# Responses to a straight, white male complaining on these message boards. **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [March 3, 2014, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754 "2014-03-03T15:01:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/21 "2014-03-03T15:48:26Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > Yeah… I guess your right. I just think there are some double standard. Not so much with our laws, although I child custody is still a little bit of an issue. > > I mean culturally. Maybe a thread about a particular perceived inequity would work better…like your child custody example? ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/22 "2014-03-03T15:48:38Z")
Yeah, this was a disaster of a thread. I humbly apologize. _rolls eyes at myself_ ---
**Author:** ![Ace309](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ace309/32/1050_2.png) [@Ace309](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ace309)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/23 "2014-03-03T15:53:33Z")
Yeah, this thread has it _so_ hard.:dubious: ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/24 "2014-03-03T15:53:52Z")
It would save me a lot of embarisment if this thread were locked… but I made my bed, and now I have to sleep in it I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/25 "2014-03-03T16:01:26Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > It would save me a lot of embarisment if this thread were locked… but I made my bed, and now I have to sleep in it I guess. Or you can get your ass out of bed and make a better one. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/26 "2014-03-03T16:07:09Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Or you can get your ass out of bed and make a better one. I would have to really focus on what I would write about… I’ll try, but it may take some time. Seeing how stupid this thread is, I don’t know if I should even attempt to make another one. I WILL think about it though. ---
**Author:** ![Robert163](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4af34b/32.png) [@Robert163](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robert163)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/27 "2014-03-03T16:11:20Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > I would have to really focus to on what I would write about… I’ll try, but it may take some time. > > Seeing how stupid this thread is, I don’t know if I should even attempt to make another one. wait a minute you start a thread about how white males can’t complain without being criticized, then have people tell you either strait white males don’t have problems, or, they do in limited instances but shouldn’t complain, and you consider the thread a failure? BTW- i’ve never complained and had anyone tell me, you’re a strait white male, stop complaining! the trend is, i think. to assume that minorities suffering are pretty much always going to be greater than the suffering of a strait white male. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Nylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@Mr.Nylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Nylock)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/28 "2014-03-03T16:13:32Z")
I’m still waiting for someone to link to the Louis C.K. skit about time travel; or maybe an old Chris rock skit about a one armed busboy . . . waiting . . . . wating . . . ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/29 "2014-03-03T16:15:59Z")
> [@Robert163](#): > > wait a minute > > you start a thread about how white males can’t complain without being criticized, then have people tell you either strait white males don’t have problems, or, they do in limited instances but shouldn’t complain, and you consider the thread a failure? > > BTW- i’ve never complained and had anyone tell me, you’re a strait white male, stop complaining! the trend is, i think. to assume that minorities suffering are pretty much always going to be greater than the suffering of a strait white male. I’m really sorry. But I don’t know what you’re trying to say… it’s not you, it’s me. Could you put it another way? ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/30 "2014-03-03T16:16:31Z")
I’ve seen the kind of thing the OP is talking about on other message boards but I haven’t noticed any such trend here. ---
**Author:** ![Robert163](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4af34b/32.png) [@Robert163](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robert163)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/31 "2014-03-03T16:22:22Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > I’m really sorry. But I don’t know what you’re trying to say… it’s not you, it’s me. > > Could you put it another way? the difficulty in trying to explain it is that it is nebulous… it seems to be kind of a built in reaction. not with people in general, with like uber liberals of the politically correct police. the trend is, i thin, to assume that minorities suffering are pretty much always going to be greater than the suffering of a strait white male. I repeat my comment: you start a thread about how white males can’t complain without being criticized, then have people tell you either strait white males don’t have problems, or, they do in limited instances but shouldn’t complain, and you consider the thread a failure? and the result is comments like: Life is often hard, and not always fair. If there are problems associated with being a straight white guy, I think we can handle it. It pales in comparison to what others face daily. I’m not saying individual straight white guys don’t have problems worth complaining about now and then, but I’m not losing any sleep over problems directly related to just being such a person. If they exist. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/32 "2014-03-03T16:23:19Z")
Maybe the conversation can be salvaged somehow. I think this is one of those situations where “privilege” plays a role. Minorities are “allowed” to complain about minority-specific things because if they didn’t, their issues wouldn’t be seen at all. They don’t hold the microphone, they don’t write the laws, they don’t control the media, etc. The only thing they can do about the injustice against them is to kvetch and hope someone cares enough to listen. However, the dominant group doesn’t need to complain. Because, by definition, they control everything. Who are they complaining to? Themselves? That’s one explanation. Another hypothesis is that there’s only so much complaining people can take. People aren’t bottomless wells of sympathy and empathy. Which means we prioritize what we care about. We’re going to save our compassion for people who are really pitiable. Which is why people who’ve got the trappings of success (money, family, health, etc.) always get ragged on whenever they start bemoaning their lives. “First world problem!” is what you’re supposed to say nowadays to any complaint that doesn’t involve a life-or-death situation. Straight white males aren’t the only ones who are dismissed like this. ---
**Author:** ![Robert163](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4af34b/32.png) [@Robert163](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robert163)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/33 "2014-03-03T16:27:19Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Maybe the conversation can be salvaged somehow. > > I think this is one of those situations where “privilege” plays a role. Minorities are “allowed” to complain about minority-specific things because if they didn’t, their issues wouldn’t be seen at all. They don’t hold the microphone, they don’t write the laws, they don’t control the media, etc. The only thing they can do about the injustice against them is to kvetch and hope someone cares enough to listen. > > However, the dominant group doesn’t need to complain. Because, by definition, they control everything. Who are they complaining to? Themselves? > > That’s one explanation. > > Another hypothesis is that there’s only so much complaining people can take. People aren’t bottomless wells of sympathy and empathy. Which means we prioritize what we care about. We’re going to save our compassion for people who are really pitiable. Which is why people who’ve got the trappings of success (money, family, health, etc.) always get ragged on whenever they start bemoaning their lives. “First world problem!” is what you’re supposed to say nowadays to any complaint that doesn’t involve a life-or-death situation. Straight white males aren’t the only ones who are dismissed like this. this is what i meant to say, pretty much exactly ---
**Author:** ![DrCube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@DrCube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrCube)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/34 "2014-03-03T17:23:45Z")
Just because the positions of power in this world are mostly filled with white males doesn’t mean white males are all in positions of power. Poor white males have poor people problems, mainly. And then there’s the “men’s rights” side of things, which probably don’t affect the real bigwigs in our society. How many presidents and CEOs are denied the right to see their kids, for instance? I think the trick is to find legitimate complaints (“black guys get to call each other ‘nigga’ and white guys can’t” isn’t a legitimate complaint), and not be a whiner about it (“Whaa, why do I have to pay my ex wife alimony?”). I started noticing my privilege recently, as I’ve been getting out of tickets left and right. I used to be seen as an “angry young male” and had my share of speeding tickets but now (I’m 31, white, dress professionally and have a beard) all I get are warnings. So “angry young males” aren’t in a position of power, but there’s a good chance that if they come from middle class or higher background and are white, they’ll get more privileges to take advantage of soon. So should they complain, or just wait it out? If my friend’s experiences are correct, pretty young women rarely get speeding tickets. Hell, I’ve known a few to talk themselves out of a DUI. Should young men complain about the discrepancy, or wait until they’re older and the women start getting more tickets than they do? ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/35 "2014-03-03T17:43:17Z")
An average straight white male might feel he doesn’t have any advantage over an average minority, woman, or gay person. He’d get annoyed if people keep telling him he DOES have advantages over those people. Sure, the most powerful people in America tend to be straight white males, but an average straight white male might not feel like he actually has a chance to become rich and powerful, so who cares? He’d feel he has the exact same chance as minorities, women, and gays - zero. So when this hypothetical person thinks about how some laws are meant to fight against his “privilege,” he’d only see it as people who are in the same boat as him being given special treatment. I happen to disagree with the above hypothetical person. Straight white males DO have an advantage in the USA, whether they recognize it or not. But can you imagine if a straight white male made the argument above, on this message board? Many of the replies would be along the lines of what was quoted by j666, a sarcastic “because everything conspires against straight, white men.” I don’t think it would actually be possible for our hypothetical straight white male to have a real discussion about it here. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/36 "2014-03-03T18:05:50Z")
Thanks to those who are bringing up some more thought-out posts than mine. I have a problem with cultural differences. Like the “N word” being ok for blacks, but not for whites. I like Snoop Dog’s music, but I never know if I can sing along to it. I’ve honestly wondered what Snoop would say if I were to ask him about this. We also read The Color Purple in High School, but forced to skip over the “N word”. I think dating is extremely tough for males, though this is changing. I always pay on the first date, if a girl offers to pay, what do I do? Guys are generally supposed to be the ones to initiate conversation. Also, the media. Though it was more relevant in the 80’s and 90’s, the male is ALWAYS “bested” by his female counterpart. Weirdly, I think the show Roseanne did a good job at making Dan and Roseanne equals, even if Roseanne CLAIMED to be the queen of the house, Dan was a really good role model for boys IMHO… at least before the show got weird. “Girl power” always made me upset. I understand that women need to be encouraged to do their best and stuff, but I never felt “special” about being a man. My 5th grade teacher would often tell the women of the class how much smarter they are than boys, this made me feel bad about myself. I guess a little part of me feels like I’m part of the problem. I COULD say I’m a “feminist”, because I REALLY care about women’s issues, but I would prefer to be called a “humanist”. Although I can’t site them, there have been times where I’ve seen things on these boards that made me feel like I shouldn’t be proud of who I am. I can’t remember specific instances though. ---
**Author:** ![Robert163](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4af34b/32.png) [@Robert163](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robert163)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/37 "2014-03-03T18:12:53Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > Thanks to those who are bringing up some more thought-out posts than mine. I have a problem with cultural differences. Like the “N word” being ok for blacks, but not for whites. I like Snoop Dog’s music, but I never know if I can sing along to it. I’ve honestly wondered what Snoop would say if I were to ask him about this. We also read The Color Purple in High School, but forced to skip over the “N word”. i think the key issue here, for me and for most other whites, is not that black people are using the N word but that black people are using the N word and we can’t. it is something i guess you have to come to accept > [@](#): > > Also, the media. Though it was more relevant in the 80’s and 90’s, the male is ALWAYS “bested” by his female counterpart. there are not a lot of areas where white males get stereotyped, but, sitcoms are a DEFINITE exception to this rule > [@](#): > > “Girl power” always made me upset. I understand that women need to be encouraged to do their best and stuff, but I never felt “special” about being a man. My 5th grade teacher would often tell the women of the class how much smarter they are than boys, this made me feel bad about myself. i feel this is true but not as prevalent as the above example ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/38 "2014-03-03T18:16:04Z")
I miss songs like “Let’s Hear It For the Boy”. I know all the words. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Robert163](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4af34b/32.png) [@Robert163](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robert163)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/39 "2014-03-03T18:25:04Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > I miss songs like “Let’s Hear It For the Boy”. I know all the words. 🙂 good song 😛 ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/40 "2014-03-03T18:26:23Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > Thanks to those who are bringing up some more thought-out posts than mine. I have a problem with cultural differences. Like the “N word” being ok for blacks, but not for whites. I like Snoop Dog’s music, but I never know if I can sing along to it. I’ve honestly wondered what Snoop would say if I were to ask him about this. We also read The Color Purple in High School, but forced to skip over the “N word”. I don’t think you really want to say nigger, do you? I don’t. It doesn’t bother me that I’m not supposed to say the word, because I have no desire to say the word. Other people might want to use it, and they might use it, in ways that might be offensive or not offensive, but I just have no desire to use the word. So I’m OK with it. Basically, for this issue, don’t worry about what others do – worry about what you do, and what you want to do, and be respectful to others. > [@](#): > > I think dating is extremely tough for males, though this is changing. I always pay on the first date, if a girl offers to pay, what do I do? Guys are generally supposed to be the ones to initiate conversation. Dating is tough on everyone, I think. Just be nice, and be respectful, and be yourself. This is cliche, but in the long run (as long as the real ‘you’ is not an asshole), it will work. If a girl offers to pay, then you might have to call an audible – do you insist, or give in? Maybe you insist, and then you give in. Or maybe you split the bill. Or maybe you alternate. I trust that you have the confidence and the brains to figure this out. > [@](#): > > “Girl power” always made me upset. I understand that women need to be encouraged to do their best and stuff, but I never felt “special” about being a man. My 5th grade teacher would often tell the women of the class how much smarter they are than boys, this made me feel bad about myself. Your 5th grade teacher sounds like a jerk, and jerks sometimes make people feel bad. That sucks. As far as “girl power”, that always seemed to me about inspiring girls to do anything they want, and not feel limited by being girls – not about being better than men. That sounds good, right? > [@](#): > > I guess a little part of me feels like I’m part of the problem. I COULD say I’m a “feminist”, because I REALLY care about women’s issues, but I would prefer to be called a “humanist”. You can be both. Basically, if you think women should be treated respectfully, and treated as people, then you’re probably a feminist. That means that women deserve equal treatment, they deserve respect, they should not be belittled, talked down to, blamed or judged on their appearance (including the clothes they choose to wear), etc. > [@](#): > > Although I can’t site them, there have been times where I’ve seen things on these boards that made me feel like I shouldn’t be proud of who I am. I can’t remember specific instances though. If you should be proud of who you are, it shouldn’t be based on your sex and/or gender. You should be proud of accomplishments, and how you treat people (hopefully), and stuff like that, IMO. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754.md?page=3)