# Richard Simmons cited for assault **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 25, 2004, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/richard-simmons-cited-for-assault/236325 "2004-03-25T11:20:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/richard-simmons-cited-for-assault/236325/21 "2004-03-25T20:20:47Z")
> [@Demo](#): > > …(He)'s going to be one of those fitness gurus who kicks it at an early age, like Jim Fixx **et al.** … Not to mention the irony of [url=]this death on Saturday. > [@](#): > > Brian Maxwell, founder of the multimillion-dollar PowerBar empire and a former world-class marathon runner, has died of a heart attack…He was **51** …Maxwell and his wife, Jennifer, a nutritionist, co-founded the popular energy-bar company in 1986 and began selling PowerBars out of their kitchen…the couple sold the company to Nestle SA for a reported $375 million…In 1977, Maxwell was ranked the No. 3 marathon runner in the world by Track and Field News… ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/richard-simmons-cited-for-assault/236325/22 "2004-03-25T20:27:21Z")
> [@JohnBckWLD](#): > > Oh wait a minute; Richard? Never mind 😃 You had me goin’ there for a bit. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/richard-simmons-cited-for-assault/236325/23 "2004-03-25T20:59:01Z")
> [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > Uh… did you mean to say that out loud? Yes, yes I did. I was walking along and there he was. Having celebrities in my dreams is not unsual but _Richard Simmons_? And making a comment on my weight? ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/richard-simmons-cited-for-assault/236325/24 "2004-03-25T21:00:38Z")
> [@Jeff Olsen](#): > > This is weird. I had a dream last night that had Richard Simmons in it. You mis-spelled Nightmare. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/richard-simmons-cited-for-assault/236325/25 "2004-03-25T21:58:45Z")
> [@Jeff Olsen](#): > > Yes, yes I did. I was walking along and there he was. Having celebrities in my dreams is not unsual but _Richard Simmons_? And making a comment on my weight? Oh, well, in that case… See I thought you were talking a _dream_ and I was thinking “really Jeff, you could do so much better.” ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/richard-simmons-cited-for-assault/236325/26 "2004-03-25T22:23:57Z")
So is this even more embarrassing than being beaten up by Liza Minelli? I mean, with Liza you’ve got the whole “beaten up by a girl” thing going on, but with this case you’ve got the fact that a)this guy’s been slapped by someone much, much smaller than he and b) the slapper is freakin’ _Richard Simmons_. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/richard-simmons-cited-for-assault/236325/27 "2004-03-25T22:29:57Z")
> [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > Oh, well, in that case… See I thought you were talking a _dream_ and I was thinking “really Jeff, you could do so much better.” And I have. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/richard-simmons-cited-for-assault/236325/28 "2004-03-25T22:32:03Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > So is this even more embarrassing than being beaten up by Liza Minelli? I mean, with Liza you’ve got the whole “beaten up by a girl” thing going on, but with this case you’ve got the fact that a)this guy’s been slapped by someone much, much smaller than he and b) the slapper is freakin’ _Richard Simmons_. Being slapped by Liza is like being slapped by a legendary diva. Being slapped by Richard Simmons is like being beat up by a Sesame Street Muppet. No comparisson. Oo! But now you’ve got me thinkin’ about a Liza Minelli/Richard Simmons Death Match! I say Simmons would win 'cause Liza’s got a bum hip. ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/richard-simmons-cited-for-assault/236325/29 "2004-03-25T23:52:03Z")
In the mid-80s in Atlanta, my fifth-grade (approximately) class went on a field trip to the High Museum of Art. At one point I left the group to go to the restroom, and when I went in, there was Richard Simmons washing his hands. He was wearing some kind of white jumpsuit-thing, and he was _humming_ the entire time he washed up. Then he left. I suppose it’s not really a classic “brush with fame” story. ---
**Author:** ![jmpride62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@jmpride62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jmpride62)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/richard-simmons-cited-for-assault/236325/30 "2004-03-26T00:43:06Z")
> [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > Go, Richard! You da man! > > Who’da thunk the little frizzball had it in him? Nah, the other guy just didn’t want to hit a woman. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/richard-simmons-cited-for-assault/236325/31 "2004-03-26T00:54:53Z")
Anyone want to place some bets on how long it is until he shows up on Late Night and slaps David Letterman? ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/richard-simmons-cited-for-assault/236325/32 "2004-03-26T01:28:45Z")
He slapped him? He should have hit him over the head with his purse. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/richard-simmons-cited-for-assault/236325/33 "2004-03-26T11:05:10Z")
Leno, Letterman and Kilborn were all reruns tonight, but Jimmy Kimmel was new and, indeed, did a sketch about the Simmons smackdown. I don’t know what Conan might have done, because I loathe his show. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/richard-simmons-cited-for-assault/236325/34 "2004-03-26T12:32:37Z")
C’mon, the guy has a potential top-selling “How to Assault People” video in this: \*"… and punch… yeah… and gouge… woooo… hit … and turn … and bash… yeah! Feel those calories coming off…" [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/richard-simmons-cited-for-assault/236325.md?page=1)