# Rewrite a sitcom using Star Trek characters **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 2, 2019, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-a-sitcom-using-star-trek-characters/827087 "2019-01-02T11:01:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2019, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-a-sitcom-using-star-trek-characters/827087/21 "2019-01-06T18:48:00Z")
> [@ftg](#): > > _Academy_. > > The Enterprise crew are busted down because of their interfering with Federation rules all over the place. So they have to go “back to school” and start over at Starfleet Academy. > > They meet regularly in a study room. > > There’s Kirk, the smug jerk who’s just trying to coast thru. > Urhura as the timid mother figure. > Scotty and Bones as the nerdy pair. > Nurse Chapel and (former) Yeoman Rand alternate as love interests with Kirk. > Spock as the no-fun guy who ruins all the other people’s pranks. > > Each season ends with a disastrous game of phaser paintball. > > #SixSeasonsAndAMovie Bones and Scotty in the morning! ---
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2019, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-a-sitcom-using-star-trek-characters/827087/22 "2019-01-06T19:03:18Z")
> [@JB99](#): > > “My nanite colony is completely secure,” Wesley said. > Captain’s Log: It wasn’t. > “There’s no way they could escape,” he continued. > Captain’s Log: They did. With “William Thomas Riker” and “Thomas William Riker” as twin brothers - one who may have committed a little light treason. ---
**Author:** ![JB99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/439d5e/32.png) [@JB99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JB99)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2019, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-a-sitcom-using-star-trek-characters/827087/23 "2019-01-06T19:19:25Z")
> [@Andy\_L](#): > > With “William Thomas Riker” and “Thomas William Riker” as twin brothers - one who may have committed a little light treason. That’s fantastic. ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2019, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-a-sitcom-using-star-trek-characters/827087/24 "2019-01-06T19:51:15Z")
“Green Quadrant is the place to be…” Kirk wants to live on a real farm with actual horses to ride. His love interest of the week prefers a holodeck version of this. ---
**Author:** ![psychonaut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/psychonaut/32/4655_2.png) [@psychonaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychonaut)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2019, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-a-sitcom-using-star-trek-characters/827087/25 "2019-01-06T19:58:06Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > _Star Trek: Arrested Development_: … LtCmdr Data loses his hand Ah, yes—that would be the episode where he was down in engineering working on the warp drive, unaware that Geordi was running an experiment that necessitated a loosening of the warp core containment seal. A crewman tried to warn him of the danger, but it was too late. ---
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2019, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-a-sitcom-using-star-trek-characters/827087/26 "2019-01-06T20:57:05Z")
> [@JB99](#): > > That’s fantastic. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2019, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-a-sitcom-using-star-trek-characters/827087/27 "2019-01-06T21:22:17Z")
During their downtime between missions, the crew of the Enterprise-D enjoy hanging out in a holodeck simulation of the Sunshine Cab Company in 1980’s New York City. Captain Picard takes on the persona of a middle-aged divorcee. Dr. Crusher works part time in an art gallery. Riker is an aspiring actor. Worf is a boxer. Geordie adopts an unidentifiable accent and is the mechanic. Data is a former hippie burned out from too many drugs. The dispatcher is a holographically-generated Danny DeVito. > [@JB99](#): > > The will-they-or-won’t-they plot thread becomes a definite ‘won’t’ when Dax leaves the show. She is inexplicably replaced by Lieutenant Saavik, … Ooh, clever. ---
**Author:** ![JB99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/439d5e/32.png) [@JB99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JB99)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2019, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-a-sitcom-using-star-trek-characters/827087/28 "2019-01-06T21:33:46Z")
**Shirts** It’s Christine Chapel’s first day out of medical school. She arrives on the Enterprise to find dozens of expendable ensigns with injuries ranging from the gruesome to the hilarious. How do you keep two hundred redshirts alive when you don’t know the difference between a neural monitor and a K3 indicator? Chapel gets some help from her abrasive mentor, Doctor ‘Bones’ McCoy. But she often finds herself at odds with Doctor Boyce, who cares more about bureaucracy than saving redshirts. The cast also includes the ship’s receptionist, Uhura; fellow medical graduate Doctor Korby; and the mysterious Engineer, who maintains the ship while antagonizing Chapel with cruel pranks. ---
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2019, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-a-sitcom-using-star-trek-characters/827087/29 "2019-01-06T21:40:43Z")
> [@Dendarii\_Dame](#): > > “Green Quadrant is the place to be…” > > Kirk wants to live on a real farm with actual horses to ride. His love interest of the week prefers a holodeck version of this. How about Pike and Vina for this - Pike wants the real world, but Vina insists on simulated reality run by the Talosians. ---
**Author:** ![JB99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/439d5e/32.png) [@JB99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JB99)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2019, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-a-sitcom-using-star-trek-characters/827087/30 "2019-01-06T22:14:40Z")
Wasn’t René Auberjonois actually on an episode of Frazier? ---
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2019, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-a-sitcom-using-star-trek-characters/827087/31 "2019-01-06T22:17:39Z")
> [@JB99](#): > > Wasn’t René Auberjonois actually on an episode of Frazier? Yes. Auberjonois played Frasier’s mentor in one of my favorite episodes (the mentor helps Frasier face up to the fact that he’s not really happy with his own life). ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2019, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-a-sitcom-using-star-trek-characters/827087/32 "2019-01-06T22:19:35Z")
The Odd Couple with Bones and Spock. ---
**Author:** ![psychonaut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/psychonaut/32/4655_2.png) [@psychonaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychonaut)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2019, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-a-sitcom-using-star-trek-characters/827087/33 "2019-01-06T23:12:19Z")
> [@JB99](#): > > Wasn’t René Auberjonois actually on an episode of Frazier? Yes, and Kelsey Grammer was in an episode of _Star Trek: The Next Generation_ (“Cause and Effect”). Actually, _Frasier_ and the various _Star Trek_ shows share a lot of other prominent actors. Some of many examples: [ul] [li]Patrick Stewart, who played Picard on TNG, guested as the director of the Seattle Opera on _Frasier_.[/li][li]Saul Rubinek, who had a recurring role as Daphne’s boyfriend, had a memorable guest spot on TNG as an alien merchant who abducts Data for his collection of curiosities. [/li][li]Bebe Neuwirth, who played Frasier’s ex-wife, Dr. Lilith Sternin Crane, was a guest star on TNG as an alien nurse who tries to seduce Commander Riker.[/li][li]Brent Spiner, appeared in an episode of Frasier where Lilith remarked upon his character’s unusually pale complexion, a nod to his role as Data on TNG.[/li][li]Robert Picardo, the Doctor on _Voyager_, guest starred as a security specialist on _Frasier_.[/li][li]Nana Visitor, who played Kira Nerys on DS9, played a dinner guest on an episode of _Frasier_.[/li][li]Dan Butler, who played the testosterone-charged Bulldog Briscoe on _Frasier_, once played Tom Paris(!) on _Voyager_, in an episode involving a DNA-swapping alien.[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2019, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-a-sitcom-using-star-trek-characters/827087/34 "2019-01-06T23:54:03Z")
> [@psychonaut](#): > > Yes, and Kelsey Grammer was in an episode of _Star Trek: The Next Generation_ (“Cause and Effect”). > > Actually, _Frasier_ and the various _Star Trek_ shows share a lot of other prominent actors. Some of many examples: > [ul] > [li]Patrick Stewart, who played Picard on TNG, guested as the director of the Seattle Opera on _Frasier_.[/li][li]Saul Rubinek, who had a recurring role as Daphne’s boyfriend, had a memorable guest spot on TNG as an alien merchant who abducts Data for his collection of curiosities. [/li][li]Bebe Neuwirth, who played Frasier’s ex-wife, Dr. Lilith Sternin Crane, was a guest star on TNG as an alien nurse who tries to seduce Commander Riker.[/li][li]Brent Spiner, appeared in an episode of Frasier where Lilith remarked upon his character’s unusually pale complexion, a nod to his role as Data on TNG.[/li][li]Robert Picardo, the Doctor on _Voyager_, guest starred as a security specialist on _Frasier_.[/li][li]Nana Visitor, who played Kira Nerys on DS9, played a dinner guest on an episode of _Frasier_.[/li][li]Dan Butler, who played the testosterone-charged Bulldog Briscoe on _Frasier_, once played Tom Paris(!) on _Voyager_, in an episode involving a DNA-swapping alien.[/li][/ul] And then there’s this [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2hs0oZ6JuQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2hs0oZ6JuQ) ---
**Author:** ![LoneRhino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lonerhino/32/1311_2.png) [@LoneRhino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LoneRhino)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2019, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-a-sitcom-using-star-trek-characters/827087/35 "2019-01-07T18:07:02Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > The Odd Couple with Bones and Spock. With Odo as Murray. For some reason he has a really big nose in human form. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2019, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-a-sitcom-using-star-trek-characters/827087/36 "2019-01-07T23:18:23Z")
The episode where Spock goes into Pon Farr and starts macking on Bones’s girlfriend is a classic. “If I do not mate with her I will Perish.” “If you do, I’ll kill you myself!” ---
**Author:** ![Marine\_One](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/marine_one/32/3461_2.png) [@Marine\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marine_One)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2019, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-a-sitcom-using-star-trek-characters/827087/37 "2019-01-08T00:26:43Z")
And now, the premier episode of “ **The Redshirt Family** ”! ♫ _They’re the funniest family in the Federation! And they’re causing a laugh sensation! Gather ‘round for a sight to see! Look everybody! It’s The Redshirt Family!_ ♫ (The Redshirt Family is recorded in front of a live studio audience.) “Hi honey! Hi kids! Daddy’s home!” “OH MY GOD!!! RUN!! IT’S A FLAMING ASTEROID!!” KA-BOOOOM!!! WHOOOMMPPP!!! “WE’RE GOING TO DIE!!!” (silence) ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2019, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-a-sitcom-using-star-trek-characters/827087/38 "2019-01-08T01:44:28Z")
_ **USS SHLOTZ** _ Zany Captain LaVerne DeFazio and her scatterbrained First Officer Shirley Feeny of the Milwaukee Federation’s finest starship flit around the Galaxy, getting in and out of whacky situations every week. Chief Medical Officer Leonard “Lenny” Kosnowski and Chief Engineer Andrew “Squiggy” Squiggman emerge from the turbo lift at the most unexpected moments to add their own brand of hilarity. Yeoman Carmine Ragusa tap-dances as the First Officer’s on again/off again love interest. Crazy neighbors and relatives beam aboard to make regular guest appearances as comedy hijinx abound. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2019, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-a-sitcom-using-star-trek-characters/827087/39 "2019-01-08T02:27:51Z")
Through some weird cancoctation of Federation Jurisprudence, the crew of the Enterprise have to hold a court and try some civilians. Picard is the judge, Troi is the defense counsel, Worf is the prosecutor. Riker is the clerk. The defendants are Bob and June Wheeler whom Troi says merely ran into some bad luck. ---
**Author:** ![Doug\_K](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5ac83/32.png) [@Doug\_K](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doug_K)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2019, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-a-sitcom-using-star-trek-characters/827087/40 "2019-01-08T04:43:24Z")
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