# Restroom Etiquette and Genders **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 1, 2009, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restroom-etiquette-and-genders/519621 "2009-12-01T20:32:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restroom-etiquette-and-genders/519621/41 "2009-12-02T16:01:01Z")
Not only do many women chat in the washroom, but also many women they assemble as a pack to visit the washroom en masse. ---
**Author:** ![heavybuhbuh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@heavybuhbuh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heavybuhbuh)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restroom-etiquette-and-genders/519621/42 "2009-12-02T19:28:25Z")
I have a bonafide true story about the dangers of even looking at another man in a mens restroom: 4 years ago I was at a baseball game at Dodger Stadium, of course, in Los Angeles. It was an exciting interleague game between the Boston Red Sox and the Dodgers. Lots of people, lots of Boston fans. Well, the urinals at Dodger Stadium are troughs, large crotch level sinks, with no partitions, covering the length of a wall. When I walked into the restroom, looking for a spot at a trough, I noticed one guy in particular had blatantly turned his head and was looking at the guy next to him pee, eek, so I went to another trough far away with my back to them. I figured this in LA and gay men can be more assertive/aggressive here. Not 5 seconds later, I hear the commotion. Drunk Boston fan who was being checked out had pushed blatant toilet tourist up against the wall and punched him in the face!!! Then exited with no repercussions that I knew of. I just carefully finished my business, saw that one guy helped the beaten guy to the sinks, and left. Even eye contact is serious business people. Course this is an extreme example of a drunken sports fan, probably never experienced again. But the point is made. I am a heterosexual man, in my early 30’s, if it was clear to me that someone was watching me as I did my business, I would just finish it and leave fast. I am very non confrontational. But I wonder how much of this avoidance in the mens room has to do with gay stigma. I think women are much more tolerant with lesbianism/bisexuality then men are with homosexuality. Larry Craig just adds to the homophobia. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restroom-etiquette-and-genders/519621/43 "2009-12-02T20:18:28Z")
> [@heavybuhbuh](#): > > I have a bonafide true story about the dangers of even looking at another man in a mens restroom: > > 4 years ago I was at a baseball game at Dodger Stadium, of course, in Los Angeles. It was an exciting interleague game between the Boston Red Sox and the Dodgers. Lots of people, lots of Boston fans. Well, the urinals at Dodger Stadium are troughs, large crotch level sinks, with no partitions, covering the length of a wall. When I walked into the restroom, looking for a spot at a trough, I noticed one guy in particular had blatantly turned his head and was looking at the guy next to him pee, eek, so I went to another trough far away with my back to them. I figured this in LA and gay men can be more assertive/aggressive here. Not 5 seconds later, I hear the commotion. Drunk Boston fan who was being checked out had pushed blatant toilet tourist up against the wall and punched him in the face!!! Then exited with no repercussions that I knew of. I just carefully finished my business, saw that one guy helped the beaten guy to the sinks, and left. > > Even eye contact is serious business people. > > Course this is an extreme example of a drunken sports fan, probably never experienced again. But the point is made. > > I am a heterosexual man, in my early 30’s, if it was clear to me that someone was watching me as I did my business, I would just finish it and leave fast. I am very non confrontational. > > But I wonder how much of this avoidance in the mens room has to do with gay stigma. I think women are much more tolerant with lesbianism/bisexuality then men are with homosexuality. Larry Craig just adds to the homophobia. Wow, that _is_ interesting. Keep in mind, though, that some people just go around looking for reasons to punch someone in the face. They’re a minority, sure, but they’re around. As for women being more tolerant, I dunno. I _do_ know that I’ve been “hit on” in ladies’ rooms before, but only in gay bars. Even at that, all I had to do was smile in a non-judgmental way and say “Oh, that’s nice; I’m straight!” and it never went further than that. I’ve never been hit on in a regular public rest room. OTOH, I think I probably give off that “straight” vibe, and the girls who tried in the gay bars _assumed_ that even though I could “pass” as straight, I must be gay, or I wouldn’t be there (when I was really there with my two sisters, who _are_ lesbians, because it was much more comfortable for _me_ to drink in a gay bar than it was for them to drink in a _straight_ bar). ---
**Author:** ![Peg\_Leg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90db22/32.png) [@Peg\_Leg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peg_Leg)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restroom-etiquette-and-genders/519621/44 "2009-12-02T20:58:16Z")
Talking in a restroom disturbs the shit out of me. At work I’ll be pissing, and one of the guys will walk in and start asking me about my day. I’m like “dude, don’t talk to me while i have my dick in my hands,” but that just results in more talking. The whole urinal selection rule, I’ve thrown that out the window though. I don’t give a shit where I stand or who stands next to me. I go for the easiest one to get to, if that happens to be the closest one next to the only other person in the room, so be it. The other day I was on a global teleconference and we heard a toilet flush while someone was talking. That was pretty awesome.:smack: ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restroom-etiquette-and-genders/519621/45 "2009-12-02T21:07:28Z")
I was just in the bathroom here at work (medical center), a rather large multi-stall one with maybe 3 women in it including me in a stall. I heard someone new come in and take the end stall. Then the loud, echoey talking started. She was on a cell phone, giving instructions to the person who was apparently picking her up, and then talking in detail about her results at the doctor, what tests she was going to be having soon, etc. Then I heard it. “Hello? Bob? What happened…” Quiet again. Soon after, she had apparently re-established signal, redialed, and connected again, because I heard the whole “what happened, got cut off” part and then “No, I’m having the ultrasound **scheduled** , I haven’t done it already” and all that clarification. Really? You need to be sharing all that stuff with strangers in a very echoey tile bathroom? I flushed during the first call. Even if I weren’t happy to be mean about that, you still gotta do what you gotta do - which of course makes them talk louder and/or repeat themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restroom-etiquette-and-genders/519621/46 "2009-12-02T21:15:31Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > Men’s latrines do have stalls for the potties, but a row of urinals along the wall may or may not have a little divider wall between them. Very often, not. If the urinal is a long trough, then of course no privacy anything and if it’s busy, you’re literally peeing shoulder to shoulder with other guys. But often the individual toilet stalls to have no doors on them. That’s especially common in schools, I assume intended to reduce vandalism, etc. in the stalls. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restroom-etiquette-and-genders/519621/47 "2009-12-02T21:28:20Z")
Nowhere is the difference between straight guys and gay guys greater than in a public restroom. It’s amazing how uptight straight guys are, and for no reason whatsoever. When my gay men’s chorus is rehearsing, about half of us have to use the men’s room on break. There’s always a line, and everyone’s talking and joking, and then a guy at one of the urinals will say something like “Mmmm, asparagus!” and everyone will laugh. We just act the same as anywhere else. Straight guys are just silly. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2009, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restroom-etiquette-and-genders/519621/48 "2009-12-02T21:50:12Z")
In my experience, it is acceptable for men who already know each other to talk while standing at the urinals, so long as the conversation is limited to a simple greeting and perhaps a single sentence like “Hey, could I talk with you later about \_\_\_\_\_?”-- Never anything that might extend the time spent in the Room with No Name. Talk in the stalls, however, is absolutely unheard of: The social convention is that you don’t even know who it is in the stall next to you, even if you both walked in at the same time. And you obviously can’t ask “Hey, Bob, did you finish that paper you were writing?”, if you (officially, at least, and probably actually) don’t know that it’s Bob there. ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restroom-etiquette-and-genders/519621/49 "2009-12-03T01:37:06Z")
I don’t make phone calls from the loo, but I will admit, sometimes when taking a momentous dump I’ll bring the computer or my phone (so I can use the internet) with me. It’s like bringing the news paper, in my opinion. What makes some people cringe is that I do stuff like update my Facebook status or check my e-mail while pooping. (No, I never say “taking a massive dump!” on my Facebook status. I keep it more esoteric, like “it’s gonna be a tough few days” or “super excited about seeing my brother and his puppies!”) Other than when I was a small child following my mother, I’ve followed (and been followed by) only two women in my life. My little sister, who I’ve cared for since she was born, and my long-time best friend, K. I’ve seen K naked, slept next to her, both of us naked in a totally non-dirty sisterly way… and we’ve seen each other pee. I would never chat it up with a stranger. And I rarely, if ever, talk to someone in public restrooms unless we’re trying to get away from the boys and our only chance to talk in private is in the lady’s room. ---
**Author:** ![groo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecd19e/32.png) [@groo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/groo)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restroom-etiquette-and-genders/519621/50 "2009-12-03T01:37:52Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > No. Peeing in a stall shows weakness. You never show weakness in a room full of men with their junk out. 🙂 QFT. I’ve probably encountered only two or three instances of men talking on cellphones in stalls. Worrying about making loud noises was the exact opposite of how I reacted. ---
**Author:** ![Southern\_Yankee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/southern_yankee/32/2800_2.png) [@Southern\_Yankee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Southern_Yankee)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restroom-etiquette-and-genders/519621/51 "2009-12-03T01:47:03Z")
Not at the sink, Not in the stall, No talking, no talking, No talking at all. Don’t chat at the trough, Don’t take a call, No talking, no talking, No talking at all. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restroom-etiquette-and-genders/519621/52 "2009-12-03T02:04:55Z")
Hey guys, there might be a technological solution – metal plates in the fixtures that are electrified by a sound activated switch. Urinal talker: "How about . . . " [FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]ZZZAAAPPPPPP![/FONT] After a fellow has his pecker tazed a few time, he’ll probably begin to realize the correlation between his talking at the stall and his weiner roasting. This would probably work for both straight and gay men. It would quiet the conversations in the straight bar washrooms, and heighten the conversations the gay bar washrooms. Everyone’s happy! ---
**Author:** ![horsetech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/dec6dc/32.png) [@horsetech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/horsetech)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restroom-etiquette-and-genders/519621/53 "2009-12-03T02:13:47Z")
> [@Serenata67](#): > > I don’t make phone calls from the loo, but I will admit, sometimes when taking a momentous dump I’ll bring the computer or my phone (so I can use the internet) with me. It’s like bringing the news paper, in my opinion. What makes some people cringe is that I do stuff like update my Facebook status or check my e-mail while pooping. (No, I never say “taking a massive dump!” on my Facebook status. I keep it more esoteric, like " **it’s gonna be a tough few days"** or “super excited about seeing my brother and his puppies!”) (emphasis mine) No offense, but you need to eat more fiber. 😛 Female here, and, no, no talking in the loo. Maybe if it’s a bosom friend and there is nobody else around and you are continuing an in-depth conversation as if nothing else (and only one kind of something else) were happening. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restroom-etiquette-and-genders/519621/54 "2009-12-03T02:19:31Z")
Rather than start a new thread, I thought this would be appropriate here– Men, what’s with those of you who don’t wait until you’re done re-buckling your belt before exiting the loo? I constantly see men do this, in both private homes and public places like restaurants. Are they in a rush? Is it cramped in there? Are they trying to advertise the fact that they likely didn’t wash their hands? ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restroom-etiquette-and-genders/519621/55 "2009-12-03T02:36:53Z")
It’s a matter of not wanting to remain in a washroom because there are other men in there. Think about it – would you want to be in a room full of pissing, farting, shitting, silent men? ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restroom-etiquette-and-genders/519621/56 "2009-12-03T03:11:38Z")
This is so illuminating. After reading Panache’s post, I think I’m in actuality a gay man. I make no distinctions between the bathroom and the rest of my world. I talk if someone’s in there to talk to, I carry on conversations already started with people I walk in with, whatever. When I worked in another part of the building, it was actually helpful to run into people in the bathroom so you could discuss things! Of course, I DO things in the bathroom I don’t do elsewhere, c’mon … but sheesh. Of course I’m not gross or an exhibitionist, but what exactly is the big deal? That said, I have never talked on a cell phone in a public restroom. At home, if I’m on the phone, I go if nature calls, but only if it’s my husband, a good friend or my mom. Nobody else needs to hear me pee at long distance. ---
**Author:** ![GameHat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ed655f/32.png) [@GameHat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GameHat)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restroom-etiquette-and-genders/519621/57 "2009-12-03T03:29:45Z")
The worst offense I’ve ever been witness too: I was in a stall in O’Hare. Dude in the stall next to me was talking loudly on a cell phone. It was only after a few terrible minutes that I realized - This guy was being interviewed for a job. Job interview. On a toilet. In O’Hare. Man, I hope they didn’t hire this clod. ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restroom-etiquette-and-genders/519621/58 "2009-12-03T03:34:30Z")
> [@Mindfield](#): > > Men don’t talk on the phone in a bathroom. It just isn’t done. Lucky you. They do where I work! ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restroom-etiquette-and-genders/519621/59 "2009-12-03T03:42:45Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > Rather than start a new thread, I thought this would be appropriate here– > > Men, what’s with those of you who don’t wait until you’re done re-buckling your belt before exiting the loo? I constantly see men do this, in both private homes and public places like restaurants. Are they in a rush? Is it cramped in there? Are they trying to advertise the fact that they likely didn’t wash their hands? I don’t know. I don’t do that. I have to sometimes remind myself to not start undoing my belt _before_ I’m actually in the loo. At home I usually start undoing the trousers before I get there. ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restroom-etiquette-and-genders/519621/60 "2009-12-03T03:43:00Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > 1.) Not just high-class joints > > 2.) Not just the sports – some have the Front Page > > 3.) Back when I was an undergrad, one of the rows of urinals at a men’s room at MIT had a blackboard (and chalk) above the urinals. _That_ was clever. I haven’t been back to that one in quite a while, so I don’t know if it’s still there. A couple years ago I went into the restroom at a restaurant and there were flat-screen video displays, running ads, above the urinals. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restroom-etiquette-and-genders/519621.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/restroom-etiquette-and-genders/519621.md?page=4)