# Resolved: Minnesota to secede from the Union! **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [January 16, 2001, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-minnesota-to-secede-from-the-union/50388 "2001-01-16T21:24:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-minnesota-to-secede-from-the-union/50388/1 "2001-01-16T21:24:16Z")
Minnesota should secede, if it can be accomplished politely, with a minimum of fuss. As Chairman of the Minnesota Secessionist Alliance, I invite debate on this issue. I will put forth just a few of the many reasons we support this move. Of course, we could be wrong. This is our opinion, that’s all. 1. We won’t be missed. The rest of the USA doesn’t know we are here, except when we do something interesting, like freeze to death or elect a wrestler to be Governor. Despite a prominent location on the Central Coast, we remain largely unknown. We should make our move soon, while they still think Fargo is in MN. Otherwise, they will Californicate us like they did to Oregon. 2. We’re right, they’re wrong Minnesota is to USA as Scandanavia is to Europe. Sensible, sincere, polite folks live here. The rest of the country is full of violent, bombastic yahoos, who knoweth not the ass from the hole in the ground. Reagan VS Mondale. Humphrey VS Nixon. Bush VS Gore 3. We can chuck ‘national’ sports As recent events, which need not be mentioned in polite company, clearly demonstrate, we have no business competing on a national sports type environment. Sports would then become more or less rational, Duluth vs Bemidji, kind of thing. Nationally, we’re never going to win because we are simply too sensible to spend a quadrillion dollars for genetic freaks who can throw or catch a ball faster and better than the next guy. As a bonus, when the Cheeseheads come to play, we can subject them to customs harassment at the border. Coming **and** going! **Go Vikings! And take the Twins with you!** 4. We can keep the taxes we’re squandering in Washington A military? What for? To protect us from **Canada?** We can spend the money much better than that! Border check points, for instance. “Do you have any vegetables, fruits, people or culture from either Coast?” We can also spend some of it on propaganda. “Yes, its terribly cold here! You’ll hate it, stay away! The blonde women aren’t really that good looking, their mom’s just feed them better here! And its cold! REALLY cold!” I invite other points of view, but especially enthusiastic concurrence, and more reasons why we should proceed! **What do we want? Secession! When do we want it! Well, pretty soon if its not too much trouble!** If you disagree, well, I guess its a free state, isn’t it? Or it will be. Yassir Ubetcha Chairman, MN Secessionist Alliance. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-minnesota-to-secede-from-the-union/50388/2 "2001-01-16T21:33:53Z")
Who gets to keep Bob Dylan? ---
**Author:** ![Sterra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Sterra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sterra)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-minnesota-to-secede-from-the-union/50388/3 "2001-01-16T21:45:42Z")
The canadians will eat minnesota alive:) Literallly, they are all cannibals and live in igloos where they pratice their cannibalism. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-minnesota-to-secede-from-the-union/50388/4 "2001-01-16T21:50:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Snooooopy \* > \*\*Who gets to keep Bob Dylan? \*\* Bob Zimmerman was from Minnesota. Bob Dylan is from New York. ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-minnesota-to-secede-from-the-union/50388/5 "2001-01-16T21:51:50Z")
I bet Calvary can whup the Vikings when they join the CFL. But good lord, man, how will the rest of the United States survive without … er, um … what, cheese? No, that’s Wisconsin. The Northwest Airlines hub in Minneapolis? Well what the hell DO you guys have that we want anyway? ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-minnesota-to-secede-from-the-union/50388/6 "2001-01-16T21:54:05Z")
“Calgary” ---
**Author:** ![High\_Plains\_Drifter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@High\_Plains\_Drifter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/High_Plains_Drifter)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-minnesota-to-secede-from-the-union/50388/7 "2001-01-16T21:54:43Z")
You forgot the polar bears Asmodean, they’re the worst part! ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-minnesota-to-secede-from-the-union/50388/8 "2001-01-16T22:28:58Z")
If we 'Sotans are to secede, we need some sort of laws regarding our relations to other countries. I suggest the following set of rules: 1. The first rule of Minnesota is, you do not talk about Minnesota. (er, sorry, couldn’t help it) 2. The second rule of Minnesota is … YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT MINNESOTA. (still can’t help it) 3. We recognize Texas as a soveriegn nation. If we can secede, so can they. 4. We can giggle inwardly at outsiders’ accents, while rightfully denying that we have accents. 5. Every foreign dignitary is treated to a delicious meal of tuna casserole, a tall glass of milk, and corn (on cob, when in season). Those dignitaries from countries we don’t like get lutefisk. 6. Our governor (er, president?) gets to face another country’s leader in a one-on-one, no-holds-barred, steelcage wrestling match every year. We will all know it is faked, but this will be our form of war: nobody really gets hurt, and some are highly entertained. 7. If another country threatens us, or invokes sanctions, or even goes so far as to invade us for some reason, we are allowed to frown disapprovingly at them. (Or even go so far as to say, “That’s different” without being tried for warcrimes.) 8. We will allow people to enter/exit our country, with a proper visa. Our border agenst will be well-paid, but will probably have one of the world’s most boring jobs. The people here general want to stay, others generally have no reason for comming here. 9. Our national export will be Snow and Ice, by the bushel. > [@](#): > > \*\* > Well what the hell DO you guys have that we want anyway? > \*\* The world’s largest (made by one man) ball of twine. That’s nothing to sneeze at, donchya-know. ---
**Author:** ![Ptahlis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a8b319/32.png) [@Ptahlis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ptahlis)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-minnesota-to-secede-from-the-union/50388/9 "2001-01-16T22:50:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BlackKnight \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*\* > > Well what the hell DO you guys have that we want anyway? > > \*\* > > The world’s largest (made by one man) ball of twine. That’s nothing to sneeze at, donchya-know. \*\* Weird Al has a great tune called “The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota” on the UHF soundtrack. Always been one of my favorites, especially when I see cars going by with “touristy” stickers on 'em. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-minnesota-to-secede-from-the-union/50388/10 "2001-01-17T00:10:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elucidator \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Snooooopy \* > > \*\*Who gets to keep Bob Dylan? \*\* > > Bob Zimmerman was from Minnesota. Bob Dylan is from New York. \*\* If you have to be that picky, then Canada can have you! ---
**Author:** ![JDM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/90db22/32.png) [@JDM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JDM)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-minnesota-to-secede-from-the-union/50388/11 "2001-01-17T00:21:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BlackKnight \* > \*\*If we 'Sotans are to secede, we need some sort of laws regarding our relations to other countries. I suggest the following set of rules: > > 1. Every foreign dignitary is treated to a delicious meal of tuna casserole, \*\* AHA- a spy- an agent provocateur (sp???) If you were a real Minnesotan, you would have called it “hot dish.” JDM ---
**Author:** ![Edlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8797f3/32.png) [@Edlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edlyn)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-minnesota-to-secede-from-the-union/50388/12 "2001-01-17T06:34:40Z")
All right, you can secede. Having lived a majority of my life in MN, it’s chicken or tuna _casseroles_. Hamburger dishes are _hot dishes_ be it tater tot, rice, spaghetti or whatever. You missed something however. If Texas can secede before you do, so can the Carolina’s. We have “Grandfather rights”, ya know. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-minnesota-to-secede-from-the-union/50388/13 "2001-01-17T06:56:38Z")
Of course, if Texas secedes first, the Minnesotans might just decide that staying wouldn’t be so bad. (runs for cover) ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-minnesota-to-secede-from-the-union/50388/14 "2001-01-17T08:11:03Z")
If the Texans want to secede, goodbye and good riddance. If they want the 1850 borders, I’m starting a militia to fight them. [sup]dagnabbed water-thievin’ no-account rednecks…[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-minnesota-to-secede-from-the-union/50388/15 "2001-01-17T12:28:46Z")
You can go, but you’re not taking the **Twins**! ---
**Author:** ![John\_Corrado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a88e4f/32.png) [@John\_Corrado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Corrado)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-minnesota-to-secede-from-the-union/50388/16 "2001-01-17T14:16:42Z")
Hmmm… if Minnesota secedes, the average temperature of the United States will be raised by about 5 degrees. Tell ya what- can you secede for the winters, and rejoin us in the summers? ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-minnesota-to-secede-from-the-union/50388/17 "2001-01-17T15:18:27Z")
Yes, but the average IQ will drop the same five points. ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-minnesota-to-secede-from-the-union/50388/18 "2001-01-17T15:52:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ptahlis \* > \*\*Weird Al has a great tune called “The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota” on the UHF soundtrack. Always been one of my favorites, especially when I see cars going by with “touristy” stickers on 'em. \*\* I know, it’s one of my favorite Weird Al songs! Have you ever actually been to the Twineball? (I capitalize out of respect) I make an annual pilgrimmage there during Twineball Days, a yearly festival in the small town of Darwin, MN, where the Ball resides. It occurs on the 2nd Saturday in August. And of course I have Twineball bumperstickers, and magnets, and sweatshirts, and t-shirts, and a postcard that reads, “Greetings from the Twineball, Wish you were here.” There’s even a real Twineball Inn, although I’m not sure if it’s really an Inn. More like a cafe. Maybe it’s a bed&breakfast of some sort; I’m not entirely sure. ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-minnesota-to-secede-from-the-union/50388/19 "2001-01-17T16:05:25Z")
Yah, yah, you and your “10,000” lakes. Big whoop! We don’t need you; Michigans has 12,000 to make up for your paltry 10. You are keepin’ all the skeeters, right? There will heavy import tarrifs from the rest of the US on skeeters. ---
**Author:** ![shell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/46a35a/32.png) [@shell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shell)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-minnesota-to-secede-from-the-union/50388/20 "2001-01-17T17:13:08Z")
Can’t we just keep Minnesota and secede the Maul of America? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/resolved-minnesota-to-secede-from-the-union/50388.md?page=2)