# Return of the Annoying Church Signs **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 26, 2003, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454 "2003-11-26T21:05:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![LilyoftheValley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/54ee81/32.png) [@LilyoftheValley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LilyoftheValley)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/21 "2003-11-27T02:47:09Z")
My favorites: **God is on the throne** (Did they realize what they were saying?!) and \*\*My last name is not Dammit – God \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/22 "2003-11-27T03:00:48Z")
I was driving along and saw one that said: **"To understand God, you must stand under God."** I drove along for a couple of minutes before I finally came up with, “To overcome evil, you must …” ---
**Author:** ![Gotterfunken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/58956e/32.png) [@Gotterfunken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gotterfunken)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/23 "2003-11-27T03:22:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by neutron star \* > **A surprising (or, perhaps, not so surprising) number of these signs have spelling or grammatical errors.** Tell me about it. When I went to school in Pensacola (a seething hotbed of evangelical churches), there was one particular church that on several occasions featured “it’s” on their sign, when the context clearly indicated that it should be the possessive pronoun “its”–therefore, no apostrophe needed. It bothered me so much that when I drove past the church late one evening, I pulled up next to the sign, got out of my car, walked up to the sign, removed the offending apostrophe, slid the “s” up next to the “t,” and, having edited the sign, drove off with the apostrophe. I still have it stuffed in a junk drawer somewhere–maybe I’m expecting I’ll need it in an emergency one day. ---
**Author:** ![Zap\_Rowsdower](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3da27b/32.png) [@Zap\_Rowsdower](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zap_Rowsdower)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/24 "2003-11-27T04:29:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by 'possum stalker \* > \*\*A local favorite, on some independent Bible-style church: > Whoa, slow down there, God! It’s not even our first date and you’re talking about marriage. \*\* But I like my god as a friend. ---
**Author:** ![G-RAY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d9b06d/32.png) [@G-RAY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G-RAY)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/25 "2003-11-27T05:57:39Z")
This one was up for a couple of weeks until I think some explained its similarity to gay/bi ads in magazines. “20 minute church… curious?” ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/26 "2003-11-27T06:17:52Z")
One by my house that I thought was kind of amusing: Is Satan chasing you? Quick hide in here! ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/27 "2003-11-27T11:24:41Z")
I always thought it would be vastly entertaining to own a bar across the street from a church and do my own marquee. Kinda point/counterpoint thing. Church: God is my co-pilot Bar: Bob is my DD. Church: CH\_\_RCH. What’s missing? Bar: \_ \_ine, it’s in the toilet. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/28 "2003-11-27T11:46:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by keturah \* > \*\*my favorite from last week: > A christian heart is good, but a christian liver is better. \*\* …With Fava beans and a nice Chianti… ---
**Author:** ![Futile\_Gesture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f05b48/32.png) [@Futile\_Gesture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Futile_Gesture)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/29 "2003-11-27T11:47:59Z")
**Contact God through knee-mail** I bet whoever came up with that one just went through the rest of the day with a grin on their face. Like, it has everything. The whole prayer and humble thing _and_ it shows that this is a place that’s hip to the new technology! So much that we can joke about it! Geddit?! Knee-mail??? Sounds a bit like… e-mail! Hilarious! ---
**Author:** ![Badandi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/73ab20/32.png) [@Badandi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badandi)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/30 "2003-11-27T14:43:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Futile Gesture \* > \*\ ***Contact God through knee-mail** Heh. I was just about to post about this one. Cracked me up when I saw it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Computer\_Guru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed655f/32.png) [@Computer\_Guru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Computer_Guru)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/31 "2003-11-27T14:46:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Homebrew \* > \*\*Once again I’ve seen a church sign that was so irritating I wanted to turn into the parking lot, find the idiot who put it up and do bodily harm. Here it is: > > How does insulting me want to make me come to your church? > Just down the road is a church that tries to be clever and they have: > It’s been almost 2000 years, guys. He ain’t coming back. \*\* I hate to say this, but I like some of them. The first one was good. ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/32 "2003-11-27T14:52:09Z")
There’s a church on my work route that, last year, went through some movie envy, apparently. In two subsequent months, the messages on the church board were (yes, direct quotes): “Jesus is better than the Matrix” and “Bruce is not the Almighty” ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/33 "2003-11-27T14:59:18Z")
I hate to admit this… this was actually the sign at the church I attend 16 years ago… “God’s favorite word is Come.” _sigh_ Was there NO ONE in leadership worldly-wise enough to have suggested that might not be a good idea? _L_ ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/34 "2003-11-27T15:08:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FriarTed \* > \*\*“God’s favorite word is Come.” \*\* So God and I have something in common. Although I prefer a slightly different spelling.😃 ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/35 "2003-11-27T15:10:00Z")
On the church between my house and ShopRite: **Be an organ donor. Give your heart to Jesus.** Since when does Jesus’s diet (bread, fish, wine) cause heart disease? ---
**Author:** ![Computer\_Guru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed655f/32.png) [@Computer\_Guru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Computer_Guru)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/36 "2003-11-27T15:12:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Annie-Xmas \* > \*\*On the church between my house and ShopRite: > > **Be an organ donor. Give your heart to Jesus.** > > Since when does Jesus’s diet (bread, fish, wine) cause heart disease? \*\* I like the bumper sticker that says something like that God knows we don’t need our organs there, so leave them here. Hopefully, you know by **Be an organ donor. Give your heart to Jesus.** , that means be charitible. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/37 "2003-11-27T15:56:20Z")
There must be a list somewhere of the church signs from _The Simpsons_–anyone have a link? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/38 "2003-11-27T16:13:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eve \* > \*\*There must be a list somewhere of the church signs from _The Simpsons_–anyone have a link? \*\* There _used to be_ a Reverend Lovejoy specialty webpage. Can’t find it, though… ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/39 "2003-11-27T16:28:20Z")
[Simpsons signs](http://animatedtv.about.com/library/weekly/aa012901a.htm) [more Simpsons signs](http://members.aol.com/prymetyme2/simpsign.htm) From the above link: "Temple Beth Springfield. Rabbi Hyman Krustofski. This Saturday: “Coping with Christmas” ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/40 "2003-11-27T17:13:42Z")
The only one I remember offhand is, “GOD WELCOMES HIS VICTIMS.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454.md?page=3)