ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/115 "2017-07-20T11:33:02Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Doesn’t that finger of yours ever get sore from all that wagging? Yes, but he does it for our sakes anyway. No greater love hath any man…:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/116 "2017-07-20T12:51:41Z")
Ooh, my first sanctimonious talking-down-to from BigT. Ma! Hey, Ma! Mark the day in the family bible! ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/117 "2017-07-20T14:45:08Z")
> [@tim314](#): > > Or, in short: > > People who have little money often make choices that people who have more money would never consider. I don’t think they’re obligated to only make choices that people with more means would be comfortable with, and I don’t think they’re obligated to lie when directly asked about what choices they’re making or why they’re making them. This. This. This. > [@Bone](#): > > Because it uses things without paying for them. It’s not a huge deal, but it’s just something that I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with. So, you’re amongst the people bothered that someone got something for free even if it didn’t cost you anything. This I can’t really understand. And in any case, if you’re indeed uncomfortable about it, why offering in the first place? IMO, you have no ground to complain if you offer something apparently without strings attached but in fact secretely expect a payment. You should either state it clearly, or not complain about the guy accepting the offer you made. You can’t act ostensibly generous while making the assumption that you’ll get something in return, and _resent_ the person if he doesn’t pay “his fair share”. > [@treis](#): > > And, let’s be honest with ourselves here. OP’s plan wasn’t to spend the night in a parking lot somewhere. It was to tell people that he was going to spend the night in a parking lot in the hopes they would offer him a room. How do you know that? There are plenty of people, in particular young people, who either don’t have the means or don’t have the desire to spend money on accomodations but still go to grandma funerals or spend a week-end on the beach. Someone sleping in his car rather than paying for an hotel isn’t exactly unheard of. In fact, I did it myself during my younger years. > [@PunditLisa](#): > > All lies and jest/Still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest. Agree, but it doesn’t change my general position on this issue. ---
**Author:** ![Bone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bone/32/407_2.png) [@Bone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bone)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/118 "2017-07-20T15:10:50Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > So, you’re amongst the people bothered that someone got something for free even if it didn’t cost you anything. This I can’t really understand. > > And in any case, if you’re indeed uncomfortable about it, why offering in the first place? IMO, you have no ground to complain if you offer something apparently without strings attached but in fact secretely expect a payment. You should either state it clearly, or not complain about the guy accepting the offer you made. You can’t act ostensibly generous while making the assumption that you’ll get something in return, and _resent_ the person if he doesn’t pay “his fair share”. I think I may not be communicating clearly here. I personally am comfortable offering gratis and would do so without expectation and would make that clear. I also would not accept an offer without paying my own way. I’d be glad to give, but I would not accept. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Anconia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@D\_Anconia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Anconia)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/119 "2017-07-20T15:21:04Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > Someone sleping in his car rather than paying for an hotel isn’t exactly unheard of. In fact, I did it myself during my younger years He didn’t have a car to sleep in. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489/120 "2017-07-20T15:32:16Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > So, you’re amongst the people bothered that someone got something for free even if it didn’t cost you anything. This I can’t really understand. What most people in this thread were trying to tease out from the OP was whether the grumbling was about a perception of his being manipulative. I don’t think you’ll find anybody here who is broadly bothered by the idea of somebody “getting something for free.” You will, however, find people who have known manipulative friends or family. It seems reasonable to suspect that the OP’s family feels they were forced to choose between providing lodging or kicking him out into the night. That sort of thing can breed resentment. The OP wanted to be told that he was absolutely in the right and that, since the cottage was paid for in advance, there was no reason whatsoever for the grumbling. > [@D\_Anconia](#): > > He didn’t have a car to sleep in. Yep, his plan was to **stand in a parking lot** for the entire night, apparently without being shooed away by workers/security guards. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rent-payment-on-trip-who-is-in-the-right/791489.md?page=7)