# Ribald songs **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 23, 2003, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ribald-songs/209138 "2003-10-23T15:58:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Floater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/dc4da7/32.png) [@Floater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Floater)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2003, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ribald-songs/209138/21 "2003-10-24T12:20:15Z")
Perhaps [this collection](http://harrier.net/songs/index.html) might be of some interest to the connoisseurs of ribald songs. ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2003, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ribald-songs/209138/22 "2003-10-24T15:11:54Z")
[disclaimer] As far as I can tell, this was written in the 18th century. As such, it seems to be in the public domain at the moment, otherwise I would not post the lyirics. [/disclaimer] I give you, The Lusty Young Smith. **A Lusty Young Smith** A lusty young smith at his vice stood a-filing, his hammer laid by but his forge still aglow, When to him a buxom young damesel cam smiling, and asked if to work at her forge he would go. Chorus With a jingle-bang jingle-bang jingle-bang jingle, with a jingle-bang jingle-bang jingle-hi-ho! “I will”, said the smith, and they went off together, Away to the young damsel’s forge they did go, They stripped to go to it, was hot work and weather, She kindled a fire and soon made him blow. Her husbad, she said, no good work could afford her, His strength and his tools were worn out long ago, The smith said, “well mine are in very good order, and now I am ready my skill for to show” Red hot grew his iron, as both did desire, and he was too wise not to strike while 'twas so… Quoth she, “What I get I get out of the fire, So prithee strike hard and redouble thy blow!” Six times did his iron, by vigorous heating, Grow soft in the forge in a minute or so, And often was hardened, still beating and beating, But each time it softened it hardened more slow. The smith then would go; quoth the dame full of sorrow, "Oh what would I give could my husband do so! Good lad, with your hammer, come hither tomorrow But pray won’t you use it once more ere you go? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2003, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ribald-songs/209138/23 "2003-10-24T16:08:05Z")
> [@](#): > > Ok, where are the tunes to these songs??? How can we sing them without tunes??? I still don’t know the name of the tune to “Tom Taylor”, but it’s the same as: \*My name is Jan Janssen I come from Wisconsin I work in a lumber yard there All the people I meet upon the street Say, “Hi there! What’s your name?” (And I tell them…) My name is Jan Janssen I come from Wisconsin… \* (ad nauseum) ---
**Author:** ![Archergal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Archergal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Archergal)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2003, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ribald-songs/209138/24 "2003-10-24T18:20:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Extraneous \* > \*\*Child - > > If you do not recognize the cadence and/or melodies of these classics, please consult a competant local attorney - it is obvious that you have received a deficient education - one which will deprive you of many pleasures which are your birthright. > > Sue the bastards! > > p.s. - it’s “The Shooting of Dan McGrew” \*\* Cadences are different from tunes. I recognize LOTS of cadences, but I am apparently tune-education-deficient. I’ve never heard most of these sung in any shape, form, or fashion, alas. I never went to camp or had a pony either. ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2003, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ribald-songs/209138/25 "2003-10-24T20:23:02Z")
How I love her, How I love her, How I love my mother in law! Sheeeeeee’s a Rag a bag, shag a bag Fucking old towrag Bastard of a fucking great whore, She needs shootin’, bootin’ fucking executin, Hangin’ from the shithouse door. How I love her How I love her How I love my mother in law. She’s coming round today, How I wish she’d stay away I’ve put tacks on all the chairs, I’ve greased up all the stairs, How I wish she’d fall and break her back Cause I do like wearing Black Black Black How I love her How I love her How I love my mother in law. I think I shall stop there as this song starts to get a little bit rude after those first two verses. ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2003, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ribald-songs/209138/26 "2003-10-24T20:41:03Z")
**Cajela** Other verses to that song, usually to the tune of the Eton Boating song. We’ve all been thrown out of Eton, For buggering the schoolmasters arse We’re a shower of Brown hatters and you are the top of the class! And we’ll all pull together Our bollocks between our knees And we’ll all pull together And do as we fucking well please. Oh, what would you like said the waiter, Casually picking his nose, Two boiled eggs you bastard You can’t put you finger in those And we’ll all pull together Our bollocks between our knees And we’ll all pull together And do as we fucking well please. ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2003, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ribald-songs/209138/27 "2003-10-24T20:46:10Z")
There was an old farmer who sat on a rock, Shaking and waving his big hairy… Fist at the ladies next door at the Ritz, Who taught the young children to play with their… Kite strings and marbles and all things galore, Along came a lady who looked like a… Decent young lady, but walked like a duck, She thought she’d invented a new way to… Bring up the children, to sew and to knit, The boys in the stable were shoveling… Litter and paper from yesterday’s hunt, And old farmer Potter was having some… Cake in the stables and singing this song, If you think this song’s dirty you’re bloody well wrong! ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2003, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ribald-songs/209138/28 "2003-10-25T00:10:59Z")
I heard the Dirty Song a little bit differently: There was an old farmer who lived by a rock, he sat in the meadow a shaking his fist at the boys who were down by the crick, their feet in the water, their hands on their marbles and playthings and in days of yore, there came a young lady who looked like a pretty young creature, she sat on the grass, then pulled up her dresses and showed us her ruffles and laces and white fluffy duck She said she was learning a new way to bring up her children and learn them to knit, while the boys in the barnyard were shoveling refuse and litter from yesterday’s hunt, and the girl in the meadow was rubbing her eyes at the fellows as girls sometimes do, to make it quite clear that she wanted to go for a nice little stroll on the grass, then hurry back home for a nice piece of ice cream and cake that stood three layers tall, and after dessert she’d be ready to go for another walk down by the dock, with any young man with a sizeable roll of one hundreds and a big bulge up front, if he’d ask politely she’d show him her little pet dog who was subject to fits, and then she would let him take hold of her small, dainty hand with a movement so quick, then she would bend over and suck on his soda, so sweetly, 'til she’d finished it, then pull down her panties to rub on her hip that she bruised when she ran down the hall cause he’d tried to force her to lick on his candy, so tasty, made of butterscotch, and then he spread whipped cream all over her cookies that she had been baking all night, if you think this dirty, you’re fucking well right. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2003, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ribald-songs/209138/29 "2003-10-25T01:21:24Z")
The bawdy songs from the cult '73 British horror flick [The Wicker Man](http://www.dalbeattie.com/scotland-creetown/thewickerman/barsongs.html). (Scroll down one page.) ---
**Author:** ![Yumanite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/b487fb/32.png) [@Yumanite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yumanite)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2003, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ribald-songs/209138/30 "2003-10-25T01:34:54Z")
Tune – first 2 lines of “Mine eyes have seen the glory of…” Oh, Maryanne Barnes, she’s the queen of all the acrobats She can do the tricks that will give the boys the shits She can shoot green peas from her alimentary orifice the do a double somersault & catch 'em on her tits. She’s a great big son-of-a-bitch, twice as big as me with hair on her ass just like the branches on a tree she can swim, fight, fish, fuck fly a plane and drive a truck That’s the girl that’s gonna mary me! ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2003, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ribald-songs/209138/31 "2003-10-25T01:39:38Z")
Though not exactly ribald, I’ve always been partial to “The Handsome Cabin Boy,” an old sea dity re-popularized by Garcia and Grisman on their “Shady Grove” CD. 'Tis the story of a young lass who disguises herself as a boy and is hired by a very married sea captain as his cabin boy. While to sea, the cabin boy gives birth to the sea captain’s son much to the merriment of the doctor and crew and to the dismay of the captain’s wife. ---
**Author:** ![Granuaile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecccb3/32.png) [@Granuaile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Granuaile)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2003, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ribald-songs/209138/32 "2003-10-25T10:27:34Z")
**And one for the ladies…** **Rugby Men** Rugby men, they play one Sucking them is like my thumb _Chorus:_ With a knick-knack patty whack Send the boys away Women’s Rugby’s what we play Rugby men, they play two They can’t get it up to screw Rugby men, they play three They can’t get enough of me Rugby men, they play four They can’t get it up to score Rugby men, they play five They can’t fuck to save their lives Rugby men, they play six (screamed) LITTLE MEN WITH LITTLE DICKS! Rugby men, they play seven When we fuck them, they’re in heaven Rugby men, they play eight (screamed) WE WOULD RATHER MASTURBATE! Rugby men, they play nine They can’t get it up in time Rugby men, they play ten (screamed) FUCK THEM ONCE BUT NEVER AGAIN! ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2003, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ribald-songs/209138/33 "2003-10-28T04:33:19Z")
Ohhhhhhh… First trip up the Michigan river, first trip up the Michigan shore There I met the Mistress Flanagan, otherwise known as the Winnipeg whore Some were drunk and some were drinking, some were lying on the floor But I was over in the corner, screwing the hell out of that Winnipeg whore! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ribald-songs/209138.md?page=1)