# Return of the Annoying Church Signs **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 26, 2003, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454 "2003-11-26T21:05:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2003, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/1 "2003-11-26T21:05:42Z")
Once again I’ve seen a church sign that was so irritating I wanted to turn into the parking lot, find the idiot who put it up and do bodily harm. Here it is: > [@](#): > > Life is not about you. > It’s about God. How does insulting me want to make me come to your church? Just down the road is a church that tries to be clever and they have: > [@](#): > > What’s your Alert Level for Christ’s Return? It’s been almost 2000 years, guys. He ain’t coming back. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2003, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/2 "2003-11-26T21:08:20Z")
Yeah for Church signs. All their stupidity condensed into a pithy sentance. My favorite one lately has been: > [@](#): > > If God had a refrigerator your picture would be on it. And my response to it is: **If God had a refrigerator your body would be in it.** ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2003, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/3 "2003-11-26T22:07:36Z")
There is a new church nearby that meets in an old Boot Factory. I don’t know if it’s on their sign, but their pamphlets say, “Come to be healed and re-souled.” ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2003, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/4 "2003-11-26T22:10:37Z")
my favorite from last week: A christian heart is good, but a christian liver is better. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2003, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/5 "2003-11-26T22:16:47Z")
You can make your own here: [http://www.aboyandhiscomputer.com/churchsigngenerator/index.php](http://www.aboyandhiscomputer.com/churchsigngenerator/index.php) ---
**Author:** ![Enginerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bcef8e/32.png) [@Enginerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enginerd)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2003, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/6 "2003-11-26T23:06:22Z")
From one here in Reno: > [@](#): > > Under the same management for over 2000 years. ---
**Author:** ![HDS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/bb73d2/32.png) [@HDS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HDS)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/7 "2003-11-27T00:12:12Z")
Still a favourite - “Your Most Powerful Position is on Your Knees” ---
**Author:** ![\_possum\_stalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/b77776/32.png) [@\_possum\_stalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_possum_stalker)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/8 "2003-11-27T00:32:01Z")
A local favorite, on some independent Bible-style church: > [@](#): > > “God is looking for a bride, not a date.” Whoa, slow down there, God! It’s not even our first date and you’re talking about marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Nimue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d26b3c/32.png) [@Nimue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nimue)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/9 "2003-11-27T00:57:20Z")
I am not making this one up: **Come hang out with the guy who hung for you.** ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/10 "2003-11-27T01:00:35Z")
So god is one of those scary types that you see once and all of a sudden they start naming your future children? Man, religious people are WEIRD! ---
**Author:** ![neutron\_star](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/51bf81/32.png) [@neutron\_star](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neutron_star)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/11 "2003-11-27T01:01:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by HDS \* > \*\*Still a favourite - “Your Most Powerful Position is on Your Knees” \*\* Two similar ones I’ve seen on different churchs in town, just within the past two weeks: “It’s hard not to be humble when your _(sic)_ on your knees” “You can’t stumble if you’re already on your knees” \ Actually the first quote was on the sign of a tire store next to a church. As I think I mentioned in a previous thread on this subject, the same tire store once offered up the eyeroll-worthy “Atheists have no invisible means of support.” A surprising (or, perhaps, not so surprising) number of these signs have spelling or grammatical errors. One of them (paraphrased, but the errors are the same) was: “Never to bad to come to church. Never to good to stay home” Somebody should add “Never to **o** good to take third grade English” to that sign. Another one that I know I mentioned before, but never fails to crack me up anyway: “Wal-Mart isn’t the only saving place.” That same church also once featured a sign that said “Honk if you tithe.” I never heard anyone honk. I know there are dozens of great ones that I’ve forgotten. I should start writing them down; they’re everywhere around here. And this city is mostly Catholic. I feel sorry for our poor OP stuck up there in Texarkana. A lot of folks in Northern Louisiana and the surrounding areas seem to be quite rabid about their religion. On a recent drive to Dallas, I saw a mall along I-20 in NE Texas that featured - I kid you not - “The Church in the Mall.” That was really the name of the place. The whole thing just sort of boggles the mind. On an unrelated note, I actually did end up in Texarkana on the way back, due to it being nearly impossible to figure out how to get back on I-20 from Dallas. Got on I-30 instead and went 130 miles out of my way. It wasn’t one of my prouder moments. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/12 "2003-11-27T01:11:13Z")
Wow HDS, that’s sort of a universal thing, ain’t it 😉 The one I like, in keeping with my profession, is… \*\* Stop, Drop and Roll won’t work in Hell \*\* ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/13 "2003-11-27T01:21:25Z")
for a little bit of Ho-Ho-Holiday fun, there’s the old… \*\* Santa never died for anyone \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/14 "2003-11-27T01:27:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nimue \* > \*\*I am not making this one up: > > **Come hang out with the guy who hung for you.** \*\* He was hung? Man, if only I were gay, I could appreciate that. ---
**Author:** ![sunfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/96bed5/32.png) [@sunfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sunfish)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/15 "2003-11-27T01:34:39Z")
A good one I saw recently: **Don’t ever give up hope. Remember, Moses was a basket case.** ---
**Author:** ![Petrichor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e19adc/32.png) [@Petrichor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Petrichor)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/16 "2003-11-27T01:38:41Z")
My favorite: **The Easter Bunny did not rise from the grave** I can imagine that that sign tramatised a few children. ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/17 "2003-11-27T01:38:49Z")
I saw one up here that said “Give Me Some Of That Old Time Religion” on it, and someone had drawn a nice neat pentagram next to it. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/18 "2003-11-27T01:41:25Z")
[What happens when the Methodists meet California](http://www.doorbell.net/tlr/signs.htm#surfer) ---
**Author:** ![i\_like\_bacon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/54ee81/32.png) [@i\_like\_bacon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/i_like_bacon)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/19 "2003-11-27T02:02:04Z")
the one i hate is the one that says something like, “i’d love to have you in my house for coffee” then it’s signed “God” like its a quote or something! totally annoys me! the church with these signs is right on my way to work so i see it twice a day and its like an eye magnet, i read it every time. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/20 "2003-11-27T02:31:39Z")
“C - H - \_ - \_ - C - H” “What’s Missing?” “U - R!” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454.md?page=2)