# Responding to requests at work? Am I crazy here? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 5, 2021, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responding-to-requests-at-work-am-i-crazy-here/937290 "2021-03-05T19:28:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2021, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responding-to-requests-at-work-am-i-crazy-here/937290/41 "2021-03-08T02:53:36Z")
“Doing stupid stuff to keep the boss off your back” should be written into every job description. Instead of fuming over it (like I would), just write a simple response that makes you sound like a team player. Then you can copy and paste your version of > Wish I could help, but I’m already coming in early to get enough done. Maybe after I finish the HumungoTech project, as you know we have a hard deadline on the 25th . Sorry, hope you find some help! ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2021, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responding-to-requests-at-work-am-i-crazy-here/937290/42 "2021-03-08T05:14:19Z")
> [@SterlingArcher](#): > > OK this happened a number of years ago but it still blows my mind and I thought I would ask if I am crazy or if my bosses are? > > I had a performance review with my manager and manager’s manager all together, and one of the issues they brought up with me is that I don’t respond to emails properly. My boss gave the example that he often asks “who has time to work on X project” or “who knows what happened to this app” and he said he was disappointed that I didn’t respond very often. At first, I totally misunderstood this complaint. I thought he was saying he was disappointed I didn’t volunteer for the new project, or know about the situation with the app, so I explained how busy I’ve been with my current project load, working lots of hours already etc etc and then he further explained “No, I’m not saying you need to do anything, I just need a response on the email.” My brain went ~~record scratch~~ Huh?? So if I am too busy to take on a new project and you send an email that says “Who can do this?” you want me to respond with “Sorry I don’t have time.” And he said “Exactly. Every one of these emails deserves a response.” > > I was flummoxed by this and said something like, “But that’s not what you’re asking, you’re asking WHO can do whatever task or WHO has the knowledge?” So you want me to respond to all of these with “Not me.” He acted amazed that I’d even be confused by this and said “Yeah of course!” And his manager agreed “Yeah, of course you need to respond every single time!” Then I said something like, “So you don’t see that’s not what you’re asking for, in the email? With the way you are asking, it seems to me that not responding is acceptable.” They kinda got angry at this point and said “Never, you always respond to your manager’s emails! How could you even think of just ignoring it?” > > It was a very weird disconnect. I even gave an example of a teacher in a classroom asking a question to the class and it’s like they expect every kid to raise their hand and say “I don’t know the answer!” but they didn’t track with that at all and just kept saying “you need to respond.” > > I still think they were crazy and I’m glad I work for different people now. But this whole disconnect on communication styles still blows my mind. > > Am I crazy, or are they? I’d say you’re the crazy one for passing up an opportunity to “Reply All” with a completely unhelpful response. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2021, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responding-to-requests-at-work-am-i-crazy-here/937290/43 "2021-03-08T05:41:55Z")
It’s not a totally cut and dried issue as to the best practice concerning responses to emails of the type you describe. There is “common sense” logic to both your position and your manager’s. Which of course means that your manager should have had a clear policy one way or the other, or been more careful with wording. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2021, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responding-to-requests-at-work-am-i-crazy-here/937290/44 "2021-03-08T09:04:13Z")
Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like if a manager has to email around the team and ask 'hey, what’s everybody doing? Can you guys tell me if you can take on some extra stuff today?.. isn’t really managing anything. Not a manager - more like some sort of weird team secretary. But to the specific question, if the manager/company wants to keep working like this, just add voting buttons in the email, FFS. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2021, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responding-to-requests-at-work-am-i-crazy-here/937290/45 "2021-03-08T12:43:11Z")
And people can set theirs up so that opening doesn’t send a receipt , so that doesn’t always help. Back to the OP - you’re both crazy. They should have been clearer about what they expected ( a response ) - and you shouldn’t have tried to convince them they they were somehow wrong to want a response from you. There are many times where I need a response from everybody and I may not always word it perfectly. But I’m going to take your teacher analogy and reverse it a little - sometimes it is like > I even gave an example of a teacher in a classroom asking a question to the class and it’s like they expect every kid to raise their hand and say “I don’t know the answer!” And other times it’s more like " Who’s coming to the party?" It’s not enough for me to get just the yes answers , because if I don’t get any response, I don’t know if those people aren’t attending, if they never got the invitation or if something went wrong with the response. It’s fine if someone doesn’t respond because they didn’t understand but it’s not so fine if someone still resists giving an answer after they were told it was expected. ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2021, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responding-to-requests-at-work-am-i-crazy-here/937290/46 "2021-03-08T12:57:44Z")
> [@SterlingArcher](#): > > The team was very small at this point, just 3 people. Regardless of the number of recipients, I still feel like many responders in this thread are missing my point about the language of the question. The question is "Who has time to… " or "Who knows about… " No, the expectations are different on a 3 person team. The implication when you send a “Who has time to do this” on a 3 person team is that _someone_ will eventually have to do it and it’s up to you three to negotiate among yourselves to figured out who does it. Sometimes, one person will step up and be the person who is like, “sure I will do this”, but occasionally all three of you will be busy and so it’ll just have to be the less busy person and it’s good to know that ASAP. Similarly, with “Who knows about”, it’s useful to know quickly that nobody knows it so the manager can go ask someone else or delegate the research for this thing which means responding in the negative is actually useful. This expectation disappears in larger teams because the employees aren’t expected to self coordinate anymore and that role falls more and more on the manager themselves. Question for you: Did you notice the other two members on the team responding in the negative and you just didn’t think much of it or were the other people also similarly oblivious to this expectation? I agree with other posters in the thread that, regardless of what the expectation was, it was bad form to bring it up in a performance review and the manager should have been more proactive in setting expectations. ---
**Author:** ![SterlingArcher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@SterlingArcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SterlingArcher)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2021, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responding-to-requests-at-work-am-i-crazy-here/937290/47 "2021-03-08T14:14:40Z")
We had a team chat, which included the manager, and if he asked a question in the chat about who could do something, we’d all coordinate to get a satisfactory answer. This happened sometimes too, I really don’t know why he’d occasionally use emails for simple questions like this instead of chat. Also, with assigning tasks to volunteers, email seems to me like the worst way to seek volunteers. If any of my other managers wanted to assign a project in this way, they’d do so during a meeting, not over email. Email is a different format though. I don’t like sending pointless emails with no info, but after this I learned they wanted me to answer a question that wasn’t being asked: He’s asking “Who has time…” but what he means is “Do YOU have time to…” It’s kind of a passive aggressive thing. I never saw any negative responses from my teammates, I have no idea if they got the same feedback in their reviews or not. ---
**Author:** ![SterlingArcher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@SterlingArcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SterlingArcher)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2021, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responding-to-requests-at-work-am-i-crazy-here/937290/48 "2021-03-08T14:19:17Z")
Exact same situation. If you email me “Who’s coming to the party?” and I’m not planning to come, I’m not gonna respond to this email. You didn’t ask “Who’s not coming” so to me, my non-response is the expected answer. You honestly don’t see the disconnect between what you’re asking and what you are expecting, in regards to negative responses? ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2021, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responding-to-requests-at-work-am-i-crazy-here/937290/49 "2021-03-08T14:20:48Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > Back to the OP - you’re both crazy. They should have been clearer about what they expected ( a response ) - and you shouldn’t have tried to convince them they they were somehow wrong to want a response from you. I hadn’t really paid as much attention to that part but I agree with you. The OP is also clearly wrong and should have agreed to reply to all emails rather than “prove” the boss was wrong. ---
**Author:** ![SterlingArcher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@SterlingArcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SterlingArcher)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2021, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responding-to-requests-at-work-am-i-crazy-here/937290/50 "2021-03-08T14:27:45Z")
I agree I argued too much about this stupid misunderstanding, but I was more dumbfounded and trying to break through the fog of how they thought it was SO obvious that I should be responding, and I was just trying to demonstrate how the question didn’t demand the response they expected. If they would have just presented it as “hey we really need you to respond to these types of emails” that would have been the end of it, but it was presented as “Duh! You gotta respond when your manager asks you a question! How dare you think otherwise!” ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2021, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responding-to-requests-at-work-am-i-crazy-here/937290/51 "2021-03-08T14:46:05Z")
> [@SterlingArcher](#): > > and I was just trying to demonstrate how the question didn’t demand the response they expected. If they would have just presented it as “hey we really need you to respond to these types of emails” that would have been the end of it, but it was presented as “Duh! You gotta respond when your manager asks you a question! How dare you think otherwise!” Yeah, but does arguing with a bad boss at an evaluation seem like a good idea to you? ---
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2021, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responding-to-requests-at-work-am-i-crazy-here/937290/52 "2021-03-08T14:53:49Z")
> [@SterlingArcher](#): > > I led a training that everyone seemed to enjoy and he commented “Well that was great, now I’m worried you’re gonna take my job.” I think this tells the tale. These guys sound like the kind of managers who derive most of their self-worth from being “important”. Hence, you MUST respond to every message, how could you you even _think_ of NOT responding to this Very Important Person?!? Stupid power games like this are how they reinforce their weak egos. ---
**Author:** ![JcWoman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jcwoman/32/2889_2.png) [@JcWoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JcWoman)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2021, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responding-to-requests-at-work-am-i-crazy-here/937290/53 "2021-03-08T14:55:55Z")
I actually would have been likely to respond the same way you did. Not to be combative, but out of befuddlement. Especially since the boss dragged in HIS boss to the review, which I’ve never seen unless there was something seriously wrong with my performance. (Or was that standard procedure at that company?) ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2021, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responding-to-requests-at-work-am-i-crazy-here/937290/54 "2021-03-08T14:56:49Z")
I do see the disconnect - but I think you don’t see the disconnect on your end and I’m not quite sure if you realize how you are coming across. It’s fine if you initially say I wasn’t clear that I also wanted negative responses- but you are coming across to me as if you won’t do what you _know_ I want you to do unless my wording meets your precise specifications - that is, if I ask “who’s coming to the party” you won’t tell me you’re not coming _even if I previously told you I also need to know if you aren’t coming._ ---
**Author:** ![SterlingArcher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@SterlingArcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SterlingArcher)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2021, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responding-to-requests-at-work-am-i-crazy-here/937290/55 "2021-03-08T14:57:53Z")
When I’m told I’m doing something wrong and the problem is miscommunication, I’m gonna try to work it out, even if that means that we discuss the conflict. I don’t know how else to be. I didn’t realize evaluation time was some kind of sacred ceremony where no arguing is allowed. Imagine your boss told you by email “Hey whenever you have extra time for projects, I want you to stand on your head by your desk.” And then evaluation time rolls around and he’s like “You never stood on your head! How dare you?” You’re not going to discuss the disconnect? Just meekly say “ok, sorry bout that, I’ll do better next time boss”? ---
**Author:** ![SterlingArcher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@SterlingArcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SterlingArcher)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2021, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responding-to-requests-at-work-am-i-crazy-here/937290/56 "2021-03-08T15:02:17Z")
Yeah I agree it was odd that he brought his boss into the review. I think it was because he was a new manager, just a few months at this point, and we were being evaluated for the entire year. So the higher boss was supposed to represent management during the first half of the year. ---
**Author:** ![SterlingArcher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@SterlingArcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SterlingArcher)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2021, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responding-to-requests-at-work-am-i-crazy-here/937290/57 "2021-03-08T15:28:46Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like if a manager has to email around the team and ask 'hey, what’s everybody doing? Can you guys tell me if you can take on some extra stuff today?.. isn’t really managing anything. Not a manager - more like some sort of weird team secretary. What’s the difference? All my managers have been glorified team secretaries. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2021, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responding-to-requests-at-work-am-i-crazy-here/937290/58 "2021-03-08T15:33:08Z")
Sorry to hear about that. IMO, that’s not what a good manager does. ---
**Author:** ![mmmiiikkkeee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/edb3f5/32.png) [@mmmiiikkkeee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mmmiiikkkeee)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2021, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responding-to-requests-at-work-am-i-crazy-here/937290/59 "2021-03-08T16:07:08Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > but you are coming across to me as if you won’t do what you _know_ I want you to do unless my wording meets your precise specifications - that is, if I ask “who’s coming to the party” you won’t tell me you’re not coming _ **even if I previously told you I also need to know if you aren’t coming**._ The bolded part is where you’re getting out of line: you DIDN’T say that initially, and he didn’t know you wanted that. What you’re trying to do here is the equivalent of saying “you can’t mark my test answer wrong because if I had given the correct answer it would have been right” I’m also not seeing anyone demanding specific wordings either. Is it really so hard to form a simple clear question? Let me try: Please respond and tell me if you are coming to the party or not. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2021, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responding-to-requests-at-work-am-i-crazy-here/937290/60 "2021-03-08T17:50:40Z")
> [@mmmiiikkkeee](#): > > I’m also not seeing anyone demanding specific wordings either. Is it really so hard to form a simple clear question? Let me try: Please respond and tell me if you are coming to the party or not. If you get an invitation with an RSVP, do you only respond if you are going? Hosts hate people like that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responding-to-requests-at-work-am-i-crazy-here/937290.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responding-to-requests-at-work-am-i-crazy-here/937290.md?page=4)