# Revenge of the SonoftheWifeofthePlanetofthe Limericks **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 20, 2002, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revenge-of-the-sonofthewifeoftheplanetofthe-limericks/109912 "2002-05-20T05:30:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2002, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revenge-of-the-sonofthewifeoftheplanetofthe-limericks/109912/1 "2002-05-20T05:30:52Z")
I’m thirsty, broke, and got holes in my shoes. I’m thirsty, broke, and got holes in my shoes. Done smoked my last cigarette… Oh! This ain’t a limerick! I should be in _Add-A-Verse Blues._\* * * * anything goes, Tennessee “Hurtin’ Liver” Hippie \*in **Cafe Society** …but the limerick thing is a tradition in **MPSIMS** ---
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2002, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revenge-of-the-sonofthewifeoftheplanetofthe-limericks/109912/2 "2002-05-20T06:41:08Z")
Gatilinburg’s finest young poster Will soon find himself in the roaster For in the wrong forum He posted a poem of blues of the kind that’s most moster! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2002, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revenge-of-the-sonofthewifeoftheplanetofthe-limericks/109912/3 "2002-05-20T06:58:42Z")
Inspired by the “Famous Poetry In Limerick Form” thread over at the Brunching Shuttlecocks’ board, limericked versions of two seventeenth-century poems, one very well-known, and one not quite so famous… **"To His Coy Mistress"** (Andrew Marvell) If we knew that we’d never get old, You’d have plenty of time to be cold. But the grave is no place For an am’rous embrace – It gets messy, with all of the mold. **"Ode to Himself"** (Ben Jonson) Since “The New Inn” was _not_ all the rage, I will say “Bugger off” to the stage. I’ll endeavour to sing Splendid praise of my King, Which will earn me a cushier wage. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2002, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revenge-of-the-sonofthewifeoftheplanetofthe-limericks/109912/4 "2002-05-20T14:25:02Z")
Have you got a link for the Brunching boards? In the meantime, here’s some Shakespeare: **Hamlet’s Soliloquy** To be or, perchance, not to be; It’s hard to decide it, you see: To snuff it and end it, To stay here and mend it, Or bump off my whole family. **Romeo and Ethel the Pirate King’s…er, I mean _Juliet_** Oh Romeo, wherefore are thou? It seems so unfair to me now. It’s not you I blame, It’s the fault of your name That prevents us from taking that vow. **MacBeth** [First Witch] When shall we three meet again In thunder, in lightning or rain? [Second Witch] It gets rather boring To meet where it’s pouring. [Third Witch] I vote for the south coast of Spain. ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2002, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revenge-of-the-sonofthewifeoftheplanetofthe-limericks/109912/5 "2002-05-20T17:44:44Z")
**John 3:16** God thought his creation was swell, But folks weren’t behaving real well. So He crucified Jesus As if that would please us… It better, or we go straight to Hell. * * * Love to All, TN “Lightning Dodger” Hippie ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_The\_Diver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Buck\_The\_Diver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_The_Diver)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2002, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revenge-of-the-sonofthewifeoftheplanetofthe-limericks/109912/6 "2002-05-20T18:55:58Z")
**Keepin’ It In The Family** Though excited, her brother protested “If we’re caught, we can both be arrested” But she yanked down his shorts Said judicial reports And exclaimed, “I insist” and incested ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2002, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revenge-of-the-sonofthewifeoftheplanetofthe-limericks/109912/7 "2002-05-20T22:34:47Z")
How about an entire book condensed into a limerick? **Naked Lunch** A rambling, raving discourse On sodomy, madness, remorse The plotline is hazy And may drive you crazy Just relax by shooting some Horse\* * * * poke me with something, TN\*hippie \*Note to younger readers: “Horse” was once an alleged slang term for heroin, but I never heard a junkie use the word. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2002, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revenge-of-the-sonofthewifeoftheplanetofthe-limericks/109912/8 "2002-05-20T23:20:59Z")
There was a young lady named Bright Whose speed was much faster than light She left one day In a relative way And returned the previous night ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revenge-of-the-sonofthewifeoftheplanetofthe-limericks/109912/9 "2002-05-21T06:14:43Z")
Good one, **Tranq,** but I’d hoped we’d be original on this thread. Not a requirement, but we’ve heard 'em all before. For instance: There once was a fellow from Tripoli Who liked to make love rather nippily. Complained one young lass (while rubbing her ass): “Less teethily, please, and more nippily!” * * * now let’s hear some originals, TN\*hippie ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revenge-of-the-sonofthewifeoftheplanetofthe-limericks/109912/10 "2002-05-21T10:39:02Z")
A trapper called Alex LeVeque Took his girlfriend up North on a treque. When he tried to get rigid The air was so frigid That all that got stiff was his neque. ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revenge-of-the-sonofthewifeoftheplanetofthe-limericks/109912/11 "2002-05-21T11:05:51Z")
A racing car driver named Paul At last got his girlfriend to ball. But the moment ecstatic Was anticlimactic. When given the green light, he stalled. ---
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revenge-of-the-sonofthewifeoftheplanetofthe-limericks/109912/12 "2002-05-21T11:11:19Z")
There once was a [Master called Adams](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/member.php?action=getinfo&userid=31), Who started a [Board for his fandoms](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/). They call him Unc Cecil; He never shall cease 'til, All dumbness is ground down to atoms. ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revenge-of-the-sonofthewifeoftheplanetofthe-limericks/109912/13 "2002-05-21T11:22:46Z")
You started a thread full of verse It’s gone through quite bad, straight to worse The rhymes are all forced You should have out-sourced But instead you have forced me to curse. The users have jumped in with glee They love to show off, don’t you see? You give them a chance They lim-rick-ally dance With a sick “published work!” joie-de-vivre. I won’t give in, not to this mess I won’t search out rhymes; I won’t stress Your lyrical plot, Though well-done and well-thought To its clutches, I won’t myself press. I think I’ll just sit here and whine. Refuse help; I’ll say "I’M JUST FINE! That verb-happy hippie Won’t snag ME - damn skippy! (You all can fill in the last line.) Tee hee. ---
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revenge-of-the-sonofthewifeoftheplanetofthe-limericks/109912/14 "2002-05-21T11:42:01Z")
You’re saying my rhyming is awful? With endings that should be unlawful? I’ll just have you know, there’s no rhyme so low, It’s meaning I can never waffle! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revenge-of-the-sonofthewifeoftheplanetofthe-limericks/109912/15 "2002-05-21T11:59:54Z")
galen ubal, it’s clear that you’ve tried Rebuttal, not sneering or snide - Your attempt is not bad And it makes me quite glad To observe that you’re not yet deep-fried. (Your brain’s what I mean - don’t you see? But why should you listen to ME? I’m a housewife with kids My poor brain’s on the skids. I’ve confirmed it - indubitably.) ---
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revenge-of-the-sonofthewifeoftheplanetofthe-limericks/109912/16 "2002-05-21T12:07:05Z")
**Hamadryad** , I’m playing, you know it. And I’ll certainly say I’m no poet! And, regarding your brain, You’ve proved time and again, It’s the best, so go 'head and show it! ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revenge-of-the-sonofthewifeoftheplanetofthe-limericks/109912/17 "2002-05-21T12:12:17Z")
A poet, you say you are not It’s clear (from MY perch) that you’ve got More rhymes in your toes Than Durante had nose. And like cornstarch, I’ve thickened the plot! _beat_ Or not. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revenge-of-the-sonofthewifeoftheplanetofthe-limericks/109912/18 "2002-05-21T12:27:04Z")
Like two dueling banjos we’re playing. Our audience, surely, we’re slaying. Durante had nose, But only had prose, not rhyming like we’ve all been saying! ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revenge-of-the-sonofthewifeoftheplanetofthe-limericks/109912/19 "2002-05-21T12:54:43Z")
We’ve hijacked this thread to the grave At least our poor faces we’ll save. We’ve kept up the scantion From cottage to mansion We’re either moronic or brave. The repartee’s sparkling and witty From low-brow to high-rise to city The rhyming requital Has rocked, and was vital We should stop before this becomes… …uhhhh, less-than-entertaining. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revenge-of-the-sonofthewifeoftheplanetofthe-limericks/109912/20 "2002-05-21T13:22:00Z")
Agreed, says the poster named galen; Too close to the rocks we’ve been sailin’ Let’s wrap this all up, Clink together our cup, In toast to the limericks we’re nailin’ _bows to **Hamadryad** _ [size=1]How about: “Let’s stop it with this little ditty.”?[size] [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revenge-of-the-sonofthewifeoftheplanetofthe-limericks/109912.md?page=2)