# Ridiculously absurd impossible things you wish you could do. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 14, 2001, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-absurd-impossible-things-you-wish-you-could-do/61934 "2001-04-14T08:13:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-absurd-impossible-things-you-wish-you-could-do/61934/21 "2001-04-14T23:05:58Z")
I wish I had the Force, so I could say things like, “You will not shop here again.” “I will not shop here again.” “You will give me an A.” “I will give you an A.” ---
**Author:** ![Amedeus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de0a6/32.png) [@Amedeus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amedeus)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-absurd-impossible-things-you-wish-you-could-do/61934/22 "2001-04-14T23:14:20Z")
I too wish I had the force. _Waves hand_ “you are incredibly attracted to me” 🙂 I wish that I could remember, in perfect detail, every thing that I have read, learned or experienced. And remember it for as long as I lived. Sort of Photographic memory I guess. I like the wanting to be able to shapshift idea too. Ahh, life is boring as a human, I think I’ll be a wolf for awhile. (Wouldn’t a shapeshifter by nature be Immortal?) Ahh, I sense the ends of my Telomere(?) is getting short, time to lengthen it! Or better yet, I think It would be great to be able to control and manipulate all forms of energy. !! Well, its asking for alot…ok for everything. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-absurd-impossible-things-you-wish-you-could-do/61934/23 "2001-04-14T23:42:33Z")
Nothing fancy. I’d just like to be able to change reality by my will alone. ---
**Author:** ![Sacrilegium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f05b48/32.png) [@Sacrilegium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sacrilegium)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-absurd-impossible-things-you-wish-you-could-do/61934/24 "2001-04-15T03:12:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ross \* > \*\*Anyway I wish I could freeze time and walk around screwing with stuff. I believe this originated when I saw an episode of the New Twilight Zone where a woman finds a convenient pendant which does just that. > \*\* !!! I’ve always wanted to do that ever since I saw that episode. For years, I thought it was an episode of “Amazing Stories” and looked for it from time to time with no luck. When I saw your post, I looked up the tv schedule for “New Twilight Zone” and saw that it comes on next month. I’ll finally get to see this again. Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Isabella](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Queen\_Isabella](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Isabella)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-absurd-impossible-things-you-wish-you-could-do/61934/25 "2001-04-15T04:21:40Z")
I’ve always wanted to run into a wall without getting hurt, just so that I could do it in a public place and see the kind of reactions I got. What would _you_ think if you saw someone run directly into a wall, fall on their back and then get up and walk away like nothing happened? ---
**Author:** ![pesch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pesch/32/4925_2.png) [@pesch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pesch)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-absurd-impossible-things-you-wish-you-could-do/61934/26 "2001-04-15T05:16:12Z")
It’s not ridiculously absurd, but I wish I had a memory that would allow me to reel off speeches, texts, pithy saying, bon mots. Then again, if you knew just how vapid my mind is, the incredibly useless pieces of information that it picks up like lint (and about as useful), maybe it **is** absurd. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-absurd-impossible-things-you-wish-you-could-do/61934/27 "2001-04-15T06:18:31Z")
Simple, unoriginal idea: I’d like to turn invisible. I’d be a more harmless Kevin Bacon. That says a lot about me, I think. I’d also like to be charming and more attractive than I currently am - nothing major, just an improvement please. To the point where my life starts going along a lot more in my favour. Thank you. **sits patiently waiting for his wish to come true** ---
**Author:** ![Mercutio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/51bf81/32.png) [@Mercutio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mercutio)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-absurd-impossible-things-you-wish-you-could-do/61934/28 "2001-04-15T06:22:08Z")
Burp diplomatic immunity certificates, wrapped in $100 bills, wrapped in an all expense paid package to anywhere. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-absurd-impossible-things-you-wish-you-could-do/61934/29 "2001-04-15T07:27:20Z")
I wish I could stop time, as in _The Girl, The Gold Watch, And Everything_. ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-absurd-impossible-things-you-wish-you-could-do/61934/30 "2001-04-15T13:57:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arden Ranger \* > \*\*I also want to be a shape shifter. > > And be able to move through time. > \*\* I wanna do the above things that Arden wants, but I also want infinite knowledge of the art of combat and how to bend the rules of time, gravity, space, and logic. But first I’d have to build up a weaponry collection, mostly knives, crossbows and swords though. I admit it, I wasn’t meant for this time period sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![ghandi5569](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@ghandi5569](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ghandi5569)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-absurd-impossible-things-you-wish-you-could-do/61934/31 "2001-04-15T15:57:05Z")
I want lightening bolts, dammit! (or at least some form or giant omnipotent slapping power) I want to be able to zap people that do stupid things. Just hit 'em in the ass with lightening when they do something really dumb. Like the guy who opened his car door as the light turned green. Like those little punk kids who were behind me at a stoplight and were throwing jelly gummy disk-like candies at my car and managed to put a dent in it (not that I am mad about another dent in my car; I’m mad because I just washed it yesterday). Like the people who don’t cover their mouth when they sneeze. Those people would get a jolt to their ass…not one to kill them, just a little “you’re doing something dumb” zap. I also want to be able to walk on my hands. Not a superhero thing. Its just something that I can’t figure out how to do. Finally, I want pants that fit…pants that fit! I just want pants that don’t have a crotch that hang down to my knees and hemlines that stop 3 feet beyond my shoes. Just pants that fit. Everywhere. And are universally sized with my name on them so I can walk into the store, pick up a pair and walk out (no fitting rooms for me). ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-absurd-impossible-things-you-wish-you-could-do/61934/32 "2001-04-15T16:21:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Queen Isabella \* > \*\*I’ve always wanted to run into a wall without getting hurt, just so that I could do it in a public place and see the kind of reactions I got. What would _you_ think if you saw someone run directly into a wall, fall on their back and then get up and walk away like nothing happened? \*\* I can do that. People just kind of look at you funny. A lot of people wince. A few will ask you how the hell you did that, and didnt it hurt? At which point I say no, and further display the indestructible nature of my body by banging my head on the wall a few more times. 😃 Then they’ll usually get a pained look and walk away. Also, I discover a newfound like for **ssskuggiii**. Me? I wanna fly, and I want to be like the Juggernaut. Totally invulnerable, infinite strength. oohhh, want… ---
**Author:** ![DougC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7feea3/32.png) [@DougC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DougC)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-absurd-impossible-things-you-wish-you-could-do/61934/33 "2001-04-15T18:00:45Z")
- - - Some years ago a guy tried to climb the St. Louis Gateway Arch using a bunch of suction cups. He could be the most vile, disgusting vermin walking, but ya _still_ gotta admire nads like that. Kinda like that lawnchair-balloon guy, except for the suicide at the end. - Another thing is I wanna do one of those railroad see-saw hand-crank cars, like in the Three Stooges shows. I have already decided that if I ever see one, I’m takin’ it, 'cause that’s likely the only time I’ll ever see one. - MC ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2001, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-absurd-impossible-things-you-wish-you-could-do/61934/34 "2001-04-16T00:43:02Z")
The thing I’d like to be able to do it breathe under water. That would be so cool! I love swimming, but it’s a bummer to have to come up for air so often. It would also be nice to be able to fly with my own power instead of requiring a big ol’ noisy engine-driven airplane. Just to be able to levitate a couple feet off the ground. Or have a magic spell to cast that would wash my dishes, dust and vacuum the house, do the laundry, and all those other time-consuming icky chores. ---
**Author:** ![pr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/eada6e/32.png) [@pr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pr)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2001, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-absurd-impossible-things-you-wish-you-could-do/61934/35 "2001-04-16T01:07:46Z")
Broomstick,it may not be the same as you are imagining it,but my experience gave me the same feeling as your want to breathe underwater. As a high school student we had Mini-course that lasted 2 days and you got to pick from a variety of subjects. I picked Scuba diving. It was so cool,sitting at the bottom of the pool just breathing. So much so,that when I became an adult and had the funds I got certified to dive and really enjoy it. My hope is to do some altitude diving in Colorado or some such place. I wanna fly. ---
**Author:** ![Dark\_Lord\_Davidson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bc8723/32.png) [@Dark\_Lord\_Davidson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dark_Lord_Davidson)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2001, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-absurd-impossible-things-you-wish-you-could-do/61934/36 "2001-04-16T02:12:39Z")
I wish I was God. ---
**Author:** ![Orbifold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/779978/32.png) [@Orbifold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orbifold)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2001, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-absurd-impossible-things-you-wish-you-could-do/61934/37 "2001-04-16T03:53:00Z")
I’d like to rewire my brain to visualize six-dimensional space as easily as I visualize three-dimensional space now. I’d also like to be able to transmute matter from one form into another. I figure that would really cut down on my grocery bills. Oh, and telekinesis so I can pick up things and turn stuff off and on from across the room. And I’d like to be able to invite other people into my dreams (of course I don’t remember my dreams very well now, so I’d have to improve that as well). And I’d like to have a device to turn willpower into heat. So when I’m waiting for the water to boil on the stove, I can glare at it and make it boil faster. I also want to warp space, so that I can make my apartment bigger inside than it is outside. If I could adapt this technology to create a “bag of holding”, that’d be cool too. And I want to transmit my body down phone lines. And…and… ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2001, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-absurd-impossible-things-you-wish-you-could-do/61934/38 "2001-04-16T04:21:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Suo Na \* > Now where’d I put that tengu corpse? Maybe I’d better go tell **Tengu** to hide, although he insists that there’s no relation. (I once asked when he posted something about Nightcrawler.) Me, I just want magic. Not the new fantasy-novel style where it’s more work to do something with magic than without, but old-school, make-up-a-bit-of-doggerel-and-poof magic. ---
**Author:** ![Brainlego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7993a0/32.png) [@Brainlego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brainlego)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2001, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-absurd-impossible-things-you-wish-you-could-do/61934/39 "2001-04-16T04:31:57Z")
I’d love to be able to control my autonomous functions. It’s a great way to get out of a boring conversation. Just stop secreting ADH for a little while, and suddenly, feel the unstoppable urge to go to the little boy’s room. Make your escape from there, through the window. Make it to where you won’t feel any pain from jumping from the second floor’s bathroom window. Increase epinephrine levels to make you able to run faster from the guy’s house, and perhaps make a few dramatic leaps over his car in the process. Imagine the endorphin highs you could get with this ability… Who needs jogging? ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2001, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-absurd-impossible-things-you-wish-you-could-do/61934/40 "2001-04-16T05:43:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Balance \* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Suo Na \* > > Now where’d I put that tengu corpse? > > Maybe I’d better go tell **Tengu** to hide, although he insists that there’s no relation. (I once asked when he posted something about Nightcrawler.) Er…I’m outie… I’m not one of those, but, dammit, I’m not gonna let you find out the hard way (hard for me!), Suo. What I’d like to do: I’m with Veb on the brain-lurk. I wanna be a shapshifter (thus being a Tengu). Stopping time’d be cool. I’d love to be able to understand EVERY language as fluently as I do English. And, on a different note, I’d take the opposite take to Monster and be able to orgasm without ejaculation. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-absurd-impossible-things-you-wish-you-could-do/61934.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-absurd-impossible-things-you-wish-you-could-do/61934.md?page=3)