# Ridiculous product features that have no real use **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 20, 2008, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-product-features-that-have-no-real-use/453543 "2008-06-20T02:52:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2008, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-product-features-that-have-no-real-use/453543/1 "2008-06-20T02:52:38Z")
I was inspired to this thread by seeing the description of the [Rolex Sea Dweller.](http://www.rolex.com/en/?LANG=en-us&s_kwcid=rolex%7C2058675611#/en/xml/collection/rolex-gallery/sea-dweller/index) It’s a diver’s watch guaranteed waterproof to FOUR THOUSAND FEET deep! Of course, you the diver will be dead for the last 3500 feet or so of the descent, because humans can’t dive anywhere near that deep. Well, ok, in a submarine, maybe, but in a submarine you don’t need a waterproof watch at all, except in the shower. I suppose it might be a comfort to your family that if someone manages to pull up your pulped jellied body from the bottom of the sea, your Rolex will still be going strong. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2008, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-product-features-that-have-no-real-use/453543/2 "2008-06-20T03:55:12Z")
When I read the thread title I was thinking about something that would have been a good reply, but the OP drove it out of my head. I think you probably won the thread. And how did you get a custom title? ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2008, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-product-features-that-have-no-real-use/453543/3 "2008-06-20T03:57:10Z")
He won the Bulwer-Lytton contest last year. ---
**Author:** ![Lakai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lakai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lakai)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2008, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-product-features-that-have-no-real-use/453543/4 "2008-06-20T04:23:28Z")
[Space Pen.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_Pen) > [@](#): > > Operating temperatures range from -30 to 250 degrees Fahrenheit (-35 to 120 degrees Celsius). I can see it being useful in -30 degree weather, but 250 degrees? ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2008, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-product-features-that-have-no-real-use/453543/5 "2008-06-20T05:12:59Z")
The toast-it-the-most and toast-it-the-least settings on any toaster I’ve ever had. Who would want their bread carbonised and smoking, or barely warmed? Also, any portable electric fan I’ve ever had - desk or standard. The lowest speed is fast and so noisy I can’t sleep; who would ever want it faster? ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2008, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-product-features-that-have-no-real-use/453543/6 "2008-06-20T06:08:29Z")
[QUOTE=Askance] The toast-it-the-most and toast-it-the-least settings on any toaster I’ve ever had. Who would want their bread carbonised and smoking, or barely warmed? Also, any portable electric fan I’ve ever had - desk or standard. The lowest speed is fast and so noisy I can’t sleep; who would ever want it faster? [/QUOTE] Wow, both of these are wrong, IMHO. I’ve always used a fan at high, sometimes medium speed. And I occasionally use the highest toaster setting, particularly for crumpets - they don’t get burned at all. Joe ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2008, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-product-features-that-have-no-real-use/453543/7 "2008-06-20T07:26:52Z")
All the stupid attachments that come with beard trimmers. Granted, my face is usually pretty ragged, but I use exactly two of them: the close cut and the fat trimmer. There’s like seven of the suckers. WTF? ---
**Author:** ![Septima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@Septima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Septima)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2008, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-product-features-that-have-no-real-use/453543/8 "2008-06-20T07:40:24Z")
My cellphone (the kind that has the buttons and whattnot inside, and you flip it open to use it) has a button on the side. If you press the button, it makes a cool little “Bzzz” and opens - and if you keep pressing it, or press it while the phone is open, it closes, with a similar “Bzzz”. This has absolutely no practical function. It spends crazy amounts of electricity and just flipping the phone open with my fingers is faster and quieter. It’s a totally useless feature. But I love that phone. I refer to the button as “the Star Trek function”. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2008, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-product-features-that-have-no-real-use/453543/9 "2008-06-20T11:02:39Z")
[QUOTE=Lakai] [Space Pen.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_Pen) I can see it being useful in -30 degree weather, but 250 degrees? [/QUOTE] Global warming, it’s coming and we must be prepared. ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2008, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-product-features-that-have-no-real-use/453543/10 "2008-06-20T11:16:26Z")
The remote control of a hi-fi system that I once owned had a button to open and close the CD drawer. I was never quite convinced of the utility of this feature. ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2008, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-product-features-that-have-no-real-use/453543/11 "2008-06-20T11:41:11Z")
[QUOTE=Boyo Jim] I was inspired to this thread by seeing the description of the [Rolex Sea Dweller.](http://www.rolex.com/en/?LANG=en-us&s_kwcid=rolex%7C2058675611#/en/xml/collection/rolex-gallery/sea-dweller/index) It’s a diver’s watch guaranteed waterproof to FOUR THOUSAND FEET deep! Of course, you the diver will be dead for the last 3500 feet or so of the descent, because humans can’t dive anywhere near that deep. Well, ok, in a submarine, maybe, but in a submarine you don’t need a waterproof watch at all, except in the shower. I suppose it might be a comfort to your family that if someone manages to pull up your pulped jellied body from the bottom of the sea, your Rolex will still be going strong. [/QUOTE] Not to spoil your ding at the corporate mentality, but I read the ad and I didn’t get the impression that Rolex wanted you to take the watch that deep, but was simply advertising how very strong the watch is (e.g. If you dove to that depth, you would be crushed, but the watch would still work. That is how durable this sucker is) ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2008, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-product-features-that-have-no-real-use/453543/12 "2008-06-20T11:57:42Z")
[QUOTE=Struan] The remote control of a hi-fi system that I once owned had a button to open and close the CD drawer. I was never quite convinced of the utility of this feature. [/QUOTE] I’ve wondered the same thing about the “eject” button on my DVD/VCR remote. What is the possible point? You STILL have to get up and change the movie, so it’s not as if it’s sparing you any effort. OK, maybe it IS fun to push the button just as someone sits down after starting a movie so that they have to get back up and push it back in. But the fun only lasts until the moment that they grab the remote and beat you with it, so it hardly seems worth it! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2008, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-product-features-that-have-no-real-use/453543/13 "2008-06-20T12:15:36Z")
[QUOTE=Struan] The remote control of a hi-fi system that I once owned had a button to open and close the CD drawer. I was never quite convinced of the utility of this feature. [/QUOTE] I use mine. On my DVD player, after you press the open button, there’s a two or three second lag before it actually opens, so it’s nice to hit that so that it’s open by the time I get there. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2008, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-product-features-that-have-no-real-use/453543/14 "2008-06-20T12:19:53Z")
[QUOTE=Santo Rugger] All the stupid attachments that come with beard trimmers. Granted, my face is usually pretty ragged, but I use exactly two of them: the close cut and the fat trimmer. There’s like seven of the suckers. WTF? [/QUOTE] You got a fat trimmer with yours? Man, I could use one of those! ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2008, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-product-features-that-have-no-real-use/453543/15 "2008-06-20T12:49:45Z")
[QUOTE=Struan] The remote control of a hi-fi system that I once owned had a button to open and close the CD drawer. I was never quite convinced of the utility of this feature. [/QUOTE] It´s for the ultimate couch potato, open the tray, frisbee in the DVD or CD then close the tray. Keep a good selection of music or movies in case your aim is not so good. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2008, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-product-features-that-have-no-real-use/453543/16 "2008-06-20T13:46:54Z")
[QUOTE=Contrapuntal] You got a fat trimmer with yours? Man, I could use one of those! [/QUOTE] Oh they’re handy, but they sting like a motherfucker. ---
**Author:** ![Erasmus\_Darwin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@Erasmus\_Darwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erasmus_Darwin)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2008, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-product-features-that-have-no-real-use/453543/17 "2008-06-20T14:06:47Z")
[QUOTE=Chanteuse] I’ve wondered the same thing about the “eject” button on my DVD/VCR remote. What is the possible point? You STILL have to get up and change the movie, so it’s not as if it’s sparing you any effort. [/QUOTE] Hunting for the open/close button on the front of the DVD player can be a pain, especially if you’ve already got the lights turned down for movie watching. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2008, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-product-features-that-have-no-real-use/453543/18 "2008-06-20T14:14:52Z")
I use the remote open button for the DVD player, because I can’t read the buttons on the unit where it sits. I’m more likely to shut the player off than get the drawer to open without the remote. Sometimes you need to open and close the DVD player, before it finally reads the DVD too. It’s easier to do still sitting down. ---
**Author:** ![Engineer\_Dude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9fc29f/32.png) [@Engineer\_Dude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Engineer_Dude)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2008, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-product-features-that-have-no-real-use/453543/19 "2008-06-20T14:41:40Z")
[QUOTE=Erasmus Darwin] Hunting for the open/close button on the front of the DVD player can be a pain, especially if you’ve already got the lights turned down for movie watching. [/QUOTE] It saves you a few seconds too. You can press the eject button during your walk over, then by the time you reach the player, the disc is already there for you. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2008, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-product-features-that-have-no-real-use/453543/20 "2008-06-20T14:52:37Z")
“They both work the same, but the one on the left tingles!” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculous-product-features-that-have-no-real-use/453543.md?page=2)