# Restaurant Rules to Live By **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 18, 2011, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-rules-to-live-by/575093 "2011-03-18T00:40:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-rules-to-live-by/575093/81 "2011-03-18T19:18:17Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > I avoid restaurants that advertise themselves as being “family” places. The food is generally poor and they attract clientele that tends to resemble the Addams Family. Yep. “Family” usually means that kids will like the food, which means that it’s gonna be bland and boring. Not terrible, just boring. Ditto on asking the locals. If you’re ever in my neighborhood (north central Iowa), you’ll be directed to Unkie’s in Thor. Thor is a dinky town, not on any major highways and not easy to find, but Unkie’s is worth the side trip. Great steaks, prime rib on Friday and Saturday, good seafood specials, hand-breaded mushrooms, excellent buttery hashbrowns (but don’t get the cheese), and unless you eat on old people time (5 p.m.), you’ll be standing in line. They finally had to open a bar next door so people could wait indoors. ---
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-rules-to-live-by/575093/82 "2011-03-18T19:32:51Z")
> [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](#): > > For non-meat eaters—Don’t give them your life philosophy on why you don’t eat meat, or tell them about your rare digestive issues or last month’s religious awakening. > > “Can you make the mushroom-swiss burger with a Boca patty instead of the burger?” > > “Can you leave the chicken out of the cajun chicken fettuccine?” > > Unless it’s a life-threatening food allergy, (and even then) they don’t care about WHY you don’t want a specific ingredient, so just ask if your dish can be modified to your liking and then go from there without the self-righteous 5 minute explanation on your philosophical worldview about the hidden shame of factory farming or the tragic plight of the Guatemalan farmer. As a vegetarian, I certainly don’t give my rationale, but I _will_ say “Can it be made vegetarian?” or “Can you leave X out? I’m a vegetarian.” Otherwise, you say “Can you leave the chicken out?” only to find when you get your order that the menu neglected to mention that it contains bacon, and it didn’t occur to your waiter that this might also be an issue for you. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-rules-to-live-by/575093/83 "2011-03-18T19:44:24Z")
> [@zoid](#): > > Look for cops - cops spend a lot of time patrolling an area. If there’s a place with good food at an affordable price, the cops know about it. In Rome it’s the “priest” rule. Really. Particularly near the Vatican - if you see priests eating, go there! ---
**Author:** ![tim-n-va](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim-n-va/32/3001_2.png) [@tim-n-va](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim-n-va)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-rules-to-live-by/575093/84 "2011-03-18T19:47:23Z")
Before I travel I try to get recommendations on gluten-free restaurants from a message board serving that topic. If I haven’t been able to do that I will go for the chain that I know has a gluten-free menu rather than risk that the staff at the local restaurant will get me out with a calm GI-tract. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-rules-to-live-by/575093/85 "2011-03-18T19:52:19Z")
> [@tim314](#): > > As a vegetarian, I certainly don’t give my rationale, but I _will_ say “Can it be made vegetarian?” or “Can you leave X out? I’m a vegetarian.” Otherwise, you say “Can you leave the chicken out?” only to find when you get your order that the menu neglected to mention that it contains bacon, and it didn’t occur to your waiter that this might also be an issue for you. I was at a place a little while back that had vegetarian lasagna on their menu. My friend ordered it, and was asked if she wanted it with meatballs. It turns out that there were no actual vegetables in it, unless you count the tomato sauce. And there was a LOT of cheese in it. So in that place, vegetarian means meatballs and cheese. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-rules-to-live-by/575093/86 "2011-03-18T19:56:33Z")
> [@HubZilla](#): > > When traveling abroad, I like to eat at McDonalds once. I have two rules: > > 1. You must order something you cannot order in the US. Ebi-burger in Tokyo, spaghetti in Manila, etc. > > 2. If you have two small children, all McDonalds pretentions go out the window. When we went to Finland we ate at a ton of restaurants that aren’t available in the US and then on our last day there we decided we _had_ to try out the McDonalds just to see how it was different. It was awesome. They had muffins and hot chocolate! They had burgers available at 8 in the morning served right next to their sausage mcmuffins! It was just as much fun to see all the differences at McDonalds as it was to try all the other restaurants we went to on our trip. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-rules-to-live-by/575093/87 "2011-03-18T19:58:51Z")
> [@Tom\_Scud](#): > > Pad Thai fills that role in Thai food for me. > [@tdn](#): > > I would think that a red or green curry can fill it even better. But Pad Thai tests for noodle quality, which is important to me in Thai food. I eat lots of rice elsewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-rules-to-live-by/575093/88 "2011-03-18T20:09:23Z")
General rules of thumb that work for me: 1. Don’t order seafood in the midwest unless you know the restaurant. 2. Don’t order Mexican dishes unless you know the restaurant or are visiting the Southwest. 3. Never order biscuits and gravy unless you’ve tried some from someone else’s plate first. The overwhelming odds are against you getting something edible, and in favor of you getting something you can donate to your kindergartner’s art supplies. 4. Never eat from a buffet where they advertise family deals. “Family friendly” means goobers and boogers in your food, and possibly a dose of the flu. 5. Restaurants with names like “New York Deli” and “Philly Cheesesteak” are unlikely to have anything remotely resembling their namesakes. 6. Never order anything called “Chef’s Surprise” or “Chef’s Special”. It may be the former, but will be anything but the latter. 7. Avoid anything made with truffle oil. It will uniformly suck. 8. Rare burgers: just go ahead and use a .45 auto to play your next game of Russian Roulette. 9. At potlucks, stay away from dishes that you can’t instantly recognize. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. 10. I’ll think of something. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-rules-to-live-by/575093/89 "2011-03-18T20:09:53Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > When we went to Finland we ate at a ton of restaurants that aren’t available in the US and then on our last day there we decided we _had_ to try out the McDonalds just to see how it was different. It was awesome. They had muffins and hot chocolate! They had burgers available at 8 in the morning served right next to their sausage mcmuffins! It was just as much fun to see all the differences at McDonalds as it was to try all the other restaurants we went to on our trip. True; I ate a veggie burger at a McD’s in Amsterdam and it was actually pretty good (being fried to the gills prolly helped). Also, they have crab cake sandwiches at the one in Chincoteague, VA, which I tried for the LOLs…not great, but not as bad as you might think, either. ---
**Author:** ![lost4life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@lost4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost4life)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-rules-to-live-by/575093/90 "2011-03-18T20:23:41Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > When we went to Finland we ate at a ton of restaurants that aren’t available in the US and then on our last day there we decided we _had_ to try out the McDonalds just to see how it was different. It was awesome. They had muffins and hot chocolate! They had burgers available at 8 in the morning served right next to their sausage mcmuffins! It was just as much fun to see all the differences at McDonalds as it was to try all the other restaurants we went to on our trip. When I used to travel a lot, I made a point of seeking out local eateries and non-touristy restaurants. I also made a point of eating at a McDonalds in every country I visited. I don’t know why, I barely eat at them here, but I just did. ---
**Author:** ![Jake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-rules-to-live-by/575093/91 "2011-03-18T20:24:40Z")
“Every time I see the Cheesecake Factory on Big Bang Theory, with its two-sided diner menu, I wonder why they can’t borrow a real menu. You’d think they could pull 50 gags out of its length.” Sorry Chronos, I don’t quite get this. Is Big Bang Theory a restaurant? How can they pull gags out of a menu? ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-rules-to-live-by/575093/92 "2011-03-18T20:27:19Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I was at a place a little while back that had vegetarian lasagna on their menu. My friend ordered it, and was asked if she wanted it with meatballs. It turns out that there were no actual vegetables in it, unless you count the tomato sauce. And there was a LOT of cheese in it. So in that place, vegetarian means meatballs and cheese. I want to go to there. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-rules-to-live-by/575093/93 "2011-03-18T21:01:17Z")
“You’re a vegetarian? So, you’ll just have a little lamb.” (Paraphrasing from “My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding.”) I thought of another restaurant rule for us…frugal types - lunch menus are usually much cheaper than the dinner menu, and I’ve yet to go to a place where the lunch food was worse than the dinner food. Red Lobster is a good example of this - we only go there for lunch, it costs us half of what it costs for dinner, and we can’t eat all the food they give us. ---
**Author:** ![mcgato](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac8455/32.png) [@mcgato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mcgato)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-rules-to-live-by/575093/94 "2011-03-18T22:24:20Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > The ethnicity of the restaurant staff should match the ethnicity of the food. An Irish pub that’s run by Hispanic people is probably not going to be terribly authentic. Chinese food made by anyone but Chinese people is guaranteed to be the worst Chinese food you’ve ever had. While this may be true in general, there are exceptions. If I’m in a town that I’m not familiar with, I would follow this rule. For places closer to home, I’ll give the place a chance. The taco truck in my current home town is fantastic, and it is run by a couple of dudes who are decidedly not Mexican, or even Hispanic. The best Mexican that I had in Miami was at a restaurant owned and run by a guy of Lebanese descent. Lest you think that my taste in all things Mexican is suspect, the local entertainment rag named the same place the best Mexican restaurant in the city in their annual “Best of Miami” edition. That was after I had been eating there two to three times a week for about six months. It was near work and great for lunch. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-rules-to-live-by/575093/95 "2011-03-18T22:37:36Z")
Yeah; Greeks, in particular, are good at almost anything. Some of the best fried chicken I’ve had was made by Koreans. Plus, go into any kitchen of a restaurant you like and there will be a cook of hispanic descent. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-rules-to-live-by/575093/96 "2011-03-18T22:58:59Z")
> [@Jake](#): > > “Every time I see the Cheesecake Factory on Big Bang Theory, with its two-sided diner menu, I wonder why they can’t borrow a real menu. You’d think they could pull 50 gags out of its length.” > > Sorry Chronos, I don’t quite get this. Is Big Bang Theory a restaurant? How can they pull gags out of a menu? Big Bang Theory is a sit-com TV show. The characters go out to eat at Cheesecake Factory. They use simple prop menus, rather than the authentic 80 pages including advertisements Cheesecake Factory menu. If they used the authentic 80 pages including adversitements Cheesecake Factory menu, they could make many jokes about it. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-rules-to-live-by/575093/97 "2011-03-18T23:01:44Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > 1. Rare burgers: just go ahead and use a .45 auto to play your next game of Russian Roulette. Is this regional? Here it’s exactly the opposite. Because it’s against health codes to serve a burger rarer than medium **unless they grind their own beef** , if a place will serve it to me rare (actually medium-rare, which is how I like it), it’s probably going to be one of the best burgers around. ---
**Author:** ![Lamar\_Mundane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lamar\_Mundane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamar_Mundane)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-rules-to-live-by/575093/98 "2011-03-19T00:29:31Z")
The “local is better than chain” rule does not apply in Utah (outside of SLC-Park City.) You’re much better off going to Chili’s than trying a roadside diner. Trust me on this. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-rules-to-live-by/575093/99 "2011-03-19T00:55:57Z")
I wouldn’t know how to phrase this as a rule, but can tell how a group of us once found a good Greek restaurant. It was our first weekend in Chicago, just before the fall term started. Seniors were to take groups of us to different churches(the school was a seminary) that first Sunday. So my group goes to a Greek Orthodox church, and the experience there was it’s own story. Afterwards we chatted with the priest, and a few parishioners, and, deciding we wanted Greek food, asked folks where we should go. Several pointed us to the same place. The food turned out to be good, and reasonable in price. Not surprisingly the owner turned out to be a member of the congregation we had just attended, and when he found out where we had been he gave us free drinks! Maybe there’s a way to make a “keeping it in the family” rule? ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-rules-to-live-by/575093/100 "2011-03-19T00:58:42Z")
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