# Rewrite Starfleet regulations! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 26, 2007, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608 "2007-05-26T15:01:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2007, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/121 "2007-06-01T17:50:16Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] No time travel will be allowed without Starfleet HQ’s authorization. The paradox risks are too great. This rule will be waived only in Federation-threatening emergencies (as in _ST: First Contact.)_ [/QUOTE] Which is why the Picard maneuver and all other forms of tactical warping will be banned – the risk of accidental time-travelling paradoxes is too great. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2007, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/122 "2007-06-01T20:19:33Z")
The tradition of Starfleet captains and officers coupling with hot aliens carries too many risks of diplomatic incidents, transmission of previously unknown diseases, and injury or death resulting from unanticipated anatomical differences. Henceforth, every ship will carry a team of skilled prostitutes (both sexes) for the crew’s use. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2007, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/123 "2007-06-02T00:12:39Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] The tradition of Starfleet captains and officers coupling with hot aliens carries too many risks of diplomatic incidents, transmission of previously unknown diseases, and injury or death resulting from unanticipated anatomical differences. Henceforth, every ship will carry a team of skilled prostitutes (both sexes) for the crew’s use. [/QUOTE] “Gosh, Golly. Why would I ever want to have sex with that extremely hot alien babe when I have _prostitutes_ waiting for me on the ship?” :rolleyes: Yeah, that will work. ---
**Author:** ![Annie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/858c86/32.png) [@Annie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2007, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/124 "2007-06-02T02:28:04Z")
[QUOTE=Ranchoth] So, Chakotay was Mal? Sorry—ain’t buying _that_. [/QUOTE] Chakotay: Tatoo fore Mal: Tatoo aft starboard. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2007, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/125 "2007-06-02T03:32:16Z")
How did we get into this Chakotay being a prime example of the Maquis? [Ensign Ro](http://www.startrek.com/startrek/view/library/character/bio/1112481.html) comes to mind when I think of the Maquis, or the former friend of Sisko who tricked him into a Maquis rescue and did a _Sand Pebbles_ last stand while Sisko escaped with his people. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2007, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/126 "2007-06-02T04:29:17Z")
All star ships will have a toll free number painted on them to report bad driving. All star ships will display advertisements to offset the operational costs. All star ships will be painted in metallic gold, because it looks cool. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/127 "2007-06-13T22:16:11Z")
As Starfleet Presence will be assigned to EVERY place there is Federation citizens…in direct proportion to the size of the population and that population’s proximity to Threat. The Enterprise is the only starship in the area? No more of that shit. Furthermore, Starfleet Charter delineates the three-fold mission as: Exploration, Diplomacy, Defense. NOT Government and Law Enforcement. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/128 "2007-06-13T23:14:27Z")
[QUOTE=Enola Straight] Furthermore, Starfleet Charter delineates the three-fold mission as: Exploration, Diplomacy, Defense. NOT Government and Law Enforcement. [/QUOTE] But, every national navy nowadays is responsible for law enforcement as well as defense. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/129 "2007-06-14T00:57:06Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] But, every national navy nowadays is responsible for law enforcement as well as defense. [/QUOTE] I thought the Coast Guard did that. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/130 "2007-06-14T01:10:11Z")
The CG was Dept. of Transportation, now is Dept. of Home Security. Both separate from Dept. of Defense. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608/131 "2007-06-14T02:24:30Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] I thought the Coast Guard did that. [/QUOTE] Concurrent jurisdiction. The Navy doesn’t patrol for pirates or smugglers, but if they encounter some they’re supposed to do something about it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rewrite-starfleet-regulations/405608.md?page=6)