# Restaurant protocol: am I being rude to my server? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 3, 2018, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-protocol-am-i-being-rude-to-my-server/817215 "2018-07-03T04:11:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2018, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-protocol-am-i-being-rude-to-my-server/817215/21 "2018-07-04T01:18:58Z")
> [@DavidwithanR](#): > > If you’re actually really waiting 20 clock minutes from when you were seated until a first drink arrives, that’s a long time. But are you counting from when they seat you, or counting from some other event (like walking in the front door)? Agreed. Typically, from taking my order to arriving with drinks, I expect it to take about five minutes on average. Ten if the place is slammed. Twenty is just nuts. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2018, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-protocol-am-i-being-rude-to-my-server/817215/22 "2018-07-04T01:21:33Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > … > [tangent]I recently walked up to the bar and ordered three beers. Bartender brought my three, started my tab, then asked who I was with (so she could put their purchases on the correct tab). I was alone, and half-price-draft happy hour was over in 5 minutes.[/tangent]😃 > > Cheers! I have a friend who knows she is going to drink at least two beers and doesn’t want to wait for the second one, so she goes to the bar, orders two beers, and carries them happily to the table to order her food. ---
**Author:** ![Backwater\_Under\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba8739/32.png) [@Backwater\_Under\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Backwater_Under_Duck)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2018, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-protocol-am-i-being-rude-to-my-server/817215/23 "2018-07-04T01:26:55Z")
I will guarantee you that the proprietors of the establishment are very happy to sell your first beer right away, and as many after that if it takes a while for your table to be ready. ---
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2018, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-protocol-am-i-being-rude-to-my-server/817215/24 "2018-07-04T01:35:50Z")
It sounds like the restaurant probably should have a waiting line, even if they have some tables open. It’s always a fine art trying to guess how many servers they’ll need on one night and scheduling too many consistently will result in unhappy employees. So, have no hesitation in going to the bar yourself. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2018, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-protocol-am-i-being-rude-to-my-server/817215/25 "2018-07-04T23:22:24Z")
I think it’s a great idea. And is now my new MO (better tell the missus). I thought for sure the OP was going to tell us how he gets impatient and snaps at the server for being slow, or gets demanding about needing that beer NOW. But this way, he avoids all that by ordering at the bar. I’ve done this at the suggestion of the host/ess when it’s a long wait. And sometimes the bartender says he’ll just put it on our dinner check. I’m assuming in that situation, he gets part of our tip. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2018, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-protocol-am-i-being-rude-to-my-server/817215/26 "2018-07-04T23:42:21Z")
> [@D\_Odds](#): > > I think we are meant to assume that 20 minutes is an absurd exaggeration. I admit 20 minutes may be an exaggeration, but it’s not far off in many cases. Because when we go out to a restaurant (party of 4 or 5) it usually goes like this: Hostess seats us. Hostess leaves us. Up to 5 minutes goes by. Server comes to our table. Asks for drink orders. Server leaves us. 5 to 7 minutes goes by. Server arrives with all drinks except my drink (teas, sodas, etc). After giving everyone else their drinks the server says to me, “I will be back with your beer.” Up to 5 minutes goes by. Server finally arrives with my beer. And then asks if everyone is ready to make their order. So I have been in the habit of going right to the bar and ordering a beer as soon as we arrive at a restaurant. And the server always seems annoyed when I do this. They see me with the beer and say, “Oh, _ **I** _ can get that for you!” ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2018, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-protocol-am-i-being-rude-to-my-server/817215/27 "2018-07-04T23:47:46Z")
Not that I advise this, but what if you had one in your pocket when you got there? A guy in my town used to do that- walk in to the bar with a half finished beer in his hand, and I know he drove to the bar. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2018, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-protocol-am-i-being-rude-to-my-server/817215/28 "2018-07-05T00:09:36Z")
At a restaurant right now. No wait. Party of 4. Seated at 7:52. Beer just arrived. It’s 8:09. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2018, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-protocol-am-i-being-rude-to-my-server/817215/29 "2018-07-05T00:36:21Z")
That is not acceptable unless the bar is slammed for Happy Hour. No, the correct play is to go to the bar first, and if it hurts your servers feelings, so be it. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2018, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-protocol-am-i-being-rude-to-my-server/817215/30 "2018-07-05T11:16:00Z")
You could also do what we did last night if the place allows. Eat at the bar. I love places where you can sit down at the bar, order a drink or two, then decide you’re hungry. The bartender takes your order, serves you, keeps the liquor flowing, and is tipped very nicely at the end. Works best for parties of one or two. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2018, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-protocol-am-i-being-rude-to-my-server/817215/31 "2018-07-05T14:47:23Z")
Why don’t you just say to whoever shows you to your table, “I’d like a pint of Old Foghorn (or whatever) immediately, please.”? If you order it with your food, the server may think you want it along with your first course. Or am I missing something? ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2018, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-protocol-am-i-being-rude-to-my-server/817215/32 "2018-07-05T15:52:13Z")
Check Post #26. That’s the usual sequence of events. Because the waitron can’t pour your drink, it adds another layer of delay waiting for the bartender, who might be slammed at the moment. Better to just get it yourself before you sit down. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2018, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-protocol-am-i-being-rude-to-my-server/817215/33 "2018-07-05T16:02:42Z")
Ah, I clearly had read-ahead mode off and missed that. 🙂 That sounds like a highly unusual sequence over here (UK). Over here, we get seated and pretty much immediately presented with a menu. After a few minutes, our orders are taken, including drinks. Come to think of it, that’s pretty much what happened when I was over in America. But it’s inexcusable for the waiter to not bring all the drinks together. And if I were waiting 5 minutes before a waiter first came round, I’d be leaving. Or at least, not returning. ---
**Author:** ![Flyer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/flyer/32/7298_2.png) [@Flyer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flyer)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2018, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-protocol-am-i-being-rude-to-my-server/817215/34 "2018-07-05T16:16:32Z")
An off-the-wall suggestion: Is there some obscure law that prohibits alcohol from being served at the same time as other drinks? I don’t think it’s very likely, but it would explain the consistency of the issue. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2018, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-protocol-am-i-being-rude-to-my-server/817215/35 "2018-07-05T16:18:03Z")
> [@Flyer](#): > > An off-the-wall suggestion: > Is there some obscure law that prohibits alcohol from being served at the same time as other drinks? > > I don’t think it’s very likely, but it would explain the consistency of the issue. Typically the bartender is the only one allowed behind the bar. Servers have access to soft-drinks and water. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_lining](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@Silver\_lining](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_lining)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2018, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-protocol-am-i-being-rude-to-my-server/817215/36 "2018-07-05T17:32:42Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > When we go out to eat at a restaurant, I like to drink beer. I admit I am a bit impatient, and I want a beer _soon_, and I don’t want to wait on my second one. (No, I am not an alcoholic, it’s just the way I am. But if you insist I am an alcoholic, then… whatever.) > > It’s been my experience that it takes 10 to 20 minutes from the time we arrive until I finally get a beer. So lately I’ve been in the habit of going to the bar and ordering a beer, even though we have a table. At some places the server has seemed a bit… “unnerved” about this. They seem embarrassed or pissed off. It’s just the way I roll, and I never fault the server. And I always give the server a nice tip. But I just don’t like to wait 10 or 20 minutes for a beer. Plus I feel I am saving the server some labor. So am I in the wrong? You are not being rude. I’m I’m thirsty or hungry, I let the waiter know as soon as I see him or her. 10-20 minutes is too long to wait for service. ---
**Author:** ![Ashtura](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ashtura/32/2963_2.png) [@Ashtura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashtura)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2018, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-protocol-am-i-being-rude-to-my-server/817215/37 "2018-07-05T19:30:52Z")
No, you’re not wrong. However, wherever I go, they ask what you want to drink first thing. If I had to wait 20 minutes for a beer, I’d never go back. I could probably wait 5 minutes before I got a little impatient about the drinks. It’s refills that are my pet peeve (I don’t drink alcohol much). If you’re not on the ball with my refills, it’s gonna cost you in your tip (20% is my baseline but I will go down for poor service). ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2018, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-protocol-am-i-being-rude-to-my-server/817215/38 "2018-07-05T20:04:59Z")
If you are _really_ thirsty and are a senior citizen experiencing high ambient temperatures, maybe the 911 operator could send someone to goose your server. /dehydration PSA ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2018, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-protocol-am-i-being-rude-to-my-server/817215/39 "2018-07-06T06:30:07Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > So am I in the wrong? Nope. From “whaddya have on tap?” to a cold one on the table should not take more than 5 minutes. And if there is any doubt, just say to the waiter “I’m dying for a cold one, and, no offence, I know it’s going to be faster if I go grab the first one at the bar. You just bring me the second one when I’m halfway done, m’kay?” ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2018, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-protocol-am-i-being-rude-to-my-server/817215/40 "2018-07-06T12:56:17Z")
I find it amazing one would have to wait 20 minutes for a beer in any reputable restaurant. In my experince, the server wants to get booze into us as fast as they can. I would be shocked at a 20-minute wait. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-protocol-am-i-being-rude-to-my-server/817215.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-protocol-am-i-being-rude-to-my-server/817215.md?page=3)