# Ridiculously elaborate job titles **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 20, 2012, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-elaborate-job-titles/619429 "2012-04-20T17:51:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Corcaigh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Corcaigh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corcaigh)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2012, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-elaborate-job-titles/619429/21 "2012-04-22T11:26:53Z")
There’s a chain of video (well DVD/Blu ray nowadays) rental shops that call the staff Customer Service Representatives ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2012, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-elaborate-job-titles/619429/22 "2012-04-22T22:56:54Z")
I was working as a Principal Word Processor for a company that wanted to give us all raises & promotions, but said we’d have to come up with a snazzier-sounding title to promote us all to in order to reclassify us. I suggested “syntactical maintenance technician” but they didn’t buy it. A buddy of mine in Clan Donald, USA was the Deputy South Pacific Regional Commissioner for Northern California. Which is to say, the local branch officer. ---
**Author:** ![Gleena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b3f665/32.png) [@Gleena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gleena)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2012, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-elaborate-job-titles/619429/23 "2012-04-23T00:35:57Z")
A lawyer in a related, hip and edgy company’s title is: The Law (which, I suppose, is the anti-elaborate job title). He also has a huge e-mail disclaimer that includes things like “By the power of Grayskull, you will not keep a copy…” He changes it periodically, and it keeps me in stiches. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2012, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-elaborate-job-titles/619429/24 "2012-04-23T00:51:29Z")
My all-time favorite was a lady whose job was to maintain records and metrics on /of all the subcontractors for a _very_ large Federal Contractor. When they invited her to create her own title, she chose “Data Princess.” And they gave it to her, business cards and all. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2012, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-elaborate-job-titles/619429/25 "2012-04-23T02:44:01Z")
A friend of mine who works as a math teacher at a private school was presented by a mutual friend, as a joke, with business cards that had his name and phone number. Below, in italics, also appeared: “Molding callow young minds into towering paragons of mathematical acumen since 1987.” He loved the cards and passed them out with great glee. ---
**Author:** ![Shamozzle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shamozzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shamozzle)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2012, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-elaborate-job-titles/619429/26 "2012-04-23T07:23:27Z")
I used to work in a restaurant where all of the employees were “Business Partners”. Do no use the word “staff” or “employees”, thankyouverymuch. Well, I didn’t see any stock dividends, so, yea, I was an employee. But my favourite is Subway, where the workers are “Sandwich Artists”. I can just see Matt Foley from SNL shuffling his glasses, asking Phil Hartman, “I can’t see too good, Dad, is that Michelangelo over there?!?” ---
**Author:** ![postcards](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8e8cbc/32.png) [@postcards](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/postcards)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2012, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-elaborate-job-titles/619429/27 "2012-04-23T14:40:19Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > My all-time favorite was a lady whose job was to maintain records and metrics on /of all the subcontractors for a _very_ large Federal Contractor. When they invited her to create her own title, she chose “Data Princess.” And they gave it to her, business cards and all. My wife took a job selling ads to to real estate agents who were clueless as to how to promote themselves or their properties. Her business card’s job title was ‘Advertising Fairy Godmother’. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2012, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-elaborate-job-titles/619429/28 "2012-04-23T14:51:26Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > My all-time favorite was a lady whose job was to maintain records and metrics on /of all the subcontractors for a _very_ large Federal Contractor. When they invited her to create her own title, she chose “Data Princess.” And they gave it to her, business cards and all. Someone was trying to create a new position for me in the business for which he was Operations Manager (Worldwide). He wanted my position to be called Master Data Mistress; HR said that didn’t sound right. He pointed out that another business did have a Master Data Master… personally, I wanted Data Queen. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2012, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-elaborate-job-titles/619429/29 "2012-04-23T15:41:55Z")
> [@Corcaigh](#): > > There’s a chain of video (well DVD/Blu ray nowadays) rental shops that call the staff Customer Service Representatives I guess I don’t get what’s odd about this one. Their role is to serve customers, correct? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![constanze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@constanze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/constanze)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2012, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-elaborate-job-titles/619429/30 "2012-04-23T18:15:16Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > I met a guy today who works at a major clothing retailer. His title? Customer Experience Coordinator. > > He’s a sales clerk. Sheesh. Gimme a break. Urgh. When I go clothes shoping, I DO NOT want to have an “experience”. He can keep his slimy hands far away from me, please. What I want are competent salespeople. Which sadly are very rare. ---
**Author:** ![constanze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@constanze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/constanze)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2012, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-elaborate-job-titles/619429/31 "2012-04-23T18:19:31Z")
> [@JWT\_Kottekoe](#): > > Rheinmaindonaudampfschifffahrtsgesellschaftskapitän > > Captain of the Rhein-Main-Danube steamship company > > - This is one of those “longest German words” that people invent. Please note that this is a game. And it goes Donaudampfschiffahrtsgesellschaftskapitänswitwenversicherung… (Danube steam boat society captain’s widow’s insurance …) ---
**Author:** ![constanze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@constanze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/constanze)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2012, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-elaborate-job-titles/619429/32 "2012-04-23T18:21:37Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Someone was trying to create a new position for me in the business for which he was Operations Manager (Worldwide). He wanted my position to be called Master Data Mistress; HR said that didn’t sound right. He pointed out that another business did have a Master Data Master… personally, I wanted Data Queen. Masters of the Universe? Princess She-Ra? ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2012, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-elaborate-job-titles/619429/33 "2012-04-23T19:44:54Z")
By the digital power of Grayskull! ---
**Author:** ![Corcaigh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Corcaigh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corcaigh)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2012, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-elaborate-job-titles/619429/34 "2012-04-23T19:45:54Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > I guess I don’t get what’s odd about this one. Their role is to serve customers, correct? 😕 I guess you’re American? Staff in shops here aren’t called anything other than staff, be they part time, full time, permanent or temporary. Unless you’re the Manager. And generally speaking you don’t get Supervisors or Assistant Managers or anything. It’s the Manager and the Staff. When that shop had an ad in the window for Customer Service Representatives the only got about 3 applications as no one had a clue what the hell job was being advertised. All subsequent ads have said “staff wanted” We’re not very cosmopolitan out here in the sticks 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2012, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-elaborate-job-titles/619429/35 "2012-04-23T20:58:51Z")
I’ve always kinda liked _Under-Assistant West Coast Promo Man!_ ---
**Author:** ![ClintO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5ac83/32.png) [@ClintO](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ClintO)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2012, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-elaborate-job-titles/619429/36 "2012-04-24T01:11:27Z")
I always liked the janitor being referred to as a custodial engineer. ---
**Author:** ![birdbrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dfb087/32.png) [@birdbrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/birdbrain)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2012, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-elaborate-job-titles/619429/37 "2012-04-24T01:54:58Z")
I like to refer to myself as a Habitat Enhancement Relocation Technician. [YouTube](http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DoBYvQXj21CU&v=oBYvQXj21CU&gl=USA) few more from Paul Westerberg ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2012, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-elaborate-job-titles/619429/38 "2012-04-24T08:33:08Z")
> [@constanze](#): > > Masters of the Universe? Princess She-Ra? Isis. ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2012, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-elaborate-job-titles/619429/39 "2012-04-24T18:28:21Z")
I just accepted a position as a Business Development Associate. My job is to write quotes for potential customers. I’m sure I’ll need to explain this frequently. ---
**Author:** ![Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brown_eyed_girl/32/3574_2.png) [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brown_Eyed_Girl)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2012, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-elaborate-job-titles/619429/40 "2012-04-24T23:40:22Z")
> [@constanze](#): > > Urgh. When I go clothes shoping, I DO NOT want to have an “experience”. He can keep his slimy hands far away from me, please. > > What I want are competent salespeople. Which sadly are very rare. Salespeople just sell stuff with the goal of making a profit for their masters. Customer service (or customer experience) representatives create value in not just selling you something, but doing so in a manner that now that experience itself is justification for you to return and buy more stuff. They aren’t just selling a product, they’re selling a service model. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-elaborate-job-titles/619429.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ridiculously-elaborate-job-titles/619429.md?page=3)