# return to text adventures! (game)

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [December 4, 2003, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921 "2003-12-04T12:46:46Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 3\
**Page:** 3

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**Author:** ![Angel\_Heart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@Angel\_Heart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_Heart)\
**Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921/41 "2003-12-11T04:13:29Z")

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Ok.

_ask orc about cafe_  
“You talk too much. Pay, have drink.”

_examine elf_  
Red hair, big ears and a pointy nose stick out from under a green hood. A half-drunk mug of beer is in front of him and there is a large burgundy-covered book on the table. He looks about as out of place as a kitten in a junkyard.

_talk to elf_  
He regards you dubiously. “My name is Hugh. What’s yours?” You tell him your name. Ah, an outlander I see.

_ask elf about book_

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\
**Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921/42 "2003-12-11T04:46:24Z")

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_look_

you see nothing special.

_grab book_

You cannot get the book.

_read book._

You cannot read the book.

_description_

there are nine orcs, 2 of them sitting at the bar counter, 2 at the single pool table, 1 near you on his way out the door and 4 more sitting at a table. an elf in a dark hood and cloak sits alone in a corner. there is the barkeep, (you’re not sure what he is, but he’s fat). all of them are looking at you intently. East is the door to the kitchen. North is a stairway to the second floor. West is the entrance.

_talk to orcs_

the orcs ignore you.

_kill orcs_

the orcs easily defend themselves from your attack and continue ignoring you.

_taunt orcs_

you cannot taunt the orcs here.

_talk to elf_

the elf ignores you

_kill elf_

the elf easily defends himself and continues ignoring you.

_abduct elf_

you cannot do that here

_talk to bartender_

you cannot do that here

_kill bartender_

bartender dies

_examine bartender_

you see nothing special

_Go North_

You go up the stairs.

_look_

You see nothing special.

_Go South_

You are in the barroom.

_Go East_

You are in the kitchen

_look_

You see nothing special

_fuck this shit to hell!_

**Yeah, I remember text adventures.**

_Spit on text adventure games_

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![dakravel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85e7bf/32.png) [@dakravel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dakravel)\
**Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/return-to-text-adventures-game/216921/43 "2003-12-11T19:52:39Z")

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They are not here.

_;_

You pick up a wand of wishing.  
You pick up a fortune cookie.  
You pick up a phase dagger.

_wear wand_

You now hold a wand of wishing

_zap self_

What do you wish for?

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