# Resolved: I fucking hate soccer! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 3, 2010, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-i-fucking-hate-soccer/545453 "2010-07-03T19:53:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-i-fucking-hate-soccer/545453/1 "2010-07-03T19:53:47Z")
I just sat through as much as I can stand of the Spain/Who-the-fuck-ever soccer game. What a fucking joke. There was a goal scored. Wait. No, there wasn’t. Evidently, the scorer was _closer to the goal than the defender._ Offside. What. The. Fuck. ? Ain’t that the idea? Otherwise, you could just leave your defenders at midfield, and every game would end in a 0-0 tie. 90% of the game I watched was played in What-the-fuck’s end. The closest any kick came was 3 feet from the goal. A FUCKING GOAL YOU COULD PARK A BUS IN!!! Then, Spain had a free kick. Evidently, that means free to kick it to Whatthefuck. Then, there was what I’d call a breakaway. The guy is 25 yards from the goal. He kicks it. Misses the goal by at leat 25 feet high. They get paid for doing this? Ridiculous. During the time I endured this faux sport, 25% of the time, whenever a player from one team touched the ball, there was a 25% chance that the other team would touch it next. For Christ’s Sake, they couldn’t even _throw_ it to their own team! Two hands on the ball, throw it. To the other guys half the time. Yeah, that’s a sport. As best as I can tell, scoring takes take a person on one team kicking the ball, and then someone on the other team doing something monumentally stupid to let the ball reach an area the size of the Grand Canyon. Then, there’s two guys going for the ball. They “touch” each other. One falls down and writhes. Replay shows he ws never touched at all. Pussy. Regardless. Free kick. Zoom. Misses the goal by 10 yards. I couldn’t watch anymore. What a fucking joke. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-i-fucking-hate-soccer/545453/2 "2010-07-03T20:00:45Z")
> [@Rysdad](#): > > As best as I can tell… Well, there’s the problem – you can’t tell. That’s because you’re a complete philistine who is simply incapable of understanding the intricate subtleties of this amazing sport. Or some kind of crap like that…I dunno…one of the soccer apologists will be along shortly to give you a world of shit. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-i-fucking-hate-soccer/545453/3 "2010-07-03T20:05:34Z")
> [@Hal\_Briston](#): > > Well, there’s the problem – you can’t tell. That’s because you’re a complete philistine who is simply incapable of understanding the intricate subtleties of this amazing sport. Or some kind of crap like that…I dunno…one of the soccer apologists will be along shortly to give you a world of shit. You’re right. I can’t tell the pros from a clusterfuck of 5th graders trying their best to kick a ball while, instead, laying tolchocks on their classmate’s shins. Q: You know why 250,000 American grade scholers play soccer? A: So they don’t have to watch it. It’s not a sport. It’s a game of chance that’s influenced, rather than by intelligence, stupidity. Bah. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-i-fucking-hate-soccer/545453/4 "2010-07-03T20:29:59Z")
I’m having deja-vu from six months ago, when everybody was fascinated by _curling._ (by the way, I see “deja-vuvuzela” yeilds 1.3 million Google hits) ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-i-fucking-hate-soccer/545453/5 "2010-07-03T20:36:11Z")
> [@Rysdad](#): > > Q: You know why 250,000 American grade scholers play soccer? > > A: So they don’t have to watch it. This is awesome! > [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > (by the way, I see “deja-vuvuzela” yeilds 1.3 million Google hits) So is this. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DanBlather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@DanBlather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DanBlather)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-i-fucking-hate-soccer/545453/6 "2010-07-03T20:41:02Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > I’m having deja-vu from six months ago, when everybody was fascinated by _curling._ > > (by the way, I see “deja-vuvuzela” yeilds 1.3 million Google hits) Don’t you go dissing curling. ---
**Author:** ![Windwalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/5e9695/32.png) [@Windwalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Windwalker)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-i-fucking-hate-soccer/545453/7 "2010-07-03T21:10:18Z")
Soccer’s weird. With such low-scoring games, the team that plays better will often not win; they may earn more decent shots on goal, but not necessarily manage to convert. Baseball’s another sport with a fairly high variance in outcomes for a single game, which is why I guess they do 7-game series to decide their big tournaments. World Cup should probably do the same; at least best 2 out of 3 for each round. Yeah yeah logistics nightmare, but whatevsies. ---
**Author:** ![Fake\_Tales\_of\_San\_Francisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8491ac/32.png) [@Fake\_Tales\_of\_San\_Francisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fake_Tales_of_San_Francisco)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-i-fucking-hate-soccer/545453/8 "2010-07-03T21:11:32Z")
Resolved: All sport is stupid and boring, unless you’re playing it yourself. But football is the most bearable, if I was forced to choose one. American football, rugby, tennis, cricket, chess, formula one, baseball. Absolute yawn. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-i-fucking-hate-soccer/545453/9 "2010-07-03T21:12:14Z")
> [@Rysdad](#): > > I just sat through as much as I can stand of the Spain/Who-the-fuck-ever soccer game. > > What a fucking joke. > > There was a goal scored. Wait. No, there wasn’t. Evidently, the scorer was _closer to the goal than the defender._ Offside. > > What. The. Fuck. ? > > Ain’t that the idea? Otherwise, you could just leave your defenders at midfield, and every game would end in a 0-0 tie. I am no fan of soccer, but I can explain this. The rule is, the ball cannot be passed to a player who is nearer the oposing goal than the nearest defender (or more acuratly if you draw a line across the field, through the defender who’s nearest the goal, the player can’t have been over that line the moment the ball was passed to him) In other words. A player can still **be** nearer to the goal than the defenders. As long as he acquired the ball when he wasn’t offside. > [@](#): > > 90% of the game I watched was played in What-the-fuck’s end. The closest any kick came was 3 feet from the goal. > > A FUCKING GOAL YOU COULD PARK A BUS IN!!! whatthefuck must be a crap team. > [@](#): > > They get paid for doing this? Ridiculous. They get paid a shitload of money to be a bunch of posing whiney fucktards who are in love with themselves and who are largely indifferent about the fortunes of the team they play for… as long as they (the player) gets paid his shitloads. > [@](#): > > What a fucking joke. Football (the correct name) as a game isn’t a joke. Football in its current form is. ---
**Author:** ![Fake\_Tales\_of\_San\_Francisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8491ac/32.png) [@Fake\_Tales\_of\_San\_Francisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fake_Tales_of_San_Francisco)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-i-fucking-hate-soccer/545453/10 "2010-07-03T21:16:01Z")
Right, before the offside rule was put into place, college teams would put a striker down next to the goal and leave him there, waiting for a long ball past the defence. Would have made for incredibly boring yet high scoring matches. ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-i-fucking-hate-soccer/545453/11 "2010-07-03T22:26:47Z")
Ok, soccer-haters who come out of the woodwork every four years for some hatin’: Who the fuck cares? Why did you waste your time? People who don’t hate soccer have heard every one of your cute, glib complaints 140,000 times already (the somewhat sane ones as well as the misogynist/homophobic/xenophobic ones. Yeah, yeah, pussies/towelheads/snail-eaters who don’t play “real football,” blah blah). We know you hate it. We know your reasons. We’ve heard your explanations. So. Many. Times. We don’t care. There’s something defensive about it, like you feel like you’re supposed to like it to feel cultured or something, and you lash out. . . why? God, it’s like the people who despise vegetarians. No one’s asking you not to hate it, but to just STFU already. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-i-fucking-hate-soccer/545453/12 "2010-07-03T22:39:42Z")
> [@capybara](#): > > Ok, soccer-haters who come out of the woodwork every four years for some hatin’: > Who the fuck cares? Because I went to a sports bar to have a nice cold beer on a 90-degree day. And what do they have on 90% of the TV’s? Soccer. Pathetic. Sorry, soccer isn’t a sport. A real sport takes strategy, skill, and _balls._ Soccer lacks all three. Even when they offer a team a free kick _with no fucking defenders_ they can’t reliably score. It’s a good pastime for grade school kids to develop their aerobic fitness. Other than that, sorry, it simply sucks. ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-i-fucking-hate-soccer/545453/13 "2010-07-03T22:48:24Z")
Yeah, heard it. Hate it when I go to a sports bar, on ANY given day, and it’s baseball or basketball or NASCAR or golf or water ballet or caber-tossing, so I feel your pain, but I don’t feel the need to loudly complain so that 85% of the rest of my society can agree and say “Yeah, fuckin’ sisses!” for some sort of warm fuzzies. ---
**Author:** ![Cort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/77aa72/32.png) [@Cort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cort)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-i-fucking-hate-soccer/545453/14 "2010-07-03T22:52:48Z")
Fuck sake… > [@Rysdad](#): > > I just sat through as much as I can stand of the Spain/Who-the-fuck-ever soccer game. Paraguay. The players from who-the-fuck-ever? They’re Paraguayans. At least _pretend_ you’re aware there’s a world outside America’s borders. > [@Rysdad](#): > > There was a goal scored. Wait. No, there wasn’t. Evidently, the scorer was closer to the goal than the defender. Offside. > > What. The. Fuck. ? > > Ain’t that the idea? Otherwise, you could just leave your defenders at midfield, and every game would end in a 0-0 tie Look, if you don’t even understand how the fucking _offside_ rule works then you’re really in no position to criticise the game. In a nutshell here’s how it works. If a player passes to a member of his own team, there must be at least one player from the opposing team between the passer and the receiver. Otherwise players would crowd each other’s penalty boxes and just wait for long balls in. This is basic, entry level knowledge and you haven’t got it. Why were you even watching the game in the first place? > [@Rysdad](#): > > Then, there was what I’d call a breakaway. The guy is 25 yards from the goal. He kicks it. > > Misses the goal by at leat 25 feet high. Watch [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJfsQys3oJY) Youtube video. Then watch [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bz5A8oGlgDQ) one. And then [url=[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvRlcGI7Ywk](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvRlcGI7Ywk) this one. There are about ten thousand more where they came from. If you think one bad kick, even one bad game, invalidates an entire sport then you’re an idiot. > [@Rysdad](#): > > During the time I endured this faux sport, 25% of the time, whenever a player from one team touched the ball, there was a 25% chance that the other team would touch it next. > > For Christ’s Sake, they couldn’t even throw it to their own team! > > Two hands on the ball, throw it. To the other guys half the time. Yeah, that’s a sport. So you watched a bad game. Woe is you. You could invalidate _any_ sport if you just look at the bad games. Luckily, most people realise that’s a painfully stupid standard to use. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-i-fucking-hate-soccer/545453/15 "2010-07-03T22:59:42Z")
The one redeeming trait about this World Cup is that many fewer people have predicted it will be the next big thing America in X years. It is a game for primitives and always has been. Some have called it it “chess on legs” when nothing could be further for the truth. It is Fooseball on legs. American football has true strategy. Soccer doesn’t although they can’t understand that because they are too poor to have real games and never knew any better. Bless their little hearts. There is a misconception that Americans hate all foreign sports because they aren’t American. No, it is just soccer because it sucks and it is a silly game with low production values even at the highest levels. Canadians hate it too. Curling is interesting and nobody makes fun of rugby. Cricket is one strange game but at least it has strategy as well and I could see people getting interested in it more widely. I did notice that [that soccer finally came out of the closet during this world cup.](http://www.theonion.com/video/soccer-officially-announces-it-is-gay,17603/) ---
**Author:** ![Cort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/77aa72/32.png) [@Cort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cort)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-i-fucking-hate-soccer/545453/16 "2010-07-03T23:02:14Z")
> [@Rysdad](#): > > And what do they have on 90% of the TV’s? Soccer. You went to a sports bar during the World Cup and you were surprised they were showing football? > [@Rysdad](#): > > Sorry, soccer isn’t a sport. A real sport takes strategy, skill, and balls. Soccer lacks all three. Oh, so you know all about football strategy, do you? That’s an interesting trick, considering you don’t even know how the fucking offside rule works. Quick, without googling, tell me the difference between a 4-4-2 and a 4-3-3. I want the pro’s and cons of each. By the way, do you think any of [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ortWLYEYnM) qualifies as strategic play? And as for skill? How about [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jk-kXwjASEE), or [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCi0HIKubtc), or [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92Ll0OlxBD0), or [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8Eee2NXOyw)? Again, _ten thousand more examples available on request_ And as for balls? Well, I think it’s fair to say you need some balls if you volunteer to play a sport where [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5pFB9LL-hc) can happen. > [@Rysdad](#): > > Even when they offer a team a free kick with no fucking defenders they can’t reliably score. Maybe it’s because scoring is harder than you think because it takes _skill!_ > [@Rysdad](#): > > It’s a good pastime for grade school kids to develop their aerobic fitness. Other than that, sorry, it simply sucks. Fuck off. ---
**Author:** ![Cort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/77aa72/32.png) [@Cort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cort)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-i-fucking-hate-soccer/545453/17 "2010-07-03T23:04:07Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > It is a game for primitives and always has been Have you ever actually played it with people who know what they’re doing? Ever? ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-i-fucking-hate-soccer/545453/18 "2010-07-03T23:05:20Z")
“Primitives,” like Germany and the Netherlands? Are we having a special American xenophobe special for the holiday weekend? Wow. The level of discourse identifies itself. I’m out. ---
**Author:** ![Cort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/77aa72/32.png) [@Cort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cort)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-i-fucking-hate-soccer/545453/19 "2010-07-03T23:14:20Z")
> [@](#): > > In a nutshell here’s how it works. If a player passes to a member of his own team, there must be at least one player from the opposing team between the passer and the receiver. Otherwise players would crowd each other’s penalty boxes and just wait for long balls in. Edited to add: I posted this without proofreading. I meant to say that there must be at least one player from the opposing team between the receiver and the goalkeeper. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2010, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-i-fucking-hate-soccer/545453/20 "2010-07-03T23:16:02Z")
> [@Cort](#): > > In a nutshell here’s how it works. If a player passes to a member of his own team, there must be at least one player from the opposing team between the passer and the receiver. Otherwise players would crowd each other’s penalty boxes and just wait for long balls in. That’s already been explained upthread. Read a bit. You can learn something. > [@](#): > > This is basic, entry level knowledge and you haven’t got it. Why were you even watching the game in the first place? It wasn’t by choice. The bartender was Mexican. He controlled the remote. > [@](#): > > Watch [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJfsQys3oJY) Youtube video. Then watch [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bz5A8oGlgDQ) one. And then [url=[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvRlcGI7Ywk](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvRlcGI7Ywk) this one. There are about ten thousand more where they came from. If you think one bad kick, even one bad game, invalidates an entire sport then you’re an idiot. Uh huh. These teams are in the _World Cup._ The end-all/be-all of soccer. They sucked. For Christ’s sake, _I_ could’ve at least kicked a ball _at_ the fucking net. These bozos missed it by more than 10 feet a number of times. Such ineptitude on a world stage is unbelievable. Pathetic. I can only believe that so many places play it because it’s so _cheap_. Got a ball? Ok, kick it. Don’t need anything else. Like skill, for instance. > [@](#): > > So you watched a bad game. Woe is you. You could invalidate _any_ sport if you just look at the bad games. Luckily, most people realise that’s a painfully stupid standard to use. Damn right woe is me. Watching soccer is only slightly more laughable than playing it. A bad _real football_ game is entertaining. A bad soccer game is, well, normal. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-i-fucking-hate-soccer/545453.md?page=2)