# Rich, lonely nerd is offered the chance to have a kept woman. Should he take it? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 25, 2013, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rich-lonely-nerd-is-offered-the-chance-to-have-a-kept-woman-should-he-take-it/653940 "2013-03-25T18:53:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2013, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rich-lonely-nerd-is-offered-the-chance-to-have-a-kept-woman-should-he-take-it/653940/41 "2013-03-26T06:47:27Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I am not playing games. Marriage is fundamentally unlike prosititution. No, it isn’t. It’s the absolute acme of prostitution. The man supports the woman in exchange for sex and chores. The woman exchanges sex for security. Either one is free to terminate the arrangement at any time and for any reason.\* They are free to remain friends or even continue living together without sex, if they both wish to, but at that point, the contractual obligation is over. IMHO, based on 50+ years of observation and experience, “love” has very little (if anything) to do with it. \*They will also, I am willing to bet the farm, conduct clandestine affairs at will, regardless of any pledges of fidelity and how much it might hurt their mate. ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2013, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rich-lonely-nerd-is-offered-the-chance-to-have-a-kept-woman-should-he-take-it/653940/42 "2013-03-26T06:48:34Z")
No he shouldn’t marry her simply because it’s going to cost him a lot more than what was orginially agreed upon. Prenupts don’t mean shit anymore when judges can just ignore them. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2013, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rich-lonely-nerd-is-offered-the-chance-to-have-a-kept-woman-should-he-take-it/653940/43 "2013-03-26T06:51:44Z")
Take her up on it, but have the lawyer find an ironclad way to ensure that he will be adequately compensated monetarily if she ever breaks any terms of the agreement for any reason whatsoever. ---
**Author:** ![Scholar\_Beardpig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de053/32.png) [@Scholar\_Beardpig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scholar_Beardpig)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2013, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rich-lonely-nerd-is-offered-the-chance-to-have-a-kept-woman-should-he-take-it/653940/44 "2013-03-26T07:01:28Z")
What this essentially looks like, to me, is a long-term subscription to a prostitute. As long as it can be viewed in that mindset, I say go for it. But Aloysius doesn’t seem like the kind of man who could handle such a thing, psychically - it’s hard to have sex with someone for a long time and not start to feel something for them. In any case, she started under false pretenses. Were I him, I would feel the sting of betrayal and tell her to get out of my sight for good. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2013, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rich-lonely-nerd-is-offered-the-chance-to-have-a-kept-woman-should-he-take-it/653940/45 "2013-03-26T14:29:50Z")
I think it’s fine. He should go ahead. Now where’s my root beer float? - damnyankee ---
**Author:** ![Death\_of\_Rats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2013, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rich-lonely-nerd-is-offered-the-chance-to-have-a-kept-woman-should-he-take-it/653940/46 "2013-03-26T14:31:47Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > They meet around 1900, and before 2300 they’re having the best sex Aloysius has ever had. I think he should run away just due to the fact it took 400 years to get her to put out. That is slow even for the morals of 1900. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2013, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rich-lonely-nerd-is-offered-the-chance-to-have-a-kept-woman-should-he-take-it/653940/47 "2013-03-26T14:55:28Z")
If the offer is entirely on the level, there’s a serious emotional risk for Aloysius - he’s too inexperienced to understand where the boundaries are in a “normal” relationship and the power differential in this one is too abnormal (in different directions in different ways) to be healthy. And if it’s not on the level (say, if she’s planning on writing a book about it when the deal is over) it’ll be even worse because he’ll have spent three years living a lie. That said, I think there are possibilities here. Perhaps a less intense relationship to start off - less sex, less contact, more talking - to see how each of them react might be the way forward. ETA: wait, there are root beer floats? Where’s mine? Do I have to have sex with someone to get one? ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2013, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rich-lonely-nerd-is-offered-the-chance-to-have-a-kept-woman-should-he-take-it/653940/48 "2013-03-26T15:34:00Z")
Michelle is not a whore, **Skald** , she’s a concubine. Or, in the terms of antebellum New Orleans, a [plaçee](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pla%C3%A7age). After all, she’s offering to contract as an extra-legal companion in return for the stipend. He doesn’t need to modify the terms of the agreement, but he should get it in writing. Both of them should spend time considering where emotional boundaries should be set. You don’t spend that kind of time with a person without some manner of emotional entanglement. You’ve got two people who each have some resource the other lacks, a resource that could be life-changing in a very positive way. Aloysius can not only fund her education and her life, he could set her up with a trust fund so that she never has to fear disability or disaster. Michelle could help him create a real world social network - not just buddies from school or work and not just women willing to fuck him for a consideration, but a web of people of all ages and circumstances who can help ground him and make his life more rewarding. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2013, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rich-lonely-nerd-is-offered-the-chance-to-have-a-kept-woman-should-he-take-it/653940/49 "2013-03-26T16:49:16Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > No, it isn’t. It’s the absolute acme of prostitution. The man supports the woman in exchange for sex and chores. The woman exchanges sex for security. As my great-grandmother said when accused of rustling cattle\*, “Bullshit.” I don’t support my wife in exchange for sex and chores. I pay the bills lbecause we are partners, and at this point in our partnership it makes more sense for her to be the primary parent to our child and for me to be the primary breadwinner. And, incidentally, I consider that all monies I bring in during our marriage are equally hers. Also, she doesn’t do all the chores. And unless I get crippled or something, it’s not likely that it will **ever** make sense for her to do the cooking. Your reasoning also ignores the fact that, in contemporary America, it’s more common than not for the wife to work. Among the married Rhymer Siblings, for instance, my older brother & I are unique that the man is the only one working, and I don’t anticipate my wife staying at home indefinitely; she has her own ambitions. And in two of the five cases among my sisters, the wife made more money; a third they’re about equal. - She was rustling _horses_. Well, not so much “rustling” as "requisitioning for experimental purposes which she had every intention of returning once the wing-grafts took. She’d have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for those nosy kids. > [@Anaamika](#): > > I think it’s fine. He should go ahead. Now where’s my root beer float? > > - damnyankee According to my records your teleport pad is currently off. I can’t do everything. ---
**Author:** ![kushiel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbce88/32.png) [@kushiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kushiel)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2013, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rich-lonely-nerd-is-offered-the-chance-to-have-a-kept-woman-should-he-take-it/653940/50 "2013-03-26T17:24:35Z")
I’d hope someone would point out along the way to Aloysius that this is most definitely not how most women operate, and this isn’t a traditional romantic relationship and if he expects genuine feelings he’s in the wrong place. I can easily see him getting confused and thinking this is the key to all women and in reality, this is what all men do in a relationship, they just don’t tell anyone. Kinda like how people these days are advocating discussion with teenage boys about porn, telling them real life women aren’t perfect porn stars. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2013, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rich-lonely-nerd-is-offered-the-chance-to-have-a-kept-woman-should-he-take-it/653940/51 "2013-03-26T18:30:02Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > No, it isn’t. It’s the absolute acme of prostitution. The man supports the woman in exchange for sex and chores. The woman exchanges sex for security. Either one is free to terminate the arrangement at any time and for any reason.\* They are free to remain friends or even continue living together without sex, if they both wish to, but at that point, the contractual obligation is over. IMHO, based on 50+ years of observation and experience, “love” has very little (if anything) to do with it. I also call BS. Let’s just take the 9 marriages in my near-immediate family. Of these: 3 have/had the husband providing the primary income, but the wife worked at least some of the time. 2 has/had about equal income from husband and wife 2 have wife providing primary income but husband works some 1 husband doesn’t work (except to take care of kids); wife provides income. 1 has no husband at all (just two wives). So actually, wives provide more support than husbands, in this sample (even only counting marriages with a husband and a wife) ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2013, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rich-lonely-nerd-is-offered-the-chance-to-have-a-kept-woman-should-he-take-it/653940/52 "2013-03-26T18:35:49Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > According to my records your teleport pad is currently off. I can’t do everything. - thumps it a couple of times \* Ok! Should be working now! ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2013, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rich-lonely-nerd-is-offered-the-chance-to-have-a-kept-woman-should-he-take-it/653940/53 "2013-03-26T18:39:51Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > - thumps it a couple of times \* > > Ok! Should be working now! :: sends Mika both a root beer float and the last batch of fudge brownies, mistakenly made with sugar rather than Splenda :: ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2013, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rich-lonely-nerd-is-offered-the-chance-to-have-a-kept-woman-should-he-take-it/653940/54 "2013-03-26T18:43:40Z")
If I personally knew Aloysius, I would probably err on the side of caution. He should probably think long and hard before diving into this arrangement. Since I don’t, and it wouldn’t affect me in any way, I say go for it. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2013, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rich-lonely-nerd-is-offered-the-chance-to-have-a-kept-woman-should-he-take-it/653940/55 "2013-03-26T18:49:40Z")
> [@phouka](#): > > Michelle is not a whore, **Skald** , I wasn’t calling her a whore myself; I was offering it as a possibility as I thought some persons would think it an apt description. And of course the term has more than one meaning. Assuming she’s not done this before, I can’t see that she is legally even a prostitute yet. She slept with him for free, THEN offered return engagements in exchange for money. Or, rather, she offered a [del]pseudo-romance[/del] unusually blunt commercialized romance. That first night was clearly a free trial. > [@](#): > > she’s a concubine. Or, in the terms of antebellum New Orleans, a [plaçee](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pla%C3%A7age). Well, if you want to be picky, she’s an aspiring concubine until & unless she and Aloysius come to an agreement. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2013, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rich-lonely-nerd-is-offered-the-chance-to-have-a-kept-woman-should-he-take-it/653940/56 "2013-03-26T20:37:50Z")
As proposed, this is a terrible idea for all parties involved in the situation for many reasons. You’re talking about an agreement to pay for someone else’s rent in exchange for sex from them 24/7? Okay, that’s a thing that happens. But you want to bring a lawyer in on it? As in, to draft up a _legally-binding contractual agreement_ about it? Understand that no matter well-crafted it is, a bespoke contract like this will not, in and of itself, serve to protect either party from any kind of litigation. Until tested in court, such a document is almost worse than useless; much like those “Not responsible for stolen items” sign the laundromat posts above the clothesdryers, its only purpose would be to attempt to dissuade a complainant from making a potentially winnable suit. One party completely financially dependent on the other with the stipulation that they not withhold sex? (What about sick days? Vacation time? This shit needs to be ironed out cold.) And to top it all off, you’re going to throw in an obligation towards _mutual sexual exclusivity_? That’s some gnarly trope clashing right there. Off the top of my head, I can think of at least a dozen horrible ways this could go south. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2013, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rich-lonely-nerd-is-offered-the-chance-to-have-a-kept-woman-should-he-take-it/653940/57 "2013-03-26T20:42:10Z")
> [@colander](#): > > As proposed, this is a terrible idea for all parties involved in the situation for many reasons. You’re talking about an agreement to pay for someone else’s rent in exchange for sex from them 24/7? Okay, that’s a thing that happens. But you want to bring a lawyer in on it? As in, to draft up a _legally-binding contractual agreement_ about it? > > Understand that no matter well-crafted it is, a bespoke contract like this will not, in and of itself, serve to protect either party from any kind of litigation. Until tested in court, such a document is almost worse than useless; much like those “Not responsible for stolen items” sign the laundromat posts above the clothesdryers, its only purpose would be to attempt to dissuade a complainant from making a potentially winnable suit. > > One party completely financially dependent on the other with the stipulation that they not withhold sex? (What about sick days? Vacation time? This shit needs to be ironed out cold.) And to top it all off, you’re going to throw in an obligation towards _mutual sexual exclusivity_? That’s some gnarly trope clashing right there. Off the top of my head, I can think of at least a dozen horrible ways this could go south. Where do you get the thing about mutual sexual exclusivity? I don’t recall anyone suggesting that Aloysius having to remain “faithful,” and given Michelle’s obviously casual attitude toward sex, it doesn’t seem likely that she cares. And given Aloysius’s lack of success with women despite having been a millionaire since his teens, it doesn’t seem likely that he’s going to be rushing out to fuck supermodels. And, as I wrote upthread, the purpose of a contract, as I see it, is not to enforce the thrice-weekly sex thing; that’s unenforceable. It’s to protect Aloysius against a palimony claim later. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2013, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rich-lonely-nerd-is-offered-the-chance-to-have-a-kept-woman-should-he-take-it/653940/58 "2013-03-26T20:50:25Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > If Aloysius agrees to pay her a monthly allowance (she names a specific number which he finds trivial) she’ll agree to be his girlfriend for the next three years. They’ll have sex three or four times a week, she says–whenever he wants, as long as he respects her academic schedule–and she’ll be his date at any social occasion he wishes to attend with her. She’ll agree not to date anyone else during this time. Either of them will be able to break things off at any any time. IANAL, but how is this not prostitution? Legality aside, I guess why not? They can break off the contract any time so there’s no monetary risk. And I suppose it’s safer than hiring actual call girls. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2013, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rich-lonely-nerd-is-offered-the-chance-to-have-a-kept-woman-should-he-take-it/653940/59 "2013-03-26T21:00:08Z")
I am not a lawyer either, so I shan’t proffer an opinion. Perhaps someone shut hit the Bricker signal. Or wind the Oakminster horn. Or … well, you get the idea. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2013, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rich-lonely-nerd-is-offered-the-chance-to-have-a-kept-woman-should-he-take-it/653940/60 "2013-03-26T21:08:31Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Where do you get the thing about mutual sexual exclusivity? I don’t recall anyone suggesting that Aloysius having to remain “faithful,” and given Michelle’s obviously casual attitude toward sex, it doesn’t seem likely that she cares. Sorry, I misread that part. Even without it, though, it’s a recipe for trouble. > [@](#): > > And given Aloysius’s lack of success with women despite having been a millionaire since his teens, it doesn’t seem likely that he’s going to be rushing out to fuck supermodels. Even if I accept this questionable assertion without reservation as part of your zany hypothetical, I can’t help but think a generously-compensated (_but **not** explicitly dependent on him to pay her living expenses_) escort situation would be a better bet for everyone involved. > [@](#): > > And, as I wrote upthread, the purpose of a contract, as I see it, is not to enforce the thrice-weekly sex thing; that’s unenforceable. It’s to protect Aloysius against a palimony claim later. What I am saying is that this kind of situation is the reason “palimony” claims even exist. You cannot simply sign your way out of ever having to deal with a lawsuit. Well, discounting the signature on a settlement check. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rich-lonely-nerd-is-offered-the-chance-to-have-a-kept-woman-should-he-take-it/653940.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rich-lonely-nerd-is-offered-the-chance-to-have-a-kept-woman-should-he-take-it/653940.md?page=4)