# return to text adventures! (game) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 4, 2003, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921 "2003-12-04T12:46:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Jpeg\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/4bbf92/32.png) [@Jpeg\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jpeg_Jones)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921/21 "2003-12-05T00:53:56Z")
Kill self. ---
**Author:** ![ThreeLeggedBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ThreeLeggedBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThreeLeggedBob)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921/22 "2003-12-05T01:23:31Z")
All right, I think we can patch you up a bit… ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2003, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921/23 "2003-12-06T13:04:43Z")
my first trainwreck! _jumps with glee_ \*voiceover: level up! your jumping skill has increased. \* ---
**Author:** ![Gmork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f19dbf/32.png) [@Gmork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gmork)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2003, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921/24 "2003-12-06T14:22:31Z")
Reclaim all my base. _Congratulations, Player! All your base have now been returned._ ---
**Author:** ![Gmork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f19dbf/32.png) [@Gmork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gmork)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2003, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921/25 "2003-12-06T14:25:10Z")
If it’s any consolation **shijinn** , it was a really fun trainwreck and no one was seriously injured 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Gadfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@Gadfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadfly)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2003, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921/26 "2003-12-06T15:19:19Z")
Tell OpalCat to throw pool cue at ceiling fan. ---
**Author:** ![Iteki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/eada6e/32.png) [@Iteki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iteki)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2003, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921/27 "2003-12-06T15:35:10Z")
admire trainwreck I am all up for playing when the tracks are clear 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2003, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921/28 "2003-12-06T20:25:29Z")
_N_ A fierce rabid wolf leaps out of the forest, blocking your path. It is growling menacingly. _Throw sword at rabid wolf_ The rabid wolf disappears in a puff of green smoke. _Get sword_ Sword taken. _Look_ The trainwreck still smolders in the distance, but here things are more peaceful. A badly overgrown path leads into the forest to the west. The trainwreck is to the south. There is a scrap of paper here. _read paper_ “I’d love to take part in a text adventure-style game! Maybe you should start another thread, however, since the signal-to-noise ratio around here is a bit low 😃 ~Diceman” _W_ ---
**Author:** ![Tusculan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecd19e/32.png) [@Tusculan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tusculan)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2003, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921/29 "2003-12-06T23:37:10Z")
You are in a clearing. Bees are fluttering around a bush of pink roses. Through the thicket you see something white shimmering to the north. A path leads to the south. ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2003, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921/30 "2003-12-07T02:17:56Z")
_South_ You are on a darkening path, lined with prickly bushes. To the north is a faint shimmering. The darkened path leads to the east. At your feet is an empty vase and a pair of long-handled tongs. Sniffling noises come from beyond the bushes. ---
**Author:** ![cletus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@cletus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cletus)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2003, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921/31 "2003-12-07T04:24:07Z")
_Get empty vase; tongs_ Taken The sniffling noises seem to get louder. ---
**Author:** ![PatriotX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c4cdca/32.png) [@PatriotX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatriotX)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2003, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921/32 "2003-12-07T05:20:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Edward The Head \* > \*\*You’re sick. but… > > drop egg > N > 😃 \*\* This is tickling my memory. Where does this come from? i know that I’ve played it. It must’ve been a million years ago though ---
**Author:** ![cletus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@cletus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cletus)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2003, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921/33 "2003-12-07T05:55:20Z")
_look at bushes_ The bushes grow densely along side the dirt path, often times encroaching upon it. You notice they are thickly intertwined and very thorny. The leaves are moist and shiny, apparently from a rainstorm earlier that day. _look through bushes_ You can just barely make out a faint shadow through the tangled mass of thorns. _push aside bushes_ You can not get a good grip with your bare hands. The sniffling noises seem to get louder. ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2003, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921/34 "2003-12-07T06:42:26Z")
_Grab bushes_ The thorns hurt your hands. _Use tongs_ What do you want to do with the tongs? The sniffling noises seem to get louder. _Push aside bushes with tongs_ The prickly bushes suddenly part and you find yourself face to face with a massive red dog with burning, ruby eyes. The red dog leaps at you. ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2003, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921/35 "2003-12-07T07:21:27Z")
_Combine tongs with vase_ You now have a Vorpal Sword +5 vs. red dogs. _Swing sword wildly in general direction of attacking dog_ You cut a wide swathe through the bushes, the red dog runs away yelping from a severed tail, and you are missing your left hand. _Curse_ razzin, frazzin, grumble, bumble, stupid sword… _Retrieve severed hand_ You pick up your hand and place it in your backpack. _Look_ North, you can now make your way through the bushes. East is a path with a sign reading “Grandma’s House - Shortcut”. West is right out. South is the direction the red dog ran. On the ground there is a gold key, a small booklet entitled “Instructions”, and an anvil. ---
**Author:** ![Tusculan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecd19e/32.png) [@Tusculan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tusculan)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2003, 9:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921/36 "2003-12-07T09:13:53Z")
_Take key_ You take the gold key. _Take anvil_ It’s too heavy. _Examine anvil_ You’re no expert on anvils, but even then this looks like a mighty good one. _Rub anvil_ Whatever gets you off, buddy. ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2003, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921/37 "2003-12-07T11:02:41Z")
_take booklet_ you take the small booklet entitled “Instructions”. _examine situation_ you’re not sure what happened. last you remember you were in a small white room entering the SDMB when you find yourself in a trainwreck, now you’ve cut off your hand warding off a little red riding dog with a strange tong-sword made from a flower vase… what do you do? _inventory_ you have a muck fork, sword, Vorpal Sword +5, your severed hand, a gold key, a small booklet entitled “Instructions” and 0 gold. _examine booklet_ can we end our posts with the commands (in italics)? it may be fun having the next poster parse your instructions. ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2003, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921/38 "2003-12-07T11:46:17Z")
The booklet is rather worn and thin, and several pages are in languages you don’t understand but the inside cover reads “Congratulations on your purchase of the George Foreman Grill. Please read these instructions before using your grill.” _Drop booklet_ The booklet flutters to the ground. _Use anvil to reattach hand_ I’m sorry, Luke, but you can’t reattach your hand. It’s vital to the plot. _Attack anvil with vorpal sword_ The anvil is impervious to your attacks. The sword bounces off harmlessly and you nearly lose an ear. _East_ Good choice. Perhaps Grandma has cookies and some bandages for your new stump. _Look_ East, the path continues winding into the distance. North, scary looking woods beckon to you and you glimpse shadows flitting within. South, a roadside cafe & bar with several Harley Davidsons parked outside. West, back to the anvil and bad memories. _South_ ---
**Author:** ![Tusculan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecd19e/32.png) [@Tusculan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tusculan)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2003, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921/39 "2003-12-07T11:54:33Z")
You stand outside a cafe & bar. A sign above the door says “Biker’s Bubbles”. From the inside you hear raucous laughter. There are several Harley Davidsons parked here. _Examine Harley_ One of the Harley Davidsons seems to still have the key in the lock. _Take key from Harley_ You have taken the Harley key. _Enter_ ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2003, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921/40 "2003-12-07T18:36:11Z")
you enter the smoke filled cafe and the resident orcs turns to look at you. they don’t look too happy at being interrupted. _look_ there are nine orcs, 2 of them sitting at the bar counter, 2 at the single pool table, 1 near you on his way out the door and 4 more sitting at a table. an elf in a dark hood and cloak sits alone in a corner. there is the barkeep, (you’re not sure what he is, but he’s fat). all of them are looking at you intently. East is the door to the kitchen. North is a stairway to the second floor. West is the entrance. _how cliche! ^^’_ i don’t know how to cliche. :smack: HP -1 _brandish Vorpal Sword +5 threateningly_ your sword rests easily on the neck of the convenient orc standing next to you. _look at orc menacingly_ he’s dressed in black leather, black jacket and black shades. _arh need your clothes, and the keys to the Harrleh_ you’re not the Governator and you already have the keys you nitwit. the shades looks good though… _take all_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921.md?page=3)