# Requiem for a Bottle of Ketchup **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 10, 2003, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/requiem-for-a-bottle-of-ketchup/167723 "2003-04-10T04:24:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Quasar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Quasar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Quasar)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2003, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/requiem-for-a-bottle-of-ketchup/167723/1 "2003-04-10T04:24:41Z")
Requiem for a Bottle of Ketchup Alas, my trusty meal-time ally! Together we have bravely faced the most treacherous snacks the fast food industry could belch forth upon us in super-sized portions. No carton of French fries was too golden brown. No burgers were too dry. From the crimson-streaked and pulp-splattered abattoir of tomatoey goodness you were born and into the cold, sterile bondage of a plastic bottle you were sold. Truly, I thought we were invincible. Oh, how naïve I was! Whilst in fell combat with a large basket of crinkle-cut fries I heard the mortal squelch as the last of your tasty lifeblood was expelled. Suddenly, I was alone. I gazed in horror at the half-filled basket as the evil fries just kind of sat there and got soggy and cold in cruel mockery of my condimentary nakedness. I faced the challenge bravely, gorging myself on the unseasoned abominations, yet I felt no joy in this Pyrrhic victory. I discarded the receptacle of your captivity in a nearby dumpster. You were far too special to be recycled. Yea though I walked through the valley of no ketchup, I shall fear no potato! Oh, who am I kidding?!? Without you I am nothing, dear Ketchup! Mecum omnes plangite! ---
**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2003, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/requiem-for-a-bottle-of-ketchup/167723/2 "2003-04-10T04:59:46Z")
Truly a noble condiment. Kethup is survived my Mustard, Mayonnaise, and Relish. ::plays “Amazing Grace” on kazoo:: ---
**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2003, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/requiem-for-a-bottle-of-ketchup/167723/3 "2003-04-10T05:02:16Z")
Damn coding! That should be “Ketchup” and “plays”. I apologize for any incontinence this may have caused. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2003, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/requiem-for-a-bottle-of-ketchup/167723/4 "2003-04-10T05:19:00Z")
Let us all be thankful it was not the dreaded and evil , _catsup_! ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2003, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/requiem-for-a-bottle-of-ketchup/167723/5 "2003-04-10T06:58:10Z")
As the former owner of a two year old bottle of tabasco sauce, ah feel yur pain. ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2003, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/requiem-for-a-bottle-of-ketchup/167723/6 "2003-04-10T07:20:58Z")
I am NOT looking forward to the day when I will have to replace my bottle of Dave’s Insanity Sauce with something less spicy. (my beloved brother gave it to me!) F\_X ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Quasar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Quasar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Quasar)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2003, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/requiem-for-a-bottle-of-ketchup/167723/7 "2003-04-10T07:28:56Z")
Truly I feel that we, as a society, allow our love of condiments to remain greatly understated. They deserve a holiday! ---
**Author:** ![Gopher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gopher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gopher)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2003, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/requiem-for-a-bottle-of-ketchup/167723/8 "2003-04-10T07:30:34Z")
Never fear, [blue](http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/2927475.stm) is here! ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2003, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/requiem-for-a-bottle-of-ketchup/167723/9 "2003-04-10T07:36:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Flamsterette\_X \* > \*\*I am NOT looking forward to the day when I will have to replace my bottle of Dave’s Insanity Sauce with something less spicy. (my beloved brother gave it to me!) > > F\_X \*\* Fear not, there’s always the [_pure_](http://www.thescarms.com/hotstuff/Extracts.htm) stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Quasar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Quasar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Quasar)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2003, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/requiem-for-a-bottle-of-ketchup/167723/10 "2003-04-10T07:46:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zenster \* > \*\*Fear not, there’s always the [_pure_](http://www.thescarms.com/hotstuff/Extracts.htm) stuff. \*\* I think you just became my personal hero. Oh … and **Gopher** , I’m not quite sure how I feel about that. Something about the color blue just doesn’t lend itself to my perceptions of “tomatoey goodness”, but I am a curious type by nature. I may have to try that out if I can ever get ahold of some of it. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2003, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/requiem-for-a-bottle-of-ketchup/167723/11 "2003-04-10T07:52:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jimmy Quasar \* > I think you just became my personal hero … I’ve been called worse. You _do_ realize that you’ll have to sign a totally legal waiver and release form indemnifying the shipper against any injury or deleterious medical effects resulting from ingestion of said ‘pure’ stuff. (It is capable of causing second degree chemical burns or worse to unsuspecting and hitherto un-thought-of body parts.) ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Quasar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Quasar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Quasar)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2003, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/requiem-for-a-bottle-of-ketchup/167723/12 "2003-04-10T08:03:57Z")
Oh, I’m definitely familiar with the potency of pure capsaicin. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Quasar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Quasar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Quasar)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2003, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/requiem-for-a-bottle-of-ketchup/167723/13 "2003-04-10T08:06:27Z")
Perhaps not so much “familiar with” as “well aware of”, but yeah… ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/requiem-for-a-bottle-of-ketchup/167723/14 "2003-04-12T00:43:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zenster \* > \*\*Fear not, there’s always the [_pure_](http://www.thescarms.com/hotstuff/Extracts.htm) stuff. \*\* Aiya… that looks WAY hot. Not saying I’d try it out, mind you (there’s too spicy even for me)… but DAMN, does that look spicy! F\_X