# Restaurant servers putting stuff on your plate **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 6, 2019, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-servers-putting-stuff-on-your-plate/843094 "2019-11-06T20:43:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2019, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-servers-putting-stuff-on-your-plate/843094/21 "2019-11-07T13:21:43Z")
I love being served. You’re giving me food? Excellent! You’re going to scrape up the crumbs from my roll? Have at it! ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2019, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-servers-putting-stuff-on-your-plate/843094/22 "2019-11-07T13:27:45Z")
> [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > UK person, big fan of all types of ethnic restaurants where communal eating is the rule, i.e. Chinese, Indian, Thai etc. > > Never had anyone spoon stuff onto my plate and would stop them if they tried. Same with wine, water, beer etc. Bring the stuff to the table and I’ll take it from there. > I’ve been in posher restaurants where they’ve tried to take the wine away until refill time, that isn’t going to happen and I’ve had to tell them to leave it on the table. Also British and don’t recognise what the OP is talking about, even in Indian restaurants. Is it a regional thing? A quirk of the OPs favourite Indian restaurant? Something about the OP that makes him looks like he needs or wants the extra service? ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2019, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-servers-putting-stuff-on-your-plate/843094/23 "2019-11-07T15:22:03Z")
I was in India (Bangalore) this summer. In multiple restaurants they’d bring a plate of food, serve some onto my (small) plate & then sent the dish down. When I ate some & there was more room on my plate they’d come over & serve me some more. This was for solo meals (work trip) & not a group setting. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2019, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-servers-putting-stuff-on-your-plate/843094/24 "2019-11-07T15:41:56Z")
> [@Spiderman](#): > > I was in India (Bangalore) this summer. In multiple restaurants they’d bring a plate of food, serve some onto my (small) plate & then sent the dish down. When I ate some & there was more room on my plate they’d come over & serve me some more. This was for solo meals (work trip) & not a group setting. I had the same experience in Bangalore, especially at the hotel restaurants. But it’s not universal even there. ---
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2019, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-servers-putting-stuff-on-your-plate/843094/25 "2019-11-07T15:56:47Z")
“Silver service” is when the server transfers food from the serving dish to the guests’ plates, then walks away with the serving dish, right? I think the OP is describing a “family style” setting where the server brings multiple plates for guests to share, and transfers _some_ of the food to each guest’s plate, but then the guests are responsible for additional helpings? Or did I misunderstand? The latter is not uncommon in Japan. And some “cook yourself” restaurants (like shabu-shabu) would cook the first batch for you at your table. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2019, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-servers-putting-stuff-on-your-plate/843094/26 "2019-11-07T16:26:32Z")
Never encountered it. I am a vegetarian and would be very upset if anyone put meat on my plate. And any Orthodox Jewish person or Muslim would feel the same way about any pork or shellfish. I am not a child, and I am perfectly capable of deciding what I want to eat and serving it myself. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2019, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-servers-putting-stuff-on-your-plate/843094/27 "2019-11-07T17:09:12Z")
The servers aren’t doing because they think you’re too stupid. (They think you’re stupid for many other reasons) They’re doing it because it is policy. If it bothers you politely tell them you’d prefer to do it yourself. Or just don’t go there. Getting mad at the server for doing their job is just asinine. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2019, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-servers-putting-stuff-on-your-plate/843094/28 "2019-11-07T17:15:19Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > That when they do it in front of you, you have more control over it. You can ask for more of this or less of that. > > The OP reminds me of that Doper who considered that plating your family’s food is “servile”. Definitely a culture clash. A good explanation, and another reason why it wouldn’t bother me. Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2019, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-servers-putting-stuff-on-your-plate/843094/29 "2019-11-07T18:22:52Z")
Count me among those who have never experienced this. Closest thing I’ve encountered is ordering a beer and the server brings an empty glass and the bottle, then pours the bottle into the glass, then leaves the glass and the empty bottle (usually empty; occasionally the beer will be bigger than the glass or they didn’t pour it correctly and it’s half head). I find the practice to be a bit odd, awkward even, but I’m not offended or annoyed. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2019, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-servers-putting-stuff-on-your-plate/843094/30 "2019-11-07T18:49:27Z")
It makes sense that it happens in Indian restaurants. Traditional notions of cleanliness and contamination in Indian culture dictate that a person who is eating never be allowed to touch food that is for everyone, including serving spoons. So there is always supposed to be someone to either eat before or after everyone else who does the serving during the meal (usually the lady of the house.) What the OP describes seems to be an adaptation of that custom. But the rage and annoyance that the OP describes seems to be way out of proportion. It’s just someone serving you. You go to a restaurant to be served. Chill. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2019, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-servers-putting-stuff-on-your-plate/843094/31 "2019-11-07T23:08:45Z")
Growing up my grandparents had servants, so the whole dealing with servants thing is not unfamiliar, and I have been in places with ‘silver service’ and it is not a big deal either [at least to me.] I prefer to have my food plated in kitchen or served family style, but I am not going to make a scene if it ends up silver service. [and I actually know the formal place settings, serving and taking away and the whole shebang a la Downton Abbey, until the fire I had several old etiquette books, both Brit and American including one specifically for kids from the 1920s that was very cartoony and funny that had been my father and uncles when they were young.] ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2019, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-servers-putting-stuff-on-your-plate/843094/32 "2019-11-08T01:00:02Z")
The only I time i’ve seen something like that was a dish with a big presentation aspect, Singing rice, Peking Duck or Bananas Foster or the like. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2019, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-servers-putting-stuff-on-your-plate/843094/33 "2019-11-09T11:18:51Z")
My mother did Silver Service in Chicago in the 1940’s. One of her life decisions was that no daughter of hers would ever have to work as a waitress. I don’t think it would have been an ‘Indian’ restaurant – Chicago was very multicultural, but I don’t think “Indian” had made it into high-end restaurants in Chicago at that time. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2019, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-servers-putting-stuff-on-your-plate/843094/34 "2019-11-09T16:44:27Z")
I actually encounter this in a fair amount of family style restaurants -typically Chinese or Italian, but I think I’ve seen in an Amish style restaurant or two as well. They aren’t the sort of places where each person orders individually - the orders are meant to serve more than one person, sides are ordered separately \*, everything is brought to the table in serving dishes/platter and usually the waiter serves the first portion. You can of course inform the waiter you don’t want any of a particular dish and usually the diners serve themselves additional helpings. The idea of my individual meal being brought out in separate dishes and then served onto my plate by the waiter doesn’t make any sense to me - if it’s truly “my meal”, then I don’t understand why it wasn’t plated in the kitchen unless the OP is dining alone in a family style place. - In these places when you order a main course, nothing comes with it. You order veal marsala, that’s what you get. ---
**Author:** ![Meurglys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/258eb7/32.png) [@Meurglys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meurglys)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2019, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-servers-putting-stuff-on-your-plate/843094/35 "2019-11-09T17:09:49Z")
> [@Banquet\_Bear](#): > > …thats called [silver service](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silver_service). I remember getting taught it in Hospitality school and it wouldn’t surprise me if it was taught as standard at hospo schools around the world, however the only place we ever actually used it was when I worked at Parliament. (And bread rolls! Almost everywhere I worked we used the fork-and-spoon methods to deliver bread rolls to guests.) I would think its a Commonwealth thing, so it doesn’t surprise me that its common place in Indian restaurants. More [here](https://poloandtweed.com/blog/what-is-silver-service). Yeah, back in the 80s when I used to help give hotels in the UK their star ratings there was a detailed booklet for the hotels specifying what was necessary for each star level. It included what level of service the hotel restaurants would have to provide. If they wanted to be 4 or 5 star then they had to provide silver service in at least one of their restaurants rather than serving the meals ‘plated’ (i.e. prepared in the kitchens). Main exception was if they were considered nouveau cuisine with the food specially arrayed on the plate by the chef. I’ve not kept up but I know a lot of the requirements have been relaxed since I was involved. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2019, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-servers-putting-stuff-on-your-plate/843094/36 "2019-11-09T17:40:53Z")
> [@WildaBeast](#): > > I haven’t experienced this either, which makes me wonder if it’s a UK thing. Or at least a UK Indian restaurant thing. Same here (USofA). _Never_ seen this in 60+ years of dining out. Food is put on your plate in the kitchen (90% of the time) or put on the table and you serve yourself. The latter is how most of the Indian (and family-style BBQ) restaurants I’ve been to do it. But I’m with the OP. If a server did that, I’d be struck dumb, and probably not react until it was too late. I’d pick my jaw up off the floor and turn to my companions, sputtering _"What_ was that? Wow, that was presumptuous. Who wants all this dal, I’m not going to eat it." ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2019, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-servers-putting-stuff-on-your-plate/843094/37 "2019-11-09T18:18:54Z")
The one time I will ask my server to forgo assistance is in deboning a whole fish at the table. I like to slowly work my way through a fish, eventually leaving a nice skeleton, suitable for a photo. ---
**Author:** ![Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Springtime_for_Spacers)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2019, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-servers-putting-stuff-on-your-plate/843094/38 "2019-11-09T18:33:33Z")
> [@wolfman](#): > > The only I time i’ve seen something like that was a dish with a big presentation aspect, Singing rice, Peking Duck or Bananas Foster or the like. Yes, my only experience was in Majorca with a beautifully presented shared plate of paella which was then carefully spooned onto our plates to preserve the look. It was quite easy to ask if I not have any shrimps on my plate. Yes, I know that the shrimps are the main point of paella I was having it to please my friend and I still enjoyed my shrimpless paella. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2019, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-servers-putting-stuff-on-your-plate/843094/39 "2019-11-10T04:10:34Z")
I think the only time I’ve experienced this is with Chinese banquet-style dinners where they bring out one course at a time. So they’ll bring out a tureen of soup and then ladle it out into the individual bowls. Then they’ll take away the soup tureen and bring out a large fish and give everyone a piece of it. Etc. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2019, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-servers-putting-stuff-on-your-plate/843094/40 "2019-11-10T05:09:06Z")
> [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](#): > > I know that the shrimps are the main point of paella I was having it to please my friend and I still enjoyed my shrimpless paella. Like hell they are. For starters, not every paella recipe has shrimp. Or mussels, another item which is present in most seafood or sea-and-mountain paellas… but again, not in every paella recipe. The shrimps in paeela aren’t even particularly good shrimp: those are used in dishes that say “shrimp” in the name. Nava, who mussels hate [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-servers-putting-stuff-on-your-plate/843094.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restaurant-servers-putting-stuff-on-your-plate/843094.md?page=3)