# Rewrite Starfleet regulations!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [May 26, 2007, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608 "2007-05-26T15:01:21Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [May 26, 2007, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/1 "2007-05-26T15:01:21Z")
Here’s the sitch:
A standard technobabble time-space glitch yanks you out of your comfortable chair and into the Star Trek universe. You arrive in, oh, very late 3rd season TNG aboard the Enterprise-D, and nobody can figure out how to get you home. Nevertheless, you’re a trouper, and you promptly use the wisdom granted all of the Teeming Millions to save the crew’s bacon during the Borg incident, BEFORE Wolf-359.
(This, of course, changes the progress of the timeline, rendering much your knowledge of future Trek events is useless. Deep Space Nine obviously won’t play out the same way, f’instance, so no seducing Jadzia Dax/Julian Basir for you.)
Anywhistle, the Admiralty is impressed by what they see as your genius. You’re appointed to a lead a blue-ribbon commision to overhaul the Fleet’s rules of engagement and operational procedures.
What changes do you implement? (Aside from ripping the holodecks out of every damn ship in the Fleet, of course.)
---
### Author:  [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)
#### Post date: [May 26, 2007, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/2 "2007-05-26T15:24:37Z")
[ol]
[li]Surge Protectors[/li][li]Genetic Engineering of Sapients is npw **legal**. Screw Khan.[/li][li]The first Away Team is a robot. People come _later_.[/li][li]All Starfleet vessels are fitted to carry Dilithium-Enhanced Phasers, on a modular mounting. The DE Phasers are really pricey, so we rotate them, on a random schedule, between ships. Hostle Empires never know which ship is packin’ **MAJOR** heat. Think about it.[/li][/ol]
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### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [May 26, 2007, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/3 "2007-05-26T15:30:52Z")
[QUOTE=Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor]
[ol]
[li]Surge Protectors[/li][li]Genetic Engineering of Sapients is npw **legal**. Screw Khan.[/li][li]The first Away Team is a robot. People come _later_.[/li][li]All Starfleet vessels are fitted to carry Dilithium-Enhanced Phasers, on a modular mounting. The DE Phasers are really pricey, so we rotate them, on a random schedule, between ships. Hostle Empires never know which ship is packin’ **MAJOR** heat. Think about it.[/li][/ol]
[/QUOTE]
I don’t think the ban on genetic engineering of sapients is a 'Fleet regulation; it’s an Earth (or possibly Federation) law. Otherwise the Bashiers wouldn’t have had to get Jules/Julian upgraded on the black market.
What in the name of Lady Q is a dilithium-enhanced phaser?
---
### Author:  [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)
#### Post date: [May 26, 2007, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/4 "2007-05-26T15:40:11Z")
[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer]
What in the name of Lady Q is a dilithium-enhanced phaser?
[/QUOTE]
😃😃😃 GLAD YOU ASKED!! 😃😃😃
Dilithium is a crystal that enhances & focuses energy. It is used in Warp Drives to enhance performance.
It can **also** be used to soup-up Phaser weapon output.
But, Dilithium is very expensive.
So, nobody, not the Klingons uses it for this very often (though Orion Pirate Ships, who _steal_ their Dilithium, & who are usually outclassed by true warships of the Great Powers, _have_ been known to use em, as an equalizer, with mixed results).
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### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [May 26, 2007, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/5 "2007-05-26T15:43:49Z")
[QUOTE=Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor]
😃😃😃 GLAD YOU ASKED!! 😃😃😃
Dilithium is a crystal that enhances & focuses energy. It is used in Warp Drives to enhance performance.
It can **also** be used to soup-up Phaser weapon output.
But, Dilithium is very expensive.
So, nobody, not the Klingons uses it for this very often (though Orion Pirate Ships, who _steal_ their Dilithium, & who are usually outclassed by true warships of the Great Powers, _have_ been known to use em, as an equalizer, with mixed results).
[/QUOTE]
No more Wikipedia for you.
---
### Author:  [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)
#### Post date: [May 26, 2007, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/6 "2007-05-26T15:45:32Z")
[QUOTE=Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor]
The first Away Team is a robot. People come _later_
[/QUOTE]
Modification: On Enterprise, the first Away Team is Wesley Crusher. People come later.
---
### Author:  [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)
#### Post date: [May 26, 2007, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/7 "2007-05-26T16:08:38Z")
Seat belts on the bridge.
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### Author:  [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)
#### Post date: [May 26, 2007, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/8 "2007-05-26T16:28:46Z")
1. Any person caught using a Hollowdeck will be desinigrated. It leds to too many accidental creations of satient life and you are not God.
2. Nobody is to use the transportors under any circumstances, unless all three safty redundant systems are functioning. Too many people have been altered or duplicated, and is not an aceptable outcome.
3. One egotistical captain per ship is all anybody can tolerate. Any duplicate personel will be desinigrated immediately. See rule one and two.
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### Author:  [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)
#### Post date: [May 26, 2007, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/9 "2007-05-26T16:34:58Z")
[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer]
No more Wikipedia for you.
[/QUOTE]
HA!
You say this merely because I have out-geeked you, _twice_, in one day.
[http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=8615139&postcount=26](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=8615139&postcount=26)
😛
---
### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [May 26, 2007, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/10 "2007-05-26T16:38:21Z")
[QUOTE=Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor]
HA!
You say this merely because I have out-geeked you, _twice_, in one day.
[http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=8615139&postcount=26](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=8615139&postcount=26)
😛
[/QUOTE]
[Genuinely Befuddled Zod]
Why do you say these things to me, when you know I will kill you for it?
[/Genuinely Befuddled Zod]
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have trained bees to unleash on BCoT. Open your windows, would you, buddy?
To any hyper-vigilant mod: the above is not a death threat. It is what we earthlings call a joke.
---
### Author:  [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)
#### Post date: [May 26, 2007, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/11 "2007-05-26T16:52:01Z")
Creative, seat-of-the-pants problem-solving has historically served Starfleet well, and will continue to be encouraged. However, when anyone averts some bizarre threat by reversing the polarity of something and rerouting it through the main deflector dish, they will henceforth be required to thorughly document the procedure, and the threat which it was intended to counter, and transmit it with highest priority to Starfleet command and all ships within communication range, to be added to a database of standard solutions so that the next ship to encounter the threat won’t need to come up with the solution again in the nick of time. Furthermore, if a ship ever attempts such a jerry-rigged modification and it doesn’t work, or makes the situation worse, the crew of that vessel are also encouraged to submit similar reports, if possible, detailing what exactly went wrong with the scheme and how, so that other Starfleet ships may avoid making the same mistake. Officers in training will be briefed extensively on the most common useful modifications, and the equipment for future vessels may be redesigned to facilitate such modifications.
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### Author:  [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)
#### Post date: [May 26, 2007, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/12 "2007-05-26T16:56:12Z")
I’d say “Fuck the Prime Directive” since nobody follows it anyways.
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### Author:  [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)
#### Post date: [May 26, 2007, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/13 "2007-05-26T17:00:45Z")
I want to know why the transporters can do so much, but the technology isn’t used to modify the ship when needed? Lock on. Beam out. Beam in new component. Ship modified.
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### Author:  [@essell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/essell)
#### Post date: [May 26, 2007, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/14 "2007-05-26T17:07:24Z")
[QUOTE=Harmonious Discord]
I want to know why the transporters can do so much, but the technology isn’t used to modify the ship when needed? Lock on. Beam out. Beam in new component. Ship modified.
[/QUOTE]
1. They do. Sometimes. Usually during the building of a ship.
2. The energy flowing through many components would prevent a transporter lock in the area.
3. It gives the ‘little people’ something to do.
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### Author:  [@Sweetums](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweetums)
#### Post date: [May 26, 2007, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/15 "2007-05-26T17:20:33Z")
[QUOTE=Harmonious Discord]
1. Any person caught using a Hollowdeck will be desinigrated. It leds to too many accidental creations of satient life and you are not God.
2. Nobody is to use the transportors under any circumstances, unless all three safty redundant systems are functioning. Too many people have been altered or duplicated, and is not an aceptable outcome.
[/QUOTE]
```
I always kinda wondered about these things. When you figure all of the problems that happened with transporter and holodecks on what was supposed to be the best ship in the fleet, can you imagine what was going on with the rest?
```
---
### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [May 26, 2007, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/16 "2007-05-26T17:47:08Z")
[QUOTE=Sweetums]
I always kinda wondered about these things. When you figure all of the problems that happened with transporter and holodecks on what was supposed to be the best ship in the fleet, can you imagine what was going on with the rest?
[/QUOTE]
Two answers to that:
1. Kirk & Picard were engaging in quite-understandable flattery when they called their crews best in the fleet.
2. The various Enterprises (to say nothing of Voyager) tended to get missions to unexplored areas where strange things happen. Will Riker’s 2nd cousin Louie–captain of the freight cruiser that makes the hexangle run (Earth-Vulcan-Andor-Tellar-Centauri-Betazed) goes his whole career without seeing a single spatial anomaly and rather suspects his more illustrious relative of being full of shit.
---
### Author:  [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)
#### Post date: [May 26, 2007, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/17 "2007-05-26T17:49:48Z")
How about a policy against seducing babes from newly discovered civilizations (a.k.a. “The Kirk Directive”)?
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### Author:  [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)
#### Post date: [May 26, 2007, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/18 "2007-05-26T18:16:17Z")
[QUOTE=Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor]
Dilithium is a crystal that enhances & focuses energy. It is used in Warp Drives to enhance performance.
It can **also** be used to soup-up Phaser weapon output.
But, Dilithium is very expensive.
So, nobody, not the Klingons uses it for this very often (though Orion Pirate Ships, who _steal_ their Dilithium, & who are usually outclassed by true warships of the Great Powers, _have_ been known to use em, as an equalizer, with mixed results).
[/QUOTE]
I have no idea where you’re getting your information on Orions, as they’ve never been particularly fleshed out as a race. Cite?
Also, dilithium is not used to enhance performance in the warp drive (or phasers, which use sarium krellide power cells). It’s used as a catalyst and/or stabilizer for the M/AM reaction that powers the engines, and has not been rare or expensive since the movie era – all the dilithium in the TNG era is synthesized.
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### Author:  [@ASAKMOTSD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASAKMOTSD)
#### Post date: [May 26, 2007, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/19 "2007-05-26T18:18:35Z")
[QUOTE=JThunder]
How about a policy against seducing babes from newly discovered civilizations (a.k.a. “The Kirk Directive”)?
[/QUOTE]
Isn’t that called the “Spacial Harassment” Law? 😉
I know, “Isn’t that spacial” sounds like [The Church Lady](http://www.countrykeepers.com/images/church_lady.jpg) or something
---
### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [May 26, 2007, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/20 "2007-05-26T18:19:49Z")
[QUOTE=JThunder]
How about a policy against seducing babes from newly discovered civilizations (a.k.a. “The Kirk Directive”)?
[/QUOTE]
Nah. Every time Jimmy seduced an alien babe, it was either in the line of duty or he wasn’t in his right mind.
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