# Return of the Annoying Church Signs **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 26, 2003, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454 "2003-11-26T21:05:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/41 "2003-11-27T17:38:40Z")
I recently attended a wedding in a Catholic church and as we exited the church I couldn’t help noticing, on the wall, I colour depiction of a smiling Jesus pointing at the viewer like uncle Sam and it was captioned: Don’t make me come down there! WTF ? I went back and took a picture of it I found it so curious. ---
**Author:** ![Jimsus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e79b87/32.png) [@Jimsus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimsus)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/42 "2003-11-27T18:40:13Z")
There are two churches on my ride to and from school that always have dumb sayings. One week I think they were trying to out do each other in mean sayings. One said “You meant it for evil” The other said “Your ticket to hell” In the student paper a colmnist wrote about how they were both mean and wouldn’t win college students over with that. Then a preacher (priest, rev not really sure?) from one of the churches responded saying they were mean to be positive phrases. Needless to say most students were confused as how “you meant it for evil” was a positive thing. ---
**Author:** ![cowgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@cowgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cowgirl)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/43 "2003-11-27T19:01:07Z")
There’s nothing better than “Christ is the Answer.” It’s on a church an hour north of Toronto, and it’s also an organization that puts out bible tracts. I’ve never figured out what the question is. My friend called them up once (don’t ask!) and they answer the phone by saying … “Christ is the answer …” Most disorienting. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/44 "2003-11-27T20:19:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Petrichor \* > \*\*My favorite: > **The Easter Bunny did not rise from the grave** > I can imagine that that sign tramatised a few children. \*\* Wouldn’t it be more traumatic if he DID rise from the dead? And then you’d have a Zombie Easter Bunny! _shudder_ ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/45 "2003-11-27T20:35:07Z")
There’s a church (perhaps it’s abandoned) near the Decarie Autoroute on St-Jacques Street here in Mtl. that as long as I can remember (being driven past it a few times a year) has advertised a seminar on “YOUTH IN ASIA.” I think someone made an oopsie. Perhaps it was so embarrassing that they closed the church. ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/46 "2003-11-27T23:05:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by 'possum stalker \* > \*\* > Whoa, slow down there, God! It’s not even our first date and you’re talking about marriage. \*\* That just goes with the song: “My God is a clingy, smothering God” right? I actually like these from time to time. I can appreciate a well-turned phrase or lameo pun without getting hung up on the “churchy” aspect of it. As far as catchy slogans go, they have it all over “Coke is it!” or “Mr. Pibb – put it in your head!” Bad grammar/punctuation = damning to hell though, as far as I’m concerned. ---
**Author:** ![moes\_lotion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@moes\_lotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moes_lotion)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/47 "2003-11-28T02:17:01Z")
Once upon a time, a long long time ago, there used to be a sign visible from one of the off-ramps of the Don Valley Parkway in a certain well known Canadian city. In big bold text it proclaimed **“Jesus is Coming. Call Jim NNN-NNNN”** I liked the slightly jarring juxtaposition of the names and used to imagine that perhaps Jim had an inside line on the second upcoming. I was tempted to call and ask if I could get tickets. ---
**Author:** ![CheekyMonkey613](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e480ec/32.png) [@CheekyMonkey613](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheekyMonkey613)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/48 "2003-11-28T03:07:35Z")
This wasn’t a sign, but a t-shirt I saw … In the background, you see a hand with a nail through it, and a piece of wood in back of it … But you only focus on that AFTER you read the words: “BODY PIERCING SAVED MY LIFE” ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/49 "2003-11-28T07:33:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*Wouldn’t it be more traumatic if he DID rise from the dead? > And then you’d have a Zombie Easter Bunny! > > _shudder_ \*\* _They took his eggs. Then they took his life. This time, it’s personal._ ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/50 "2003-11-28T07:35:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > \*\*There’s a church (perhaps it’s abandoned) near the Decarie Autoroute on St-Jacques Street here in Mtl. that as long as I can remember (being driven past it a few times a year) has advertised a seminar on “YOUTH IN ASIA.” > > I think someone made an oopsie. Perhaps it was so embarrassing that they closed the church. \*\* Hilarious! Maybe they printed up their address cards wrong, too, and couldn’t remember where the church was. ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/51 "2003-11-28T07:36:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Skopo \* > \*\*Tell me about it. When I went to school in Pensacola (a seething hotbed of evangelical churches), there was one particular church that on several occasions featured “it’s” on their sign, when the context clearly indicated that it should be the possessive pronoun “its”–therefore, no apostrophe needed. > > It bothered me so much that when I drove past the church late one evening, I pulled up next to the sign, got out of my car, walked up to the sign, removed the offending apostrophe, slid the “s” up next to the “t,” and, having edited the sign, drove off with the apostrophe. > > I still have it stuffed in a junk drawer somewhere–maybe I’m expecting I’ll need it in an emergency one day. \*\* You’re a decent person. If I had gone far enough to actual approach the sign, I probably would have found a stray letter “T” to slide in front of that word. ---
**Author:** ![DarrenS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@DarrenS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarrenS)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2003, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/52 "2003-11-29T05:26:55Z")
I swear I saw this one on a local church: “This week’s sermon - standing your ground in the face of open-mindedness.” ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2003, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/53 "2003-11-29T08:46:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mangetout \* > \*\*…With Fava beans and a nice Chianti… \*\* tee-hee. The funniest thing is that the same church had a sign last week that said For all you do, his blood’s for you. It makes me giggle that they would use a beer slogan (altered) one day and then spout this out the next. On the upside-- I really want to go to class the next day just to snicker at the signs. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2003, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/54 "2003-11-29T08:59:16Z")
“‘For Behold, I come quickly’ sayth the Lord”. I saw that 2 years ago and it still makes me snicker to this day. Poor Jesus. ☹ I hear they have pills that help that these days. ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2003, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/55 "2003-11-29T10:40:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by HDS \* > \*\*Still a favourite - “Your Most Powerful Position is on Your Knees” \*\* Wasn’t that a bumper sticker on Monica Lewinskey’s car? ---
**Author:** ![WILLASS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/54ee81/32.png) [@WILLASS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WILLASS)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2003, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/56 "2003-11-29T21:52:58Z")
I don’t see many amusing church signs in England but one of them in Colchester was the (fairly up to date): **With God you are never the weakest link** Somehow it seemed that they were implying that Anne Robinson is the spawn of Satan… ---
**Author:** ![wolfsbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/aeb1de/32.png) [@wolfsbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfsbane)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2003, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/57 "2003-11-29T23:56:22Z")
“For all you do, His blood’s for you” ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2003, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/58 "2003-11-30T00:08:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by LilyoftheValley \* > \*\*My favorites: > > …and > > \*\*My last name is not Dammit – God \*\* \*\* Hmmmmmmmmm. I think that one was orginally George Carlin’s. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2003, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/59 "2003-11-30T00:18:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by WILLASS \* > \*\*I don’t see many amusing church signs in England but one of them in Colchester was the (fairly up to date): > > **With God you are never the weakest link** > > Somehow it seemed that they were implying that Anne Robinson is the spawn of Satan… \*\* Hmmm. Makes sense to me! ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2003, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454/60 "2003-11-30T05:04:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DarrenS \* > \*\*I swear I saw this one on a local church: > > “This week’s sermon - standing your ground in the face of open-mindedness.” \*\* Openmindedness is a bad thing? Standing your ground firmly on what? Your ignorance? Gah. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-of-the-annoying-church-signs/215454.md?page=4)