# Ridiculous fights with my ex **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 17, 2016, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-fights-with-my-ex/757637 "2016-06-17T19:56:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2016, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-fights-with-my-ex/757637/21 "2016-06-18T05:15:47Z")
I fear I’m going to regret asking this, but just WHY did he want to put instant mash potato down the sink, followed by hot water? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2016, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-fights-with-my-ex/757637/22 "2016-06-18T05:36:34Z")
> [@Celyn](#): > > I fear I’m going to regret asking this, but just WHY did he want to put instant mash potato down the sink, followed by hot water? > 😕 Why does my wife think that the commodity InSinkErAtor in our kitchen will digest a half pound of carrot peelings without clogging? Even though 10 years of hard-learned experience would suggest otherwise? Riddle me that, and we’ll move onto this mashed-potato matter. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2016, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-fights-with-my-ex/757637/23 "2016-06-18T06:00:42Z")
never mind. Asked and addressed. ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2016, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-fights-with-my-ex/757637/24 "2016-06-18T06:32:16Z")
> [@HMS\_Irruncible](#): > > Why does my wife think that the commodity InSinkErAtor in our kitchen will digest a half pound of carrot peelings without clogging? Even though 10 years of hard-learned experience would suggest otherwise? > > Riddle me that, and we’ll move onto this mashed-potato matter. To be fair, if I had a waste disposal thingy, I think I would be tempted to do a few silly experiments with it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![davida03801](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5e925/32.png) [@davida03801](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davida03801)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2016, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-fights-with-my-ex/757637/25 "2016-06-18T11:01:49Z")
> [@HMS\_Irruncible](#): > > Nobody’s going to run with the long Japanese colon thing? Really? All right, I’ll bite. Is a long colon a positive or a negative and why so ? ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2016, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-fights-with-my-ex/757637/26 "2016-06-18T11:04:44Z")
> [@Celyn](#): > > To be fair, if I had a waste disposal thingy, I think I would be tempted to do a few silly experiments with it. 🙂 And you would quickly find that they should only be asked to handle about 10% of what you thought they could when you bought the damn thing. Talking about the disposal here, not the Japanese guy. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![AngelSoft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angelsoft/32/440_2.png) [@AngelSoft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelSoft)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2016, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-fights-with-my-ex/757637/27 "2016-06-18T15:20:35Z")
To answer two separate questions. First, I married him because I thought it was the right thing to do for our daughter. Yes, she was born out of wedlock. Scandalous 😮 A number of my friends tried to talk me out of it but…well I figured I could put up with a lot if she could have a father. Because otherwise he’d be back in Japan and she’d never see him. I was completely wrong in how much I could put up with, thus the 3 months. In hindsight, not my best life decision but at the time I thought it was the right thing to do. As for the potatoes. Ants had gotten into the box. It was a brand new, only used one, FAMILY sized box of instant mashed potatoes filled with ants. I was going to throw it into the outside trash but he was just disgusted with the idea of those ants anywhere, thus the garbage disposal idea. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2016, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-fights-with-my-ex/757637/28 "2016-06-18T15:30:00Z")
> [@HMS\_Irruncible](#): > > Nobody’s going to run with the long Japanese colon thing? Really? Well, if its a Race, I’m out. Let’s just say I wouldn’t touch it with a 10 foot pole. Now, if the [OP](http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NTY1WDg1MA==/z/1yUAAOSw9r1V8WH9/$_32.JPG?set_id=880000500F) wants to, I’ll make popcorn… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Me\_Billy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e480ec/32.png) [@Me\_Billy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Me_Billy)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2016, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-fights-with-my-ex/757637/29 "2016-06-18T15:34:40Z")
So far as communicating with abusive people… -If talking to them in person, I simply WALK AWAY with their mouth in mid sentence. I have better things to do than listen to their negativity and I do not feel obligated in the least to show these nasty people any respect whatsoever! -If they are calling on the phone, I simply hang up. You can also block calls. -If written correspondence, just don’t read it. i.e. Set you personal limits. Don’t allow other people to walk all over you. If they have something positive to say, then talk with them for hours. If negative, goodbye! ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2016, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-fights-with-my-ex/757637/30 "2016-06-18T16:08:01Z")
> [@AngelSoft](#): > > As for the potatoes. Ants had gotten into the box. It was a brand new, only used one, FAMILY sized box of instant mashed potatoes filled with ants. I was going to throw it into the outside trash but he was just disgusted with the idea of those ants anywhere, thus the garbage disposal idea. ??? So all those ants would be crawling through your plumbing? That’s a better idea? Sounds like you married Japan’s only stupid guy. Whoops, racism. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2016, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-fights-with-my-ex/757637/31 "2016-06-18T16:34:21Z")
> [@AngelSoft](#): > > … and when we were dating he was not at ALL like this. He is male, and males live for the hunt. The chase. He was deceptive, cunning, beguiling - he saw an attractive and desirable target, and he changed his stripes to lure you in, and he got you. > [@AngelSoft](#): > > He was specifically seeking out an American woman… > > … while I had an idea of what an ‘ideal Japanese wife’ was, I assumed that since he was looking for American women, he wanted something different. He _thought_ that’s what he wanted. He was thinking with his little head, not his big head. All the blood and oxygen rushed to his loins and starved his brain. He followed his swelled pecker to a sweet target, and all rational thought on his part went out the window. Males do this, too. I speak from experience. 🙂 And maybe you were thinking a bit with your loins too, **AngelSoft**. We are human, it happens. Live, and learn. As the saying goes, poor judgment leads to tough experiences, which in turn lead to better judgment. With your daughter the product of this union, you face a very important choice with life-long consequences. You can realize you are at a fork in the road, and you have the power to choose which path to take, or you can let things happen and have that choice made for you. This fork in the road leads to: (path A) you actively work to keep the biological father involved in her life (and it sounds like, given a choice, he’d be fine just moving on and pretending she doesn’t exist), or (path B) you let him go on with his life, let him go his merry way where he pretends she doesn’t exist, and raise your girl yourself. First of all, Japan Man doesn’t sound like a _father_. He was the _sperm provider_. Big difference. In your future, you will likely run into men more likely to be a father figure to your little girl than the sperm provider ever could be. Maybe even a small village of father figures, and perhaps your own father can be one. In deciding which path to take, think about what lifelong values you want your girl to have, Japan culture values, or yours? Is Japan Man wanting to be a father figure, or is this more you wishing he were that? Refer again to sperm provider vs. father above. If you choose path A you could be fighting an uphill battle, getting Japan Man to be something he is never cut out to be. If you choose path B you face an uphill battle of raising your girl as a single mother, but it sounds like you are doing that already, and this could be temporary because you could soon find new love who will welcome your little girl and be so much more a father than Japan Man could ever be. Think, too, of the huge cultural and values differences between yours and the sperm provider’s. If you choose path A it’s not only him, but his family, parents and siblings and aunts and uncles, and his close friends, who will imprint their value system onto your girl. And as we’ve seen in this thread, it is a dramatically different value system. So in the end, choose path B. It will be difficult at first, but in the long run will be the easier and better path for you, and for your girl. And also for sperm provider. Move on. Cut him off completely. Get what you can from him for child support, but other than that, just move on. Don’t talk to him any more than you have to. My honest, heartfelt and sincere opinion. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2016, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-fights-with-my-ex/757637/32 "2016-06-18T16:43:44Z")
> [@HMS\_Irruncible](#): > > Thank you for simultaneously validating my peeves yet making me feel that I’ve got it better than most. I may have slightly over-painted my picture. In many ways he is sweet and lovable. And I slightly prefer his attitude _vis-à-vis_ things Japanese to the other side of the coin, those Japanese who worship anything from the U.S. (and sometimes France). ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2016, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-fights-with-my-ex/757637/33 "2016-06-18T18:24:16Z")
> [@Me\_Billy](#): > > I simply WALK AWAY with their mouth in mid sentence. I have better things to do than listen to their negativity and I do not feel obligated in the least to show these nasty people any respect whatsoever… A little awkward if you’re married to them… But I can’t blame her Japanese heritage for that. Some people just see the negative in anything, and like other married people here, I’ll admit there are other strengths that balance it out. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2016, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-fights-with-my-ex/757637/34 "2016-06-19T13:21:37Z")
> [@HMS\_Irruncible](#): > > Canonical list of people that my Japanese spouse believes before she believes me: > [ul] > [li]Her mom[/li][li]A Japanese person[/li][li]The internet[/li][li]An Asian person[/li][li]An Asian person’s mom[/li][li]A magazine[/li][li]Oprah’s Magazine[/li][li]Anyone wearing a name tag[/li][li]Oprah[/li][li]A wealthy person[/li][li]A person on our street who drives a car with a similar make/model like unto that which wealthy people drive.[/li][li]I could go on.[/li][/ul] I laughed out loud at this. My wife is Chinese, not Japanese, but still… Don’t forget the trump card for every argument: "If you were Chinese, you would understand! " ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2016, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-fights-with-my-ex/757637/35 "2016-06-19T15:28:18Z")
> [@HMS\_Irruncible](#): > > Nobody’s going to run with the long Japanese colon thing? Really? Are they 53’ long, which is the length of a _semi_ trailer? ---
**Author:** ![AngelSoft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angelsoft/32/440_2.png) [@AngelSoft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelSoft)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2016, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-fights-with-my-ex/757637/36 "2016-06-19T16:28:41Z")
**Bullitt** , a lot of what you’re saying I agree with. He has no interest in really being a father. He never asks me about her or asks for pictures of her. He’ll talk to her if she asks to do so, but that’s about it. I realize it’s not cheap to come out here so I haven’t really put too much on him in regards to that but he could definitely afford to if he wanted to. To him, it’s just ‘cool’ to have an American daughter. He even told me once that he thought it would be cool to have a secret American family, like some sort of star or something. This man is obsessed with appearing ‘cool’. To the point where when our daughter asked him why he smoked, he said because it looked cool. I tore into him for that one. But as for cutting him off, I don’t know if I can do that at this point. She’s eight and really loves him and her Japanese gramma. Her gramma does send her quite a bit more and ask more about her than her father. She’s her only grandchild and I don’t feel right cutting her off. As for him, I don’t even want to think about how he’d react to being cut off. And our daughter would be heartbroken that she’s not allowed to talk to her dad and he’s not coming out for visits anymore. So I don’t know. Unfortunately there’s no perfect answer for it and given my personality, I’ll probably just deal with him being an asshole as long as it’s just towards me. ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2016, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-fights-with-my-ex/757637/37 "2016-06-19T18:08:47Z")
Well I think he was right about the Hyundais. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2016, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-fights-with-my-ex/757637/38 "2016-06-19T18:15:29Z")
> [@HMS\_Irruncible](#): > > Nobody’s going to run with the long Japanese colon thing? Really? > [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > Well, if its a Race, I’m out. Let’s just say I wouldn’t touch it with a 10 foot pole. > > Now, if the [OP](http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NTY1WDg1MA==/z/1yUAAOSw9r1V8WH9/$_32.JPG?set_id=880000500F) wants to, I’ll make popcorn… 😃 in Japan, 10 foot colon give YOU runs! ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2016, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-fights-with-my-ex/757637/39 "2016-06-19T19:05:42Z")
> [@AngelSoft](#): > > As an aside, I got an offline message from him saying that I was wildly isolated to the world outside of America and that he’s telling me that America isn’t the world and that I’m wrong about America being the greatest (which I’ve never said), because SOMEONE needs to do it. But that clearly I wasn’t able to understand that . First, sorry for your problems. Second, I know lots of non-Americans from everywhere-- the UK, Israel, Korea, Mexico, Kenya, Canada, pretty much every E. European country, Iraq, Sri Lanka, and that’s not an exhaustive list. The one thing they have in common is a belief that Americans need to get over themselves about America being the greatest country in the history of everything. To be fair, I do know some Americans like that, but by no means is it either a trait shared by all Americans, or something exclusive to Americans. At any rate, though, it does not surprise me that your ex has this opinion of Americans. If Trump gets elected, we’re not going to hear the end of this, though. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2016, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-fights-with-my-ex/757637/40 "2016-06-19T20:05:08Z")
**AngelSoft** , I hear you, and my opinion was based on what little was in the thread and my own experiences. Best of luck to you and we are trying to help, as we are able. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-fights-with-my-ex/757637.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-fights-with-my-ex/757637.md?page=3)