# Responses to a straight, white male complaining on these message boards. **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [March 3, 2014, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754 "2014-03-03T15:01:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/41 "2014-03-03T18:27:27Z")
> [@Robert163](#): > > there are not a lot of areas where white males get stereotyped, but, sitcoms are a DEFINITE exception to this rule Commercials too. “I Love Lucy” was also an exception. If I’m not mistaken, even some feminists have said things along the lines of: “Let’s not forget about our male children.” ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/42 "2014-03-03T18:31:36Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > I don’t think you really want to say nigger, do you? I don’t. It doesn’t bother me that I’m not supposed to say the word, because I have no desire to say the word. Other people might want to use it, and they might use it, in ways that might be offensive or not offensive, but I just have no desire to use the word. So I’m OK with it. > > Basically, for this issue, don’t worry about what others do – worry about what you do, and what you want to do, and be respectful to others. > > Dating is tough on everyone, I think. Just be nice, and be respectful, and be yourself. This is cliche, but in the long run (as long as the real ‘you’ is not an asshole), it will work. If a girl offers to pay, then you might have to call an audible – do you insist, or give in? Maybe you insist, and then you give in. Or maybe you split the bill. Or maybe you alternate. I trust that you have the confidence and the brains to figure this out. > > Also, the media. Though it was more relevant in the 80’s and 90’s, the male is ALWAYS “bested” by his female counterpart. Weirdly, I think the show Roseanne did a good job at making Dan and Roseanne equals, even if Roseanne CLAIMED to be the queen of the house, Dan was a really good role model for boys IMHO… at least before the show got weird. > > Your 5th grade teacher sounds like a jerk, and jerks sometimes make people feel bad. That sucks. As far as “girl power”, that always seemed to me about inspiring girls to do anything they want, and not feel limited by being girls – not about being better than men. That sounds good, right? > > You can be both. Basically, if you think women should be treated respectfully, and treated as people, then you’re probably a feminist. That means that women deserve equal treatment, they deserve respect, they should not be belittled, talked down to, blamed or judged on their appearance (including the clothes they choose to wear), etc. > > If you should be proud of who you are, it shouldn’t be based on your sex and/or gender. You should be proud of accomplishments, and how you treat people (hopefully), and stuff like that, IMO. But you just DID type out the “N word”. I don’t say it in a mean way. But if you’re reading The Color Purple, yeah, I don’t think it should be something that worries you to say. People should be happy you’re reading a book like that. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/43 "2014-03-03T18:35:22Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > But you just DID type out the “N word”. I don’t say it in a mean way. But if you’re reading The Color Purple, yeah, I don’t think it should be something that worries you to say. People should be happy you’re reading a book like that. There you go again, worrying about what others are doing, when it really shouldn’t affect you at all 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/44 "2014-03-03T18:41:05Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > Something’s been bothering me though. If you ever hear a straight, white male complain about a situation that specifically concerns straight people, white people, and especially males on this message boards; the common response is; “Oh, you must have it SO hard, poor you!” Like what? That if, as someone else quoted, if I only like pretty women, I’m shallow? Well, I only like pretty women, and I’m shallow. It’s true, you can say it, and I’m over it. But I still like only pretty women and I’m shallow, it’s just that I’m okay with that. I’m white, I’m male, I’m straight, I’m aging, fattening and balding. And I’m okay with that. I do want there to be more equality not because I object to having anything easy, but because I shouldn’t have anything easier than other demographics. Except pretty women. I like them easy. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/45 "2014-03-03T18:48:36Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > Thanks to those who are bringing up some more thought-out posts than mine. I have a problem with cultural differences. Like the “N word” being ok for blacks, but not for whites. I like Snoop Dog’s music, but I never know if I can sing along to it. I’ve honestly wondered what Snoop would say if I were to ask him about this. We also read The Color Purple in High School, but forced to skip over the “N word”. I don’t know what you mean by “forced to skip”? Were ya’ll going around the room reading passages out loud in class? And sure, you can sing “nigger” out loud. No one is stopping you, really. It’s all about context. If you’ve got black friends who know you are “down”, no one’s going to say anything. If you’re just another white guy, indistinguishable from all other white guys, of course you risk ruffling feathers by saying “nigger” in front of others. Because there are plenty of people who use still the word in the way it was originally intended to be used. But if you want to sing “nigger” while you’re in the shower, go right ahead. > [@](#): > > I think dating is extremely tough for males, though this is changing. I always pay on the first date, if a girl offers to pay, what do I do? Guys are generally supposed to be the ones to initiate conversation. You say something like, “If you don’t mind, I’d like to pay this time since I asked you out and I picked the place and everything. Is that okay?” If it’s not okay, then you don’t ask her again because she’s likely an argumentative control freak. > [@](#): > > Also, the media. Though it was more relevant in the 80’s and 90’s, the male is ALWAYS “bested” by his female counterpart. Weirdly, I think the show Roseanne did a good job at making Dan and Roseanne equals, even if Roseanne CLAIMED to be the queen of the house, Dan was a really good role model for boys IMHO… at least before the show got weird. Whenever guys start whining about their presentation in the media, I DO roll my eyes. Yes, you can pick a few examples of guys being “bested” by their smarter, more attractive looking wives. By the overwhelming majority of TV and movie characters are males. Heroic figures? Lovable evil villains? Males. Even when guys play the buffoon to women, they tend to be the star of the show while the woman are sidekicks. The Family Guy should be known as the Peter Griffin Show. I think women would love to see us made into buffoons if it meant seeing more of us. > [@](#): > > “Girl power” always made me upset. I understand that women need to be encouraged to do their best and stuff, but I never felt “special” about being a man. My 5th grade teacher would often tell the women of the class how much smarter they are than boys, this made me feel bad about myself. I don’t think anyone needs to be made to feel inferior so that some one else can be empowered. So it’s unfortunate that you were made to feel this way. But the reason why “girl power” exists as a meme is because girls are not bombarded by the same subconscious messaging that guys are. How do you tell half the population not to be held back by negative stereotypes without singling them out somehow? > [@](#): > > Although I can’t site them, there have been times where I’ve seen things on these boards that made me feel like I shouldn’t be proud of who I am. I can’t remember specific instances though. Perhaps it would help to recognize the reason why stigmitized minority groups are encouraged to be proud of who they is because they have been and still are stigmitized. Historically and currently, women have been made to feel bad for being women. (Haven’t you heard someone say recently “You throw like a girl!”) Straight white males do not have this stigma. I can only imagine how unfair it must seem to see all the different flags being waved to the exclusion of one’s own. But do you really feel like you _need_ to have a flag to wave? A flag makes the invisible feel visible. Straight white men have never been invisible, and it will be awhile before they are. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/46 "2014-03-03T18:48:41Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > Like what? That if, as someone else quoted, if I only like pretty women, I’m shallow? Well, I only like pretty women, and I’m shallow. It’s true, you can say it, and I’m over it. But I still like only pretty women and I’m shallow, it’s just that I’m okay with that. I’m white, I’m male, I’m straight, I’m aging, fattening and balding. And I’m okay with that. I do want there to be more equality not because I object to having anything easy, but because I shouldn’t have anything easier than other demographics. Except pretty women. I like them easy. 😃 I just want to say… the fact that I included being “straight” was a mistake. I can’t think of anything I, (or anyone else), can complain about that homosexuals have some sort of unfair advantage over straight people. ---
**Author:** ![naita](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/naita/32/5862_2.png) [@naita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/naita)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/47 "2014-03-03T19:18:05Z")
> [@DrCube](#): > > I think the trick is to find legitimate complaints (“black guys get to call each other ‘nigga’ and white guys can’t” isn’t a legitimate complaint), and not be a whiner about it (“Whaa, why do I have to pay my ex wife alimony?”). That’s my experience too. I think if we were to dig out the actual examples of what the OP was looking for (I think they exist, they’re just not common here) we’ll find that the brush offs are more common for the whiny complaints. “Should the alimony system be limited to paying child support to the parent with custody and nothing else?” would get more reasoned and thought out responses than “Why aren’t these feminists complaining about only men paying alimony if they’re really about equality and not about taking the power for themselves?” ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/48 "2014-03-03T19:25:52Z")
Haven’t read the rest of the thread . . . . The SWM is unable to even think of interacting romantically with half the earth’s population. You may also be prevented from being associated with someone who’s non-white because of your racist friends and family. And you will never know first-hand the joy of womanhood. And I’ve added a couple more: Being Christian, you have no idea how rich and rewarding life is, from the point of view of a Jew, a Hindu, a Muslim, an atheist. And as an able-bodied person, you can’t experience the challenges of someone who’s an amputee or has other physical challenges. You also have a “normal” weight, and are deprived of the challenges of being obese or anorexic. And as someone who’s mentally fit, you lack the challenge of having a mood disorder or lesser intelligence. Poor you. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/49 "2014-03-03T19:29:35Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Edited to add what? The word “ninjaed” - FootsZZZ had already noticed that his example was just a male thing. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/50 "2014-03-03T20:10:21Z")
> [@UDS](#): > > I’m struggling to think of an issue that’s specific to straight white males. Being told that you don’t deserve sympathy or aid because you are a straight white male, or being outright mistreated because you are a straight white male. Obviously. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/51 "2014-03-03T20:21:05Z")
Sheesh, it’s like nobody on the Dope ever read [this article.](http://whatever.scalzi.com/2012/05/15/straight-white-male-the-lowest-difficulty-setting-there-is/) Which, I know isn’t true, btw. I first learned about the article at the SDMB. ETA: not that the article isn’t true. What isn’t true is that no other Dopers have read it. ---
**Author:** ![Melchior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Melchior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melchior)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/52 "2014-03-03T22:25:57Z")
I bet you listen to George Winston records and drink Merlot, too. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/53 "2014-03-03T22:47:34Z")
Straight white man’s guilt seems to be very strong with the OP. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/54 "2014-03-03T23:00:37Z")
Yeah, I kind of feel guilty for starting this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Strassia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@Strassia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strassia)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/55 "2014-03-03T23:07:03Z")
Here’s the thing. You can be male and complain. You can be white and complain. You can be straight or cis or rich and complain. Just because you have one(or more) type of privilege does not make life perfect. You may or may not get sympathy, depending on how serious the issue is and who you telling (assholes exist in all places). What you can’t do is complain about the source of your privilege and expect sympathy from those that don’t have it. Let’s take it out of male/female for a second. If a person complains about poor service at the DMV, or bad weather, or loved one getting cancer it doesn’t matter that they have money. But if they start complaining about how the luxury tax on the yacht they just imported is too high, or how being in the top tax bracket makes them feel persecuted, they will be told to shut the hell up by someone who has to take a pay day loan to get the heat turned back on. This is especially true when it is phrased in a way to make it seem like the poor people are the lucky ones. Just like any poor person would gladly pay a higher percentage of tax to live comfortably, I bet women would gladly have more silly women characters on TV in exchange for not having a 1 in 4 chance of being raped at college. ---
**Author:** ![ThisUsernameIsForbidden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ThisUsernameIsForbidden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThisUsernameIsForbidden)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/56 "2014-03-04T01:16:17Z")
Ownership. White guys haven’t taken any pains to own any conversations specific to the class. I think there are plenty of conversations we can be a part of, however. For example, poor, underpriviledged. There are plenty of White guys like that. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/57 "2014-03-04T01:40:01Z")
I believe men do experience significant discrimination and we do have legal and moral right to speak up. – Abused men do not get equal legal protection. – Men are treated more harshly by the legal system. – Male bashing is rampant, similar bashing would not be acceptable toward any other birth group. – Men are discriminated in divorce cases. When I have brought this up last year on a different board many animals have personally attacked me. I believe that as long as we have the First Amendment and Internet we should disregard the bullies who tell us what issues not to bring up. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/58 "2014-03-04T01:48:15Z")
Very few people understand what it’s like to be an abused man who does not have the same opportunities an abused woman or a teenager of either sex has. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/59 "2014-03-04T02:05:50Z")
In my own defense, I would point out the context of my post. The thread specifically ask women about their preferences in the height of the partner. I did not think it reasonable to accuse them of being shallow for answering a question. I think my post was as reasonable as the one that provoked it. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754/60 "2014-03-04T02:51:05Z")
> [@Melchior](#): > > I bet you listen to George Winston records and drink Merlot, too. If that was at me, no I can’t stand George Winston, and I hardly ever drink wine. I won’t turn down a glass of merlot if someone brings a bottle to Thanksgiving dinner, of course. But the last bottle of wine I ever bought was a chenin blanc. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/responses-to-a-straight-white-male-complaining-on-these-message-boards/682754.md?page=4)